


Voices in My Head

by alittlelessreality



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Abusive Parents, Anxiety, Awkwardness, Biphobia, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jealousy, Jeremy and Michael have some issues, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Swearing, Teenage Drama, Theatre, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Violence, everyone is a theatre kid except Michael, expensive headphones, mentions of dead parent, seemingly hopeless crushes, these tags make it sound darker than it is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 110,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21992395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlelessreality/pseuds/alittlelessreality
Summary: After everything that happened with the Squip, Michael wishes for nothing more than things to go back to normal - which turns out to be much more difficult than he could have ever imagined.At the same time, Rich has to realize that just because the voices in his head are now the normal kind doesn't mean life's any easier - on the contrary.When the two of them realize that they might be able to help each other, an unexpected friendship develops into something wonderful.
Relationships: Brooke Lohst/Jenna Rolan, Christine Canigula/Jeremy Heere, Rich Goranski/Michael Mell
Comments: 153
Kudos: 202





	1. Chapter 1- Michael

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I started writing this about 9 months ago after I got to see Be More Chill on Broadway. At that time all I knew about bmc came from that one show I saw but that didn't stop me from writing the longest fanfiction I ever wrote (honestly, I don't know how that happened). So especially the beginning might be a little flawed/out of character/ not 100% canon-compliant... so I'm sorry about that.  
> The plot is definitely far from perfect and not very structured but I hope that's okay lol.
> 
> And just so you know: English is not my first language - and this is the first time I post a fanfiction in English - so I probably will make mistakes or write stuff that sounds weird... I also don't know how America works so there are probably many things - especially considering school - that won't match up. If something is very, very wrong pls tell me nicely :))
> 
> Thanks for reading! Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually don't publish stuff I write but it was my new year's resolution so... here it is! :) I don't know how regularly I'll be able to update because uni starts next week but technically I've already written 100k words so far... I just need to find time to edit it.

###  Michael 

The week started like any other. A _perfectly_ normal Monday morning. 

And “normal” was Michael’s favorite kind of morning, after everything that had happened. 

He parked his red PT Cruiser on the school’s parking lot and a look at his watch told him, he was too late. Not that he was bothered by that. No, he still took his time to put on his headphones and turn up the volume, before finally getting out of the car and strolling towards the school. 

Humming along quietly, he nearly tripped over his shoelaces as he walked through the school’s door. Someone behind him bumped into him and cursed loudly, but Michael almost didn’t notice.

He looked down at his white sneakers wondering why his shoelaces were untied. Where had he been with his head this morning? He hadn’t even smoked anything… at all. He shrugged and kept moving through the hall. There was no time to do something about it right now if he wanted to talk to Jeremy before his history class. 

Trying not to trip over his shoelaces he made his way to his locker, grabbed his books and gazed up and down the hall. 

Jeremy knew that they wanted to meet here. They _always_ did on Monday morning. 

But right now, he was nowhere to be seen. The only familiar face in sight was Mr Gretch, who was walking towards Michael and was probably about to yell at him for wearing headphones in the hallway. He quickly stuffed them into his locker before his teacher got the chance to do so. This school really was a hostile environment for good music...

Shaking his head, Michael turned around and checked again for Jeremy but couldn't see his friend anywhere 

_He forgot. It’s okay_ , he tried to tell himself. Or at least it _would_ be okay if this hadn't happened pretty regularly in the last few weeks. He was sure that Jeremy didn’t forget about it on purpose… After all, they were friends again. Everything was back to normal, wasn't it? 

_It’s alright. You can talk later._

The bell rang and Michael figured that he should leave for his class now if he didn't want to get into trouble.

He sighed and made his way down the hall to the history classroom. As he sneaked into the room, Mrs Sargent was already lecturing the class about their behavior in the last lesson and didn’t notice that Michael was too late. 

He threw his book onto the table and ignored her, his thoughts still focusing on Jeremy. 

The thing was… He really, _really_ tried to act like all of _that_ had never happened. Michael knew that it hadn't been Jeremy’s fault that he treated his best friend like garbage over the past month. It had been the Squip all along... 

And he knew that Jeremy didn't like to talk about the whole thing... So he tried to forget all of that. 

But his friend’s behaviour didn't make it easy. 

Not only was Michael sure that Jeremy had never _really_ apologized, but there were also a lot of changes he hadn't get used to yet. It had always just been the two of them… Michael and Jeremy against the rest of the world. But now, all of a sudden, Jeremy had friends - popular kids - and a girlfriend (or something like that).

Michael… still _just_ had Jeremy. And that sucked. 

He was happy for his friend, he _really_ was. It was just that something between them had changed… And he hated change more than anything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I'm _so_ excited about the rehearsal today!! What play do you think he chose?? I can't wait! Hey, we should take Michael! Michael, do you do wanna come?” 

Michael who had only been listening with one ear to Christine and Jeremy's conversation quickly looked up from his phone. 

It was lunchtime and this was the first time today he had seen Jeremy - there had been no apology for forgetting about him this morning… he probably hadn’t even noticed. 

_But that’s fine._

He smiled at Christine. “Sorry, what?” 

“You should come to the play rehearsal this afternoon! Mr Reyes is going to announce the play for the next semester!”, Christine said. excitement sparkling in her eyes. Michael loved how happy this girl got whenever she was thinking about theatre. He didn't think he could ever have a passion like that. “And we always need boys!”, she added and stared at Michael hopefully. 

_Oh wait_ , she wanted him to be _part_ of the theatre club??

“Naa, I don't think I'm a theatre person”, he quickly said, “And that's _your_ thing anyway.” He pointed from Jeremy to Christine. “I really don't need to be the third wheel or anything… I'll stick with video games.” He didn't mean to sound as bitter as he did so he laughed out loud to make it seem more casual. Yeah, socializing wasn't his strength.

Jeremy threw a glance at Christine and then back to Michael. He frowned. “You- You’re never the third wheel, you know that, right?” 

“Yeah, I love spending time with you!” Christine smiled broadly. She really _was_ the sweetest person he knew. He might be a little jealous because she got to spend so much time with Jeremy but he could never hate her. 

“I appreciate that, guys…”, Michael said quickly. He _really_ didn't want to join the theatre club. Ever. “As I said I'm not a theatre person.” 

The three of them fell silent and Michael could see that Jeremy was thinking about something. Maybe he _did_ have a bad conscious for abandoning his friend this often. Michael loved him but he also kind of _wanted_ him to feel bad about this. 

So a smug smile appeared on his face as Jeremy said: “Hey, let's meet tomorrow afternoon for video games. It’s been a while!” 

Michael couldn't help but chuckle a little. “Sure!” 

They finished their meals in silence before Brooke suddenly appeared out of nowhere and dropped onto the chair next to Michael. 

Oh, yeah this was another thing that _kind of_ bothered him? 

Jeremy’s new friends just kept dropping by out of nowhere. Michael hated this, he liked to be _prepared_ for social interaction… And while he liked Brooke and Chloe and Jake he still had a hard time feeling comfortable while they were around. After all, those where the _cool_ kids. He felt like they were living in a completely different reality.

“Hey, guys!”, Brooke said, throwing her bag onto the table. She looked around and leaned closer. “Did you see Rich already? He's back from the hospital.” 

What? 

“Oh, right he was supposed to come back to school today…” 

_What??_

“No, I haven't seen him yet,” Jeremy said. 

“Me neither.” 

Michael just shook his head. 

_Of course_. How could he forget this? 

Because, here's the thing: Rich had bullied Michael and Jeremy for years on end. But now that his Squip was gone and they had talked at the hospital, while Michael had visited Jeremy, he had _totally_ started to flirt with Michael. Seconds after coming out as bi to Jeremy…

And that had probably been the god-damn weirdest experience of all the weird things that had happened that week. 

And now he didn’t know what to do.

How was he supposed to act around a person who had tormented him for years? Especially after finding out that all of that wasn't his fault. Or was it? How much influence did the Squip have on him?

Jeremy had told Michael that Rich was a really good guy and that he was sorry for everything he had done. And Michael wanted to believe him. But still… Was he supposed to just forget all of what had happened before? After all, he also had been the person who had introduced Jeremy to the possibility of buying a Squip, so really all of _this_ was his fault...

He had been scared of facing Rich again for weeks now simply because he had no idea how to interact with him… And now he would see him in his next lesson, where he was sitting right beside him. GREAT. 

What if he tried to _talk_ to him?? 

“Michael are you still with us?” Jeremy waved a hand in front of his friend's face. 

“Uh, yeah sorry.” 

“I said, don't you have Calc with Rich?” 

“Yes, yes I do… In about 10 minutes.” 

“Say hi to him from me, please!”, Christine said and smiled her sweet smile. 

_Yeah, right._ Michael chuckled. “Uh, I usually don’t really talk to h-” but his words were drowned by the sound of the bell. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this first chapter, it took me a while to get into it. It'll get better!


	2. Chapter 1 - Rich

###  Rich 

This was weird. So damn weird. Walking through these halls without that voice in his head… it didn’t feel right. He felt like he could really use a bit of advice right now. How was he supposed to act?

Everybody starred. Everybody whispered. They were all talking _about_ him but no one was talking _to_ him. It felt horrible.

But what did he expect? He was Rich Goranski, the guy who had burned down a _fucking_ house. 

This was probably the best treatment he could have hoped for. 

Still, it was an unfamiliar experience for him. With the Squip everyone had _wanted_ to talk to him - and if they didn’t, they had been scared of him. 

This wasn't the kind of person he wanted to be anymore. No, at the hospital he had made an extensive plan of changing his reputation as soon as possible. Actually, that had been his only motivation to show up at school today, no one would have cared if he had just stayed in his bed all day. But, no, he had to apologize to people he had hurt and make up for being a shitty person since freshman year. It couldn’t be that hard… right??

But sadly it _was_. There had been too many stupid rumours about him since Halloween and people seemed to believe them. At least they all stared at him either like he was a zombie that had risen from the dead or a maniac that could start another fire any minute.

Or maybe they were staring because of those ugly burn scars that were still very visible despite him wearing the most closed up hoodie he could find.

He wasn’t sure which one was worse. 

He starred to the ground while moving through the halls to his calc class. He just had to get through the next 2 hours and then it would be over for today. No big deal. 

“Richard! How nice to have you back!”, his teacher greeted him as he entered the class, being the first person today to actually acknowledge him. 

Of course… he used to be his favourite student. But that would probably change now that he didn't have a supercomputer in his head. He had barely managed to get up at the right time today without the Squip. How was he supposed to solve math equations??

His academic career would _definitely_ suffer under this change.

Rich forced a weak smile before dropping his bag next to his seat in the third row - which was, according to the Squip, the strategically best spot to get good grades without having to seem like a nerd. 

The class wasn't even full yet but Rich already felt the glances and whispers behind him. 

He kept his eyes on his table trying to ignore everything else. 

He hated this. He hated _all_ of this. 

What was he supposed to do? Yes, he had planned to start being a better person and changing his reputation… but that wouldn’t work if no one was talking to him.

Well, actually there had been _one_ person who had tried to talk to him: After their history class, Brooke had tried to approach him… but he had panicked and fled as quickly as possible. Maybe that had been a mistake… but he couldn’t look any of his former friends in the eye. They had all been in terrible danger because of him. Honestly, she had probably only wanted to tell him that she hated him now… or something like that. He wouldn’t blame her.

They probably thought he was a loser now… _and_ a house burning madman. 

_Well, that's what you are, idiot!_

This voice in his head - the one that hated himself - was almost as bad as the Squip. But it was his own… He had just not used it for years. 

_What_ would _the Squip tell me to do, though?_ he asked himself while staring at the blackboard without really reading what his teacher had written. 

Would the computer tell him to ignore everyone and play cool or tell him to talk to someone to prove he wasn't as crazy as everyone thought? To let them know he had changed? 

_There's no one to tell you!_ that inner voice said again, _make up your own mind, god damn it!_

Yes, that's right… There was no computer anymore and that was _good_! 

He had to decide what Rich Goranski would do - the _real_ one, not that fake version. And that version of him decided that he _had_ to talk to someone, anyone - right now!

Without really thinking he turned to his left and said: "Yo, do you have an eraserrrr-" 

He trailed off at the sight of his neighbour. 

That sounded probably really weird. _Shit_. 

"Um, hey Michael…", He whispered, trying to smile at the other boy who stared at him in horror. 

"I-I don't have an eraser!" Michael whisper-yelled (was that a thing?) and kept copying the calculus task from the board in a very nervous manner. 

_Of course! You’re so stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

Rich felt like hitting something - or himself. 

Michael _obviously_ hated him. Was scared of him even - and he had every right to do so. 

Yes, at the hospital they had talked once or twice while he had visited Jeremy. And there had been that very awkward attempt at flirting with the first boy that had stepped through the door after Rich had realized that he might _actually_ be bisexual - and that must have been very weird for Michael. Rich wasn’t sure why he had done it in the first place… maybe the pain meds had made him high or something.

But that - whatever _that_ was -didn't let years of bullying from Squip-Rich's side disappear. 

Now, he was cringing at the thought of countless times where he had called Michael and Jeremy horrible things. Why on earth did the Squip ever have enough power over him to make him say that?? 

Why did _he_ let that happen?? 

He would never be able to make up for that, he knew that. But he wanted to! He needed to apologize at least! Michael was a nice person and did not deserve this. 

Rich glanced over to the other boy who was now quickly writing on his paper. (Somewhere in the back of his mind, Rich knew that he was the only one in class who didn't work on the given task and that that would get him into trouble, but right now he managed to ignore this thought.) 

_How do you start this conversation??_

The Squip would know the answer probably… But, _no!_

_Make. up. your. own. mind!!_

"Hey, Michael?", he whispered.

Michael looked up from his work, still looking nervous but at least less terrified than before, having survived the first shock of being talked to. 

_Try to look friendly!_ Rich tried to smile and hoped it didn't look creepy or anything. "Remember when you brought those cookies to the hospital? Jeremy gave me some, they were really great!" 

Michael looked a little confused - or surprised? Interpreting expressions was not his thing without the Squip… Maybe that had been a weird conversation starter...

"Umm, thanks," Michael said finally, a tiny smile on his lips. It looked a little forced, yes, but somehow Rich felt more confident right away. "My Mom made them." 

Rich saw their teacher glancing over suspiciously but he had just gathered enough confidence so he leaned closer to Michael's table anyway. 

"Listen, man…" he said, a little more serious. "I know I- I treated you like shit for the last two years and I am very - truly - sorry. I mean I could say it was the Squip’s fault but… I decided to listen - and I know this won't change anything and you don't have to forgive me or anything but… I wanted you to know." Realizing how quickly the words had come out, he took a deep breath and closed his mouth before he could say something rash or stupid. 

Michael stared at him, eyes wide behind the big glasses. 

After a while, he said: "Um, you - uhh- you talk differently…" 

That's not what he had expected. "Uhh, what?" His face turned red. _Right_. "Uh, yeah, that's- uh I’m lisping. The Squip made it go away but…" He felt like his head was going to explode. He hated this. He should just stop talking altogether, he -

"Oh, sorry, I - I didn't want to sound - rude or anything, I just-" Michael seemed to have realized that he had hit a sore spot and held up his hands apologizing. "It’s just different but- I like it. It kind of sounds - nicer? Less threatening?" He chuckled nervously. 

That didn't really make Rich feel better, but it _was_ kinda nice that Michael tried to apologize. And besides, he had probably hurt Michael's feeling many many times over the past two years, so that was fine. "Uh, thanks, I guess? I-" 

"Richard, would you be so friendly and schedule your socializing activities after my class?", the voice of his teacher interrupted. Rich quickly leaned back to his own table and saw Michael from the corner of his eye quickly continuing his calc work. 

Rich's own paper was empty, of course… a fact his teacher seemed to notice, too. 

"Please, give me the answer to task 1." 

Rich swallowed hard and felt heat creeping up his face. He didn't even know what the task was. Great. 

_The Squip would know_. 

He lowered his head and mumbled: "Don't know… Sorry...." 

His teacher shook his head in disappointment. "Well, since you _also_ felt like talking was more important than the lesson, you might be able to give us the answer, Michael…" 

_Great!_ Now it was his fault if Michael got into trouble! From the corner of his eye, he saw how Michael's face went red as he tried to find the answer on his sheet. He swallowed hard but then said quietly: "The maximum value of g over the given interval should be 52 and the minimum value 12…" 

_Please let it be right, please let it be right..._

"That is correct. Thank you. So, now for the next questions we need …-" 

Rich stopped listening and could swear that he and Michael breathed out in relief at the exact same time. 

For the remaining minutes, neither of them dared to speak another word. Rich glanced over to Michael once or twice (he didn't get any of this math stuff anyway) because he felt the need to apologize - again - but decided that Michael had probably had enough of him already. So he didn’t say anything.

As the bell rang he jumped up from his chair, trying to leave the classroom as soon as possible. 

_One more hour to go!_

He was already in the hallway as someone touched his shoulder. 

"Uhh, Rich?" 

Michael. 

"I accept your apology… just so you know." He smiled a smile so brightly, it was showing teeth with braces and suddenly it didn’t seem forced anymore. Rich couldn't help but smile back a little. 

"Also… Christine says 'hi'." 

With that, the conversation ended and Michael turned around, heading into the other direction. 

~

When the bell finally rang at the end of the day, Rich felt like two trucks were lifted off his shoulders. 

He practically ran out of the school building. This whole _fucking_ day had been too much. 

Especially, the last two hours had been _weird_. First the awkward encounter with Michael - even though that had turned out kinda positive - and then he had to sit right next to Jake for over an hour...and that had been anything but pleasant. Throughout the whole lesson, he had tried to avoid any contact with Jake, hadn't even dared to take his eyes off his notes in fear of seeing an expression on his former best friend's face he didn't want to see. 

Even though many people had a right to hate Rich, no one had more reason to do so than Jake. 

He had destroyed his best friend's life. He had burned down his house, everything he owned. The mere thought of looking Jake in the eyes after all of that, let a wave of shame overcome him. 

Rich was now practically sprinting across the schoolyard, clinching to his skateboard. He wanted to get away. He wanted to go home and sleep for the next 5 weeks or so. 

But then, just as he left the school ground a familiar voice shouted his name: "Rich!" 

_No, no, no, ignore it._

He was wearing his headphones, so maybe he could pretend he didn't hear Jake. 

"Rich, hey!" 

He threw his skateboard to the ground, jumping on to it, without looking back at Jake. He couldn't face him, just _couldn't_. 

"I know you can hear me, man!" 

For some reason, he was sweating now, face red, breath short. Why were his hands shaking?? With a forceful kick, he pushed the board forward trying to get away. 

For a second he thought it would work but then something blocked his front wheels, making the board stop. He heard a surprised sound escape his mouth, as he stumbled forward onto the street, almost falling to the ground. For a second he forgot the situation, turned around impetuously, hands curled to fists and yelled: “Hey!” 

But as he actually turned and faced his friend, he couldn’t help but stop in his tracks. Now there was no going back. He couldn’t avoid him any longer, no matter how much he wanted to.

Rich stared to the ground, prepared to be yelled at… or punched. He definitely would deserve both.

But instead…

“Are you… mad at me?”, Jake asked in a low voice.

Rich couldn’t do anything but blinked in confusion. “W-what??” For the first time in weeks, he looked up to his best friend's face. The worried look he found there confused him even more. 

"You didn't even look at me all day?"

"I-I… but…." Rich couldn't even form a coherent thought. _What_ was going on? He looked up and down on Jake. He hadn't changed much, except that he was still walking with crutches - with which he presumably had stopped the skateboard. A wave of guilt overcame Rich again, as he remembered that it was also his fault that Jake had broken both his legs. 

So why the fuck was this guy not yelling at him??? 

But Jake just frowned at his confusion. "We missed you, man! And then you show up and avoid all of us." 

_All of us??_ "But I… I… Don't you hate me??"

Jake chuckled nervously. "Why should I hate you?" 

" _I burned your fucking house down_!" He yelled so loudly that people on the other side of the street turned their heads. He hadn't meant to yell but… what was this?? This person was supposed to _hate_ him. Why didn't he understand that?? 

Jake took a deep breath and said: "Listen, man, I don't hate you. Yes, it sucks that my parent’s house burnt down but … you wanted to get that... _thing_ out of your head and it was an accident so… I get it! To be honest we were all much more worried about you than the house…”

“R-really?” Rich stared to the ground. This didn’t make any sense. So much time at the hospital he had spent thinking about how his life would be without Jake but he had never _dared_ to consider an option where his best friend was _still_ his best friend. 

“Really.”

Rich didn’t know how to respond to that so after a while, he asked quietly: “Where do you live now?” 

“Oh, don’t worry about that…”, Jake said with a smile. “I can stay at my aunt’s. And that’s much better for me anyway than living alone.” He shrugged. 

_Okay, that’s good,_ he tried to tell himself but the incredibly overwhelming guilt didn’t go away…. 

Also, there were too many open questions. This didn’t make any sense. At all. 

He hesitated for a moment, debating if his most burning question would sound too selfish. But his mouth had already decided to babble it out anyway: “If you guys don’t hate me, then why did none of you show up at the hospital?” He didn’t want to sound as pissed as he did. Really didn’t. He had _no_ right to be pissed… but the question still nagged him.

Jake stared at him for a second, face going red. Rich was almost ready for him to change his mind, decide that Rich was an asshole after all and yell at him but he didn’t. 

Instead, he looked to the ground and started to mumble kind of abashed and very un-jake-like: “Well, I mean- at the beginning obviously because I _was_ mad at you…. Because I didn’t understand- But then when the thing with the Squips happened at the play and Jeremy and Michael told us about you and explained everything I- uh-”, he stopped for a second and it almost seemed like he was looking for an excuse, but then he continued, silently but sincerely: “I- uh- I mean we- We thought that- maybe you didn’t _want_ to be friends anymore because- uh-” He swallowed hard and looked up. “For how long was that thing telling you what to do? Were you only our friend because… it told you so?” 

_Oh, wow_. He sounded _actually_ hurt! Rich gaped at him in surprise. 

“W-what? No! I-”, he began to stammer. “You were my friend before I got it, honestly. Actually, my Squip was surprised at the beginning that I had a popular friend and was still such a loser.” He tried to chuckle but it came out very poorly. “A-and when Brooke and Chloe came along, it didn’t object but like… they were still my actual friends, you know?”

He almost heard Jake let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, okay… that’s, that’s good!” He said and smiled brightly. “So…. we’re still friends?” 

Rich couldn’t help but grin. “Uh, yeah, I guess.” What an unexpectedly wonderful outcome of this interaction... 

The conversation died and they fell into an awkward silence, both waiting for the other one to say something. There were many things Rich wanted to tell Jake but he didn’t feel like this was the right moment. 

So he was thankful when Jake broke the silence and said: "Yo, Brooke’s parents are gone this weekend and she invited some people to come over! You should be there!" 

Rich hesitated. That would probably involve a lot of socializing… and that was exhausting without the Squip. "I don’t know if I’m up for a party, to be honest-" 

"Oh, no. It's not a party we're just hanging out, maybe we'll watch a movie or something. It's pretty chill." 

Actually, that sounded quite nice… They never used to do that, their group of friends usually only came together at school and for parties. But maybe things had changed for good.

Also, he couldn’t avoid social interactions for the rest of his life, right? It couldn’t be too hard, even without the voice in his head… Everyone else did it all the time. He tried to smile. "Okay, I'll be there." 

Jake smiled back and started to head in the other direction. "Perfect, see you at lunch tomorrow!", he yelled and finger-gunned as he walked away. 

For a minute or two Rich didn't move. There were too many strange feelings swirling in his stomach: Guilt; relief; the feeling that he didn't deserve this treatment; happiness about the fact that he still had friends; fear that it wouldn't be the way it was before. 

But maybe - just _maybe_ \- things wouldn't be as bad as he thought they would be.


	3. Chapter 2- Michael

** Michael **

"Argghh, fuck you!" 

Michael ducked and chuckled as Jeremy tried to playfully hit him with the controller. "It's not my fault, you suck at Mario Kart…", he laughed at his friend's outraged expression. 

"But I was in first place the whole time! You got me right on the finish line!!" 

"That's the art of gaming!" Michael said leaning back on his couch and taking a drag from the joint in his hand. This was the kind of afternoon he loved. Everything felt like nothing had changed. Just him, Jeremy, weed and video games in his basement. 

And now that he was winning, he really couldn't be happier. 

Jeremy on the other hand still stared offended at the screen and mumbled: "Let's play _Apocalypse of the Damned_ … " 

He took the joint from Michael and took a drag himself before handing it back.

"Ugh, just because you can't lose there…" But Michael gave in and changed the game. This was nice as well, playing _with_ Jeremy instead of against him… 

For some minutes they just played and concentrated on what happened on the screen but the silence somehow felt tensed and Michael felt like they needed to talk about… _something_. So he decided to ask: "So, how was your week so far?" 

This wasn't the deep and meaningful conversation he would have liked but he couldn’t think of anything else right now. 

Jeremy shrugged. "Uhh, normal I guess. But the week just started sooo…" 

"Yeah, right…" Michael laughed a little forced. Why was it suddenly so hard to properly talk to Jeremy!? This felt weird and he didn’t know why. He thought for a moment before continuing: "You, uh, spend lots of time with Christine recently…I mean even more than when you started dating..." This was not supposed to be a subtle hint towards Jeremy forgetting about Michael constantly. Absolutely _not_.

"You think so??" Jeremy said, taking his eyes off the screen to look at his friend with wide eyes. A huge mistake with this game. 

"ZOMBIE!" Michael yelled and Jeremy moved his character out of the way just in time. 

"Ugh, thanks..." Jeremy sighed. He seemed worried. "Okay, anyway so about Christine… do you think I'm too clingy?? I don't want to annoy her! Do you think she seems annoyed?" 

_No, but_ I _am very annoyed that you don't get what I'm trying to say,_ was what he wanted to tell him... But he didn’t. Instead: "Haha, no, she's totally into you!" 

That seemed to be enough validation for Jeremy to shrug and continue the game. Michael pressed his teeth together. He had a very weird feeling inside. Like he was getting sick. He should be happy for his friend, right? So, why did it feel like Jeremy was acting super selfish? 

_I should tell him what I really think._

He took another drag from the joint to gather courage and just as he opened his mouth to say something like: "It sucks that you leave me alone all the time.", Jeremy said: "Hey, speaking of Christine… the drama club met yesterday and we have to work together with the musical theatre club because we don't have enough people so… we're doing a musical this semester!" 

Okay, so they were going to have another kind of conversation… that was fine… 

Michael frowned. "And that's good?" 

"No, not really… Christine is pissed because she thinks she can't sing as good as she can act so… she's nervous I guess." 

"It's going to be fine," Michael said, knowing very well that Christine would get the lead role anyway and nail it. 

Jeremy pushed his glasses up his nose. "Uh, yeah but there is also the problem that we are barely enough boys to fill all the parts and… she kind of told me to ask you again about joining the club." 

Michael opens the mouth to protest but was shushed. 

"No, no, no listen, it's _so_ much fun and you'd probably just have to be in the chorus and maybe be an understudy for one of the roles." 

"I literally don't even know what that word means." Michael paused the game. The weird feeling in his stomach got stronger. This wasn’t the weed, was it?. "And forget it, I hate being on a stage and I can't sing for shit, so ... _no_." There was no way he was joining in on this thing. He didn't even understand why Jeremy was suddenly so passionate about theatre. He had joined for Christine in the first place anyway. 

"You wouldn't even have to be at all the rehearsals, it's a really easy job. You just have to perform if one of the actors can't go on or-" 

"God, Jeremy, stop trying to force your fucking hobbies onto _me_!!! I hate theatre, okay??", Michael couldn't help but snap. He really hadn’t meant for his words to sound as harsh as they did but… why on earth was he acting like this??? 

Jeremy stared at him in surprise. Michael had never raised his voice at his friend before. "Uh, sorry, man, I just thought… it would be a nice thing to do together." His face had gone red and he sounded very abashed...Michael felt bad right away. 

He wanted to say something but feared he might only make it worse. So he just took a long drag from the joint and stared at the pause screen in front of him. A very awkward silence was hanging in the room and he hated it. 

So, he almost couldn’t repress a relieved sigh as he heard steps coming down the stairs to the basement.

Seconds later his mom, Mara Mell, appeared in the door, bringing in a wave of positivity with her wide smile. Like she somehow had sensed that something was wrong down here.

Assholes might argue that she wasn’t _really_ his mother, because there was no DNA connection between the two of them - which wasn’t difficult to see… they looked nothing alike - but that had never bothered him. She had never been anything but his mom. And right now, he was very grateful for her perfect timing that only mothers could have.

"Hey, I'm back from work! Hi, Jeremy!" She waved.

"Hello, Mrs Mell." Jeremy smiled at her brightly, which didn't seem right considering the conversation the boys just had seconds earlier. 

His mother opened the mouth like she wanted to say something but she stopped and frowned. Her eyes fell on Michael's hand. "Michael!!" She called out, in that typical _"Every other parent would be really angry right now"_ \- voice. 

It took him a moment to realize that he was still holding the joint. _Ugh, of course_.

His parents _technically_ weren’t very strict when it came to his cannabis consume as long as he didn’t do it right under their noses. But when they directly _caught_ him smoking it was like they felt obliged to say something if they wanted to be responsible adults. So his mother put on a stern expression as she now grabbed the joint from his hands, opened one of the tiny basement windows and threw it out. 

"But Moooomm…," Michael whined and probably sounded like a four-year-old. Jeremy chuckled. 

“How often did I tell you not to smoke inside! The whole house will smell like it…” She crossed her arms, glanced at Jeremy, seemed to decide that she had to say something else in front of Michael’s friend and added: “That stuff’s not good for you.” 

Michael just rolled his eyes annoyed. “Is that all you want?”

“Wow, someone’s in a bad mood.”, she mumbled, eyeing the boys for a second. Maybe she _did_ sense the tension between them. “But I actually wanted to know if Jeremy’s staying for dinner?"

Or maybe she didn’t. 

Michael stared at the screen but felt Jeremy's uncertain eyes on him for a second before he said: "Uh, no I promised my dad to be home tonight, but thanks!" 

Michael couldn't help but feel a little relieved. He _really_ needed some time to sort out his thoughts… 

After that, his mother left the room and the awkward silence came back. Michael started the game again, just so he had something to do but he knew that they both weren't concentrating. 

After a while, Jeremy broke the silence: "I love your mom. She's so cool." 

"Yeah, but I still would’ve liked to finish that joint…" 

Jeremy chuckled and the mood seemed to lighten - at least a little. 

"Do you have any plans for the weekend?" He asked Michael after a while. He was talking really carefully as if he feared to make his friend angry again.. and somehow that made Michael feel even worse. 

"Uh, no not really, why?"

"So there's this thing at Brooke's place…Her parents are gone over the weekend and we want to meet up, watch a movie or something? I thought you should come." 

"Who's 'we'??" Michael noticed how bitter he sounded. He _really_ had to cheer up… 

"Well, Brooke obviously and Chloe and Jake. Maybe Jenna. Me, Christine, you…" He counted the names on his fingers. "Oh and maybe Rich if he feels up to it." 

_So, basically, the same people that were there when you left me alone and I had a full-on panic attack…_ again something he wanted to say, but didn't. 

Instead, he groaned and said: "Rich? Really?" 

Was this unfair to Rich? Maybe. Especially after he had been kinda nice in calc class yesterday. But it was easier to name just _him_ as a reason for not wanting to go to this gathering rather than the more complex explanation that he felt anxious around this large group of people who had been making fun of him just weeks ago.

"Rich's a nice guy… give him a chance." Jeremy said.

Michael hesitated. "Okay, but… are you sure those people _want_ me there? I mean those are the... _cool_ guys!", he mumbled and chuckled nervously.

"They are all just as insecure and immature as you and me seriously. And you _are_ cool as well!" 

Michael shrugged. "I… I’ll think about it." 

Jeremy smiled. "Perfect." 

Michael just hoped he knew that this hadn’t been a promise to come.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning at school Michael was still thinking about the other day. 

Had he overreacted? Probably. After all, Jeremy had just asked… And wasn't it obvious that Christine was the most important thing in his life right now? He wondered if _he_ would act like this if there ever was someone he liked… maybe he would. 

Yet, there was this feeling of being treated unfairly but he couldn't explain _why_ exactly. 

Maybe all of this would be a little different if there weren't as _many_ changes at once. He could live with Jeremy having a girlfriend but on top of that, there were his new friends. Lunchtime always used to be just him and Jeremy but today they were joined by Christine - who was still glancing at Michael hopefully as if he might suddenly decide that theatre was his secret passion - Brooke, Chloe, Jake, and Rich. 

All of them were sitting at a round table but Michael still felt like he wasn't really a part of the group. Though he had to admit, that might be his own fault. He wasn’t eating (because he had skipped class to get sushi earlier), had his headphones on and was listening to some 80s music while watching Jeremy, Christine and the others argue enthusiastically. 

It was fun to just see their mouths move while all _he_ could hear was Freddie Mercury's voice in 'I want to break free'. But from what he could tell they were talking about the planned musical.

Jake and Brooke still seemed to be part of the theatre club while Chloe had announced earlier that her talents laid elsewhere. Michael hadn't seen Rich participate in the conversation so he had no clue if he was still part of the club. If not, Christine should ask _him_ instead of Michael. This guy was much more confident. Or at least he used to be. Michael couldn't help but notice that Rich had been pretty quiet the whole time. He seemed to be listening but unsure of what to say. 

Definitely very unusual behavior for the Rich he was used to. 

His outer appearance hadn’t changed much - he still had that punkish style, with a streak of bright red in his hair, the punk band shirts, and the eyebrow piercings - but he wasn’t wearing this look with the same attitude. He looked sad actually, Michael had to admit. Nervous and awfully small next to Jake's broad shoulders. He _almost_ felt bad for Rich for some reason. Now, that he was thinking about it, it probably must have been really hard for him to suddenly live without the Squip after all those years… He should really try to be more ni- 

"Michael!!", he suddenly heard the dull sound through his headphones. 

He quickly took them off and stared at Christine next to him. "Uh, what?"

He realized that all the eyes were on him… and he _also_ realized that he just had stared at Rich for at least some seconds. His face went red and he prayed that no one had noticed.

Christine chuckled. "Jake's talking to you." 

_Wow, that's a sentence I never thought I would hear_. "Oh, uh, sorry.", Michael stuttered and tried to smile at Jake apologetically. 

"Don't worry, man. I was just asking if you're coming to Brooke's place on Saturday?" Jake was like _the_ coolest kid in school. Michael was sure he hadn't even known his name until like two weeks ago… and _now_ he was inviting him to _things._ This was crazy. 

But that didn’t mean Michael suddenly wanted to spend time on the weekend with him… or any of the other people here. 

"Um, I don't-", he started but was cut off by a brightly smiling Jeremy: "He said he’ll be there, right, Michael?" 

_I really didn’t say that._

There it was again... that stupid feeling deep in his stomach. He forced a smile. "Uh, yeah, I guess." 

He really had wanted to keep his options open but… _fine_ , if Jeremy thought he had the right to just force him in on this thing…


	4. Chapter 2 - Rich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope the Spanish's alright, it's been a while since I actually used it...
> 
> I'm going to try to post an update at least once a week from now on (probably always Friday), if possible twice a week :)

** Rich  **

As the week progressed Rich realized that his social life didn’t suffer _that_ much under the new circumstances. Yes, people, he didn’t really care about looked at him weirdly or they shouted stupid things after him and that sucked...but that was a somewhat bearable punishment. 

Especially now, that he knew he still had friends… Not only his old friends but new ones as well apparently! Which was kinda amazing. (Deep down, he almost felt guilty about this fact…. He didn’t deserve any of this. But as long as he repressed this and the many other feelings that were boiling inside of him, it was perfect.) Their lunch table was now almost always so full they had to get extra chairs. Jenna was spending more time with them, Christine was always there, just like Jeremy. And they brought Michael. And even though Rich was pretty sure that at least Michael didn’t see him as his _friend_ , this was a much nicer setting for lunch then what he had imagined. (He had totally been prepared to eat his lunch alone in a bathroom stall like in that _Mean Girls_ -Movie Chloe had once forced them to watch.) 

As positive as this aspect of his life turned out to be, just as horrible was the other part: School itself. 

Yes, he had expected things to be hard since he had technically missed two years of education, where the computer had been thinking for him... but he hadn't expected _this._

Every _single_ subject was pure torture. 

History, Calc and Spanish were probably the worst… because he felt like he didn't know _anything_ at all. But nothing else was successful either. He hadn't thought there could be _too_ much to do wrong with English but, shit, he had been very wrong. Who knew grammar and spelling could be almost as bad as calculus?

Without the Squip he wasn't even able to _concentrate_. 

By Friday every single teacher seemed to hate him - probably assuming he was playing dumb to annoy them. 

“Richard, puedes leer tus deberes para hoy, si es posible." 

Spanish was only his second class on Friday and Rich was already totally frustrated. 

"Uh, what?" He didn't understand a word.

Someone behind him giggled. Mr Sanchez just shook his head and wrote something into his notebook. "You should be careful, Richard. Stop acting like this or I'll have to talk to your parents." 

_Well, fuck._

He looked down and pressed his teeth together. If Mr Sanchez would call his father he would be in deep shit. 

The teacher was already ignoring him again and was now addressing the class in Spanish. Rich was pretty sure they got a task to do but it wasn't like he understood anything. 

Everyone started writing. 

_Shit, shit, shit_. 

He couldn't be caught again without answers. 

Panicking slightly, he looked up, staring directly at Jeremy's back in front of him. 

_That's right!_ Spanish was the only class he shared with both Jeremy and Michael beside him - he remembered how perfect the position of their seats right in front of him had been when it came to bullying. But now they were friends, right? Or maybe not but they were definitely his only way out of this situation… 

As quiet as possible he tried to get Jeremy’s attention. “Jeremy, hey! Hey!” 

Both Jeremy and Michael turned around immediately. After seeing who had been calling, Michael turned away again with a strange look on his face but Jeremy asked quietly: “What’s up?” 

“Can you help me out, man, I don’t know what’s going on.” 

“Page 51, reading and summarizing.” 

“Uh, thanks.”, Rich said pretending this was helping somehow. He opened the book and stared at the words. He tried to find a word he knew… 'Además', that meant ‘also’ right? And 'amigo' meant 'friend'… but those were the only words he understood. 

He was _totally fucked_. 

He looked up again, checking if he could ask Jeremy again for some help. Their teacher was looking at his own book so Rich decided to risk it. 

But as he turned his eyes to the boy in front of him, he saw that he was already rapidly whispering something to Michael who first rolled his eyes but then sighed and mumbled: “Fine…” before starting to write on a new piece of paper. 

Rich didn’t know what this was about but he needed help, like _now._

_“_ Jeremy, I really-” He started but Jeremy just gestured him to be quiet and whispered: “One second!”

_What?_

Some minutes passed and nervousness crept up in Rich but then Michael turned to him. It took him some seconds to realize that he tried to hand him a piece of paper under the tables, out of sight of their teacher. Rich stared at Michael for some seconds, unsure of what to do. With an urgent look in his eyes, Michael gestured Rich to take the paper. Confused he grabbed it, finding a quickly written but finished completion of the task in his hands. 

Speechless, he opened his mouth and closed it again. _Why...?_

Just as he wanted to thank Michael his name was called again. Mr Sanchez threw him a severe look and said: “Puedes leer esta vez?” 

He didn’t understand much but Rich was pretty sure he was supposed to read. 

So he did and read Michaels work out loud, stammering and unsure of the pronunciation but at least he had _something_. 

As he finished, his teacher raised his eyebrows. 

_He knows what’s up,_ Rich thought panicking, _Please, don’t get Michael into trouble, please..._

“Your pronunciation definitely used to be better but the summary is ok.” 

Rich had to repress a sigh of relief, as his teacher continued to speak to the class in Spanish. He knew this wouldn’t work for a long time but for now, he had avoided the trouble. 

As the bell rang some minutes later - Rich was positive they got homework that he wouldn’t be able to do - everyone tried to scramble their things together to get out as fast as possible. 

Michael and Jeremy were the first ones to leave the room but he reached them some steps down the hallway. 

"Hey, Rich!" Jeremy said smiling as he stepped next to them. Michael just looked at him with an unreadable expression. 

"Guys, I don't even know what to say, you totally saved my ass!" He looked at Michael trying to express as much gratitude as possible without looking like an idiot. 

"Well, you looked kinda desperate so…" Jeremy mumbled absently but with a look at his watch, he suddenly stopped in his tracks. "Shit, I still have Christine's English homework!! She needs it for the next lesson…See you later, I guess!" And with that, he sprinted down the hallway leaving Michael and Rich standing there in confusion. 

"Umm…" Rich said, unsure of what to say to the boy in front of him. Talking to Jeremy was _one_ thing but being left alone with Michael? He was pretty sure, this was the first time they were left alone without another friend around. Somehow, it was awkward _already_. Great...

Rich saw Michael's face getting red before he kept moving through the hall without saying a word. 

Almost impulsively Rich followed him. They had to go to calc together anyway and it would be even weirder if he just followed him in silence, right? "Seriously, man, thank you so much for helping me back there.", he said again as he tried to keep up with Michael who had much longer legs. 

The other boy seemed to realize that and slowed down a little before saying: "Oh, it really wasn't… a big deal…" He shrugged but smiled, looking a little insecure. "And Jeremy said you're not getting along with your dad very well, so I didn't want you to get into trouble." 

Rich looked to the floor wondering for a second if he should be mad at Jeremy for spreading how messed up his family was but quickly decided that he had only wanted to help. He cleared his throat. "Yeah, well, thanks…. For the extra work." 

Michael chuckled unsurely. Rich noticed how he avoided eye contact but at least he didn't seem scared of him anymore. 

"Don't worry, I'm more or less a native Spanish speaker…. My mom's from Ecuador." He added at Rich's questioning glance. 

"Oh, I didn't know that…", Rich said, because what else was there to say? ( _Where exactly is Ecuador??,_ was probably not the best alternative.)

"I'm literally wearing the Ecuadorian flag on my hoodie but ok.", Michael said and laughed, pointing at one of the many patches on his red hoodie. 

This conversation somehow managed to make him feel more stupid than he already did… Rich didn't even know, what the Ecuadorian flag looked like. 

"You didn't even know, that's the Ecuadorian flag, right?", Michael asked - because of course he did- and grinned as if he had just read Rich’s thoughts. 

Rich chuckled a little as well. Despite not feeling completely comfortable around Michael, his presence somehow still radiated a lot of positivity. Which made Rich jokingly say: "Are you making fun of me, nerd?" 

"Well, I think you made fun of me often enough, now it's my turn.", Michael answered, his voice going bitter over the course of the sentence. 

Yeah, this had been a nice conversation for too long already… He deserved to be reminded what an asshole he used to be right? 

They kept walking in silence for a while. Rich couldn’t help but glance over to Michael occasionally, hoping that he’d say something else. He noticed the other patches on his hoodie. There were some new ones he had never noticed before like the "David Bowie"-logo and the Mountain Dew Red bottle on the hem of his sleeve. _How fitting_ , he thought and suppressed a laugh at the sight of the patch. This hoodie was really unbelievably cool. How had he never appreciated that before?

His eyes caught another new patch, the Rainbow flag on his sleeve, the colors still radiating and bright. Suddenly he felt like a batch of ice had slipped into his stomach. Rich knew why _this one_ was new… 

He swallowed hard. "You, um, you got a new one…." He pointed at the patch awkwardly. 

Michael looked down, to see what Rich was pointing at. Something in his gaze shifted. "Oh… Yeah…" 

"I-I'm glad you did." 

"Me too," Michael said coldly and stared down the hallway. 

Rich felt like puking. 

Michael had always had a rainbow patch on his hoodie, as far as he could remember. He knew that because merely half a year ago he and some of the homophobic football players had made fun of Michael for it before Rich himself had written "Loser" directly over the old rainbow patch with a permanent marker. 

The thought made him cringe hard. Why the fuck had he ever thought that was somehow acceptable?? Why had the fucking Squip thought it was a good idea?? 

Michael also seemed to remember that moment as he stared darkly down the hallway. 

Rich swallowed. "Listen, I- I'm so unbelievably sorry for... _that_. I know it's hard to believe but I don't think like that at all I-" 

"I know, man," Michael said. "It was the Squip, I get it… Really." He forced a smile onto his face and somehow that made Rich feel _so_ much worse. He should just punch him… seriously. "Really, though, I think I saved your life that day. My moms were furious and if I would have told them your name, they would have _totally_ killed you." He chuckled at the thought of that. 

Rich really couldn't disagree with Michael's moms (did he hear that right? plural?). 

They reached the classroom in more or less comfortable silence but he really didn't want their conversation to end on _that_ note. As they sat down next to each other he said: "Anyway, I think it's super cool that you're a native Spanish speaker." 

Michael laughed awkwardly. "Haha, yeah, I was only allowed to take Spanish because our crappy school doesn’t have any french teachers right now… It’s a bit boring sometimes but at least I don’t get into trouble with Mr Sanchez. He can be a pain in the ass, right?" 

"Don't tell me about it…. I wish I could speak another language. But since the Squip is gone I just… I'm just really stupid." Rich chuckled, trying to hide how much this actually bothered him. 

"Hey, don't say that!", Michael said almost out of reflex. Rich wondered how often he had to stop Jeremy from saying stuff like that. 

Michael seemed like he wanted to say something else but just as he opened his mouth their teacher stepped into the room. "Silence, please." 

The lesson started and everything got more or less quiet but after some minutes Michael leaned slightly over to Rich and whispered: "I don't think you're stupid." 

He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve _any_ of this.


	5. Chapter 3 - Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School is weird and I don't know what the hell I was writing about when it comes to the math equation in this chapter... Honestly, I think I copied it from somewhere else but I'm not sure anymore (maybe Mean Girls?? Maybe my brother's math homework? Who knows... not me). I just had to show somehow that Michael's a math nerd... I hoped it makes sense somehow. 
> 
> (And I just realised, I get to see Be More Chill in London in less than a month!!! Have you seen the rehearsal videos?? I'm so excited!!!)

** Michael **

_Well, that was a super weird conversation..._

Michael sat through the calculus class trying hard to focus on math instead of his previous conversation with Rich. But somehow his brain didn't feel like working for his favorite class and rather reflected on this weird exchange with his former bully. _Great_. 

He tapped his pen onto the table absently, as he tried to understand what Mr Gretch was writing on the board. 

The conversation had gone pretty well in Michael's opinion. He had tried to be nice to Rich and somehow that really wasn't as hard as he had thought it would be. This guy was okay. He was trying. But still… 

_Concentrate_ , his mind reminded him. The equation on the board seemed difficult but manageable. He just had to-

It had been shitty to be reminded of the incident with the rainbow patch. Definitely one of his worst high school memories so far…. He had really hoped he’d be able to forget about that soon. But he also understood why Rich wanted to apologize for that specific event. Especially, if he really _was_ bi and he hadn’t just said that without really meaning it... If he really was, though, then why had he let the Squip tell him to be such a homophobic asshole all the ti-

 _Concentrate, for god's sake!_ It took some seconds before his eyes focused on the equation in front of him. _Both polynomials are second degree so it has to be….-_

Almost automatically, his eyes wandered over to Rich who stared at the board in confusion and desperation. This had to suck… Being used to know _everything_ and suddenly not knowing _anything_. Michael had meant what he had said earlier. He _really_ thought that Rich wasn't stupid and he definitely shouldn't think like that. He just wasn't used to working stuff out on his own… 

Though he had to admit, when Jeremy had first asked him to write that Spanish task for Rich, he had almost been mad at Jeremy for suggesting such a thing, but after he had explained that Rich's dad was an asshole and after seeing the panic in Rich's face, Michael had felt pity for him.

He felt the same way looking at him now. This wasn't really _his_ fault so Michael thought he didn't deserve to get in trouble and- 

_Focus. on. math!_ his brain chimed in and Michael shook his head slightly, trying to get rid of this weird worry about Rich. _Both polynomials are second degree so… so the asymptote is at Y equals three. Yeah, that's it._

He quickly wrote down the answer and looked around. Despite having been distracted, Michael seemed to be the first one to solve the task. Everyone else was still writing. 

That didn't mean he would actually raise his hand and present his answer. No, he hated participation in class _so_ much. But it still felt good to know that, secretly, he _was_ the best. 

Some minutes passed and Mr Gretch started to pick people. The first two girls didn't have the correct answers so he moved on and, sure enough, he called Rich's name. Michael saw from the corner of his eye how his face got red as he stared at their teacher in panic.

 _The poor guy…_

It was almost like all the teachers could _sense_ that he didn't know what was going on and picked on him deliberately...like they had a secret, mean teacher-superpower. 

"Richard, where do we find the _asymptote?"_

"Umm, I-I…", he stammered. 

Michael really couldn't help it. "At Y equals 3.", he whispered from the corner of his mouth as quietly as possible. 

"Um, at Y equals 3?", Rich repeated loudly but clearly very unsure.

Michael just stared at his table and bit his lip. _Shit. That had been way too obvious._

For a moment their teacher didn't say anything but then he sighed annoyed and turned to Michael. "Michael, if you know the answer next time, please just say it yourself. Your participation grade could use it." 

Some people giggled and Michael's face went red. 

_Great, now_ you _will get in trouble. Why do you have to be so_ fucking _nice to everybody???_

Mr Gretch wrote something into his notebook - that never meant something good. "Please, come to me after class, Michael." 

_Well, fuck._

After class, Michael shoved his stuff into his backpack, blocked Rich’s attempt to apologize (again!) by saying: “Don’t worry, it’s no big deal.” and made his way to the front of the class. Someone shouted “Nerd!” after him but he didn’t even care enough to turn and see who it was. 

His teacher didn’t acknowledge him for some seconds and Michael was getting nervous. He wouldn’t get suspended or something for helping someone else out, right? 

He cleared his throat to get his teachers attention. Mr Gretch looked up finally and shook his head. “I really don’t know what to do with you, Michael.” 

_Okay?_

“I won’t punish you for helping your friend….” 

“Oh, we’re not-” 

“But I don’t think you participated this year voluntarily _at all_ in my class, even though you obviously always have the answer. Why would you rather have someone else get credit for your work?” 

_“Well, there’s this thing called_ social anxiety _and talking in front of this class full of idiots is scary_ ”… Of course, he didn’t say that. 

Mr Gretch stared at him, seemingly expecting an answer. 

“Uh, don’t know….” 

His teacher shook his head again in confusion. “Well, you should figure it out quickly. You could easily get an A in my class if it was only for your tests. But without the participation, I can only give you a B minus, right now.” 

Michael just shrugged. “That’s fine with me, I guess.” He really didn’t care about grades that much anyway. But apparently, that wasn’t something he should admit in front of a teacher. 

Mr Gretch frowned. “Don’t you have ambitions? Think about college!” 

_Ughhh,_ he hated talks like this. 

He could go on and promise to participate more in class but where was the point? He knew he wouldn’t. So he just looked at the ground and said nothing. 

His teacher sighed. “Okay, I get it you don’t want to participate in class… But maybe we could arrange something else… I really don’t want to give you a worse grade than you deserve.”

Michael looked up. He would be more than happy to hand in an essay or something. 

“Richard seems to have trouble in my class since coming back. Which I don’t understand because we haven't done anything new but… I think he could use some extra help with the course work. So how about you help him out _for real_ and tutor him for some time. I could count _that_ as participation.” 

_No way._ Michael stared at his teacher with wide eyes. He wasn’t serious, right? Yes, he had warmed up a bit to Rich but that didn’t mean he would be willing to spend hours of his free time teaching his former bully basic math. Plus, it would be super awkward to be alone with him for more than some minutes. 

He laughed unsurely. “Uh, I don’t think I can do that.” 

Mr Gretch looked at him disappointed. “Well, think about it… Or I might have to push your grade a bit lower.”  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That’s illegal, right?! I mean that’s basically blackmailing! He’s not allowed to do that, is he?!”

Later that day, as Michael sat at the dinner table with his parents, he was still upset about his teacher’s proposition. 

“I don’t think that counts as blackmailing, honey.”, his Mom said, putting something onto his plate that didn’t even look like food at all but smelled delicious. 

“What even is this…”, Michael asked but didn’t wait for an answer before shovelling whatever it was into his mouth. He was starving. 

“Stuffed eggplant!”, his Mom said smiling. She had this phase lately where she tried to cook the weirdest things but Michael didn’t care because it was usually really good. 

“I didn’t even know eggplant looked like this…”, Melany, Michael’s other mother said, poking her fork around the food with a confused expression that made Michael chuckled. "Anyway," she continued after seemingly having decided that eggplant was a weird vegetable., "I don't get why you don’t want to give tutoring lessons a try. I think it's very nice of Mr Gretch to give you this opportunity, isn't it?" 

"Yeah, if you can polish up your grades without having to participate that's a good thing, isn't it?" 

Both his mothers were now looking at him questioning. Michael sighed and put down his fork. "You don't get it, it would be… _weird_." 

He didn't really know himself why he hated the thought of tutoring Rich _that_ much. After all, he _did_ feel bad for him and wanted him to get better at school… But did it really have to be _him_ who helped Rich with that? The thought of being alone in a room with him for hours on end… It just seemed wrong. 

"Why weird?" 

"This is Rich Goranski we're talking about, Mamá. I really… don’t like him. And I never even talked to him properly until, like, today." 

"Well, then you can’t know if you don’t like him. You can get to know him.", Melany proposed, sounding like she had just shifted into work-mode again. She was a therapist and sometimes she just didn’t forget that when she was at home… that didn’t mean, though, that she actually understood her son’s way of thinking. He sighed and wanted to explain that it wasn’t that easy but was interrupted by Mara who was a bit more up to date with the town's gossip and now frowned concernedly. "Isn't that the guy who burnt down the house? Is it safe to be around him??" 

Oh yeah, the whole burning-house story had made his parents very concerned for Michael's safety, simply because he had been at the party where it had happened... Even though Michael had explained that he had left _hours_ before everything had started, his Mom still acted like he had narrowly escaped death.

"Yes, that's him… and but it was an accident. He's fine now…" 

"Well, then I don't see the problem…", his Mamá said, while Mara still looked concerned. 

Michael really didn't want to talk about this anymore. "Ugh I don't know, I'll think about it…" 

They finished their meal talking about something else but he didn't really listen. 

His mind was still weighing the pros and cons of accepting his teacher’s offer. Maybe he should just do it… It wouldn't be _too_ bad to hang out with Rich, right? He would help someone _and_ get good grades, so it was a win-win situation… 

As he got up to clear the table, he noticed his mothers sharing a meaningful glance like they wanted to talk to him about something. Sure enough, some seconds later, Mara began: "So, Michael…" 

_Oh no, was this about smoking weed in the house again?_

"What's going on between you and Jeremy?" 

Michael turned back to the table confused. "What?" 

"I thought you guys were friends again but the other day you seemed… tense around him. Did anything happen?" 

Michael stopped and hesitated. 

Despite being used to tell his parents almost everything, he had avoided telling them about the Squip and all of that. They either wouldn't believe him or would panic like crazy, so he let them believe the official story that during the school's play the entire cast had _accidentally_ taken ecstasy. But of course, he hadn't been able to hide the whole Jeremy-thing from them. After all, he had been really… _emotional_ after the Halloween party. They knew that Jeremy had gained popularity and had forgotten his best friend along the way. And they also knew that the two of them had made up and we're fine now. 

Because they _were_ fine… right? It was just difficult… 

But without the whole background information, how were his mothers supposed to understand Michael's struggle with Jeremy, right now? "No, nothing happened, we're fine." 

"He apologised for what happened at Halloween, right?", Melany asked frowning. 

"Yes, of course.", Michael lied, knowing that if he would tell them that he hadn't _properly_ apologised, they would never forgive Jeremy. "It's just…", he began, not sure how to phrase this. "It's just that… he has so many new friends now and… he wants me to meet up with them all tomorrow. It's like he wants me to be friends with them too but I'm not sure I want that." 

"But it's nice that he tries to involve you in this, don't you think? And meeting new people _can_ be fun, just see how it goes this one time and if you don't like it you can tell Jeremy that.", Melany proposed, obviously not understanding his struggle. 

"Yeah, but those are the _cool_ kids…" 

"Michael, that's not an excuse.", Mara said, raising an eyebrow. "You used to tell me, that _you_ are the coolest kid in school and that the others just don't know yet. This is your chance to prove it." 

"Plus, I can tell from my own high school _and_ work experience that _popular_ kids are mostly really lonely and misunderstood.", Melany added in her work voice. 

_Those are really good points, actually…_ Michael sighed defeatedly. "Ugh, I promised Jeremy anyway… I'll see how it goes." 

"I can drive you if you want.", Mara offered. "I assume there will be alcohol?" 

Michael frowned. Sometimes, it was a little weird how okay his parents were with underaged drinking - especially because he really didn’t make use of that okayness often enough. (But now that he was thinking about it, maybe that had been what they’d tried to achieve all along… He had nothing to rebel against…). "I actually don't know." Last time they had talked about it, it hadn't seemed like this would be the getting drunk kind of get-together. "But, yeah it might be better if you drive me." 

He really didn't want to risk, having to stay over at Brooke's place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, do you even get grades for participation in class in America?? I have no idea tbh


	6. Chapter 3 - Rich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realised once again how much I used stuff that actually happened to me throughout this entire story so.... if some of those things sound extremely familiar, there's a chance you know me irl, i guess...

####  Rich

_Nope, Nope, Nope…._

It was Saturday afternoon and Rich was kneeling in his bedroom, throwing various pieces of clothing out of his closet and into a pile of things that he should try to sell on eBay. 

During the process of trying to find an outfit for the evening, he had realized how much he actually hated more than half of the clothes he had bought during the Squip-time. It was time to find out what _he_ liked.

He had always thought he had thrown out all the stuff he had liked before he had taken the Squip but to his surprise, he found many old clothes in the back of his closet. Some of them were definitely too small now, but those that weren't looked actually kinda cool. He could definitely work with that...

That didn’t change the fact that in the end, his closet looked very empty - he really had to go shopping sometime soon if he found the money to do that - but it helped him find an outfit for tonight. It was the first time after all that this new version was hanging with his friend and he felt like he had to make a good "first" impression. It was stupid because they'd all known him for years... but still. 

He carefully picked an old pair of ripped grey jeans, a t-shirt with Ramones print, that he didn't remember buying and a yellow checkered flannel shirt. The Squip had told him it made him look like a nerd which is why he had kept it in the very back of his closet. But now that he was wearing it open over the t-shirt, it looked pretty cool in his opinion. 

He eyed himself in the mirror. Dressing without help had really worked out this time. This look was cool - but not _too_ cool. Smiling a little, he turned away from the mirror and grabbed his school bag, quickly emptied it and stuffed in some sweatpants, a blanket, and his toothbrush. He, Jake and Chloe had decided to spend the night at Brooke's house so they could all drink- and Rich didn't mind being away from home anyway. He just hoped it wouldn't be awkward between Jake and Chloe… 

Dressed and ready to leave, he checked his phone. Jake had texted him some minutes ago that he and Chloe would be there to pick Rich up in ten minutes which meant he should probably wait outside the flat…

He left his room and made his way to the front door. For a second he wondered if he could sneak something to eat before leaving. He was kind of hungry - he still had to figure out how to know when he had to eat without the Squip telling him - but remembering how bad-tempered his father had been this morning, he really didn't want to risk having to talk to him… 

Hoping his friends would order food, he unlocked the front door and - 

"Hey, where are you going?!", it came from the living room in slurred words. 

_He's already drunk again…_

As much as Rich had hated the Squip, he had to admit it had always been pretty useful when he had to deal with his father. The Squip had always known how to talk to him depending on his mood, how to get him to allow things and stay chill. They had almost been able to live a more or less quiet life together. Now Rich had to deal alone with him and after several hospital bills and conversations with the police relating to the fire, his father wasn’t exactly in the best mood. 

"Uh, I'm going out with friends…", Rich said carefully after some seconds. "I'll stay over at Brooke's place." 

He held his breath and waited for an answer, slightly panicking. What would he do if he didn't allow this? Would he be able to sneak out? Probably not… 

He didn't hear him say anything but after a while, his father just made a weird huffing sound as if to signalize that he didn't care.

 _Good_.

Faster than a speeding bullet Rich darted out of the door and down the stairs. 

Just as he closed the door behind him he saw Chloe’s car pulling up, parking right in front of him. Jake was waving at him excitedly through the window and Rich couldn't help but smile. 

This was going to be fun. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay, I've got beer and a bottle of wine," Brooke said and put down some bottles onto the coffee table. "But don't overdo it…" 

"Hey, why are you looking at me?" Jake tried to look offended but laughed. 

Chloe, Jake, and Rich himself had arrived ten minutes ago, nearly at the same time as Jenna. Now they were sitting on Brooke's couch, waiting for everyone else to arrive. 

_This is nice,_ he thought. There was music playing silently and they were just talking - they rarely used to do that. 

Rich had to admit, it was now weirdly difficult to know what to say and when to say it - those were problems the Squip had always taken care of - but he thought he was doing kinda well. Right now, Jake was telling him how the football team was losing everything without him as a player so Rich was able to just listen, while Jenna and Chloe seemed to gossip about some celebrity scandal. Jake had told Rich that after _the incident_ \- as they were apparently now calling the whole Squip thing - the girls had agreed to stop spreading gossip as much as they used to (and all of them had apologized for spreading gossip about _him_ after Halloween), but apparently, famous people were still an exception. 

Brooke was just standing in the middle of the room, looking at her friends. "Do you need anything else?" She was worrying too much about being a good host, in Rich's opinion. "I could get some ice cream if you want or-" 

"Don't worry, everything's fine.", Chloe said before turning back to Jenna. It was a bit weird not to see Chloe and Brooke glued together all the time… but Brooke didn't seem to care too much so Rich decided not to worry about their friendship. 

"Yeah, just sit down.", Jake said, trying to make space on the sofa. Brooke sank down hesitantly and started handing everyone a bottle of beer.

For a while, they just sat and talked. Chloe told them about her struggle to find a new extracurricular since she didn’t want to do theatre any more but most of the other clubs would make her look like a nerd and Brooke complained about how her favourite tv show just got cancelled, while Jenna enthusiastically supported her complains. 

It was kind of weird to actually hear them all talk about their interests but Rich definitely liked it. He had to admit that even though he had known these people for years now, he didn't know _that_ much about them. And that was just sad. He had even dated Brooke for some weeks, shortly after getting the Squip… but he still wouldn’t say that he actually _knew_ her. 

“Where are the others?”, Jenna asked after a while, with a look at her phone. “They wanted to be here fifteen minutes ago.” 

Brooke just shrugged. “Who knows…”

“We should do something while we wait…”, Chloe threw in, obviously bored. Apparently not everyone here thought that talking was interesting… Maybe that’s why they’d never done it. 

"Hey let’s e play Never Have I Ever or something!” 

Rich frowned. "Like in those cheesy films you always watch?”

He wasn't sure if he wanted to do that but Brooke already screeched excitedly and said: "Yes, PLEASE!" 

Jake looked confused. "I don't know what that is…" 

"You don't know ‘Never have I Ever’?? Oh my god, how-" Just as Brooke wanted to start explaining the rules the doorbell rang. 

"I'll get it.", Rich said, already halfway at the door. He opened and saw Jeremy holding a gigantic pizza box. "Pizza delivery!", Christine, next to him shouted and pointed at the pizza dramatically. Rich thought that drama was definitely suitable… He and his stomach had never been more excited about seeing pizza. 

If it wasn’t for the box between them, he probably would have hugged Jeremy. "Heere, I love you, you know that?", Rich said, taking the pizza immediately from him. 

Jeremy's face went red. "Haha, you're very welcome."

"Come on in!", Rich exclaimed, before carrying the pizza over to the couch. "Guys, look who's here: Our Lord and Saviour, the pizza delivery." 

"Hi, guys!" Christine said beaming brightly. 

"Uh, hi." Behind Jeremy, Michael was standing nervously looking to the ground, speaking quietly. Rich hadn't even noticed him at first… though, to be fair, he had been occupied with the pizza. 

"Sorry, we're late, the pizza took longer than we thought…", Jeremy said smiling and scratching the back of his head awkwardly... 

Rich sat back down between Jake and Brooke, wondering if it would be acceptable to just grab some pizza. He was starving. 

"Don't worry.", Brooke said without looking at Jeremy. Rich couldn't help but wonder if she still had feelings for him… after all she had told him back then that she really liked Jeremy… 

"Here, have a drink!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As everyone had settled down and was equipped with pizza and a bottle of beer, Chloe opened an app on her phone and explained the rules of the game. “Okay, so basically the app asks for things you have never done and _if_ you have done it you have to drink. It's really simple.”

Jake suddenly held up his hand, like he had an idea: "Extra rule: If someone finishes a bottle of beer they have to take a shot of this!" He rummaged through his backpack for a second, before he pulled out a big bottle of vodka and put it on the coffee table. “My cousin got it for me,” he explained grinning at the surprised faces around him. 

"Great idea, man!" Rich grinned and high-fived his friend. 

Brooke was the only one who didn’t seem to like Jake’s idea and eyed the bottle as if it would personally be responsible for the destruction of her parents’ house… but she didn’t protest. 

"Okay, but what's the point of the game?", Christine asked frowning. 

"Getting drunk.", Jake, Jenna, and Chloe answered in unison. 

"Aaannnd we get to know each other a bit better.", Jeremy added quickly at Christine's sceptical look. 

She shrugged. "Okay, why not…" 

Rich grabbed another piece of pizza as Chloe read the first question. He was really hungrier than he thought and drinking on an empty stomach probably wasn't a good idea.

"Never have I Ever been fired." 

_Nope, definitely not._ The Squip had always made sure that during all of his summer jobs, he had gotten away with _everything_. 

No one drank except for Chloe and Brooke who exchanged a glance. "McDonald's!", they both giggled and took sips from their beers. 

" Are you going to tell that story, or….?", Jenna asked frowning amused. 

“Well, we promised to never speak of it again so…”, Brooke smiled at her apologetically and shrugged. “Sorry.” 

Chloe was now passing the phone around so that everyone got to read a question. Only when it was Michael's turn, Rich finally got a chance to drink: "Never Have I Ever gotten a tattoo.", Michael read in a quiet voice. 

Rich chucked down a big sip. The Squip had always told him that having tattoos were _essential_ to being seen as cool (and intimidating) and thanks to a pretty decent fake ID he had gotten several tattoos on his arms last year (Now, he wasn’t so sure if he’d get them again but luckily he didn’t hate them). To his surprise, none of his “cool” friends drank. Instead, he saw Jeremy and Michael grinning at each other before taking a sip. 

"Where do you guys have a tattoo?!", Jenna asked curiously, taking Rich's words out of his mouth. 

Michael's face went a little red but both of them wordlessly rolled up their sleeves and revealed an identical tattoo of - 

"Pac man?!", Brooke yelled, laughing. "You nerds!" 

"That's the coolest tattoo I've ever seen!", Rich couldn't help but say. The Squip would have never allowed _that_ tattoo.

Jeremy and Michael both just laughed and high-fived each other. Jeremy was the next one to read a question. "Never have I ever been stuck in an elevator." 

The only two persons who drank where Chloe and Jake who were both very red in the face. _Okay??_ There was a very awkward tension around them so Rich hurried to read the next question. "Never have I ever uncapped a beer with my teeth." 

No one drank except Jenna. 

"Okay, I want to see that!", Jake said immediately. 

"Fine…" Jenna shrugged, grabbed a beer and opened it without hesitation with her teeth. 

A collective cringing went through the group. "Why would you do that!!!", Brooke yelled in disbelief. 

"Here, now you have to drink it.", Jenna said grinning, handing Jake the open beer. 

They moved on without many more surprises. Jake was the first one to empty his beer and took a shot without protesting. Rich followed closely after, not being able to deny that he had once dyed his hair. He was already feeling really dizzy, especially after the shot of vodka, but he and Jake opened up new bottles of beer anyway. After all, he had never really been drunk before because of the Squip… He thought he deserved this. 

"Never have I ever insulted a teacher.", read Brooke. 

"Christine??", Chloe asked surprised. Everyone except Michael and Jeremy had taken a sip. 

"Okay, I need to hear that story!" Michael said curiously. Rich noticed he was getting more talkative. He was either getting more comfortable or more drunk…. Maybe both. Christine turned a little red and grinned slightly. "In 6th Grade, I called my drama teacher a moron because she kept giving us really stupid directions." 

"That's so typical." 

"To my defence, I still think she deserved it…" 

Jeremy grinned proudly and quickly kissed her on the cheek. They really were an adorable couple... "Don't mess with Christine, when it comes to theatre." 

Rich kind of wanted to ask how the new play was going. He remembered the rehearsals for the last play and to be fair they had always been fun. Maybe he should join again. _Without Squip you'll never be able to remember any lines._ So he didn't say anything. 

"Never have I Ever smoked anything other than a cigarette." 

Rich looked around and saw Michael taking an especially big sip. He grinned.

Everyone drank except Christine. "What is wrong with you guys?", she asked frowning but laughing. 

After that Rich didn't really pay attention to the game for some rounds and drank at random. It was getting hard to focus but he felt nice and warm inside. And he was surrounded by his best friend's, they were laughing. What more could you ask for? Being drunk felt great! He really should have done this earlier… Who had ever thought it’d be a good idea to build a supercomputer that didn’t tolerate alcohol?? (Or one that wanted to control humanity but that was another topic..) 

After a while of mindlessly sitting there and hanging in his drunk thoughts, a question snapped him out of this dream-like state. 

"Never have I ever had a crush on a person of the same sex." Rich blinked and opened his eyes (he didn't even know when he had closed them). 

He swayed for a second. Unwillingly his mind went back to when he had been 12 and had this weird obsession with male superhero actors that he hadn’t quite understood. Or the few weeks, years later, where the Squip had shocked him every time when his eyes just couldn’t help staring at both Lucas Gonzales _and_ his girlfriend during English class. 

So yeah… he _definitely_ had to drink at this round.

His sober self probably would have weighed the pros and cons of drinking at this round, would have thought this through. After all, it would be kind of like a coming out, wouldn't it?? But even though he panicked slightly, his head couldn't grasp a clear enough thought so he just drank. 

He looked around and saw Michael, Brooke, and Jenna all taking a sip. 

The remaining friends just stared in the round, all with various degrees of surprise on their faces. Okay, no, if he was being real: they were all looking at him. 

_Fuck._

He felt heat creeping up his face. With the intention of playing off his nervousness, he said: "Oh, come on Chris Evans has always been hot." _That doesn’t make it any better, idiot!!!_. 

"Aha, so that's why you used to be obsessed with the Avengers," Jake said, pointing at Rich weirdly triumphantly. “You had a _crush_ on Captain America!!” 

His face was burning and a little voice in the back of his head screamed at him, telling him to not say anything else. But the alcohol had other plans for Rich and made him babble out: “Yeah and also because those movies have _loads_ of hot people and I am _totally_ bi!”

Yeah, he had not planned to say that. _At all_.

Everyone stared at him in silence for a second that felt like infinity.

_Why are you such an idiot?! They’re going to think you’re weird and- -_

“Yo, that’s cool, dude!”, Jake smiled brightly and patted him on his shoulder. And then they moved on. Just like that. Nobody seemed to give him another thought. 

Rich didn’t manage to focus back on the game. He stared at his friends, who were already laughing about something else. 

_That went… well??_


	7. Chapter 4 - Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This weeks chapter comes a bit early cause I'm going to see Six in Edinburgh tomorrow!! :)) 
> 
> **Short warning** : mention of dead parents towards the end of this chapter

####  ** Michael **

_This really isn't too bad._

Yes, Michael really didn't get many chances to drink during Chloe's weird game - they were doing this for over an hour now and he was only on his second bottle (Jake and Rich were already on bottle 5) - but he wasn't really bothered by that. 

He didn't like beer anyway. Or maybe he did. He wasn't sure anymore. He had reached this weird alcohol level where it wasn't quite clear whether he was still sober or drunk already... Maybe drunk Michael liked the taste of beer?

But all in all, this was _rad_. The music that was playing wasn't too awful, they were all laughing together and thanks to mostly having to drink at things he and Jeremy had done together, this was also an opportunity for the two of them to laugh at all the stupid shit they’d done over the years. Plus, he had learned a lot about the others already. And there had been some surprising responses. 

Especially the number of people who had taken a sip at the same-sex crush question had surprised Michael. He had been fully prepared to be the only one to drink but apparently Rich really had been serious at the hospital and Brooke and Jenna also both seemed pretty certain about drinking at that round. Of course, it was too early in their acquaintance to ask for details on that but… maybe, just _maybe_ Michael had more in common with those people than he had originally thought.

The game went on for another hour but he didn’t get many more chances to drink. By the time the questions started to repeat and they decided to stop playing, he had only finished two and a half beers. 

"Okay, seems like I'm the loser. Christine is the winner!", Jake announced, slamming his sixth beer onto the table. Christine, on the other hand, had only just finished her second beer. "Or the other way around, however you wanna look at it." 

"I think _you_ won…", a _very_ drunk Rich said. He had fewer beers than Jake but seemed to be much more drunk. "Alcohol is _FUCKING_ amazing." He fell back onto the couch with a stupid grin on his face. 

_He looks almost adorable like- Wait, what? No, no, no._ Michael quickly shook his head (which probably looked really stupid), shocked at his drunk self. If he were sober he would never actually think that Rich Goranski-...

"Don't talk like you've never been drunk before.", Chloe said and playfully hit Rich. She had just as much alcohol as Rich but seemed to handle it a lot better. 

Michael watched how Rich leaned in closer to Chloe and whispered with wide eyes: "But I haven't!! I've never been drunk! The fucking Squip always told me it would shut itself off as soon as I'd drink alcohol so I always just _pretended_ to be drunk…." 

"What?!", Jake yelled. "Fuck, I'm so glad I didn't have that thing for a long time! It can't handle alcohol??" 

_As if that was the biggest problem with the Squips..._ , Michael couldn't help but think.

"Yeah," Jeremy yawned, resting his head on Christine's shoulder. "When I drank at Halloween it completely messed my Squip up before it went out." 

"That's horrible!!" Jake said, staring at Jeremy like he had told him about the biggest crime in history. 

"One time, when I _accidentally_ drank beer...," Rich began. He was now laying on the couch, his head resting in Chloe's lap and was holding his beer bottle up in the air for no apparent reason. "...my Squip totally made me spit it out, right in the face of this cheerleader girl I was flirting with, so yeah…", he giggled loudly. "She was a real bitch, I hated her so much, jeez." 

"Who? The girl?", Christine asked, frowning. 

"No!! My Squip!" 

"Your Squip was a girl?!", Jake asked, almost jumping up from his chair. "I'm so jealous!!" 

Rich kept giggling. "Oh, don't be, she was so _terrifying_ I couldn't even find her hot. Even before coming up with those world domination plans! If I should ever meet Uma Thurman in real life, I would run away screaming probably." Another giggle. Actually, Michael thought that sounded pretty sad… Rich had lived _years_ with this thing that had terrified him?

"So... your Squip looked like Uma Thurman?", he asked curiously. He had always thought it was a little weird that Squips seemed to take another form for each person… How did that even work? He had wondered more than once what _his_ Squip would have looked like, but on the other hand, it was probably good that he'd never found out. 

"Yeah, man!" Rich answered and closed his eyes. "I used to be obsessed with Kill Bill when I was younger so I guess the Squip thought it would work." 

"Ok wow, compared to that… mine is really embarrassing.", Jake said, actually getting a little red in the face.

"Worse than Keanu Reeves?", Christine asked and grinned at Jeremy. Everyone looked at Jake expectantly. He lowered his head and whispered. "Bill Nye, the science guy..." 

Everyone laughed. 

Hanging with these people really wasn’t that bad, Michael thought as he couldn’t stop giggling. He didn’t even regret that he had come. This was _fun_. 

“Well,” Brooke laughed after a while and turned to Rich. “At least now we know why none of the cheerleaders wanted to date you. If you spit on one of them… they’ll all hate you forever.”

“Like, I said, it wasn’t my fault!” 

Jeremy, who had just chucked down the rest of his beer and was now staring to the ground thoughtfully: “Wow, at least my Squip never made me do something _really_ bad, like spitting on someone… it just wanted to take over the world…” 

Michael heard the others laughing but he definitely wasn’t. At all. 

He knew Jeremy had only wanted to make a joke but... the biting feeling in his stomach was back again and it felt _so_ much worse than before. 

Hurting his best friend’s feelings terribly and almost destroying twelve years of friendship forever _wasn’t “_ something _really_ bad”?? It had been really bad - horrible- for Michael… Had Jeremy just forgotten about that??

_He didn’t mean it like that, you’re reading too much into it_ , he tried to tell himself but it didn’t work. 

He tried to focus on the conversation the others were having, but his mind refused to. The positive feeling he had felt just seconds earlier was definitely gone. This didn’t feel like fun anymore. It just seemed wrong and made anger building up in him, as he watched Jeremy laugh with everyone else about something completely different. 

The only other person who wasn’t laughing and was throwing an ice-cold stare across the room at Jeremy was Brooke who also didn’t seem to agree with Jeremy's statement. 

Two people who had every right to be mad at him, and yet Jeremy didn’t even notice that he had hurt someone. That weird feeling in his stomach was now possibly stronger than ever. 

_He’s drunk, he doesn’t know what he’s saying…_ But did that matter? Shouldn’t a real friend notice when he was letting his best friend down. Again??

_You are overreacting, definitely overreacting!_ , the voice in his head told him. Michael felt a lump in his throat. He swallowed hard, before deciding to grab his half-empty beer bottle and chuck it down in one go. Maybe it would help… maybe not. He had changed his mind about this evening. This was terrible. He hated everything and wanted to go home. Now. He checked his watch. His mom would pick him up in less than an hour. He just had to get through this. 

He tried to participate in the conversation, laugh about the stupid joke Jake had just made... He _really_ tried but couldn’t stop glancing over to his best friend. Could he still call him that? _Best_ friend? Things had changed so much. Yes, the Squip was gone but this wasn’t like before. It was so, _so_ different... 

_Fuck this,_ he thought. Until Jeremy would realise how stupid he was acting, Michael could make new friends, right? This was the best place. 

The others were still talking about something so he decided to throw in: "So, a Squip can turn into anything? Depending on who you are most likely to listen to?" 

Everyone else blinked in surprise. He only now realized that they had long stopped talking about the Squips and that this was probably a very out of context question but Rich answered anyway: "Yeah, I think so." 

Michael chuckled a little nervously. "So, what if it's like something really creepy like… your mom or whatever. That would be super weird wouldn't it?" 

"Ugh, just imagine your mom watching everything you do", Brooke said pulling a face of utter disgust. 

"That would be _really_ fucked.”, Rich mumbled with wide eyes. He looked at Michael and titled his head to the side. “If that was how it worked though, then which one would it pick for you, Mell? You have two moms, don't you?" 

_Okay, what the fuck was that supposed to mean?_ Michael frowned and returned Rich’s glance with narrow eyes. "Yes….?" 

Rich didn't really sound mean or anything but it _was_ a weird question. When it came to his family Michael had to listen to more than enough shit and he didn't need that right now... 

"Yo, that's kinda cool!" Jake said to Michael's surprise. 

"Yeah, they're amazing!", Jeremy threw in. Right now, Michael thought that Jeremy didn't have the right to have an opinion on that. He pressed his teeth together and didn't say anything. 

"Anyway, if a Squip would have to turn into one of your moms it would be Mara. She's a real helicopter mom." 

He _definitely_ didn't have the right to have an opinion on that. The anger was boiling inside his stomach. "I don't think so…", Michael said quietly. 

Jeremy didn't even seem to pay attention to him which made him only angrier. He just kept talking: "One time they took us to the amusement park and she asked at _every_ single ride if it was _save_ enough for us." He laughed. "But it was still amazing, wasn't it?" Jeremy turned to his friend, expecting an answer. 

Michael didn't look him in the eye. _That’s enough_. He swallowed before speaking. "Yeah, amazing… You know what, I… I need some fresh air." 

He didn't wait for any response from the others, just jumped up and left through the front door to the porch. He got one last glance at a confused looking Jeremy - he genuinely didn’t seem to realise what might have hurt his friend’s feelings - and Christine who was whispering something to him. 

Michael didn't care. He was mad. _Really_ mad for the second time this week. 

He sat down on the stairs that led to the house and starred up in the night sky. It had been a mistake to come here tonight. After all, he had really only done it _for_ Jeremy and now he was more disappointed in his friend than before. 

If Jeremy really thought that what he had done, wasn’t even _that_ bad… that meant he could do it again. At any time. There was no guarantee he wouldn't leave Michael hanging whenever he felt like it. And then he would be heartbroken again, and cry, and have a panic attack and wish he was never born and - 

Michael took a deep breath. He didn't have to get into _this_ again...

His heart was racing and his breathing definitely too fast. _Okay, calm down._ _Breath in for 4 seconds. Hold the breath for 7 seconds. Breath out for 8._ \- an old trick his Mom had shown him. 

His mom… Yeah, Michael hated it that Jeremy had the _audacity_ to talk about Michael's family like it was his own, right after.. pulling _that_ shit. 

Michael knew that Jeremy always liked his family more than his own, especially since his Mom had left. The Mells was an intact family, something Jeremy hadn’t had for a long time. Michael had always been okay with sharing that, but now… After everything that had happened? He wasn't so sure anymore. Also, it wasn't Jeremy's right to talk about Michael's family to people Michael himself had just gotten to know, right?

He breathed in the cold night air. It was chilly out here and the fresh air definitely cooled his anger but he’d probably catch a cold. He should go back inside, he could-

"DON'T PUKE ON MY MOM'S ROSES!!" he suddenly heard Brooke yell and almost at the same time the door opened and Rich stumbled out, leaning across the porch railing and choked for some seconds but he didn't seem to actually puke. 

He stumbled backwards and stared at Michael. "Uh, hi!" He grinned. 

_That guy's completely wasted._ Michael stared back. "Are you… Okay?" 

"Yeah, yeah, I just -" He chuckled. "Don't know how to handle alcohol." 

Rich went to the door and tried to push it open. It had fallen close and he didn't seem to realize that he had to turn the knob to get in so he just stood there for some seconds and looked around. Michael couldn't help but giggle. This was really cu- _funny_ to watch. 

Rich slowly eyed the door and then Michael. "Can I sit down?", he asked after some seconds and pointed at the stairs Michael was sitting on. 

"Uh, sure.", he answered and moved over a little bit to make space. 

Rich sank down immediately and Michael was surprised that he managed to do that without falling backwards. 

"Are _you_ okay?", Rich asked after a while. His words sounded slurred but he seemed determined to ask this question. 

This was weird. "Yeah, sure.", Michael lied. He wouldn't discuss his problems with _Rich_. 

The answer didn't seem to suffice him because he kept staring at Michael, his head tilted to the side. 

Yeah, this was _super_ weird. 

"It's just…", Rich started. He sounded nervous actually. "I didn't want to offend you… You know, when I was asking about your parents. I was just curious… because you mentioned it the other day and I didn’t know how to ask-" 

"Don't worry, man. I didn't leave because of that…" Who would have thought that Rich Goranski would care about other people's feelings? 

"Oh, okay…", Rich said quietly and for a while, they just sat there. 

"You know, I'm actually _super_ jealous.", he added after a while. He was obviously still drunk but the cold air seemed to sober him up a _little_ bit. 

Michael didn't know what to say to that so he stayed quiet. 

"You have _two_ moms at once and I don't even have one." He chuckled but again, what he said was just super sad. 

Michael swallowed. "I didn't know that…" 

Rich sighed. "Yeah, she died when I was eight… fucking cancer... and now I'm stuck with my dad." 

Okay, wow, this guy came with a sad backstory. Michael hadn't been prepared for that. "I-I'm sorry to hear that…", he said and meant it. 

"It's fine, I mean I don't remember that much about her but… I guess my dad would be easier to handle with her around. Maybe." 

Michael remembered what Jeremy had said the other day in Spanish Class. Rich's dad was a real asshole. At least, enough of an asshole that Jeremy had seemed really concerned for Rich... He hesitated for a second. Then he asked: "Is he really that bad?" 

Rich laughed but it sounded very bitter. "I guess it could be worse but - Yeah… It's gotten better since the Squip. Now, he’s at least not beating me anymore ‘cause he knows I'll punch back if he touches me so…" 

Michael felt his face go white. How could he talk about that like it was the most normal thing in the world? This was… depressing. "Rich, that's… that's horrible." He had always thought Jeremy's family was messed up but this was a whole different level. 

"Nah, it's fine. I'll survive." 

_It's really not._

He wanted to say something but Rich already kept rambling in a drunk manner: "You know it's just… now that I suck at school so much I'm just… so _scared_ that I won't make it through high school and won’t get into college and can’t move out and- then I'll end up _like_ him. I'm just too stupid to…-" He stopped and took a deep breath like he had just realized that all these words had left his mouth. He stared at Michael for a second before chuckling awkwardly and saying: “I don’t know why I’m telling _you_ all this… sorry, I’ll just- I’ll just go.” He tried to jump up but swayed heavily and stumbled back down. In any other situation that might have been funny but right now it just seemed pitiful. He sighed and sniffed loudly before rubbing his eyes. Almost like… but no, Rich Goranski wouldn’t just… cry, would he?? 

Michael swallowed hard, not daring to look at the other boy. He didn’t know what to do. Rich was drunk _and_ emotional!! Two things Michael didn’t know how to deal with at all. Plus, he was a little drunk himself. Drunk enough not to know exactly what he was doing.

After some seconds of silence, he decided to turn to Rich and awkwardly put his hand on his shoulder. It seemed like the right thing to do. "Hey, listen, man. You're not stupid. Don't say that.", he said quietly and noticed how helpless he sounded.

He just wanted him to stop being emotional! What gave Rich the right to just crash _his_ emotional drunk thoughts with even _more_ emotional drunk thoughts??

For a second the other boy didn’t react and Michael wasn’t sure if he was even aware that he was touching his shoulder. Then - now sounding almost pissed at himself - he continued: "It doesn't matter how _hard_ I try, I'm completely _fucked_ without the Squip. I just need it-" 

"Okay, no,” Michael quickly interrupted before Rich could end this thought. “That thing was evil and it's good it's gone! Just-" 

"I know but…" Rich put his head in his hands and Michael stared at him helplessly. He felt bad. He felt so _incredibly_ bad for this guy. Yes, he had been a very shitty person for the last two years but he definitely didn't deserve this. At all. 

He had to do something, he had to- "Um, Rich? I think I might have an idea.", Michael began hesitantly. Somewhere in the back of his head, his sober self was already shouting at him. _Don’t do this!_

Rich looked up and stared at Michael sceptically. 

"I could help you to catch up with Calc and maybe Spanish if you like…”, he quickly explained, ignoring the sober voice in his head. “I'm pretty good at those. And we could go over other subjects as well, but I can't promise much." 

Something in Rich's eyes changed. "I- I don't have money for a tutor.", he stammered. 

"I don't want money…" 

"Are you sure?"

_Sure_ was probably a word that was too strong to describe it but… technically there was nothing that spoke against this. After all, they were now part of the same group of friends apparently… and Michael had to admit that the Squip-less Rich was a pretty decent person. 

Also, the more selfish side in him definitely still remembered his teacher's offer...

"Yeah.", he said. "I'll give you my number, then we can text about when to meet." 

"O-Okay!"

They exchanged numbers while Rich mumbled one "Thank you" after another. 

Just as they were done, a car parked in front of the house. "Oh, that's my mom.", Michael said and stood up. "I guess I'll have to get Christine and Jeremy…" 

Having almost forgotten the reason why he had gone out in the first place, they went back inside (it took Rich some attempts to stand up and stay on his feet). Only when he faced Jeremy (who apparently had fallen asleep on Christine's shoulder), the feeling of anger came rushing back.

He pressed his teeth together and said to Christine: "My mom's here."

After Christine had managed to wake up Jeremy - Michael couldn't bring himself to look him in the eyes the whole time-, the two of them began to hug everyone goodbye. Michael felt compelled to do the same, so he did. It really wasn't as awkward as it could have been. He liked those people. 

As he reached Rich, the other boy mumbled again: "Seriously, man, thank you." 

It sounded so sincere that Michael couldn't help but smile at him. 

He would definitely regret this in the morning. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Just in case you have to throw up, don't do it on the carpet okay?", Michael's mum said as they came half an hour later home and Michael was about to head down into his basement. 

"Mom, I'm not that drunk, don't worry." 

His mother smiled. "I'm just glad you had fun, honey." 

Michael was already halfway down the stairs when he turned around and said: "Mom?" 

"Yes, honey?" 

He hesitated for some seconds, wondering if he should talk to her about Jeremy. But then he decided he'd rather not do that and just said: "I love you." 

"I love you too, baby." 

Not everyone had as much luck with their parents as he had. 


	8. Chapter 4 - Rich

####  **Rich**

The next day started with Rich hanging over Brooke's toilet for over half an hour, throwing up and a terrible, _terrible_ headache. By the time he had emptied his stomach completely and Chloe finally decided it was safe enough to let him into her car, it was already 2 pm. 

Everyone else seemed to have taken last night much better, Rich had to notice reluctantly. Chloe and Jake were already joking again while he didn't even dare to look out of the car window. 

"Yesterday was dope.", he heard Jake say in a normal voice… but for Rich, it sounded like he was screaming right into his ear. 

"Yeah, but the questions were unfair.", Chloe said and Rich covered his ears with his hands. "I had to drink _all_ the time... the others didn't have to drink half as much." He guessed she meant Michael, Jeremy and Christine with _The Others._ "They are just too innocent!" 

"But that's how the game works! They were lucky, really." 

If they only felt slightly better than he felt right now, they really _were_ lucky, in Rich’s opinion. He had wanted to get drunk for _once_ in his life but he definitely hadn’t signed up for the consequences. 

He heard Chloe and Jake laugh about something but he couldn’t bring himself to listen to the rest of the conversation and just waited for his stop. 

"You need to drink loads of water today, man.", Jake yelled mockingly after Rich as he left the car and went to the front door. Chloe giggled. 

"Yeah, fuck you.", he yelled back and held up his middle finger but grinned. 

He somehow managed to drag himself up the stairs to the third floor while only groaning once or twice. After quickly checking that his father was nowhere to be seen, he grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen - Jake was probably right after all - and went straight to his room, locking the door behind him. 

He tried to sleep for two more hours but after gliding in and out of weird dreams that involved fire and the smell of gasoline he decided it was better to get up- he didn't have to unpack _those_ feelings while he was hungover. 

The headache was a little better now and he dared to take a look at his phone. 

One message from Brooke, asking how he was feeling. Several from Jake who sent pictures from last night - apparently the two of them had taken a whole bunch of stupid selfies while lying on Brooke's couch. 

Then there was another message and Rich frowned confused. 

Who the fuck was "Mivgrk"?? 

["Hey." - smiley face.]

_Oh, wait..._

Rich saw snippets of a conversation fly before his inner eye.

_Oh, shit!_

He remembered sitting outside for a while with- 

"Michael!", he said out loud and hit his hand on his forehead. He _definitely_ had talked to Michael for a whole while! What had he told him?? Anything stupid?? 

_Shit, shit, shit!_ He had absolutely no idea what they had talked about… And now he was _texting_ him??

He hesitated for a moment before writing back. 

["Hi!!!" - Peace sign emoji.]

Why on earth had they exchanged numbers?? _Fuck_ , he would never drink this much again. 

Certain that it would take some time for Michael to reply - or that he wouldn't reply at all - he threw his phone onto the bed and got up to pull the clothes from yesterday out of his backpack. But just as he threw them onto a pile next to the door the phone vibrated. 

Michael had replied already: 

["So when do you wanna meet?"]

_What the fuck happened?_ Michael Mell wanted to meet up with him? He stared at his screen thinking about how to reply. He tried hard to remember what this had been about. But the memory kept slipping through his hands. 

Before Rich got a chance to think it through the dots that indicated that Michael was typing came up again. Then: 

["If you don't want to that's fine, I just want to help." ]

Rich furrowed his eyebrows, trying to relive yesterday. 

He remembered hugging Michael and thanking him for… offering something? Offering to… offering him to help him with school?! _Yes, that's it._

He had no clue _how_ they had started that conversation or why Michael had offered it but he was almost ninety per cent sure that it _had_ happened... And now that he remembered he felt really grateful for that offer. He definitely _needed_ help with school. That was undeniable.

["I really don't care,"] he typed back quickly. ["I don't have anything planned this week."]

["But i guess I could really use this so if you're still up to it I’d like to meet."], he added quickly before Michael even read the message. 

The other boy replied just seconds later: ["Ok, how about Wednesday after school? You can come over to my place if you like."]

["Sounds perfect."]

Okay, so apparently he was going to visit Michael Mell at home. To study. This was a _very_ unexpected turn of events.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rich hadn’t planned to leave his room again that day but after hours of watching stupid youtube videos, his stomach started to remind him that he hadn't eaten anything since yesterday evening. 

He got up with a groan, knowing that there was no way he’d get around eating something any longer. 

He sneaked into the kitchen but luckily found an empty flat. For a second he wondered where his father was off to but then decided that he couldn’t care less. As long as he left him alone, it was none of his business... 

Though, it _did_ bother him that his father apparently hadn’t remembered to get groceries - again - and that he ended up cooking plain pasta with ketchup. Not that he’d be able to cook anything fancier anyways but he’d definitely prefer frozen pizza right now.

Just as he had managed to bring the water to boil he heard steps behind him. 

_Great_.

"What are you doing here?" His father entered the kitchen followed by a smell of beer and cigarettes. He must have been at the pub, even though that meant it was pretty early for him to come home… 

_“I_ live _here, for fuck’s sake”_ , was what he wanted to say… But he wasn’t stupid enough to do that.

"Cooking?", Rich answered tensely instead without looking up. 

His father mumbled something under his breath and Rich was sure it wasn't anything nice. 

He watched from the corner of the eye how he grabbed a beer from the fridge - the only stuff he hadn’t forgotten to buy obviously - before falling onto the sofa and turning on the TV. 

Rich felt anger starting to boil in his stomach. Why couldn't this guy be like a normal parent?? He couldn't bite it back. "Well, it's not like _you_ would make dinner, is it? You barely manage to go to work!" 

_Thump_. His father hit the beer hard onto the table. Rich flinched and hoped he hadn't seen this sign of vulnerability. 

"Don't talk to me like this!!!"

Rich wanted to say something else but held himself back. He really didn't have to provoke anything. 

He kept cooking and eyed his father sceptically. He looked tired. Too tired to start a fight. Was he a little worried about this man who was ruining his life? Maybe, but he wouldn't admit it. He just hoped he hadn't already _lost_ his job… Then they would be in trouble. 

He finished the pasta in silence, put some onto his plate and the rest into a container to store in the fridge. Before leaving the kitchen to eat in his room he glanced over to his father again and hesitated for a second. "There's some more pasta in the fridge… in case you want some", he said carefully. 

His father muttered something about having eaten at the pub so Rich turned to leave but was called back again. 

"Richard?" 

"Yes?" He didn't dare to just go away. 

"Did you talk to your brother?" 

Of course… he had always liked Dave more than Rich - still not enough to treat him well but… "Not for a while, why?", he answered. 

He had used to think that he and his brother had a pretty good relationship but since he had gone off to college, Rich had been more often than not disappointed and jealous that his brother had left him here. 

In the first few months, they had talked a lot and he had always tried to come over now and then to make sure everything was okay. He even used to send money to Rich every so often, when their father didn't manage to get groceries and stuff. But now there hadn't been money for months and Dave barely texted at all. He hadn't even visited his brother during the time in the hospital and only called twice.

So Rich had decided to be petty and not talk to him for a while.

"He should fix the car", his father answered and kept watching some stupid TV show. 

Of course… He didn't _really_ care about his sons. Only when they were useful.

"I'll ask him.", Rich lied and went to his room, relieved that this conversation was over

He locked the door again and switched on his Xbox. While waiting for the game to load he ate and took a look at his phone. He had been tagged in an Instagram post. Jake had posted one of the pictures of the two of them with a caption that only contained three beer emojis. Rich grinned and liked it. He wanted to comment too but a message popped up. 

It was from Michael. Again? 

["How are you feeling btw? You were pretty drunk last night lol.”] 

Rich wondered why Michael was worried about him - had he really been _that_ drunk? - but he had to admit, it was nice of him to ask. Did this mean they were _friends_ already? Because now that he was thinking about this he _wanted_ them to be friends. He liked Michael. He was super cool and kind of cute...

_Did you just really think that? No, friends, Rich, F-R-I-E-N-D-S!!_

He shook his head and quickly replied: ["I've had better days but I'll survive - Shrugging emoji - I would ask you the same but I honestly don't remember how drunk you were lol."] 

He hit ‘send’ and quickly finished his pasta before starting a game of Fortnite. 

It took some minutes for Michael to reply but when Rich heard the vibration of his phone he checked right away without paying much attention to the game. 

["I'm fine, didn't get too many chances to drink during the game after all.] 

["Haha. Yeah, that game really did it for me…"], Rich replied which caused him to get shot in the game. Since he was dead anyway he could try to keep the conversation going, right? There was nothing wrong with chatting with a friend.... ["What are you up to?"] 

He considered starting a new game but decided to wait until Michael replied. 

It didn't take long. ["Nothing much, listening to music. U?"] 

Rich wondered for a second if he should lie and think of something cool… the Squip would have definitely told him that videogames were boring and for nerds. But Michael was a nerd, right? He wouldn't care. 

["Playing Fortnite. Yup, I'm that basic. Lol" ] 

Michael wasn't online anymore and didn't reply right away. 

For some reason, Rich immediately started worrying if he had said something wrong. Maybe Fortnite really _was_ uncool, even for nerds...Maybe he was overusing "lol"? With the Squip he never had to worry about stuff like this… he had forgotten how exhausting communication actually was. 

He started a new game and tried to concentrate this time. But his mind kept wandering off… He really wondered what else he had told Michael yesterday. Why had he come up with the idea to tutor him? Rich was pretty sure that on Friday Michael still hadn't been too keen on talking to him. 

Rich managed to reach the top five in the game but as his phone received a new message he dropped the controller right away and got shot… again. 

["That's _really_ super basic- laughing emoji - There are so many better options!"] 

["Like?"] 

["You know Apocalypse of the Damned?"] 

Rich was pretty sure he had heard Jeremy talk about that game before. ["No, not really."] He replied. 

["Oh wow, that's sad. I'll show you someday. It's like really retro and weird. I love it."] 

Michael wanted to show him a game…? Wow. The new friendliness of this guy was confusing but Rich definitely didn't complain. ["Sounds cool! Anything else you can recommend?"] 

Typing dots for a while. Then they disappeared and started again. ["U know Goblins N' Ghosts? It's also really old."] 

Rich vaguely remembered playing it once at Jake's house but giving up after some frustrating rounds. ["Yeah…But I didn’t enjoy it… it was too long and too hard!"] 

Again: Typing. Deleting. Typing. Then nothing for a while. Rich kind of really wanted to know what Michael was thinking about for so long. 

Then the message came. ["Haha, that's what she said!"] 

Rich couldn't help but laugh out loud. He really hadn't expected Michael to be the "That's what she said" - kind of guy, but okay. 

["Good one, Mell - laughing emoji"] 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The school week started out shitty but Rich was getting used to that. Teachers yelling at him had never bothered him before but now it kind of did because he knew he deserved it. 

At least his friends were trying to help him out a little. The first two lessons he was sitting next to Brooke who was trying to explain what was going on but it didn't work out too well. 

"Sorry, I wasn’t any help…", she said as they left the classroom. "You know I suck at History." 

"Who needs History anyway, right?", Rich laughed. He didn't want Brooke to feel bad because of _his_ dumbness. 

"Anyway, I think it's so nice of Michael to help you out!" 

He had told her this morning about his conversation with Michael - or at least the things he remembered. His memories of Saturday night were still hazy. 

Brooke stopped at her locker. "I mean, _I_ would help but I'm not good at anything so..." 

Rich stopped as well. "Hey don't say that!", he protested immediately. "You're really good at creative stuff!" 

Brooke chuckled a little. "Haha, thanks!" 

"Speaking of which…." He remembered that he had wanted to ask about this. "How's the play going? You're still doing it, right?" 

She closed her locker and pulled out a chapstick from her pocket. "Oh, it's a musical this year but we haven't _really_ started yet… We don't have enough boys because Lucas Gonzalez left the school out of nowhere. Hey, maybe-" 

She was cut off because like a demon that was conjured by the word "play", Christine appeared out of nowhere. She was running towards the two of them, pointing frantically at Rich. 

"Richard Goranski!!", she shouted and Rich almost took a step back. 

"Jeez, you’re scary...", he mumbled and stared at Christine in surprise. 

She slowed down and stopped in front of him. "Oh… uh, sorry… You are my _last chance_!!" 

"Um, okay? What-" 

"I need you to join the theatre club again!" 

Rich had almost expected this. "Well, I was thinking about it but it's a musical and I can't-" 

Christine, apparently, didn't want to hear any excuses. "We want to do _Legally Blonde_ and if we don't have enough boys we won't do _anything_ at all." 

Brooke frowned. "I thought you didn't like that we're doing a musical?" 

"Well, I didn’t at first. But I thought about it and now I have the ambition to become the first Asian American actress to play Elle Woods!!", she announced proudly. With a quick glance over to Brooke, she added: "Sorry, if you were going for that part but-" 

"Nope, I think I'll try for Paulette…", Brooke said smiling. 

Rich had kind of lost the thread. "I thought _Legally Blonde_ is a movie." 

"Well, it's also a musical." Christine shrugged. "And none of the boys want to play Emmet. Jeremy wants to be Warner because it fits his voice better and… I mean I would totally do bisexual Elle Woods but Mr Reyes didn't seem to like that idea so…." 

Rich stopped her. "Listen, I would do it but… I already suck at school, I don't have time for this … and, honestly, I don't think I can sing." 

"The part isn't too hard and we have a vocal coach working with us this year so-" 

Rich briefly wondered where the theatre club had gotten the funding for such a costly production. "Christine, I'm sorry but I don't think…." 

"Don'tsayno, Don'tsayno!!", Christine begged desperately. She turned to Brooke. "Brooke, say something!" 

Brooke turned to Rich and raised her eyebrows. "I mean, it would be really cool if you would join…" 

He saw, he didn't really have a choice here. "I mean, I guess I could _try-_ " he said carefully. 

Right as the words left his mouth, Christine started to search through her bag. "Okay, wow, I love you Rich! Here's the song you have to sing for the audition on Friday, but let's be real you're the only option for this part so…" She handed him wrinkled sheet music and a script. "The album is on Spotify, there's also a karaoke version so you can practice. We can meet up and go through it together if you want to. Thanks again, you are the best, I have to go. BYE!” 

Shocked by the sheer amount of words Christine was able to speak without breathing and the fact that he had just said _yes_ to being in a _musical,_ Rich wasn't able to say anything. He just stared after Christine who had already disappeared in the crowd... 

"Um… what just happened??", he asked Brooke perplexed. 

"I think you just promised to play the male lead in a musical…" She giggled. "Congrats!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know when the next chapter will be up because I'm going to london next week to see Be More Chill!! :)


	9. Chapter 5 - Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! Sorry for letting you wait so long! Like I said, I went to London (bmc was SO good!!! plus, I met the entire cast AND joe iconis! best day ever) and when I came back I got a really bad cold for a few days so I couldn't concentrate on anything... I'm still not really back on track so here's a short and poorly edited (sorry!) Michael chapter

**Michael**

"So, Saturday wasn't as bad as you thought it would be, was it?", Jeremy asked Michael with raised eyebrows. They were sitting on the sidewalk in front of 7-Eleven, drinking slushie. Actually they were supposed to be in biology class right now but since neither of them really cared for that class anyway, they used this time every now and then to come here. Of course, they hadn’t done it in a while because of the Squip so Michael had been quite happy when Jeremy had asked him earlier to go…. So happy, that he had almost forgotten that he was actually still mad at him. 

Now that he was reminding him of Saturday, though, he remembered and didn’t know how to reply for a second.

He took a sip from his blue slushie to get more time to think about his answer. 

All in all the evening hadn’t been terrible - it had been fun at the beginning - but Jeremy had ruined it… a tiny bit at least…. 

He had to admit, now that he was thinking rationally about all that, it had seemed a lot worse on Saturday when he had been drunk and he felt like he had overreacted a little… Maybe there was no actual reason to be mad at Jeremy. He hadn’t meant to hurt Michael after all, had he? 

He felt the other boy’s eyes on him, expecting an answer. Michael had to suppress a sigh.

It wasn’t helping anyone if he kept being mad for some stupid reason he couldn’t even properly explain to himself. He should just let it go if he wanted their friendship to go back to normal. 

"Yeah, it was fun.", he decided to say as light-hearted as possible. It did feel a little forced but he was sure that this was the best way to handle it. "I think I like your friends…" That wasn’t even a lie. They all were much nicer than he would have thought...

"Well, they're _our_ friends now, right?" Jeremy grinned and nudged him. "Come on, they've added you to our group chat!" 

Oh yeah… the _“Squip Squad_.” Michael thought it took more than a group chat with a cringey name and one evening of fun to consider those people his _actual_ friends but... since Jeremy seemed weirdly happy about the thought of him being friends with those people, he just grinned back and said: "Sure." 

“We’re part of the cool kids now!”, Jeremy said, smiling so brightly, Michael didn’t have the heart to inform him that he had never _wanted_ to be part of the cool kids. He had always been perfectly fine with his mediocre-at-best popularity… 

He ended up just nodding a little and tried to keep his mouth shut.

They fell silent for a while both hanging in their own thoughts. 

The silence did have a slightly awkward vibe to it and Michael hated that fact. Talking to Jeremy had never been difficult before but right now he just couldn’t think of anything to talk to him about. Yeah, they could just go back to a meaningless talk about videogames or something but all the unspoken feelings of disappointment of the last few weeks that kept building inside of him somehow didn’t let him start a trivial conversation like that… It just didn’t feel right. 

He didn’t necessarily want to _talk_ about those feeling either but maybe… _maybe_ he should at least tell Jeremy that his comment on Saturday had hurt him… Yeah, there was no point in-

“Christine wants me to come over for dinner tonight…”, Jeremy suddenly said, staring at his dirty converse. 

_Okay cool, this is fine as well._ A different conversation than planned but at least that meant Michael didn’t have to talk about his own feelings.

He looked up to his friend only to find the most worried expression someone could possibly have about a dinner invite. 

“Like… to meet her family?”, he asked carefully, watching how the muscles in Jeremy’s face tensed. He just nodded in reply, like he couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth. 

Michael didn’t get it. Wasn’t that something to be happy about? People in relationships were so weird… But he didn’t want to tell his friend that so he asked instead: “And that’s… good?” 

Jeremy kept staring at his feet and took a deep breath. “Don’t know?”, he mumbled. “Probably but… you know me! I’ll be awkward and weird and then they won't like me and-” 

“You’re talking about people who are living with _Christine_ !”, Michael interrupted, laughing. “I’m sure _weird_ is like… an entry requirement for their house.” 

Apparently, that had been a good thing to say because Jeremy let out a little laugh. “Hm, yeah probably… But like… I know her mom was pissed when she told her that we got banned from the bowling alley, what if she hates me now? Oh man, she probably thinks I’m bad influence!” He clasped his hands over his head as his thoughts were clearly spiralling down in panic. “It’ll be a disaster! And then Christine never wants to talk to me again!! And then she’ll break up!!”

Deep down Michael felt this weird hint of annoyance. Why were the only proper conversation they were able to have recently all surrounding Christine?? 

But since Jeremy seemed to _actually_ panic right now, it probably wasn’t the best time to bring that up… and he was a good friend, wasn’t he? So he tried to swallow the pang of jealousy that this thought had spread in his stomach and patted Jeremy’s shoulder instead. “It’ll be fine. If she wants you to meet her family, I don’t think she plans on breaking up with you anytime soon…”

Jeremy bit his lip. “You sure about that?” 

“Yes!”, Michael reassured again. He didn’t quite understand why Jeremy was suddenly so insecure about his relationship. He had always seemed pretty confident when it came to Christine so far. “Everything is fine between you and Christine though, isn’t it?” 

“What? Yeah, definitely! I just-” Jeremy paused for a second and looked at Michael with a desperate expression. “I really don’t want to mess this up…” 

Michael just sighed. He didn’t know what else to say to him. He never knew how to deal with emotions, why did people keep asking _him_ for advice? “You won’t…”, he began after a while but that didn’t seem to satisfy his friend so he added grinning: “Just be that weird _you_ that Christine likes so much and it’ll be fine. Maybe don’t talk about your bowling alley performance art…”

Jeremy closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. “Yes, alright. You’re right… I’ll be fine… I just need to-” 

He didn’t finish his sentence as the vibration of Michael’s phone between them grabbed his attention. He frowned as he read the message there. "You're texting with Rich?"

“W-what uh-”, Michael began not entirely sure why his face was getting warm suddenly. He grabbed his phone to read the message.

[Lol. See you in Calc.]

He felt Jeremy’s questioning glance on him and quickly explained: "Well, yeah… since yesterday… but only because I offered to help him with school." 

"Oh, really? That' cool!" His friend sounded surprised. "I thought you didn't get along with him." 

Michael shrugged. "I might have been a little biased… He's nice, I guess." 

Jeremy just raised an eyebrow. "Nice?" 

He didn’t like the suggestive expression on his friend's face so before he could get any stupid ideas about this he explained further: "On Saturday when he was drunk he told me about his dad and what an asshole he is and that he's scared he won't get away from him if he can't go to college so… I guess I felt bad for him." 

Jeremy's expression grew more serious immediately. "Oh, yeah, his dad _is_ bad…" 

Michael swallowed. "Rich let through that he is…like physically violent. Or at least used to be..." 

Jeremy sighed with an uncomfortable expression on his face. "Yeah… he told me something like that. It's really fucked up. Compared to that my dad is a superhero." 

"How is he doing, by the way?", Michael asked quickly, happy to be able to change the topic. 

"Much better actually. He goes to work almost every day and he’s seeing a therapist for his depression or whatever it is." 

Michael was glad to hear that. Mr Heere had always been one of the few male authority figures in his life and it had hurt to see him lose himself as much as he had recently . "That's good!" 

"Yeah, it's not perfect but…" Jeremy shrugged. "I can see that he’s really trying." 

Michael nodded in silence and took another loud sip from his slushie. 

"He asked about you the other day.", Jeremy said after a while. "You should come over for dinner sometime soon. How about Wednesday?" 

"Um, I said I'll meet with Rich on Wednesday…", Michael said apologetically. "What about Friday?"

Jeremy frowned. "There are the auditions for the musical but… I guess if you wouldn't mind waiting." 

"No, not at all." 

Actually he _would_ mind a little bit because he _really_ didn't want to have anything to do with this musical - if he didn't pay attention Christine would force him in on that - but he also wanted to spend time with his friend again. And _maybe_ there would be an opportunity to talk to him about how he actually felt… _maybe_. 

"Perfect!" Jeremy smiled and took a look on his phone. "Oh, shit we have to hurry up!!" 

They really couldn't skip another class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will hopefully go up on Friday again! :)


	10. Chapter 5 - Rich

**Rich**

_"There's a chip on my shoulder. And it's big as a boulder. With the chance, I've been given. I'm gonna be driven as hell."_

It was Tuesday evening and Rich was listening to the song he had to sing on Friday for the audition on repeat. 

He _was_ nervous. He couldn’t deny that. 

But all in all, this really wasn't _too_ bad. The character he was going to try out for only had this one song and the lyrics were relatively easy to memorize. He was already able to sing along a little bit. 

He took a look at the sheet music Christine had given him, just because he felt like he had to. Should he be able to read notes? Was that a skill that was required?? He hoped not because he had no clue what those papers said other than the lyrics. 

"You need a chip on your shoulder Little Miss Woods comma Elle," he sang along absently. He kind of _really_ liked this song. It was funny. 

He didn't dare to read through the script, though, because he was kind of scared to see how many lines his character had. Brooke really had meant it when she had said that Emmett was the male lead and he had the feeling that without the Squip this would be hard. _Really_ hard. 

But the thing was… now it was kind of too late. His friends were super excited that he was joining the club - Christine had texted him that they could meet on Friday before the audition and practice the song together and Jake had said how cool it was that the two of them would be able to spend more time together - and he was getting weirdly excited about this himself. The musical was funny and meaningful and weird and kind of exactly how he had imagined a musical to be. 

The Squip probably would have told him that musical theatre was something for nerds and losers and until yesterday he had never considered that he would _like_ musicals but… maybe he had been wrong... 

He looked over to his clock and realised that it was already one in the morning. 

_Shit_. 

Before he could focus on the musical, he had to concentrate on his tutoring lesson with Michael tomorrow… and that would probably end disastrously if he didn’t go to bed right now. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


"Hey!" Michael said a little awkwardly, as he met Rich by his locker after their last lesson on Wednesday as they had planned. 

Rich grinned as he stepped towards the boy in the red sweater. "Hi." 

He had to admit, he was a _little_ nervous. Which was totally ridiculous, of course… They were _just_ studying. 

But what would they talk about? Would it get weird?? Actually, his hands were getting a little sweaty. He just hoped this wouldn’t end _too_ embarrassing. Michael was really smart and he… well, _he_ was stupid. Trying to solve math equations in front of him couldn’t go well for him, could it? 

"Um, are you ready to go?", Michael asked, making Rich snap out of his slightly panicking thoughts. 

He looked up to the other boy who was now impatiently fumbling with his car keys. 

"Sure!", he said and followed him to the school's parking lot. 

Once again Rich had to hurry to keep up with Michael. He was probably a foot taller than him and it felt like with each of _his_ steps Rich had to take two. It was almost embarrassing. Michael also didn’t seem to realise that he was walking a bit too fast for Rich. He kept stalking forward with determined steps without looking at him. Rich just hoped he didn’t already regret all this… he certainly wouldn’t blame him. 

They stopped next to an old PT Cruiser that had nearly the same colour as Michael's sweater. 

"Wow, nice car, dude.", Rich said and genuinely meant it. Yes, maybe PT Cruisers didn’t have the coolest design but this one was old, a bit rusty and somehow had a lot of charm. 

Michael’s face turned a little red and he grinned sheepishly to the ground while unlocking the car - yes, it had to be unlocked with an _actual_ key. "It's kind of rickety… sorry. Definitely not the coolest car here… " 

"Well, I don't even have a license so I'd say you win.", Rich said as he climbed onto the passenger’s seat. "Is it yours?" 

Michael started the car. It was very loud. "Yeah, it was my grandma's but she's not driving anymore so…" 

"That's really cool.", Rich said and watched as Michael steered the car out of the parking lot. Then he realised that that might have sounded weird. "Um, I mean that you own a car… not that your grandma's not driving anymore. Uh-" 

"Haha, yeah I figured that," Michael said and grinned. 

They fell silent and Rich wondered how long the drive would be. He himself was able to walk to school but he had no clue where Michael lived. He hoped it wouldn’t be too long… The silence was a little tensed and Rich feared that they had _already_ run out of things to talk about… so he reached out to turn up the radio. "What kind of music are you listening to?" 

The radio started to play a song that Rich didn't recognize. But to be honest, he didn’t recognize _many_ songs that weren’t punk. 

Michael's face went red again. "Oh, um, yeah that's, Uh, you- you can play something else if you want." 

Rich ignored him and read the name on the display instead. "Bob Marley? Wow, that's... retro. Oh, but it sounds cool." He added as he saw Michael's tensed expression.

"Yeah, I… I like old stuff.", Michael admitted and chuckled unsurely. 

Rich wondered why Michael was suddenly acting so insecure. Usually, he seemed pretty open about stuff he liked, didn’t he? His hoodie alone was proof of that and Rich knew that he had made fun of him often enough because- 

_That’s why he’s insecure, idiot!!_

Yeah, right…. Rich bit his lip absently. Despite everything, he was still the person who had bullied him. He wasn’t Michael’s friend or anything and he was just doing this to be nice… He kept forgetting that. "Yo, I think I like it.", he said reassuringly as the song ended, to show Michael that there was nothing to be ashamed of. "It sounds like something that would work _really_ well with getting high."

Michael chuckled, now (thankfully) more relaxed. "Guess, what I'm doing most of the time." 

“You know what they’re saying...", Rich began jokey with a raised finger. “Don’t smoke and drive.” 

"Pfft, no need to sound like my mom, Goranski." 

"Oh, so now we're on last name basis? Very well, Mr Mell…. Hey, that rhymed." 

They both burst into loud laughter. Maybe this _would_ work out. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay so…. What do you want to start with?", Michael asked, went over to his desk and scrolled through a folder that seemed to contain notes and test from all his subjects (was that something Rich was supposed to have, too?) 

They had just entered Michael's room in the basement of a house that kind of felt too fancy for Rich. He had to admit he was easily impressed when it came to houses - everyone who lived in something bigger than a 4 room flat was fairly wealthy by his standards - but this house had this cosy-yet-very-modern flair that you usually only got to see on those house-renovating shows on TV, so Rich had wondered right away what Michael's parents were doing for a living. 

He shrugged as a response to Michael's question. "I really don't care.", he said absently while taking an impressed look around the room.

It was just as nice here but much messier and more colourful than the bit he had seen of the rest of the house. “Wow, you… you really have a cool space down here.”, Rich said while Michael still looked at his notes over by the desk. 

The room was filled with clutter everywhere and the walls were stuffed with all kinds of posters, pictures and a giant rainbow flag over Michael's bed. There was also a huge tv with an old Nintendo console, an Xbox _and_ a PlayStation - that Rich was really jealous of - and a couch that looked like it was long past its best years. On Michael's desk, there was a very new computer with two screens and all kinds of gaming equipment. 

“Thanks,” he chuckled as Rich stepped next to him. 

He had actually wanted to take a look at the computer but his eyes were caught by the shelf above it, that was loaded with at least thirty different bottles and cans of soft drinks Rich had never seen before.

“What are all those for?”, he asked and pointed at the shelf frowning. 

Michael’s eyes followed his glance up and he undeniably blushed a little as he explained: “Oh, uh, nothing… I’m just collecting discontinued drinks…” 

Rich vaguely remembered having heard of that before. “Any reason for that?”, he asked as he took a closer look at a pink Hubba Bubba soda, that didn’t look drinkable at all. 

Michael shrugged. “Don’t know, I like hunting them down…” He chuckled a little. “And you should be glad I do, otherwise you all would still have computers in your brains.” 

“Oh yeah right.” That’s where he had heard of Michael’s hobby before. “The Mountain Dew Red… I always wondered how you found it…” 

“That one was _really_ tricky actually!”, Michael explained, suddenly sounding very excited and pointed at the empty bottle with a very old fashioned logo, that perched above the rest of his collection. “Because Mountain Dew Red was only sold for one year and if you try to search for it now the only thing that comes up is Mountain Dew _Code_ Red but that’s something completely different and doesn’t shut off the Squips!” 

Rich knew all that. He had tried desperately enough to find a way to get rid of his Squip. But it was really amusing to watch Michael get _this_ excited about a soft drink. 

Michael rambled on. “So I found this guy who used to sell some bottles on eBay but he didn’t have any left, so I got him to tell me the name of this one guy who bought it from him and I found him on Facebook and drove out to Allentown to buy it from him and - yeah…” He stopped in his tracks as if he had suddenly decided that this was embarrassing to talk about with Rich, turned red in the face and threw a careful glance at the other boy like he was expecting him to laugh or something. 

Rich didn’t laugh. No, in fact, he was just utterly _impressed_ through how much trouble Michael had gone just to save them all. “Wow…”, he said after a few seconds of stunned silence. “Thanks, I guess for putting so much effort into finding one… Otherwise, we'd all still be brainless zombies…” 

Michael rubbed the back of his head awkwardly and turned back to his school folder. “Yeah, well, I just really wanted Jeremy to go back to normal…” 

Yeah, right. Of course. Michael hadn’t done this for him or Jake or Chloe but for Jeremy and that was more than okay! Still, there was this _tiny_ little peng of-... jealousy? Maybe deep down Rich wished, someone would have cared enough about him, to do something like that… It definitely would have saved him a lot of pain…

“Anyway,” Michael continued, very obviously trying to change the topic. “We… uh… we should get started, don’t you think?”

Rich had already almost forgotten the reason why he was here. He tore his glance away from the soft drinks and said: “Yeah, I guess…” He followed Michael who had taken some steps into the middle of the room and settled to sit on the floor. 

"Okay then let's start with Calc. That’ll probably be the most difficult part..." Michael pulled out a bunch of papers from the folder. "So, you don't know anything from after freshman year?" 

Rich knew Michael didn't mean it like _that_ but he turned a little red in the face. "Well, I guess I do know _some_ things, I mean my brain wasn't shut off the whole time, was it?" He chuckled even though that was a lie. He really had let the Squip do all the work whenever possible… 

Michael frowned and looked through the papers. "Um, okay then I guess we'll just go through the main topics, starting with Functions… that's the most important thing anyway I think…." 

And so it started. 

Michael was trying his very best to explain it as easily as possible and Rich had to admit that while he didn’t understand much, Michael _was_ a really patient teacher. He gave him old test tasks to work through and solve. Rich had to realise that he recognized more than expected but he lacked the connections between all those formulas. It didn’t even take half an hour for him to feel completely humiliated, not being able to solve anything at all. But at least Michael wasn’t laughing at him… He kept encouraging him and that kind of really helped. 

Rich almost felt his head steam with effort as he was trying to understand the difference between f, f' and f'' and why derivatives were so important. He wanted to get this, _damn it_. 

After what felt like two years (in reality, it was two hours) the hard work finally paid off a little. 

"So if the closed… thing-" 

"Closed interval.", Michael corrected. 

"Yeah, if the closed interval is between -3 and 3 the lowest point is at x equals 3 and y equals 9 and the highest point… x equals 2 and y equals 42…", Rich read from his notes and eyed Michael who checked it with his own result. This had to be right, it just _had_ to be. 

Michael's face was unreadable. "Well, in class you should use the words "maxima" and "minimum" but… yeah, that’s right! You did it, man!!" He held out his hand. 

"YES!!", Rich cheered and high-fived Michael, who smiled and said: "Hey, that was really good." 

Rich felt a smirk appear on his face. "Guess you're a good teacher." 

He saw Michael flush. "Uh, thanks…" 

"Anyway," Rich continued. "I totally get if you don't want to keep doing this, now that you know how stupid I really am." 

Like on cue Michael looked up and protested: "You're not stupid! And I actually thought it would be much worse… You're doing really good!" 

"You think so?" 

"Yeah, you'll get there!" He smiled one of his bright smiles and for a second Rich almost believed him. "But I think we had enough for today..." 

Rich exhaled a little relieved. He was really exhausted but hadn’t wanted to admit that. "Yeah, I guess so." 

They fell silent and Rich wondered for a second if he would have to walk home before Michael said: "Hey, if you want, I can show you Apocalypse of the Damned, maybe? And then I'll drive you home?" 

A smile spread on Rich's face. "Sure, why not." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm back to the regular schedule now! New chapter always on Friday! 
> 
> (If anyone here actually knows about math, I am so sorry, pls don't look at this too closely lol. Also, I never understood the MITB line about the PT Cruiser bc in my european brain every high schooler with a car would be the coolest person in school but now that I looked up what a pt cruiser looks like......... I totally get why Michael gets called a loser for driving one... it's literally the ugliest car I have ever seen)
> 
> Love u all, hope u have a great week!


	11. Chapter 6 - Michael

**Michael**

An hour later Michael sat on his couch, Rich beside him. If someone would have shown him that picture a year ago, he probably would have been concerned for the mental stability of his future self, but now… It was totally fine. And _fun_. 

"Watch out!!", Rich yelled but Michael had already seen the zombie and pressed the right buttons on his controller. 

They had gotten to level three already and Rich was getting a lot better. He had told Michael that with the Squip he had been able to control videogames with his brain (which was absolutely crazy in Michael’s opinion! Where was the fun in that??) so he was a bit out of practice but Michael thought he was doing pretty good so far… He clearly wasn’t new to videogames.

"Get over to the right!", he yelled back. Rich had been too occupied with Michael's character for a second and didn't pay attention to the zombie that was lurking behind him. 

"Oh fuck!", the other boy cursed and frantically pressed several buttons at once. But it didn't help. "Shit…", he said defeatedly as his avatar was torn apart. 

Now Michael had to finish the level by himself but he was almost certain he would make it. His fingers moved over the controller in high speed and from the corner of his eye he saw Rich's amazed expression. He tried not to be too smug about it...

"Wow, you're… _really_ good at this!", Rich said after a while. 

"Yeah, well I-..." _Zombie!_ "Jeremy and I play it all the time but…" He shot a pixel-zombie straight into the head and tried to ignore the hint of that stupid feeling that was boiling up in his stomach again at the thought of Jeremy. "When he had the Squip and was this total asshole, I was so mad that I -" _Watch out!_ "I wanted to prove myself that I could win this game without him… I only got to level nine but I guess that's why I'm better when playing this alone." 

He had no clue why he told _Rich_ about this. But somehow it felt like an important piece of information.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw a frown appear on Rich's face. "Uh, I heard you guys were fighting during the whole Squip thing but… you're okay now, right? I mean he apologized?" 

The feeling in his stomach manifested itself. There was a lot he wanted to say but he didn't exactly feel like he and Rich were close enough to discuss this. So he said: " Oh, yeah, we're good now." 

He ignored the other question, not wanting to lie. Why did everyone except Jeremy think that he needed to apologize properly? 

Rich didn't really seem to be convinced by this reply anyway so while killing another zombie, Michael added: "It's just a little difficult, right now. There are… many changes…with Christine and everything, you know?" 

Rich nodded understandingly. "Yeah, I totally get that, man."

Michael was sure he didn’t but he wouldn’t tell him that.

After his avatar managed to dodge a zombie by inches only he tried his best to push Jeremy out of his thoughts and focused on the game. 

"You're almost there!", Rich yelled. 

Michael knew that, of course, and stuck out his tongue in total concentration. 

"Almost….", he mumbled and pressed a combination of buttons and - 

"Yes!!" They both cheered simultaneously and high-fived for a second time today, this time initiated by Rich who, apparently, was much more invested in this game than Michael would have expected. 

A loading screen appeared as Rich's avatar was restored and their characters moved to the next level.

They relaxed and both grabbed a piece of the cold pizza Michael had brought down earlier. He had sent his mothers on a date night to avoid having to introduce them to the guy who had burned down a house - his mom would freak out! -, so he had been able to sneak all the leftovers from last night's dinner. 

"Is there like… a backstory to this game?", Rich asked while taking a bite from the pizza and frowned at the loading screen that showed a zombie torso crawling across the screen, leaving a trail of blood. 

"There are zombies and people are fighting them…" Michael laughed. "How much more backstory do you need?" 

"Yeah, but why are they in a school?" 

"Oh, yeah good point, no zombie would ever _dare_ to enter a high school. They would totally shit their pants at the sight of Middleborough High School.", he said ironically and looked at Rich with raised eyebrows. 

"Haha, yeah, very funny, tall ass!", he grinned and turned back to the screen as the level began. 

Michael was almost surprised that Rich's former standard insult now sounded nearly _affectionate_. He was weirdly okay with that. It sounded much nicer when the _new_ Rich said it. 

He grinned back as he hammered onto the controller in determination. "You should rather learn how to play instead of questioning the life of those zombies,… tiny…person." 

Yup, that was the best comeback he could think of. Rich started to laugh out loud and Michael joined in. 

This was _so_ much nicer than he had thought… 

Maybe… just _maybe_ there was the slightest possibility that Rich Goranski would become Michael's friend. Maybe he already was. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm going to fuck this up." Jeremy stared to the ground, head in his hands.

It was Friday afternoon and he and Michael were sitting in the last row of the Auditorium, watching the other auditions half-hearted. 

Up to now, there had been mostly freshman girls who had mostly been so shy that Michael hadn't heard a single note they sang. 

The only exception was Madeline Perrin, who seemed to be one of the few people that were left from the original musical theatre club and was apparently auditioning for every single part. And the problem was… she was good. _Really_ good. Michael feared that Christine might have real concurrence if Madeline would also audition for Elle. 

"Chill, man, it'll be fine." He tried to calm Jeremy down but he was a nervous wreck. 

"Look at how _good_ they all are!", Jeremy whispered pointing at the stage in desperation. 

Michael really didn't know how his friend heard what the girl on stage was singing but nevertheless he whispered back: "Yeah, but those were mostly girls so far. They don't have enough boys, remember?" 

"Yes but -" 

"You are going to get this part and you are going to be the best -" He had to glance at Jeremy's sheet music to read the character's name. "...Warner ever!" 

Jeremy just whimpered silently and kept staring at the floor. 

Michael sighed. He had to admit, from what he had gathered, the part Jeremy was going for didn't really fit his personality… like at all. In Michael's opinion, it would be better for someone like Jake, but he _had_ already auditioned for another part - a teacher or something? Michael still wasn’t sure what Legally Blonde was about. 

He could just hope that his friend was a good actor. Patting Jeremy's shoulder slightly, he said: "It'll be fine", despite not fully believing this statement... 

He didn't get why they were all taking this so serious, anyway. It was _just_ a school musical! There wasn't even a _need_ for these auditions since they barely had enough people…. But he had already learned not to argue with theatre kids. 

"Hey, look there's Jenna! I didn't know she was auditioning, did you??", Michael said after some minutes, trying to get Jeremy to think about something else. He didn't know what Jenna was auditioning for but she seemed to be quiet good.

But Jeremy didn't seem to care about Jenna or her song or anything, really. He looked up, teeth clenched. "Shit, I'm up next." 

He stood up, knees visibly shaking and his facial expression made it look like he was about to walk towards his execution. He went to the front of the Auditorium, leaving Michael behind. "Break a leg… or something.", he said but Jeremy probably didn't hear. 

Just as Jenna finished Christine, Rich and Brooke, who had been practising in another room, entered the theatre. Rich spotted Michael and waved with a nervous smile. Michael smiled back and held up two thumps to signalize "Good Luck". 

They were moving to the front as Jeremy took his place on the stage. 

Michael saw him take a deep breath and silently prayed that he wouldn't _actually_ mess this up. 

He started singing and it was very obvious how nervous he was. He glanced over to Christine once or twice and Michael thought it might have been better if she had stayed away for some more minutes. 

But all in all, it wasn't terrible. He hit the notes and was loud enough for Michael to understand the words. He definitely had to be more confident to fit this role but that would come over time… hopefully. 

As he finished, he practically ran off stage but Michael thought he had done a solid job overall. Relieved, he let out a breath that he hadn’t been aware he was holding. 

After Jeremy, Brooke came on stage to sing a song about Ireland and she still obviously wasn’t the best actress - last school play had proven that - but her voice was surprisingly strong. There was even a little bit of applause in the front row as she finished, smiling brightly at the audience. 

Next up was Rich, who came onto the stage together with Christine and glance around the auditorium quickly with an uncertain expression. Michael could sense that he was nervous as well but he seemed to take it way better than Jeremy.

He started to sing something about a chip on a shoulder to Christine. Michael didn't know if her stage presence was required but it certainly had something. The way the two of them were interacting was really cool to watch.

Rich played his character very funny - he was a surprisingly good actor - and he had a pretty voice, a little rough around the edges, but Michael liked it. A lot. He wondered for a second how Christine had gotten Rich to agree to this, but he didn't seem to regret accepting it. The two of them actually looked like they were having loads of fun on that stage. 

Watching their performance, for the first time ever, Michael got the very dull feeling that it would be pretty cool if _he_ could be on that stage and act and stuff. But no, he knew that singing would humiliate him into oblivion, probably, so he quickly tried to get rid of that thought before Christine could sense this slight change in his mind (he was convinced that she had some kind of telekinetic superpower when it came to theatre).

As Rich and Christine finished their performance, they were both grinning from ear to ear. It looked really cute...

But then for the first time since Michael was watching, the vocal coach, who had been sitting next to Mr Reyes the whole time, raised her hand to say something. 

"That was really nice but is there any chance you can…", she looked at Rich and gestured wildly. "Talk a bit more normally. Like without a lisp?" 

Rich's smile faded immediately and Michael saw even from the distance how red his face went. 

Michael felt like jumping up and throwing something at the vocal coach. 

_What the fuck_?? 

He didn't hear what Rich said but saw him shake his head in embarrassment. Christine threw a mean glance at the woman and whispered something to Rich. 

"That's a pity.", the woman said, not seeming to notice how much she had hurt Rich's feelings. "Okay, now the two Elle's please." 

Christine, still eyeing her grimly, stayed on stage, while Rich went down and speed-walked out of the auditorium. Jeremy tried to stop him and talk to him but he was ignored. Christine started to sing a new song, with a fierce determination on her face. But Michael’s eyes followed Rich who had just shut the door behind him. 

_Should I go after him?_

He didn't know where that thought came from but it seemed like the right thing to do. He hesitated for a second, staring at the stage where Christine was jumping around, bringing on a seemingly perfect performance. 

_He probably wants to be left alone… or talk to his friends or-_

But before he could finish that thought, his body had already made a decision and was silently moving out of the Auditorium.

"Rich?", he asked into the empty hallway, not really expecting an answer. 

He moved along and found the other boy by his locker. As he heard Michael approaching he quickly stuck his head into the locker and pretended to look for something inside. 

"Leave me alone.", he heard Rich mumble from behind the locker door between them. 

"Are you okay?", Michael felt compelled to ask. 

Rich laughed bitterly. "Yeah, totally. Totally _fine_." With the last word, he threw the door close with a lot of force. 

"Listen, I-" 

"This was a stupid idea.", he mumbled, not looking up. There was something in his expression that Michael didn't like. 

" _Stupid!!",_ Rich repeated, louder this time and smashed his fist into his locker with full force.

Michael flinched. That looked rather painful. 

Rich pulled his fist back and for a second it seemed like he wanted to punch again, so Michael reacted and quickly grabbed his arm. 

"Rich! Stop it!", he said sharply. Rich stared at him like he had only now actually _noticed_ that he was there. "You're hurting yourself.", he added softly. Michael really didn't know where all that sympathy for this guy came from recently, he just knew that his heart felt like breaking as he saw Rich's expression as he pulled back his hand from Michael's grip and rubbed it absently with his other hand. "That was so mean of her… your performance was the best so far," Michael said, not knowing what else to do. 

He tried to smile and catch Rich’s glance but he kept staring at his shoes. "No, she's right. It was a stupid idea to try it… I just can't talk like a normal person. I-I mean I tried but… the more I think about it the worse it gets and-" 

"You were _amazing_.”, Michael quickly interrupted. “Who cares that you're lisping." He looked at Rich desperately, not knowing what else to say. He wasn't good at comforting people. 

_He looks like he really needs a hug_ , Michael thought and was totally about to go for it, but before he could, Brooke suddenly appeared out of nowhere and took that job into her own hands. She hugged Rich tightly and didn't let go. 

"That was so unnecessary, seriously!!", she said, brows furrowed in anger. "Don't you dare, caring about what she says. She doesn't know anything." 

"She's a vocal coach…", Rich mumbled but seemed to relax a little in the hug. 

Michael took an awkward step back. He wasn’t needed anymore, apparently. 

"Still…", Brooke said, not letting go. "But don't worry, Mr Reyes is a big fan of yours… you'll get the part anyway." 

"Yeah, but that's not what - That's…"

"I know." 

Michael watched the whole conversation, not knowing if he was supposed to leave or not… If he was honest, the tight hug seemed… _really_ tight. He couldn’t help but wonder if maybe there was something going on between Brooke and Rich. They seemed extremely close...

He felt a weird feeling inside his stomach… This was awkward. He really hadn’t been able to help much. 

He was almost thankful when the Auditorium door opened and a hoard of students pressed themselves out all at once. The audition was over apparently. 

Brooke had let go of Rich and was now looking for someone in the crowd. 

"Uh, yo sorry man, I - I guess I overreacted a little…", Rich muttered to Michael and pointed at his locker that was clearly a tiny bit dented.

"Don't worry," Michael just answered, laughed a little awkwardly and turned around to look for Jeremy. After all, he was the only reason Michael was here at all and he’d really rather leave before he got caught in some more theatre kid drama. 

Luckily he spotted him just some steps away where he was quickly kissing Christine goodbye before walking over to Michael. "Ready to go?", he asked looking at his friend expectantly. 

"Yup”, Michael said, trying not to sound too relieved and with a goodbye wave at Rich he followed his friend through the hallway. Rich had enough other friends to take care of him, after all. 

They left the school together and walked down the street. 

Michael had taken the bus in the morning, having smoked one or two joints already, since he had expected that to be the only way to survive the auditions. 

But Jeremy's place wasn't too far and they used the way to discuss the auditions. 

"I think it all went really well.", Michael said. "You were good." 

Jeremy shook his head and pressed his teeth together. "I don't know… Could have been better."

"You just have to be more confident. It’ll be fine", Michael answered and patted Jeremy's shoulder in support. "How did Christine's audition go?" 

"Good, I guess." Jeremy thought for a moment. "I mean, Madeline's voice is probably a bit better but… Christine's definitely the better actress. She was really funny. I don't know what's more important…" 

"She'll be devastated if Madeline gets the part.", Michael said, more to himself than to Jeremy.

"Yeah…" Jeremy pulled a face. "Let's pray she doesn't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very well aware that that's not really how auditions work (at least in my experience) and auditions on stage with an audience would be the most terrifying concept ever but I needed Michael to watch and I was thinking of high school musical and movies like that were auditions are like a public spectacle.... so yeah I don't know what I want to tell you guys with this other than pls believe that I am a true theatre kid??
> 
> Also, due to corona my uni is closed so maybe I'll be able to update this fic more frequently while trying not to freak out too much... Hope you all are save and remember to wash your hands! <3


	12. Chapter 6 - Rich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! I know I'm very late... I had a very crazy week, had to move back home from another country in less than a day and a half because of corona and the stress and the fact that I'm suddenly living with my family again threw me off my writing/editing rhythm.  
> I'll do my best to get the next chapter up on Friday so it's back to the usual schedule but I can't promise anything... this whole virus situation is stressing me out :( 
> 
> I was very unhappy with this chapter when I started editing it, and I still don't exactly like it but I didn't want to let you wait any longer :)

###  Rich

"Brooke you were really good! I didn't know you could sing like that.", Jake said as he and Rich followed her around Forever 21. 

They had planned for a while now to hang out at Menlo Park Mall again - just like in old times - but this wasn’t exactly what the boys had expected. 

As soon as they had arrived Brooke had started to drag them into several clothing stores. “Chloe said she doesn’t have money to come shopping so now you'll have to do.”, she had explained with a forced smile upon Jake’s protest after they had entered the third store. 

Rich was pretty sure that Brooke hadn’t even asked Chloe - for obvious reasons - but didn’t want to admit that so, as much as he hated running through stores that either only sold girls clothes or were way too expensive, he hadn’t said anything and silently signalized Jake to shut up and take it. He wanted to be a good friend after all. 

"Haha, yeah, thanks. I used to take vocal lessons when I was younger.", Brooke answered Jake's comment and grinned as she pulled the fifth top from a clothing rack before finally making her way to the changing rooms. Rich saw how Jake rolled his eyes but the boys followed her without a word... 

"The two of you were also really good! I was impressed.", she continued and closed the curtain of the changing room. 

"Yeah, right…", Rich just muttered.

Yes, he was mostly over that rude comment from earlier and thought he had overreacted but it still stung. Especially because it had been so much _fun_ to perform with Christine… and this stupid vocal coach had ruined it. 

"Rich, we already talked about that.", Brooke protested through the curtain immediately. "You were one of the best!" 

Now, that was _definitely_ a lie. He had been acceptable at best. 

He looked up to see Jake nodding frantically in support of Brooke’s statement but as he saw Rich’s sceptic expression he stopped and frowned. "You're still taking the role though, right?”, he asked. “I need you there, man!" 

Rich’s glance wandered to the ground. He really wasn’t sure of that. He had been excited, yes, but what if he’d fuck it up? What if everyone would laugh at him? 

But no, his friends were right. He couldn’t let this idiot of a vocal coach ruin this for him. This could be his first opportunity to prove to a lot of people that the new Rich Goranski was a completely different person… And he _wanted_ to do that. “Yeah, I guess so…”, he answered slowly after some seconds.

Jake seemed very relieved to hear that as he happily shouted: "That's what I wanted to hear!" and high-fived him. 

Rich forced a smile - still not entirely convinced that this was a good idea - and tried to think of a way to change the topic so that they could stop talking about _him._

Luckily Brooke carried out that task as she said, still from inside the dressing room: "On an unrelated note…", she began. "Why did you audition for Professor Callahan and not for Warner, Jake? I think you would have been better for that than Jeremy…" 

Rich felt how his friend’s mood changed almost immediately and saw from the corner of his eye how Jake turned red and looked to the ground with furrowed eyebrows. "Would have been weird…", he mumbled and didn't say anything else. 

But that wasn’t necessary. His friends knew immediately what was up and said in unison: "Because of Christine?" 

Jake shrugged with an uncomfortable expression on his face. "Well, yeah… like I don't want to have to kiss her or anything…" 

"Umm, do you-" Rich began, pretty sure that one very important plot point of Legally Blonde was that the professor was trying to kiss Elle at one point. But before he could say anything, Brooke came out of the changing room and before Rich could say anything else she stepped lightly onto his foot to signalize that he shouldn’t break it to him already. 

"But I mean, you're over her right?", she asked instead as she went through the store to the cashier. 

Jake waited until she had paid and they left the store. "Yeah, of course." 

_Nope, that didn't sound believable_. "Sure about that?", Rich asked, eyebrows raised. 

"Well, we were never really together and… she’s with Jeremy now, isn’t she?", Jake answered sharply and they all knew not to ask again. 

Rich remembered that Jake's crush on Christine had been kind of serious. More serious than his other crushes. But he had just assumed that after Jeremy and Christine got together Jake had gotten over it… apparently, that wasn’t the case. Not really at least.

"Are you guys hungry?", Jake asked, obviously wanting to change the topic. "Let's go get some food." 

“I’m not eating Pizza again!”, Brooke said. 

“They opened a new Applebee’s down the street, we can go there if you want, I’ll pay.” 

Rich protested slightly. He usually hated when people were paying for him… But with one thought at the 5.20 dollar in his bank account, he was convinced and followed his friends through the mall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rich wasn’t sure if he liked the restaurant they ended up in. They had designed it way too modern with fancy furniture and even a stupid fireplace, in a desperate attempt to conceal the fact that this was still _just_ an Applebee’s… It made him feel very out of place. 

Luckily, his growling stomach couldn’t care less and was happy when the waitress finally brought the food towards their table in the furthest corner of the room. 

“Okay so…”, Brooke began as they started to eat. “What did you think of Madeline? Do you think she’ll get to play Elle?” 

“Uh, hopefully not. Christine would go on a rampage.” Rich shook his head. He knew he would feel terrible for Christine if she didn’t get this part. During the few hours, they had rehearsed for the audition together he had experienced first hand that she was truly _living_ for theatre… she _deserved_ this. 

“But Madeline _was_ really good…”, Jake admitted, staring absently at his drink, his thoughts clearly somewhere else.

“Bro...Don’t say that!”, Rich protested with furrowed eyebrows. Yes, Madeline _had_ been good but she was arrogant and bitchy and it would never be as much fun with her as with Christine. “I don’t want to have to play _her_ love interest. I don’t like her.” 

Was that mean? Maybe. But it was true. He had never understood what Jake had seen in her during the time they had occasionally hooked up. 

“Yeah, me neither.”, Brooke chimed in, giving Rich the right not to have a bad conscious about his feelings towards Madeline.

Jake’s face had become a little tensed and he just shook his head. “You guys are biased. She can be really cool, you know?” 

“Yeah, right. You’re just saying that because _she_ slept with you.” Brooke grinned and took a sip from her ice tea as Jake’s face went red. 

Rich couldn’t help but laugh a little at his outraged expression, although he had to wonder if Jake was still - or again - interested in Madeline… He really hoped that wasn't the case. If she’d be his friend’s girlfriend he would be forced to actually spend time with her.... 

“Can we stop discussing _my_ love life the whole time??”, Jake finally said after a second of angrily staring at his friends. “Like, what about you and Jeremy, Brooke? Are you okay with him being with Christine?”

Brooke’s grin dropped immediately and she looked down. 

_Uh-uh… she looks hurt_ , Rich thought and was prepared to change the topic but Brooke was already speaking. 

“Well, that’s none of my business, is it? I mean, yeah, he was a real asshole on Halloween and I’m still super mad at him… _and_ Chloe. But where’s the point if he doesn’t have the same feelings I have… had…. I mean…” 

Jake hold up his hand. “I feel you, girl.”, he said, followed by the saddest high five Rich had ever seen. 

_Oh wow…_ Was it possible to feel bad about _not_ being lovesick? He felt kind of left out. Silence fell over their table and Brooke and Jake just stared sadly at their food. “Wow, I really didn’t know this was a meeting for the broken hearts.”, Rich tried to lighten the mood. He pretended to stand up. “Guess, I’ll leave then…” 

The attempt at lightening the mood had been successful apparently because both his friends started to laugh a little… But Rich had not been prepared for the target to be set on him next. “Oh, come on,”, Brooke said grinning. “Don’t pretend like you don’t have any love crisis… “

“Well, I don’t.” 

Jake raised an eyebrow. “Sure about that?”, repeating Rich’s question from earlier. 

“Yeah, I-” 

“Because the other day…”, Brooke interrupted, sharing a meaningful glance with Jake. “When we were at my house you… said something about… well, being bi. Who helped you realize that?” 

Rich’s eyes went wide and he stared at Brooke in surprise. He had _said_ that?? 

“Uh, no one I - uh - why-”, he stammered, his head spinning. How could he not remember this? Were his friends okay with it? It had been stupid enough to tell Jeremy about that at the hospital… he definitely hadn’t planned to tell anyone else anytime soon! 

His friends didn’t seem to notice his distress. “Oh, come on, you don’t wake up one day and realize you’re bi.”, Jake said frowning. 

“Well, but uh, I kind of did...A-after the Squip was gone it, uh, became clear? I guess?”, Rich stammered still in shock. “B-but that doesn’t matter, I mean- are you…. Are you okay with that??” He couldn’t deny that his heart was pounding as he carefully watched their faces. For one second the tension was unbearable, then Brooke began to laugh. 

“Of course, Rich!!” She hugged him awkwardly from the side. “Why wouldn’t we be? I’m not straight either.” 

“You’re not?”, the boys asked simultaneously, Jake surprised, Rich relieved. 

“No, I’m pansexual!... I guess.” She chuckled and blushed a little. “ I always thought I’m pretty open about that…” 

Rich shook his head. “I had no idea!” Okay, wow, that was… _good news_?

“What about you, Jake?”, he asked, still nervous. He would never tell Brooke but Jake’s opinion was a _little_ more important to him than hers. 

“Okay, first of all…”, Jake began. “I want to clarify that I am, in fact, straight! Just so you know.” Brooke snickered a little but Rich was way too tensed to find this funny. He could only relax as Jake finally said: “But I totally support you! You’re my best friend, man!

“Aww…”, Brooke said glancing between the two boys. 

Rich grinned. He had to admit, this really was an “Aww”-moment and a warm feeling spread inside his stomach. What had he done to deserve Jake? 

He wanted to say something but his friend already kept talking and ruined the moment. “But I have to admit… It took me _bi_ surprise!!”, he said with the biggest grin, apparently really proud of that pun. 

Rich couldn’t help but burst into laughter as the tension fully left his body. Brooke hit Jake with a menu for this bad joke. 

The three of them kept laughing for a while and turned their attention back to their food. Then Jake looked up and frowned. “Wait… Don’t laugh but...what does pansexual mean?” 

“Oh, wow okay so…” Brooke did laugh a little but began to explain patiently. 

Rich decided to let them have that conversation on their own as his thoughts had already wandered off. 

There was a very nice feeling inside of him. He wasn’t entirely sure what he had expected but certainly _some_ kind of rejection.... Which was why he hadn’t planned on coming out to his friends any time soon. They had all made stupid gay jokes at some point in their lives after all. Instead this happened... They actually supported him completely. How amazing??

The relief was overwhelming but still, deep down, he felt a _tiny_ pang of guilt. 

He didn’t deserve friends like this. He _really_ didn’t. They actually would have every right to make fun of him, be mean to him, hate him. He was pretty sure he had made inappropriate comments about gay girls in Brooke’s presence during the Squip time and Jake… well, everyone knew that Jake had every reason to hate him after the fire… the fact that he didn’t was almost a miracle. 

Speaking of fire… 

Rich’s glance had wandered through the room and got caught on the fireplace. Someone had turned it on and the flames were blazing in bright orange. He swallowed hard. He wanted to look away but couldn’t. It was almost like he was mesmerized but in a very weird, creepy way. 

He felt how his heart started to race. Was this normal? No, definitely not. 

“That’s ridiculous! Rich, tell him it’s ridiculous!” 

His friend’s voice sounded very far away even though he knew deep down, that it was coming from right beside him. It took a lot of strength for him to answer calmly: “Uh yeah… totally ridiculous.” 

He had not the slightest clue what they were talking about but the fact that they didn’t seem to pay attention to the fire at all was somehow stressing him out even more. What if the flames would jump over to the table next to it? If the house would start to burn? If they couldn’t get out- 

It somehow felt like the fire was right beside him. Heat crept through his body, making him sweat. His skin began to tingle in an uncomfortable way and his scars stung. 

_It’s fine, it’s just a fireplace calm down!!!,_ a voice that got quieter with every second said somewhere in the back of his head. He tried to take a deep breath but his throat felt sealed. Panic was rising in him. He couldn’t breathe.

It was just like back then… he remembered how the smoke had made it impossible to breathe, how the flames had gotten closer, how he had felt as he had actually realised what he had done. 

No, no, no. He didn’t want to go there. He couldn’t- 

Fire all around him. Gasoline on his hands. Tears streaming down his face. The Squip’s voice screaming at him, begging. And pain. Incredible pain. The smell of burned flesh. 

It made his stomach turn.

Every rational thought had left his head. He wasn’t in that stupid restaurant anymore, no, he was back when all of that had happened. He could almost _feel_ the flames on his skin. There was this overwhelming urge to move. Run. 

But he couldn't move a muscle.

A crash, screams, fire sirens.Noises that weren’t there, but somehow were. He wasn’t sure anymore what was real and what wasn’t.

Someone was saying his name… or were they?

He couldn’t breathe. Couldn't say a word. His limbs felt numb and useless. All he could see were flames.

From far, far away he heard Jake’s voice. 

“Rich? Rich!” 

He wasn’t supposed to be here! He should run! If he got hurt, it would be Rich’s fault. Again. 

He wanted to shout but couldn’t. 

Trembling all over now, he somehow summoned all his strength to shut his eyes. At least he wouldn’t have to see the flames anymore. 

“Rich?!”

He didn’t know what happened after that but he must have gotten outside somehow because a cold breeze made him shiver as he leaned over a trash can to throw up. 

He was vaguely aware of Brooke and Jake behind him. They must have followed him out of the building. There were noises, maybe it was them talking to him, but he couldn’t concentrate enough to make out what they were saying. He was too occupied with catching his breath after finally being able to breathe again. 

_It’s alright, there’s no fire, it’s fine_. The rational voice in his head seemed to be back… that was good news probably. 

He took a deep breath and the disgusting smell of the trash can almost made him throw up again… but honestly, it was still better than the smell he had remembered… 

Head still foggy, he moved away. There was a comforting hand on his back and before he knew it, he was sitting on the sidewalk. A tissue was pressed into his hand and he quickly used it to wipe his mouth. There was a bitter taste on his tongue. 

“Rich?”, someone said. It felt like someone had turned the volume back up. 

He looked up and tried to focus. Jake. “Man, what the fuck?” 

“Are you okay? Can you breathe?? Should we call an ambulance?”, Brooke, sitting next to him, said in a more panicked voice.

It took Rich a second to realise what she had said. He coughed, trying to find his voice and quickly mumbled: “No! No, my dad would kill me.”

“But-”

“I’m fine! I’m totally fine”, he tried to say as steady as somehow possible. 

He clearly felt his friends’ unconvinced glances on him. This - whatever this had been - was embarrassing! He wished they could just immediately forget about it. 

“What happened, man?” 

Rich forced his eyes to focus on his friends’ faces in front of him. They both looked very concerned. He definitely didn’t like this. 

He took a deep breath. “I don’t know I…. ” He tried to find the right word. “I just panicked… somehow.” 

Jake just stared at him with an uncertain glance. _Great_ , now he thought he was going crazy or something.

Rich felt his face go red, as his thoughts became clearer with every second. What the hell had gotten into him? Would he react like this every time now, he’d see fire?? He felt weak and ridiculous and he hated every second of this.

Brooke was still eyeing him sceptically. “Are you sure, you’re okay? You had like… a panic attack or something.” 

“What, no I just- I’m _fine_ .”, he said sharply and shook his head vehemently. She only made him feel worse... he wanted to disappear into the ground. 

For a second no one said anything. Then Brooke frowned, hesitated for a second and carefully asked: “Was it because of the fire?” 

Rich stared at her in surprise. How did she figure that out?

Her eyes urged him to answer and he looked down _._ He could lie but where was the point? So, he nodded slowly. 

Jake seemed confused. “The fir-” Brooke threw him a meaningful glance. “ _Ohhh_ ”

She crouched down in front of Rich and said: “Listen, I know it’s hard but maybe you should get some help. What happened on Halloween was terrible and you don’t have to deal with that alone, we-” 

“Brooke, I’m fine!!!”, Rich shouted louder than planned and jumped up which made her flinch. He felt bad immediately but _for fuck’s sake,_ she was overreacting. This had been a one-time… thing. He _was_ fine. Usually.

Brooke exchanged another glance with Jake and finally sighed defeated. “Whatever you say... but Jake will drive you home, okay?” 


	13. Chapter 7 - Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what? I gave up on a regular schedule, I'm not good at this...  
> Chapters will come as soon as they're edited.

###  ** Michael **

"I'm home!!", Michael shouted as he stepped through the front door 

"We're in the living room, honey!", he heard his mom yell back, so he threw his school bag down the stairs into his basement before going to the back of the house and into the living room, where Melany was sitting on the sofa, reading, while Mara was standing in front of a large canvas on an easel, painting some kind of abstract, colourful figure. 

"Looks good, mom.", Michael commented before falling into an armchair. 

"Thanks!" 

"How was your day? You’re back early...", Melany commented, putting her book down to look at her son questioning. 

“Yeah, I know…” Michael sighed. "Was a weird day…" 

"Why?" 

"Well, first I had to watch those musical auditions and let me tell you the "drama club" really fulfils its name… There is _so_ much drama going on!!" He rolled his eyes as his mothers laughed. 

"Oh yeah, theatre kids were already a pain in the ass when we were in school…", Melany said and grinned.

Mara put down her brushes and sat next to her wife. "How was it at Jeremy's place? How is his father?" 

So yeah, that was the part that was a little weird. 

"He's fine… better I mean." That was true, actually. Even though Jeremy _did_ have to peek into the kitchen to check if he really _was_ wearing pants as promised. "But I asked Jeremy how his dinner with Christine’s family went and apparently his dad didn’t know anything about that and they suddenly had like this whole argument about how Jeremy never tells him stuff and… yeah, it was super awkward…” Michael sighed at that thought. He felt like there was just nothing he could do right anymore with Jeremy. This whole relationship stuff was just way too complicated. “After that, the mood was just weird. I think Jeremy is mad at me." 

"Well, how were you supposed to know?", Mara said defensively. "Did you talk to him about it?" 

Michael frowned. "Well, no… we just played video games after that… as I said it was awkward." 

His mothers shared a look and sighed in unison. 

Michael had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. He hated it when they did that… like they knew everything better. 

"Honey, I don't want to interfere in your friendship but… you boys seem to have real communication issues recently.", Melany said with raised eyebrows. Of course… she had to shift into therapist mode. 

"Yeah, you and Jeremy used to talk about everything, right?", Mara added and looked at her son questioning. 

That didn't help at all. 'Talking' wasn’t the key to everything… "Yeah, well things have changed", he finally said bitterly and stood up. This was annoying. "I don't want to talk about it. And I’ve got homework to do." And with that, he left his confused parents and went to his room. 

_Communication issues… yeah right._ He didn't know why this was bothering him so much but he just couldn't stand how his parents kept insisting that something was wrong between him and Jeremy. They were totally fine… right?? 

He grabbed his headphones and turned up the volume as loud as possible. 

They were just adjusting to the new circumstances and that would probably take some time… 

Michael glanced at his phone, kind of hoping that someone was texting him so he could take his mind off things but of course there was nothing. 

He sighed loudly. Maybe… just _maybe_ his parents were a _little_ bit right and he should try to talk to Jeremy… 

Hesitating a little, he opened his chat with Jeremy and started typing before deleting everything again. After thinking for a second - whatever words he used, it just sounded wrong somehow! - he started again and hit 'send'. 

[" _Yo, sorry about earlier… I didn't know your dad didn’t know about the dinner. Are you mad?"_ ] 

Yeah, that was a weird message but…better than nothing probably. 

The reply came before Michael had the chance to put his phone down. [" _Yeah, it's fine. I should've told him anyway..._ ]

[ _"Why didn't you?"_ ]

[ _"Because then he’d ask me to bring her over as well and I wanted to wait with that till I talked to her about what we are, u know?"_ ]

Michael frowned. Wasn’t it obvious ‘what they were’? [ _"Oh, yeah bc it's pretty obvious that you are just friends…"],_ he texted back sarcastically.

Why was Jeremy so dumb? He and Christine were literally never leaving each other's side?? 

But apparently that wasn’t enough for him. His next message read: [ _"But we never specified the boyfriend/girlfriend part… I never officially asked her if she’s my girlfriend!!"_ ] 

Michael had to repress the urge to facepalm. People in love were just so… brain dead. 

It made him almost happy that he didn't have to deal with any crushes at the moment… or ever. He wasn't really the crush kind of person since he had realized that Jeremy was painfully straight. (Yes, there had been a time when he had been head over heels for this guy, but that had changed a long time ago and he would never ever admit that to Jeremy.) 

[ _"Jeremy u have to use your single brain cell, dude. I'm pretty sure Christine knows what you two are… ask her!"_ ], he wrote and hoped it didn't sound too passive-aggressive. 

For a while Jeremy didn't reply so Michael added: [ _" Make Christeremy happen!!! xD"_ ], to lighten the mood. 

Jeremy started typing. [ _"You know what… I'll ask her… but only if you never use that word again."]_

Michael grinned. [ _"Deal."_ ] 

That conversation had gone well in his opinion. 

_See that, Mamá, we don't have communication issues,_ he thought before grabbing his school bag to finally start his Spanish homework that should have been due today. (He had said he left it at home and apparently he was a better actor than he thought because Mr. Sanchez had accepted that excuse.) 

His mind kept losing focus and it took him way longer than it usually would. As he finally finished it, he felt like falling asleep right there at his desk but just as he wanted to close his eyes, his phone vibrated. Another message popped up but against his expectation, it wasn't Jeremy this time. But Rich. 

[ _"Hey, what's up?"_ ] 

That was weird. Well, yes, he had accustomed to the fact that Rich texted him occasionally but it was usually school-related… Still, he replied: [ _"Nothing really, I just finished that stupid spanish homework… wbu?"_ ] With a glance at the time, he added: [ _"Why are you still awake?"_ ] 

[ _"I could ask you the same thing, Mell."_ ] And directly after that: [ _"Sorry, just had a weird day and wanted to talk to someone."_ ] 

_And I am the first person he’s thinking of???_ His face got warm for no reason. The fact that he wanted to talk to him didn't really bother him, he liked chatting with Rich after all. It was just…a bit confusing. He didn't get this guy. 

[ _"Why weird?"_ ], he replied, not knowing what else to say but also genuinely curious. After the audition, he had seen Rich leave the school together with Brooke… Maybe there _was_ something going on between the two of them. Maybe Rich was also having relationship problems just like Jeremy. Michael just hoped that if that was the case, he wouldn’t start asking him for advice or something… He didn’t want to know anything about that. 

So he was almost relieved, as Rich only replied: [ _"Don't really wanna talk about it."_ ] 

[ _"Oh, okay."_ ] He texted back, just to regret it right away. _Great, that's the best reply to end a conversation_. So he added: [ _"R u excited for your next math lesson? Wednesday again?"_ ] 

[ _"Yeah man you know how much I love maths!!!! Can't wait." - muscle emoji. "Wednesday sounds good."_ ] 

Michael grinned at his phone. ["Perfect!"] 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next three weeks went by faster than Michael could process. 

Everything was slowly falling into a new but smooth rhythm. They all kept having lunch together and he didn’t even bother the new additions to their lunch table anymore. Actually, it was fun most of the times. 

Occasionally Michael would hang out with Jeremy after school and they would talk about Christine and how he still hadn't asked her if she really _was_ his girlfriend.

But weirdly the part of the week he would look forward to the most were his meetings with Rich. And that was just _strange_. 

Teaching him basic math wasn't fun but Michael knew he was trying very hard and playing video games afterwards was always a nice compensation. They were becoming a really good team actually. It was almost as if all the light-heartedness his friendship with Jeremy had lost, had suddenly gone into this… whatever this was. 

"How am I supposed to know that?", Rich said on the Saturday in week three, eyeing the context task suspiciously. 

They had decided to meet earlier than planned because every single teacher had set a test for the last week before the winter break and Michael was determined to get Rich through every single one of them. 

They were at it for hours now and he started to feel a headache building behind his eyes... But no, they couldn’t stop now. Rich would get this and if they had to keep going the entire night! "You can answer all the questions by using the graph. It's basically the same we did last week just phrased differently.", he explained patiently. 

They kept working for the next three hours, trying to cover as many subjects as possible. 

"Okay, that's it," Rich said after memorizing the key events of the war of independence for history class. "I think I might die if we keep going..." 

Michael sighed in relief. He hadn’t wanted to admit it but he was exhausted as well. "Same." 

"Do you think I'll pass some subjects?", Rich asked after some seconds of silence, pressing his teeth together. 

"You'll pass _every_ subject!", Michael replied grinning. Yeah, maybe that was a _little_ bit too positive - Rich still really sucked at Spanish for example - but he was convinced this hard work would pay off. 

Rich mumbled something that sounded like "Yeah, right.", but smiled anyway. 

Michael grabbed the notes he had taken over the last hours and put them neatly into a binder. He could really use some video games right now but he was never sure how to make that transition from studying to just hanging out… He didn’t want to force Rich to stay after all. Maybe he didn’t enjoy their gaming sessions as much as Michael did… 

It took him some seconds of thinking before he decided to say vaguely: "Do you feel like going home or…" 

"I mean, no, but if you want me to go, I can-", Rich said right away, sounding weirdly insecure. He made a movement that looked like he was ready to stand up and leave right away. 

Great, that hadn’t been Michael’s intention… He _wanted_ him to stay. He quickly interrupted the other boy. "Oh, no, I didn't mean- I mean of course you can stay, just checking…" He chuckled nervously. _God_ , conversations really weren’t his strength.

He could use something to relax him. His glance was wandering over to the shoebox under his bed and then back to Rich who returned the glance questioning. “Uh, do you want some weed?”, Michael asked hesitating and grabbed the box. It would be rude after all, not to offer. 

Rich chuckled a little but stopped as Michael held out a pre-rolled joint and he seemed to realise that he was being serious. "Oh, I have never _really…_ I mean I tried it before but...not really." 

Michael frowned. "The Squip can’t handle weed either?" Rich was cool, right? All the cool kids at their school were smoking weed. Why else wouldn’t he have tried it before? 

"No, it can handle it… I think. I just never had the money for weed", he said as if that reason was totally obvious and chuckled again. Michael almost felt bad for not having thought of that but Rich had already grabbed the joint from his hand and said, grinning: "Why not…"

Michael grinned as well and grabbed another one for himself. Who would have thought that _he_ would talk Rich Goranski into smoking weed? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay, okay I know it sounds _super_ weird because I'm _me_ but… I think I'm a _huge_ musical theatre nerd. There!! I said it, it's out. You know my darkest secret.", Rich said, holding his hands in front of his face in pretended shame. 

They had played video games for a while but had abandoned it after they had both lost focus. Instead they were talking about music now but this was a revelation, Michael hadn’t been prepared for.

"No waayyyyy!!!!", he laughed and grabbed a cookie from the box between them. "That's embarrassing, Rich!!" 

"Says the guy who has never listened to a single song from this century." 

Michael opened the mouth to protest but… there really was nothing to protest. 

"I _shit_ you not! I have been listening to nothing but Broadway musicals recently!!" Rich stared at him with wide eyes, as if he had to convince Michael of something completely unbelievable. "I usually only listen to _punk_!!", he added dramatically to emphasize his point. 

"That's crazy, man!!", Michael laughed but couldn’t help to think to himself how sweet it actually was that Rich had seemingly finally found a new passion after years of having been told what to like. He had a thought: "Speaking of which, how is _your_ musical going?" 

He didn't _really_ care… but he still hadn't heard anything about the results of the audition and for some reason that was bothering him.

Rich sighed and leaned back against the sofa. "I don't know, we practised some ensemble songs but Mr Reyes still hasn't announced the cast. I think he can’t decide if Christine or Madeline should play Elle…" 

Michael wanted to say something to that but Rich had already lowered his head and kept talking in a glum voice: "Or maybe he just doesn't want me and tries to find someone else…" 

Michael felt the smile that was still on his face fade at those words. Rich was _actually_ insecure! As weird as that concept seemed (Rich had always appeared to be one of the most confident people in the world with the Squip) he felt very bad for him, so he began softly: "Hey....", turned to Rich so that he knelt in front of him and put his hands on the other boy’s shoulder. "You need to stop thinking like that!!" 

Rich didn’t look him in the eye. Instead, a smile that didn’t seem happy at all appeared on his face and he said: “I mean, I wouldn’t blame him. I’m not made to play the _love interest_ in a musical... I’m basically the same loser who can’t talk properly, I was freshman year.”

If he always indulged in self-hate when not being sober Michael definitely wouldn’t give him weed again. 

“If it somehow helps, I don’t think you’re a loser.”, he said with a forced smile, carefully studying Rich’s face. 

He had to admit he had never really paid that much attention to his appearance before - usually, this had been a person he had tried to avoid at all costs - but now he couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t look too well. There were dark circles under his brown eyes as if he hadn't had a good night's sleep in a while and his cheekbones threw shadows over his lean face. Again he seemed awfully small, the way he was sitting hunched over on Michael’s floor. 

He wondered for a second how he could have ever been scared of this guy... he just looked _sad_. A weird feeling spread in Michael and he wasn’t entirely sure if it was compassion or… something else. 

“Uh, why are you staring at me like that?”, Rich asked suddenly, his cheeks a little red. “It’s kinda creepy.” He chuckled nervously. 

Michael felt his own face blush as well - _why!_ ? - and he quickly tried to think of something to say which wasn’t easy in his heightened state. “Uh, I was just thinking that… you would be really good as the love interest.” _That sounds wrong!_ “...in the musical I mean.” He smiled and hoped that was encouraging enough… and not weird. He couldn’t talk like a normal person when he was high. This was a bad idea. He should stop talking right now.

Rich raised his eyebrows and grinned a little cheekily. “Really?” 

Michael suddenly became aware that he was still holding Rich’s shoulders and quickly let go. “Yeah, I mean Christine will be happy to have you… in the musical! And you’ll be amazing!” 

Rich smiled a little - he seemed happy to hear that so maybe he wasn’t _that_ bad at talking while high - and looked Michael in the eyes. “I just really hope, Christine will get the part. Although… maybe Jeremy wouldn’t like to see that.” He frowned pensively before chuckling again. “What if he gets jealous?”

“Na, he’ll be fine. He’s not the jealous type... I think.” 

Rich just nodded and for a second neither of them said anything and they just starred in different directions. 

There was a strange tension in the air, that Michael couldn’t quite identify… but it wasn’t _bad_ necessarily. Just… _strange_.

Rich seemed to be lost in his thoughts for a while and Michael was already wondering what he was thinking about and considered asking but then the other boy took a breath and said carefully: “Uh, can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.” 

“Okay, you don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable with it but- You’re gay, right?” 

Michael wasn’t sure why but he started to panic a little immediately. Where was this going??

But Rich’s question took a direction he hadn't expected: “Just out of curiosity... Has there ever been something between you and Jeremy? Because the Squip always seemed convinced you two were-” 

“No!”, Michael said quickly. He stopped for a second but then kept rambling on without really being able to hold himself back: “I mean… okay, two things: First of all, no, there never was anything… but I _might_ admit that I used to have a crush on Jeremy if you promise to never tell anyone...or I might actually have to kill you.” The flood of words just came out of his mouth but he couldn’t care less. It actually didn’t feel weird to talk to Rich about this. “And secondly: Everyone always thinks I’m _gay_ , I never said that. Why is everyone thinking that?” He tried not to sound offended because he wasn’t but…. 

Rich seemed a little surprised and his eyes wandered past Michael’s face to the wall behind him. 

“What?”, Michael asked and followed his glance. The giant rainbow flag over his bed… oh, yeah. 

“Well, I mean I’m obviously _not_ straight.”, he laughed at that thought. No one in his family had ever been straight. “I just haven’t figured it out _completely_ , you know? I guess, since I knew that my parents would accept everything, I never thought much about it… I definitely like boys but maybe I also like girls. I mean I never was in a relationship so who knows? I might be bi… or pan or... whatever. “

He finally stopped himself, not knowing why on earth he was throwing all those details at Rich. The other boy didn’t seem to bother though and just grinned with wide eyes. “Okay, wow, that was a lot of info.” 

“Yeah, Jeremy says I tend to info dump when I reach a certain level of being high. Lol.” 

“Did you just say _Lol_ out loud?”

“Guess, I did.” 

They both laughed for some seconds before Michael thought he deserved some info too and said teasingly: “Since we’re at the topic… I heard a certain _someone_ is bisexual?” 

Rich looked down and blushed a little but grinned: “Yup. Has taken me long enough to figure out.” 

Michael thought about how he could phrase this correctly. “Don’t get me wrong but… I didn’t think you actually meant that when you said it at the hospital because it was... _you…_.” 

“Uh, that’s biphobic, Mell.” 

Michael turned red. “Oh, no, I mean, uh, sorry, I didn’t-” 

Rich laughed. “Just kidding, man!”

“Oh.” 

“No, I guess I meant everything I said.” 

Michael’s face got even redder. _Everything? Hadn’t he also said that-_ He stopped his train of thought right there before it could get into more complicated areas. 

“Good.”, Michael said, running his fingers through his own hair absently. Who would have thought that he’d ever have a conversation like this with Rich, the guy who had made fun of his rainbow patch millions of times…? “No offence, but it’s still an… unexpected reveal. I mean you used to be kinda-” 

“Homophobic?” 

“Yeah….” 

Rich’s expression grew more serious and he furrowed his eyebrows. “I know… and I’m super pissed at myself for… being like that. The Squip always said bullying people is the fastest way to become popular and two years ago I just didn’t care about anything else. Please believe me that I am genuinely sorry.” 

“I believe you, but…” He had apologized often enough, really. But still… it felt weird. Michael frowned too. “How come you never figured it out before?” 

“I mean I kind of did?”, Rich said, grinding his teeth. “Even before I got the Squip I kind of knew it but… it used to tell me that it’s fine as long as I’m not 'fully gay' and still like girls… That it’s easier to just ‘focus on the straight side’, like bisexuality isn’t a real thing, you know?” 

“ _That’s_ biphobic.”, Michael said. 

“I know…”, Rich smiled sadly. “Well, now it’s gone, so I can do what I want, right?” He looked up and met Michael’s glance. 

“Yeah,” Michael mumbled and smiled back. For a second there was something in Rich’s eyes that caught him by surprise, even though it was gone before he could identify what it was. Again this weird tension…. 

He cleared his throat and quickly said: “You should just know that, um, bisexuality is a very real thing and… I totally support you.” That felt like the right thing to say. 

“Brooke said the same thing. I don’t deserve friends like you.” Rich smiled and seemed happy about all of this. 

Michael had other things on his mind though. He tried to ignore Rich’s second sentence ( _He thinks of me as a friend?_ ), needing to find out more about Rich’s relationship to Brooke. He didn’t really understand why he was so curious about this… usually, he wasn’t the kind of person who loved gossip but… he just felt the need to know.

“You talked to Brooke about it?"

“Yeah she’s also-”, he stopped for a second, like he had wanted to say something else but changed his mind. “...very supportive. Jake, too. They’re fine with it.” 

_No more info about your relationship with Brooke? No?,_ Michael caught himself thinking, so he shook himself internally - this was ridiculous -, trying to get rid of that thought. He decided to change to topic a little: “Uh, did you tell anyone else?”, he asked. 

“You mean except all our friends while I was drunk?” He laughed a little. Michael had almost expected him to not remember any of that, but apparently, he did and he didn’t bother too much. “No, I mean there’s no one else I could tell.” 

Michael hesitated for a second. “You’re not telling your family?”

Rich laughed out loud with a bitter undertone. “No way. My dad either wouldn’t care enough to even listen or he would kick me out instantly, so nope. Don’t plan on doing that anytime soon.” 

Michael regretted asking. “Sorry about that…” 

Rich didn’t seem to hear him, hanging in his own thoughts. “I might tell my brother when he comes home for Christmas… I guess he would be okay with it.”, he said thoughtfully. 

“You have a brother?”, Michael asked curiously. He had never really understood the concept of siblings. Their relationships always seemed weird. 

“Yeah… he moved out two years ago. He’s going to college in Philadelphia… I haven’t talked to him in a while.” Rich lowered his eyes and seemed pretty sad about that fact. Michael wanted to say something but Rich was speaking again. “He’ll come home for Christmas, though… We’re invited to my aunt's place and he has to get my dad to act like a normal human being for one day.” He chuckled a little but didn’t seem to particularly like that thought. “And that’s not going to be-...Oh _fuck_!” 

Rich had taken out his phone and taken a glance at the time. “It’s midnight already!?”, he uttered at Michael’s confused glance and jumped up. 

Michael jumped up as well. “No way!”, he said. 

“Uh, I guess I _really_ have to leave.” 

“Yeah, I, uh-” Michael suddenly had a very bad realization. “Fuck!!”

“What??”

“I can’t drive anymore! I’m high as shit. “

Rich quickly shook his head and said: “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll walk, it’s fine.” 

“No, it’s not.” Michael felt very stupid. Why hadn’t he thought about this?? He couldn’t risk driving if he wanted to keep his license but he also couldn’t let Rich walk all the way. 

“I’ll walk.”, Rich insisted, looking up to Michael. 

“No”, Michael replied. New Brunswick was not the shadiest place on earth and Rich had definitely done enough push-ups - or whatever people did do get muscles - to defend himself but … still. 

Rich raised his eyebrows and looked at Michael with that …expression once again. “Then, what do you think I’ll do?”

Michael realized he was blushing again, not knowing why. Not at _all_. 

_Rich could just stay here and- but no, no, no. Would be_ very _awkward_. “I’ll pay for an Uber, it’s my fault after all.”, he quickly said, grabbing his phone. 

Rich protested but Michael ordered a car before he had a chance to do anything against it. 

So they went outside and waited. They didn’t talk much until the driver pulled up. Then, Rich looked at Michael, smiled a little and mumbled: “Bye…” 

For a second Michael wondered if they should hug or something but… no, that would be weird. So he just said “Bye!”, and Rich went to the car.

He turned around before getting in. “Thanks…this was fun!”, he said, with a bright grin that somehow made Michael very happy, before opening the door and getting in. 

The car drove away and Michael just stood there for a second. There was a feeling inside of him... something he kind of didn’t _want_ to feel. 

He was happy. Happy about spending time with Rich Goranksi. Happy about talking to and sharing his feelings with… _him_. And apparently, he was his real, actual _friend_. How on earth had that happened??


	14. Chapter 7 - Rich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very motivated and don't really like anything I'm writing recently so be prepared for a longer wait in between chapters... 
> 
> **Warnings** : The next few chapters deal with homophobia/biphobia, homophobic slurs, violence and the overall tone gets darker than before I guess (but afterwards it gets lighter again).
> 
> (If I forgot to mention/tag any warnings please let me know!)

###  **Rich **

As Rich entered the school on Monday morning he was convinced for one second, that he had walked straight into the apocalypse because someone was running towards him, screaming. _Literally_ screaming. 

It turned out to just be Christine who was waving her arms through the air as she was coming towards him. She looked like a maniac. 

“What the fuck?”, he mumbled in confusion as she stopped right in front of him. 

“Thank god you’re here!!!!”, she yelled, cheeks red with excitement. “Mr Reyes just put up the cast list!!! I don’t want to look at it alone and the others aren’t here yet so…” She grabbed Rich’s hand and pulled him through the corridor.

Okay, now he was a _little_ excited and weirdly scared himself. 

Christine held one hand in front of her eyes as they came closer to the notice board. "You have to look, I can't-" 

Rich stepped forward, eyes quickly darting over the paper. 

He had to admit the first thing he was looking for wasn't Christine's name but his own. And his heart made a strange jump of relieve, fear and excitement as he read: _Emmet Forest - Richard Goranski_

"Okay, say it.", Christine said and took her hand from her face but kept her eyes closed. "I can handle it." 

"You got it!" 

"What?!" Her eyes snapped open and stared at the list. 

Rich smiled as he watched her gaze glide over her name in the very first line. 

“I got it….”, she mumbled quietly like she couldn’t believe it. But the realisation seemed to set in quickly as she continued loudly: "We both got it!!!! I'm Elle!!!", she yelled and started jumping up and down. 

Rich laughed. Her happiness was contagious. He felt the urge to join in on the jumping but decided to let it be as Jeremy appeared behind Christine. 

"What's going on?", he asked frowning. 

Rich wanted to explain but Christine was already pointing at the board. "Look at my name in black and white!!!", she half yelled, half sang. 

"Seriously?", Rich asked and laughed at her quote. 

Jeremy didn’t seem to notice Christine’s musical reference and now stared at the board as well, his face full of worry. "They really let me be Warner? Why would they do that?", he mumbled so quietly that it was barely audible. 

"Yo, you'll be great, man!", Rich said, trying to sound encouraging. He felt like Jeremy needed to hear that. But the other boy ignored his comment and mumbled instead. "Uh-uh, Madeline will be pissed." 

Christine frowned. "You think so? I mean she's still Vivienne. That's a great role too!" 

Rich was totally on Jeremy's side here and was convinced that some kind of drama would follow. But that was probably an issue for another day.

"Oh, look! Jake and Brooke also got their parts! And Jenna too!", Jeremy said still studying the names on the list. 

Christine clapped her hands in excitement. "Uhh, this is going to be _so_ much fun!!! I can't wait for the rehearsal today!" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Christine had been right. The first proper rehearsal _was_ fun… but also totally chaotic. There was a strange tension created by the fact that everyone was either pissed because they didn’t get cast or scared because they got their parts. And Mr Reyes’ constant hot-pocket breaks weren’t really helping either. 

But in the end, the readthrough went okay and all in all his start to the last week before the winter break had been pretty good, in Rich's opinion. 

The remaining school days went by fast. He was texting Michael a lot, hung out with Brooke and Jake twice after school, and tried to start learning his lines while simultaneously studying for his school tests. After finally finishing with his history test on Friday, he was almost certain he had passed everything - except maybe Spanish but that was only a minor setback. 

He felt the stress that had built up over the last few days leave his body as he left the classroom with Brooke. They stepped into the hallway and Rich started looking for Michael immediately, to tell him about his success but he was nowhere to be seen. 

Instead, there were many students just standing in the hallway, pointing and throwing quick glances at something by the lockers while walking past. 

"Huh, what's going on over there?" Brooke asked no one in particular and frowned. 

"Dunno…", Rich answered and shrugged. "Seems like someone-" He stopped as he saw what everyone was staring at. 

It was his own locker. But it had changed. There were red letters sprayed diagonally across it, for everyone to see. 

His stomach twisted in an uncomfortable way. 

_“Faggot_.”

"W- what the fuck???", Brooke stuttered, red in the face as she stormed towards the locker and immediately tried to wipe off the letters with the sleeve of her sweater. It didn’t work of course. 

Rich himself couldn’t say anything. His head was spinning, one thought faster than the next.

This was not a random attack. Never. His locker was positioned in the middle of a long row of lockers that would have been just as suitable if someone would have wanted to just spray slurs on school property. The thought that _his_ locker specifically might have been chosen randomly, was just too much of a coincidence right after he had started to come out to people… 

The realisation hit heavy and hard: Someone must have told other people. 

Worse: One of his _friends_ must have told other people.

He heard Brooke say his name but he couldn’t react. He felt paralyzed. But the other students around them were starting to stare at him so he forced himself to press out: “Did you tell anyone?” 

Brooke’s eyes went wide as she realised what he meant and she stammered: “Wha- No! You know I would never-”

“I know,” Rich muttered, eyes still fixated on his locker. 

There were many feelings boiling inside him. Confusion, because this was so very contradicting to all the acceptance he had experienced so far; Sadness that there were people who thought it was okay to do something like this; Self-loathing, knowing that he used to be exactly _that_ person. 

But the main feeling was anger. Blind anger mixed with a dangerous hint of disappointment, boiling deep inside him, slowly rising to the top. 

One of his friends had used something he had _trusted_ them with - while being drunk, which probably made it worse - to get attention and spread gossip. 

His breathing became heavy. He felt the overwhelming urge to punch something. 

“What the hell?”, someone said behind him and Jake and Chloe appeared at his side. 

“Rich, ignore that! Only losers would do something like that.”, Chloe said, also eyeing the locker in anger. He knew she tried to help but… ’Ignoring it’ was easier said than done! He chose not to reply because he was certain, he’d only yell at her. 

“He, uh,” Brooke began in an uncertain voice. “Rich thinks one of us must have spread what he told us last week.” 

“What?”, Jake and Chloe said in unison. 

“Did you?”, Rich asked teeth pressed together, even though he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to know.

“No, why should we-”

“I swear I never told anyone!” 

No, of course, it wasn't one of them... Actually, Rich already _knew_ who it was. His hands curled into fists and his face was flushing in rage. 

Why had he been _stupid_ enough to come out right in front of the gossip queen herself?? He wasn't even sure if he was angrier at _her_ or his drunk self but either way, he felt like screaming. 

He was very aware of the fact that his friends still stared at him like he was a bomb about to explode - maybe he was - but he couldn't talk to them, right now. He had no idea how to deal with these feelings. He also had no clue what the Squip would tell him to do.

_If you still had the Squip this wouldn't have happened in the first place!!,_ a tiny, mean voice in his head said but that didn't help at all. 

After some seconds of heavy silence Brooke said carefully: "Rich, it'll be fine. We’re going to the principal right now and-" 

"No", Rich stopped her decidedly. He had to deal with this himself. He looked up and down the hallway. “Where’s Jenna’s locker?”, he asked without meeting his friends’ glances.

“Uh, next to the biology room.”, Chloe answered. “But why-” Rich ignored her and already speed-walked down the hall and around the corner. He was sure his friends were following but he didn’t care. 

Sure enough, Jenna was standing at her locker, currently talking to Christine. This sight alone was almost enough for the anger inside of Rich to boil over. Who knew what she was spreading now?!

Christine saw him first. “Oh, hi, Rich?”, she said questioning but he ignored her.

“Uh, are you okay?”, Jenna asked frowning as she turned around and watched Rich stomp towards them. 

“Am I okay??”, he yelled and stopped right in front of her. His face felt very hot and his heart was racing. “Am I _OKAY_ ??? _FUCK YOU, JENNA_!” He nearly screamed the last words and people around them turned their heads to see what was going on.

“What’s going on, man?!”, Jenna yelled back, taking a step away from him. 

“You thought it was funny, didn’t you?!" His fists clenched. "Spreading something I shared with my fucking friends in exchange for what?? Two minutes of _attention_ ?!? No wonder no one wants to be _your actual fucking friend_!!"

"Rich, what-" Christine tried to say something but Jenna was already yelling back, unsettled and angry: "What are you even talking about???" 

" _YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT_!!!" Something in him was tipping over and he couldn’t stop himself from pushing Jenna against the lockers. He didn’t push hard but hard enough for her to stumble backwards a little.

“Fuck off, Rich!”, she shrieked in response, her voice unnaturally high. 

_Oh shit_ , were there tears in her eyes?? He quickly took two steps back. 

“You need to calm down, man!!” He felt Jake pull at his hoodie and defeatedly let himself be dragged away from the girls. Chloe and Brooke seemed to explain quickly what had happened but Rich wished they didn’t. 

“Chill, man.” Jake shook him by the shoulder and seemed unsure how to react. 

Rich took a deep, shaky breath. The anger was wearing off… but now he felt like the worst person alive. He was an asshole.

_No, she’s the one who_ _ruined everything! Let her cry for fuck’s sake!_ (Since when was that voice in his head so mean-spirited?) 

“You don’t even know if _Jenna_ said something! It could’ve been anyone”, Jake muttered, letting go of Rich’s hoodie as if he trusted him to behave now. 

“She loves spreading gossip about me!”, he yelled back at his friend, pointing vaguely in Jenna’s direction. He was aware that the girls were listening. “I didn’t forget all the shit she said after the fire! Or that she tried to make everyone believe I was fucking _dead_!” 

“Well, those stupid rumours were Brooke’s and my fault too and you believed _us_ , right away!”, Chloe said, standing in front of Jenna in a defending position. 

Everyone stared at Rich with various expressions, expecting him to react somehow. What was he supposed to say to that? The thoughts in his head were swirling.

This was all too much. 

So he just pressed out: “Yeah, well then _all_ of you can go fuck yourselves!” And with that, he stormed off to the boy's washroom. 

For some reason, he knew no one was following him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He skipped Spanish and Calc, knowing very well that this would probably bear consequences but he couldn’t care less as he sat on the closed toilet lid, locked in a stall. 

He wasn’t _really_ crying but tears kept streaming down his face anyway. 

_This is all your fault._

Yeah, he knew that damn well. 

He had accepted that everything was okay just _too_ quickly. He didn’t deserve friends and if he would have realized that right away, he would have never shared his sexuality with anyone. 

Why did he even hang out with those people who were clearly not trustworthy?? Weren’t they all just products of the Squip time? Except for Jake, maybe, none of them would even look at him if they had known him during freshman year. And now he was back at that point, right?? They should all just fucking leave him alone like he deserved. 

He hated everything and everyone during those two hours in the school's bathroom. But mostly he hated himself. So, so _fucking_ much. For having to go ballistic like that when he was angry; for not knowing how to deal with those horrible thoughts and feelings; for having to be fucking bi and actually thinking this might make him happy with himself; for being so dumb and coming out in front of everyone right away- 

And worst: For seriously wishing he could turn back the time to a point before he had offered the Squip to Jeremy. 

It had been in this same bathroom actually. 

He looked up and stared at the filthy blue stall door in front of him as he remembered the arguably worst decision of his life. Well, actually there hadn’t been much of a decision… the Squip had forced him to talk to Jeremy. But still… He shouldn’t have done it. Should have tried to fight back against the computer. 

_Everything_ had gone downhill from that moment on. 

He wouldn’t have put Jeremy and the others through all that shit and he would still have his Squip, telling him what to do. Everything would be easier. _So_ much easier. Yeah, he wouldn’t be himself but at least he would be _someone_! Someone who knew what to do!! 

He felt his hands shake as that thought manifested in his head. 

_I need it back_ , he thought, panicking. There was no way around it. He _really_ needed the Squip! It would be easy, he probably only had to get Mountain Dew and- 

“NO! FOR FUCK’S SAKE, SHUT UP!”, he screamed at himself - ignoring the fact that he was in a public bathroom and there was a very real possibility that he was scaring someone who just wanted to pee to death - before his brain was able to finish that horrible thought.

“SHUT! UP!” He started hitting his fist against his head as if that would somehow turn of his thoughts. He wished it would. 

With all the willpower he could find, he forced himself to jump up and dry his face with his sleeves. It was _definitely_ time for him to go back to class, or somewhere where he wouldn’t have to listen to his terrible thoughts. 

He left the stall - luckily he was alone in the washroom - and eyed his reflection with a disgusted expression. He looked like shit. His eyes were very visibly red… but honestly, it wasn’t like anyone would look at him anyway.His first priority right now was to get the fuck out of here. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day went by without any of his friends talking to him again. He saw Brooke throw him an apologetic look from across the hall while she was talking to Jenna but that was all the interaction he got. 

And that was okay, honestly. Rich didn't really felt like talking anyway. 

Actually, there was only one person he wanted to talk to right now… but he hadn’t seen him all day, so he spent the rest of his day in silence.

As the bell rang after the last lesson, Rich waited longer than necessary to get up and leave the room, knowing very well that he would be forced to stop at his locker to get books if he wanted to study during the winter break… He was sure the sight of the graffiti alone would make him angry again but there was no way around it.

When he finally walked down the hallway, almost everyone else had already left the school. 

_Good_ , he thought and stopped in front of his vandalised locker, quickly opening it to move the letters out of his view. He grabbed some books and stuffed them in his backpack… and nearly dropped everything as someone tapped his shoulder. 

"Hi!" 

Rich rapidly turned around and saw Michael standing there, smiling down at him. He wasn't sure why but somehow that alone was enough to make at least half of the tension inside of him disappear. 

"Hi…", he sighed and let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. "Why... why are you still here?" 

For a second Michael just looked at him with an unreadable expression but then his face grew a little more serious and he looked to the ground. "Brooke told us what happened… Just wanted to check how you're doing." 

"Yeah, well I was a real dick to Jenna and now everyone's hating me… How do you think I'm doing?" Rich wondered for a second if he had sounded too harsh but Michael didn't seem to bother.

"I'm pretty sure no one's hating you", he said softly, smiling one of his encouraging smiles. "Whoever wrote that shit is the bad guy here, after all. It's fucked up." 

Rich grabbed his backpack and closed the locker, making the slur visible again. "Yeah, well… I used to do stuff like that too, so maybe I deserve it…" 

Suddenly Michael grabbed his shoulders, looking at him with an almost stern expression. " _No one_ deserves that, okay?” He pointed at the locker, repulsion in his eyes as they wandered over the letters. “You've changed a lot and the person you are now _definitely_ doesn't deserve this." 

Rich's heart skipped a beat in a weird way as if it _wanted_ to believe what Michael said… but his mind had other plans: "Still… It's my fault. It was stupid to-" 

But before he could finish his sentence, long arms were wrapped around him and Michael was hugging him. Like… actually _hugging_ him.

His head was spinning and his heart racing for some reason. It wasn’t one of those quick bro hugs he usually did with Jake. No, a real, actual hug. From Michael Mell. What the hell??? 

Rich wasn't sure what to do with his arms so he just stood there, letting himself be squeezed by the taller boy. His head barely reached Michael's shoulder and he smelled the strong scent of weed that radiated from his sweater. 

It was a little awkward. Yes. _Really_ awkward. But it also felt _so_ good. He never wanted him to let go. If Michael’s intention had been to lighten his mood, it definitely worked. He felt a tiny smile appear on his lips.

Michael didn't let go for quite a while and Rich wondered how long they would have stood there like that if it wasn't for the sudden yell that made them jump apart. 

"Gaaayyyy!" 

A group of four seniors, seemingly on their way to their football training came towards them, grinning viciously. 

Rich knew them and he was sure Michael remembered them as well. They had been the ones who had made fun of Michael for his rainbow patch last year together with him, Rich. 

He swallowed hard as he turned towards them. If he remembered correctly, the tallest boy who had yelled at them was named Ryan and he was the football captain. He was pretty sure he used to know the names of the other boys as well but that wasn’t his top priority right now.

His cheeks were burning with fury as he saw their jeering faces. 

"Did you see our little message, Goranski?" Ryan said, pointing at the locker. "We thought you'd like it." 

"Fuck you!", Rich growled, stepping towards them and tried to make himself as tall a possible. He felt Michael pull at his sweater and heard a soft: "Don't..." like he was afraid that Rich would do something stupid. 

He wasn't sure _what_ he wanted to do but standing there and listening to those shitheads didn't seem right. 

"Don't know why your boyfriend is holding you back. We just want to talk a bit...", another boy said with pretended innocence. 

He felt Michael take a step away from him at the word 'boyfriend' and somehow that made him even angrier. He stared at their stupid faces, briefly wondering if there was any chance of survival for him if he went to punch them. They were much taller and probably stronger than him...

"I'm kinda disappointed in you, Goranski", Ryan said and crossed his arms. “I would’ve never guessed that _you’re_ gay. You always seemed like a _normal_ guy.”

“Yeah and then you walk around telling everyone you’re ‘ _bisexual’_. Like, we all know that’s not a real thing, dude. Just _admit_ you’re a homo.”

Rich didn’t know how to respond to that and hated himself for not coming up with a witty reply to show those ignorant fucks that he didn’t care what they were saying. Because he didn’t… right? He _shouldn’t_ care. He wished he would just be able to turn his back and walk away but he felt paralysed. 

Suddenly he heard someone growl behind him: “Shut up.” And for a second he couldn’t believe that Michael was able to produce a dangerous sound like that. He turned his head and saw the other boy had stepped right next to him with an expression in his eyes that probably would have actually scared Rich if it was directed at him. 

But the boys ignored Michael. 

Their leader just laughed maliciously - he seemed to like the fact that they had managed to leave Rich speechless - and said: “No, wonder you set that fire. Did you try to burn the gay away? It obviously didn’t work. Maybe you should try again.” 

That was the moment Rich was certain he wouldn’t be able to restrain himself from starting a fight. He was almost about to run at them and throw the first punch when suddenly something moved beside him and a red hoodie rushed past him.


	15. Chapter 8 - Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> similar warnings as for last chapter apply! :)

###  **Michael**

He didn’t know who or what was controlling his body. He only knew that he had never felt anger like this before and he wasn’t sure how to channel all the rage, so it all went into the first punch he threw. 

The boys had not expected him to attack. Their focus had been on Rich, which turned out to be a major advantage as his fist went directly at the tallest boy's face. He caught him off guard and Michael was sure something cracked disgustingly under his fist. 

The football player screamed in pain and there was blood streaming from his nose. 

“You little shit!” he pressed out in pain and right away his friends came towards Michael from all sides. If it wasn’t for all the adrenaline he probably would have been scared to death. But right now, he was luckily completely functioning on autopilot. He managed to forcefully stomp onto a foot without really knowing whom it belonged to and kicked someone’s leg before eventually having to take a punch himself. 

A fist, much stronger than his own, hit right next to his eye, knocking his glasses off. He heard himself groan as pain shot through his face. Out of reflex, he held his hand defensively in front of his face but it wasn’t helping at all as the boy attacked him again. 

It became clear too quickly that he didn't stand a single chance against the stronger football players and if he wouldn’t have been so busy with dodging fists he might have been embarrassed about that but right now he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he noticed that Rich had come to help him and Michael saw despite his now blurred view, how he successfully rammed his elbow into one guy’s ribs. 

He couldn’t see what happened then because another fist came towards his face. He quickly managed to duck and bumped his head into one boy’s stomach as hard as possible in the same move. The boy writhed in pain.  Michael straightened up, panting and trying to see how Rich was doing, but right away someone grabbed him from behind. An arm was jammed around his throat and choked him hard. He heard a spiteful laugh from behind him.

He wheezed and coughed and struggled to breathe but it was nearly impossible. Wriggling to free himself from the grip, he tried to stomp on his attacker's feet but missed. 

Just as his head began to spin and seemed to fill with fog he heard Rich let out an angry shout and suddenly the boy let go. 

Michael struggled to stay on his legs, gasping for air and holding his aching throat. 

He saw how Rich furiously kicked and threw punches at the boy that had choked him but he seemed to be good at dodging them. Then, out of nowhere someone else came and hit Rich in the face. Michael just saw how blood started to pour from his lip and heard Rich’s angry snarl. He wanted to run over to him to see if he was okay but before he could move, he was grabbed again from behind, this time by his arms, that were being twisted painfully. 

Before he even got the chance to struggle against the grip the tallest guy, the one he had punched in the face, appeared in front of him, grinning maliciously and the blood that was streaming from his nose made him look even scarier. 

“Loser.”, he hissed before pounding his fist with full force into Michael’s stomach. Repeatedly. 

He heard himself groan in pain but it sounded very far away. Tears filled up his eyes without him being able to do anything against it. Vaguely he noticed how his knees gave out and he fell to the floor as the other boy let go of his arms. 

He couldn’t breathe. He gasped for air but his lungs didn’t seem to take any. His heart was pounding. Everything seemed to spin. 

“Michael! Watch out!”, Rich yelled from somewhere behind him. Through hazy eyes, Michael saw how a foot raced towards his stomach just in time to hold his arms in front of it. He moaned as a shoe hit his arms, shooting a sharp sting up to his shoulders. He silently prayed that nothing was broken. 

For some seconds nothing happened and he almost thought that  _ maybe  _ it was over. He tried to take a breath but still didn’t manage to and panic started to rise in him.  He knew he needed to calm down but he didn’t get a chance to do that as someone decided that it _wasn’t_ over yet and pulled his hair, forcing him to stand up. 

“Stop it, please…”, he heard himself whimper. He felt like vomiting. 

Pressing his eyes shut, he prepared for the next attack - there was no energy left to fight back - when suddenly someone - a teacher! - yelled. “Hey, stop that!! Right away! Stop!” 

And with that, it was over and Michael sank onto his hands and knees, gasping for air. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you okay?!", Rich asked, his voice full of worry and jumped up from his chair in front of the principal's office as Michael came back from the nurse. 

"Yeah, don't worry…", Michael mumbled and tried to smile. Actually, his stomach still hurt with every step. The nurse had assured him, it was going to be alright but he still felt like shit. He would definitely get a black eye, his glasses were broken, and there were already bruises forming on his arms and stomach. 

He didn't admit any of that to Rich, though… He didn’t want him to feel bad for him or even think that this was his fault.

Because Michael didn’t regret doing any of this. If he’d have to, he would totally punch those bastards again. 

He tried to put on a somewhat tough expression as he faced the other boy but Rich still eyed him with a worried glance, so Michael looked away. 

He felt terrible. For the obvious reason, of course, but also because… this was  _ embarrassing _ . This had been the very first time he had gotten into a fight, so he wasn’t sure what he had expected but… failing like  _ this  _ was humiliating. He hadn't even had the slightest chance against the football players. 

Michael sighed and wanted to sink onto the chair next to Rich but in that same moment the office’s door opened and three of the boys (Michael had apparently broken their leader's nose and he was still at the nurse’s office) came out, wearing horrible grins on their face. 

“You can go.” , Mr Whittaker, the principal, said to them, rubbing his forehead in exhaustion. “You two, come in now!”, he sharply continued and nodded in Michael’s and Rich’s direction. 

Michael avoided looking at the other boys and their stupid grins again as he stepped into the office, followed by Rich. 

He didn’t like how any of this looked. Why the hell were those idiots grinning like that?? Yes, it was common knowledge that the football team was the school’s pride and joy but… surely they would get punished for this, right??

He and Rich took seats in front of the principal's desk. Michael crossed his arms to look tough and overplay his nervousness. 

"So, from what I've heard," Mr Whittaker started slowly, taking his time to sit down behind the desk. " _ You _ started the fight?" 

He eyed Michael over his glasses with a strict glance and his face got red right away. "Well, yes. But-" 

He didn’t get to finish his sentence. " You were the first one to attack  _ physically _ ?" 

"Yes! But only because-" 

"I didn't expect this to be so easy. If you ask me, that makes it very clear, who's the troublemaker here…", Mr Whittaker said, shaking his head in disappointment. "I really wouldn't have expected that from you, Michael." 

Michael opened his mouth in shock but closed it again, unsure of what to say. 

Rich, who had been silent until now, spoke instead with an angry undertone in his voice: "It wasn't Michael's fault! They provoked us!"

"Yeah, I really just started because those… idiots said the  _ worst _ possible things to Rich!", Michael added as he found his voice again, in an attempt to defend himself. 

"For example?" Mr Whittaker raised an eyebrow. 

"Well, first of all, they wrote  _ faggot _ on his locker and then they basically told him to go kill himself!!", Michael said. Anger was now slowly overcoming him and his voice got louder without him being able to control it. "I think that's reason enough to punch someone!" 

"It's alarming that you think like that…." The principal shook his head and Michael just stared at him with open mouth, speechless. "You should have tried to  _ de-escalate  _ the fight instead of turning it physical." 

"But-" Michael couldn't believe what was happening. He had never liked the principal, he had always seemed slightly mean but this… was just  _ ridiculous _ . He couldn't be  _ serious!! _

But the teacher continued unabashed and it didn’t get any better: "And, Richard, I don't understand why  _ you  _ didn't try to break up the fight instead of joining in… Though I have to admit, I didn’t expect much else from you..." 

Michael wanted to protest in outrage on Rich's behalf but Rich was faster. "They were beating up my friend, four against one! I'm not going to passively watch that!!", he hissed, face red with anger. 

The principal just shook his head, looking at his desk in disappointment. 

"Michael you'll get detention for some weeks after the winter break…", he said finally, writing something into the notebook in front of him. 

Michael knew that there was no use to protest, so he just threw a gloomy glance and muttered: "Fine.", but thought:  _ Fuck you. _

"Sir, that's really unfair, if-" Rich began to protest but couldn't finish. 

"And Richard, I believe you that you only wanted to help your friend so no detention for you. But you both have to be picked up by your parents now, I want to talk to them." 

Michael's head automatically turned to Rich as soon as the principal had spoken those words. His face had gone white as a sheet of paper. 

Michael swallowed. He tried to talk the teacher around: "Sir, don't you think that's a little unnecessary? We could-" 

"That's my last word. You can wait outside, I'll call your parents." 

Too confused and perplexed to say anything else, the boys stumbled out of the office. 

For some minutes, they just stood in the hallway neither of them saying a word.  Michael was still buzzing with rage and he couldn't process what had just happened.  All of this was just so unfair!  _ They _ were the ones who had _ been _ attacked, not the other way around!  He threw a quick glance at Rich, who was standing in front of him and stared to the ground, with his hands buried deep in the pockets of his jeans. 

Great, now  _ he  _ was getting in trouble with his father because of  _ Michael’s  _ stupidity. He had wanted to help Rich, not make everything worse!! 

Michael sank down onto a chair by the wall and felt like crying. Or vomiting. Or  _ something _ .

"Sorry, you're getting detention.", Rich suddenly broke the silence, muttering and sat down next to him. 

"That's okay. But, Rich, your dad, do you think he'll-" Michael didn't know how he wanted to finish this sentence. He only knew that despite never having met Rich's father, he was seriously  _ scared _ for his friend's safety. 

"Nah, don't worry, it'll be fine.", Rich said and waved his hand appeasingly. "With a bit of luck, he won't even pick up the phone. Don't worry." He shrugged. 

Michael studied Rich's face, silently. There was something behind his eyes that didn't let him believe his words. 

He watched Rich exhale heavily and a crooked smile appeared on his face as he turned to him. "Anyways… Thanks. All of that was really -... really  _ brave  _ of you." 

Michael blushed and his heart made a weird jump - for no reason at all. What was wrong with him recently? He cleared his throat awkwardly and mumbled: "I don't know, it's not like it helped…" 

"No, maybe not but at least you broke a homophobe’s nose, I think that's a pretty cool achievement!" 

Rich laughed and Michael couldn't help but chuckle a little as well. "Good point." 

"You know I think-", Rich began but Michael didn’t find out what he was thinking as suddenly someone called his name and his mom came running down the hallway. 

"Honey, what  _ happened _ ??" She stopped in front of her son, pulling him up from the chair and into a tight hug. 

"Mom, stop it.", Michael protested silently and tried to pull away. This was embarrassing in front of Rich!  She let go of him but immediately touched his bruised face carefully. "Who did this to you?? I'll kill them." 

"Mom, seriously, I'm fine, I-" 

"Did  _ you  _ do this?!", she suddenly hissed at Rich, staring at him with a deadly glare. 

Rich's face went red and his eyes were wide with surprise. He began to stammer: "W-What, me? No, I, uh, I wasn't… I just-" 

"He had nothing to do with this.", Michael said quickly, trying to calm his mother down. She was always worrying too much. "Just go in there and talk to Mr Whittaker and then I'll explain what happened, okay?" 

She mumbled “Okay.” and shook her head in confusion as she entered the principal's office. 

Michael sank back onto his chair next to Rich who still looked a little shocked. 

“Sorry about that… she’s a little paranoid when it comes to me.”, Michael said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. 

“Haha, yeah, I figured that.”, Rich chuckled unsurely. 

They fell silent, even though Michael felt the urge to speak. There was an uncomfortable tension in the air, not necessarily between the two of them, but rather radiating from the whole situation and Michael wanted to overplay it.  After a while, he decided to break the silence. It was unbearable. “Do you think your dad will come?”, he asked hesitantly. 

Rich swallowed before answering: “I honestly don’t know… But it doesn’t matter, really, don’t worry.” Michael noticed how Rich kept saying that. Almost like he needed to believe it himself. 

“Your mom must have really rushed here…”, he continued overly cheerful like he wanted to desperately change the topic. “Mr Whittaker couldn’t have called more than 15 minutes ago… She seems to really care about you.” 

_ Well, yeah that’s what parents are supposed to do, Rich!!,  _ Michael wanted to say but didn’t. He stared at Rich for a second with open mouth. How sad was it that he sounded as surprised as he did at the realization that other parents  _ cared _ ??

“Uh, yeah, like I said, she’s worrying a lot.”, he said quickly, feeling miserable. Who would have guessed that he would ever have a bad conscious because his  _ mother cared  _ about him?

Rich chuckled like he didn’t know what else to do and stared to the ground for a while. Then he mumbled: “Uh, do you… wanna meet up during the break?” 

“To study?” 

“Uhh, yeah…” Again, a nervous chuckle. 

He would have expected that Rich would be tired of studying for a while now, especially after their crash course over the last few weeks… but actually he was happy that he had asked. Michael smiled. “Sure. We can-” 

At that moment the office door opened again and his mom came out, still talking to the principal. 

“Yes, of course, there’ll be consequences for him. Thank you, for settling all of this, Mr Whittaker.”, she said with a rather professional expression, like she wouldn’t go and high-five her son for punching a homophobe later in the car.

Michael grinned and mouthed something like “There won’t  _ actually  _ be consequences” to Rich. 

“Thank you for coming by, Mrs Mell.”, the principal said before turning to Rich. “Richard, I couldn’t reach your father, is there any other way to call him?” 

“Uh, no, I don’t think he’ll-” 

“Come on.”, Michael’s mom said, pulling her son slightly by the arm. Michael wanted to know what would happen with Rich now, but he wasn’t sure how to justify that to his mother.  So he just quickly said to Rich: “Text me when... you’re home.” and followed his her down the hallway and to the parking lot. 

She stayed silent all the way to the car, which was weird. Michael had expected her to ask about  _ his  _ side of the story because Mr Whittaker probably hadn’t mentioned the cause of the fight… But maybe he had and that’s why she wasn’t asking. 

He didn’t think much of it. 

They got into the car and left the parking lot. Michael watched his mom, as minutes passed without her saying anything. There was just a really weird expression on her face. 

After a while, he chuckled confused. “Mom, I -”

“You’re grounded.” 

“WHAT??” He felt like his ears were playing tricks on him.  _ What the hell?? _

“You heard me. You are grounded.”, she said, lips pressed together to a thin line. 

Was she mad??

“No, no, no, Mom, I don’t think you understand…”, Michael said trying to stay as calm as possible. This was a misunderstanding. Clearly. 

“I think I  _ do _ understand! Some idiots provoked you and you thought it'd be a good idea to start a  _ fucking fight _ !! And get yourself in terrible danger!! Did you want to prove anything with that??”, she said, voice breaking mid-sentence like she was suppressing anger and simultaneously fighting tears.

Michael stared at her with open mouth. She never swore usually.  His head filled with question marks. “I didn’t want to  _ prove  _ anything!!!”, he managed to say, getting weirdly angry himself. “Those assholes said terrible shit!! They wrote  _ faggot _ on Rich’s locker because he came out as bi!!!”

That seemed to be new information for his mom because she seemed taken aback for a second. 

Michael already thought that he had convinced her that he  _ did  _ have a good reason for his actions, but she just went back to her uptight expression and said: “That’s still no reason to start a fight!! Mr Whittaker was right. You should have tried to  _ de-escalate _ it! You could’ve been  _ seriously  _ hurt!!!” 

“But I wasn’t!! Where is the problem?!”, Michael shouted, still not believing what was happening. Hadn’t his mother always told him to stand up for what’s right???

“The problem is that you can’t just throw yourself into danger because you feel like it!!!" 

"Well, I wasn't going to watch them talk shit about my  _ friend _ !!"  She didn't seem to understand! He hadn't  _ wanted _ to start the fight but what else would there have been to do?? 

"How is that guy suddenly your friend?? Didn't you say two weeks ago that you  _ hate  _ him??" 

What kind of argument was that?? "Things have changed???" Michael yelled back as his mom parked the car in front of their house. "And even if he  _ wasn't  _ my friend, do you - as a  _ queer person _ \- want that idiots like that just get away with their homophobic comments??" 

She laughed sarcastically and got out of the car. "Yeah, right... now don't talk like you avenged the entire LGBT community!! The only thing you did was to give those assholes the right to hurt you, without having to face any consequences because  _ you _ started!!" With the last word she forcefully slammed car door close.

"But that's not  _ my _ fault!!", Michael defended and followed her into the house. Frustration had overtaken him. Why was she acting like this!? "Mr Whittaker was just completely unfair!!!" He kicked his school bag down the stairs to the basement and was sure some of his books would take damage from that rouge treatment. But he couldn't care less, right now. 

"Michael!" She turned around and faced her son with this weird mixture of deep worry and unreasonable rage on her face, only parents could show. "The world isn’t always fair!!" 

"Okay, can someone please explain what's going on here?" Melany had appeared behind her wife staring confused at the whole situation but both Michael and Mara ignored her. 

"It's all that boy's fault!!" Michael knew exactly that his mom was talking about Rich. Now she was just getting mean, in his opinion. "I told you he's probably dangerous!! He _burned a house down_! No wonder you get into trouble if you hang out with him!" 

"Uh, Mara, I think you're being a little unreasonable here-", Melany, who still looked very confused tried to calm her wife but was ignored again. 

"What the  _ fuck _ , Mom?? None of that was Rich’s fault!!!", Michael yelled, realizing there were tears of frustration in his eyes.

"Don't speak to me like that!!" 

"YOU'RE SO STUPID!!!", he screamed and stormed off into the basement. 

He couldn't take this anymore. Why was  _ everyone  _ on a mission to ruin his life today?! He felt like the world had turned upside down, none of this was right. 

He kicked his door open so hard it banged against the wall but he didn't even notice and went straight towards his speakers to play music as loudly as possible. Bob Marley might not really fit his mood right now, but he needed to calm down. 

He wiped away his tears with the sleeve of his sweater and flinched in pain as he touched his bruised eye. 

"Fuck." 

Letting himself fall onto his bed, he sighed deeply.  He would have  _ never  _ expected his mom to go mental like that. Maybe a little worry would have been appropriate but this was just… over the top.  Especially that she had to blame Rich for all of this. He had been the  _ victim  _ after all. None of this was his fault. 

_ Rich! _

As if a lightning bolt had hit his body, Michael sat up on his bed and grabbed his phone, frantically opening his chat with Rich. He wasn't online. 

[“Are you home??], he texted.

And directly after that: [“What happened?”]  No reply. Obviously. 

Okay, he would just wait…no need to worry.

Michael grabbed his Gameboy from the bedside table and started a game of Super Mario. It went terrible because he wasn’t able to actually see anything without his glasses but he needed something to take his mind off all of this.

The rage inside him was still buzzing. The feeling of being treated unfairly kept coming back in waves, no matter how hard he tried to concentrate on other things. 

Why did adults have to be so fucking stupid?!

Yeah, he couldn’t really have expected anything from the principal but  _ his mom _ ?? She was usually so calm and they rarely had any serious arguments. Which made this feel like the  _ worst  _ betrayal ever. 

He kept hammering onto the buttons of his Gameboy for some minutes but quickly lost interest in the game. He was starting to get an uncomfortable headache from trying to use his eyes without his glasses for over an hour now. 

This whole day had been too much to handle, seriously. 

He fell back onto his bed and at some point, he must have fallen asleep because the next thing he was aware of was a stale taste in his mouth and the sound of steps coming down the stairs.  Without knowing who it was he turned over so that he was facing the wall. He didn’t feel like talking. 

“Honey, do you want to eat something?”

It was Melany. Which was probably the lesser evil right now. Still, he didn’t answer. 

“I know you’re not asleep, Michael.”, she said persistently and Michael heard her put down something on his bedside table - probably a plate with food. “You have to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”, he mumbled, knowing that it wouldn’t help if he kept his silence. 

His mother sighed and said: “Mara told me what happened... “ 

Michael turned around, facing her with an angry stare. “And you think she’s right?” 

“No, but… you have to understand her...” 

“But-” 

She held up a hand and interrupted him: “You’ve never been in a fight before, she was shocked. And you know how much she worries.” 

His mother sat down on his bed and Michael turned away again. He really didn’t want the therapist talk right now. 

“She doesn’t have to worry!”, he mumbled into his pillow. “I’m 17! I can look out for myself. And it’s not like this was a life or death situation...” 

“No, maybe not but she loves you very much ”, she explained softly. “...and she wants to keep you save.” 

“Other kids get into school fights all the time, it’s no big deal! And it was shitty of her to blame Rich. All of that was  _ my  _ decision.” 

“I know just…”, Melany sighed. “Just try not to be too hard on her, okay? She’ll calm down.”

Michael stayed silent for a while, not knowing what he was supposed to say but his mother continued already: “And… if it helps somehow”, she began and Michael heard in her voice that she was smiling. “I’m proud of you. It was right to stand up for your friend.” 

Michael didn’t say anything and just stared at the wall but he couldn’t deny that it was good to finally hear something like this, instead of everyone treating  _ him  _ like the bad guy.  After a while, he felt how his mother started to stroke his hair softly. “How do you feel?”, she asked and Michael knew that she meant his injuries. 

“Okay, I guess.”, he answered and hesitated. “I need new glasses, though.” 

She sighed. “We can go to the optician after Christmas… Can you use your old glasses for now?” He wasn’t entirely sure where he had put them but he nodded. 

For some minutes, they just stayed silent and Michael began to relax under the touch of his mother. “This whole day was  _ shit _ .”, he mumbled a little whiningly. 

“I know,” his mother said and stood up. “Pero mañana otro gallo cantará ".

Michael couldn’t help but smile a little at that. It somehow always felt very comforting when his mother spoke Spanish. “I know, mamá.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to everyone who commented on last week's chapter, you were the only reason I had the energy to edit this!


	16. Chapter 8 - Rich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if there are any mistakes or anything, I'm really tired right now and this chapter is way too long to read through it again right now.😂
> 
> Warning: depiction of domestic violence/child abuse, implied suicidal thoughts, really horrible parents, just a lot of sad things…. sorry :(( after this it goes uphill again, I promise.

###  ** Rich **

_Bang._

The front door was slammed and Rich flinched instinctively at the loud sound. 

He had not dared to go to his room, knowing that it would only increase the trouble he was in. So instead he had nervously stood in the kitchen the entire time, while Mr Whittaker had talked to his father. 

Earlier, Rich had almost thought that he had gotten out of this whole situation without having to involve his father at all, as Mr Whittaker had told him to go home after he hadn’t been able to get his father on the phone. But that hope had been shattered as the doorbell had rung an hour later and the principal had appeared on the threshold to _personally_ talk to his father. 

It was ridiculously over the top in Rich’s opinion and he was pretty sure that teachers weren’t allowed to just show up at student’s doors. But he hadn’t had any idea what to say against it… He hadn’t been able to tell Mr Whittaker that his father hadn’t answered the phone because he was an alcoholic who didn’t give a shit about his son and was a very unpleasant person to talk to on top of that.

Now, Rich was certain, the principal had realized that himself after he had been yelled at for ten minutes straight and had apparently decided to flee the scene. Rich wished they could swap. 

“Come here, boy!!”, his father shouted from the hallway. Rich hesitated for a second but figured he would only make it worse by refusing. 

He left the kitchen slowly and faced his father, whose cheeks were scarlet with rage. He made sure to stay some steps away from him. 

“What the _hell_ , Richard?!” At the word “hell” he rammed his fist into the wall and Rich was sure it wouldn’t have taken much more for the concrete to give in. He took another step back. 

“Listen, dad… I can explain.”, he said as conciliatory as somehow possible even though he really _didn’t_ know how to explain any of this in a way his drunk father would comprehend. 

“You got into a fight and fucked up so badly that this idiotic teacher comes to _my_ house?! My son’s a pussy, what’s there to explain?.” 

Rich swallowed hard trying to let the insults bounce off him. It wouldn’t help if he got mad, too. “That’s really not what-” 

“What comes next?”, his father yelled, not letting Rich defend himself and stepped dangerously towards his son. “We had enough shitheads here because of your fucking fire! If you _ever_ manage to bring the police here again, you’ll wish you were never born, boy!!” 

“Dad, please calm down… the neighbours!” Rich was sure his father was loud enough to be heard in the flat below which probably wasn’t helpful if he had to avoid bringing the police here. Because even if it was his father's fault, he knew, _he_ would be blamed. 

“Do you even know all the shit I had to go through after that fire??? All the hospital bills I had to pay?? And this is the thanks I get?”

Rich didn’t see how that connected to the current situation but since when did his father’s way of thinking make sense? 

“I know, I’m sorry, just calm down!”, Rich repeated urgently. Why was this guy so fucking horrible? 

“You have no right to tell me what to do!! Not in my _HOME_!”, he screamed and Rich felt helplessness creeping up in him. This was like walking on a minefield. His father's train of thoughts didn’t make sense to him in the slightest and without the Squip telling him what to do, every step he took could only make it worse.

“Dad, you are drunk as shit, please just- keep your voice down!” 

“I WON’T KEEP MY VOICE DOWN!” And with that, he shoved his son hard against the closest wall. Rich felt his head bang against it but didn’t dare to show any sign of pain. 

“YOU LITTLE SHIT WON’T-....” 

Suddenly the screaming stopped and it took Rich a second to realize why.

His phone was ringing… someone was calling him. And it wasn’t muted. 

_Shit, shit, shit!!_

He had to suppress the urge to press his eyes close in fear of what would happen next. 

Expecting to be screamed at again - or worse - he blinked in surprise as his father said scarily-calmly: “Give me the phone.” 

“W-what?”

“GIVE!! ME! YOUR! PHONE!!” 

Rich knew there was no point in refusing so he quickly fumbled his phone out of the pocket of his jeans. A quick glance at the display told him who was calling: Michael. Rich was sure Michael only had the best intentions but right now he wished that they had never exchanged numbers. 

“Who’s that?!”, his father asked as he also looked at the screen. 

“Nobody.”, Rich quickly said, hoping this would somehow de-escalate everything a little. 

But of course, it didn’t. 

“Good!”, his father yelled, grabbed the phone and smashed it onto the floor tiles with full force. The ringing stopped immediately. 

“STOP IT!”, Rich shouted in shock as his father started to stomp on the already broken phone. 

He didn’t stop. “You won’t! Talk! To anyone! Anytime! Soon!!!” With every word, he destroyed the phone more.

Desperately Rich tried to push him away but failed. “Dad! PLEASE!” 

_Slap_.

A hand struck across his face so forcefully he would have fallen to his knees if he hadn’t managed to find hold on the wall. 

For a second he couldn’t move. 

This had been the first time in a while his father had hit him. Rich had no clue how to react. The Squip had told him to hit back if this happened but he felt neither in the emotional or physical condition right now for that to work. So he just screamed: “FUCK YOU!”, earning another slap. 

Before he could react in any way his father grabbed Rich’s upper arm so tightly that his burn scars started to sting painfully. He couldn’t suppress a tiny whimper and immediately hated himself for this display of weakness. 

He was pulled to his room, his father threw the door open with a bang and pushed his son inside. 

“You won’t leave this room until the winter break is over!!!”, he shouted an almost manic expression on his face, before slamming the door. 

Rich sprinted towards it, trying to pull it back open in time but the key was already turned. 

“FUCK!”, he yelled to no one in particular, banging his head against the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The hours passed and Rich felt like shit. By midnight he was terribly hungry, needed to pee and everything seemed to hurt from two rough treatments in one day. 

He was sure everyone else would be crying right now, but he just felt numb. 

Also, where was the point? This had happened before and it would happen again. No one who cared was here, his phone laid in pieces on the floor outside his room and his father had turned off the wifi so he couldn’t contact anyone with his laptop.

Of course, he had tried to open the door several times but there was no use, it was definitely locked. He had given up after an hour or so and had let himself sink to the floor, where he was now sitting, knees pulled tightly to his chest. 

He felt so _weak_. Just as helpless as freshman year. This entire fucked up relationship with his father had been one of the main reasons why he had taken the Squip in the first place. And now it was gone. He was alone again with all of this… Yes, the computer had hurt him and scared him and made him a terrible person but that had still been better than this overwhelming feeling of powerlessness and loneliness. 

If his father would let him starve this time, no one would even care probably. His friends were better off without him anyway, he had proved that today when attacking Jenna. 

If he was being honest, he wasn’t even sure if _he_ would care… Who knew? Maybe everything would be better if he’d just be-

He didn’t even have the energy to complete this thought, so he just let his head sink onto his knees and tired as hard as possible to think of anything but-... that. 

Somehow his mind decided to think of Michael. 

Would _he_ care? 

Maybe. After all, he seemed to care enough to call him to make sure everything was okay. Of course, that hadn't helped _at all_ but now that Rich was thinking about it it was really nice of him. He wished he would have been able to talk to him….. 

Was Michael worrying without having heard from him? Rich could almost picture how he was laying on his bed right now, awake, staring at the rainbow flag above him, maybe even thinking about _him_.

 _No…_ if he was laying awake then probably only because he regretted standing up for Rich earlier. Why on earth would he _care_ about him? They were barely friends. 

Somehow that thought stung deep in his gut and Rich wasn't sure _why_. Amidst the swirl of terrible feelings, there was something else, something confusing. It wasn’t a bad feeling but definitely nothing he was able to unpack right now… and he probably never would be if he wouldn’t get out of here, where he was trapped with his horrible thoughts. 

He let his gaze wander through the room, which he now hated more than ever, and after a second it got caught by the streetlamp light that came through the window. 

Maybe… he _would_ get out. It was a stupid idea probably, reckless even but… maybe it would work.

Would he survive climbing out of the third floor? Would it matter if he didn't? 

He didn’t know the answer to either of these questions but what else was there to do? 

Hesitantly, he went over to the window, opened it and checked the situation. Three stories suddenly seemed much higher than he would have guessed. The street appeared to be miles away. 

There was a fire escape ladder next to the window that belonged to his father's bedroom. It was rusty and probably not safe anymore but still his best shot. If he could reach that without alarming the neighbours or his father, he would be on the safe side. It was more than an arms-length away, though, and if he failed to reach it- 

A shiver ran across his back at the thought of falling but he _had_ to get out. There was no other way. He had to leave this house and this room and all the shitty memories that came with it. 

Without giving it any more thought, he grabbed his backpack and stuffed some clothes in - just in case, he wanted to stay away for a bit longer - before going back to the window. He didn’t even hesitate as he climbed through, so that he sat on the windowsill a second later, his legs dangling out of the building. For the first time ever he thanked his genes for making him as short as he was - someone like Jake would have never fit through the window. 

_Don’t look down!_ he tried to tell himself during his shaky process of standing up on the windowsill, but his heart was racing nevertheless. 

He clung to the side of the window as he carefully tried to outstretch his arm as far as possible. But it was very obvious that there was no way of reaching the ladder like this.

A different approach was needed here. He took a deep breath, knowing that he only had one try and with one push off the windowsill, he jumped.

His eyes had closed themselves reflexively somewhere during the jump. Now he opened them, almost in confusion, as he realized that his hands had managed to grab the railing of the fire escape, the rest of his body dangling off it.

Something creaked scarily. With a quick movement, he fully climbed onto the metal structure. 

For a second he stayed there without moving, not quite believing that he hadn’t fallen.

Another creak reminded him that there were still at least 30 feet between him and the ground, so he climbed down and let out a heavy breath as his feet finally touched the ground. 

He didn't even take time to think before starting to run. He wasn’t sure exactly where he was going yet, but he knew that he had to get away from the house before his father noticed his absences. 

He ran and ran and only when he passed the hospital five blocks down the road and realized how far he had come already, he stopped to weight his options. 

It was freezing out here and he didn’t have a jacket. He had to go _somewhere_. He just didn’t know where.

Showing up at Jake’s place would feel weird - his aunt probably wouldn’t appreciate housing the guy who had burnt down her nephew’s house -, Chloe lived miles in the other direction, he would be frozen to death before he got there, and Michael… well, Michael’s house was also pretty far away, plus they hadn’t really reached the level of friendship where he could just show up in the middle of the night at his house… 

The only other option was Brooke. Yeah, she lived just behind Buccleuch Park, he could be there in less than ten minutes if he hurried. Her parents wouldn’t be happy either with him showing up in the middle of the night but… he would find a way around them somehow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Rich, what the hell?!”, Brooke whispered as she leant out of her window, bleary-eyed and tired, seeing her friend - who had thrown small pebbles against her bedroom window to get her attention - standing in her front yard. “It’s one in the morning!” 

“I know just…”, Rich started, not sure how to explain what had happened. Now, that he was actually standing here, he realized how much he hadn’t thought about any of this. He couldn’t tell her what had happened. Just _couldn’t_. “Can I… come in? Please?” 

He saw Brooke hesitate for a second but then she whispered: “One second….I’ll open the front door. But you have to be very, very quiet!” 

Rich held up two thumbs and waited for the door to open. 

“Hi.”, he whispered as Brooke in her blue pyjamas appeared on the porch. She just held a finger in front of her lips and gestured him to follow her upstairs. 

The second the door to her bedroom closed behind him, she pulled Rich into a tight hug. He allowed himself to sink into the soft touch and wished they could just stay like that forever… but she had other plans.

“What’s going on?”, she asked concerned, grabbed his shoulders and held him an arms-length away from her. 

Rich felt how his face got warm. What was he supposed to say? Too much had happened, to quickly explain everything. So, instead, he lied: “I, uh,… I kind of, uh, locked myself out of the flat.” 

Brooke frowned a little confused and sat down onto her bed. “You locked yourself out?”, she asked with raised eyebrows. She clearly didn’t believe a word. 

“Yeah.” 

“Then how did you manage to bring your backpack?” 

_Shit._ He looked away, ashamed without knowing why. _You have to tell her!_

Brooke seemed to have caught on anyway. Her frown grew uneasy. “Rich… what’s really going on?” 

He sighed deeply and buried his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I ran away from home…. kind of.” 

Silence for a while. Then: “What did he do, this time?” 

Of course, she knew… She had known him for much too long, _not_ to know. 

“Nothing.”, Rich lied. 

“Rich…” 

So he hesitantly started to tell her the whole story. Starting with Michael and the football players, over the principal’s stupid reaction, ending with him climbing out of his bedroom window. “So uh…”, he ended, hating the shocked expression on his friend’s face. “Can I stay here? Just for tonight? Maybe tomorrow? I don’t know…”

She just stared at him for a second, mouth slightly open as if she didn’t know what to say. "Rich I…" She began and swallowed. _Of course,_ you can stay here." 

"Really?" 

"Yes! You're not going back there before I know that you'll be safe!!", her voice had grown a little shrill and she quickly went back to whispering, as she caught herself: "Seriously I don't know what to say…" 

Rich already regretted telling her. He didn't want her to worry. "It's really not as bad as it sounds, I just… needed some time away from home." 

That didn't seem to convince her. She pulled her knees to her chest and eyed him with a very weird expression. 

He really didn't want her pity. "Don't worry.", he added and forced a smile as he settled next to her onto the bed.

She laughed out bitterly. "Don't worry? Rich, we are all worrying about you like… constantly." 

Rich just raised his eyebrows sceptically: "Yeah, right." 

She didn't reply for way too long and he somehow felt worse with every second.

"Rich, you need help… You've got enough problems without your father and now this...." 

"I don't have problems, Brooke.", he replied but it sounded very unconvincing and he knew that this conversation would go into directions that he’d rather avoid. Still, he tried to appease her: “And my father has always been like this, it’s no big deal, I’ll be fine.” " 

"Rich, your father is one thing but it's also really obvious that you‘re not coping very well with what happened on Halloween… And that only makes sense, I mean you nearly died! Of course, you won't just be able to leave that behind. But you’ve… you’ve changed a lot. You always seem super tense and very overwhelmed, like, _all_ the time and- and you’re so afraid of fire that you have panic attacks when you see a fireplace, that’s not… normal. You-” 

Brooke spoke hesitantly but her tone clearly stated that she had planned on telling him this for a while now and Rich was sure that she would have continued if he hadn’t interrupted her. He decided to ignore her comment about the fire and hissed: “Of course I’ve changed, my Squip’s gone! You just never knew me without it!” He knew he sounded harsh but… he wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to tell him with this, he just knew that he hated it. 

Brooke looked at him with that sad expression again and he avoided her glance. Maybe it had been a mistake to come here… he had wanted to _flee_ from his problems not be confronted with them!!

“No, you’re right, I didn’t know you before the Squip…”, she admitted after a second. “But Jake did and we’ve talked about this and-” 

Deep down he knew that she only meant well but he couldn’t help but interrupt again, now even angrier: “Oh, great, so now you guys are talking about me behind my back, that’s just-” 

“Can you listen to me for one second??” Brooke was obviously slowly losing her patience, so Rich decided not to say anything else for now, even though he kept pretending not to listen. “From what I’ve gathered you haven’t been exactly mentally healthy freshman year and that’s why you took the Squip. And all those problems that you’ve been able to repress with it are coming back now, in combination with the troubles with your father and the aftermath of the fire and the Squip that you have to deal with already and-”, she stopped her rambling for a second and her face turned a bit softer. “We are just really worried about you…”

Rich still didn’t look at her. He would never admit it but actually she was probably completely right… All his issues _really_ seemed to be coming back at once. Still, that was _his_ problem! She didn’t have to worry about him…

But he couldn’t deny that it was still nice to know that his friends cared so much about him and somehow that made his voice sound way less harsh than before as he quietly said: “Seriously, Brooke, I’m fine…” 

Silence fell over the room and Rich almost thought that they could leave this topic behind them but of course, Brooke continued after a while: “Don’t you think it might help, if you could talk to someone about all that? Like, a therapist or something?”

“You don’t seriously think that my dad would pay for therapy, do you?” Of course, Brooke didn’t know that but his father had made pretty clear just hours ago that not even the medical bills that had saved his son’s life had been worth it.

"No, I know that but-" Brooke said. Rich tried to interrupt her but she didn't let him. "Let me finish! We did some research and the school district just started this partner programme with some local therapists where certain students who really need it but couldn’t afford it otherwise, get free mental health support from real professionals. I'm sure that after the fire you definitely qualify for-" 

"Forget it. How would I explain the Squip to a therapist?" He noticed his voice getting louder again and Brooke shushed him immediately. He had almost forgotten that it was still the middle of the night and that there were other people in the house. 

She hesitated for a second. Apparently she had not thought about this previously. "You could-" 

"Forget it.", Rich said firmly. He was _fine_ \- most of the time at least if it wasn't a day like today -and he didn't need a therapist!!

But Brooke was only trying to help, he knew that, so he added in a calmer voice: “You _really_ don’t need to worry so much.”

"Okay, just…", Brooke seemed to give in reluctantly. "Please, think about it, at least, okay?" 

Rich nodded, just so they could finally leave that topic behind. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shortly after that, he and Brooke decided that it was time to sleep, but an hour later Rich was still lying awake, next to Brooke in her queen size bed.

He had feared this would be awkward - considering the fact that the two of them had done very different activities in this bed when they had dated sophomore year - but it wasn't. He felt more comfortable here than he would at home probably. 

Still... sleeping was no option. There was too much shit going through his head. He was very tired after this crazy day and _wanted_ to fall asleep but his thoughts didn’t let him come to rest. Everything had been too much...

He felt the urge to talk to Brooke just to stop thinking about this terrible day but he was convinced that she had already fallen asleep, so he didn’t want to bother her. 

But apparently she wasn’t asleep and Rich was almost relieved as she suddenly said into the darkness: "Are you mad?" 

"No?", he answered confused. 

"I know, you don’t like talking about… the fire and stuff.", she explained quietly. "You are probably like... my best friends right now and I just want to make sure that you're okay, you know? " 

"I-I'm your best friend?", Rich stammered positively surprised. Yes, he got along really well with Brooke since being back at school but 'best friend' was huge... step. "What about Chloe?"

Brooke sighed. "It's weird between us since… Halloween.”, she explained grudgingly after a second of hesitation. “I mean she apologized a lot… and I said it's fine but- Something just… broke, you know?" 

It wasn't like Rich could really sympathize because he had never been in a situation like that but… he nodded anyway. "I get that… Michael has the same problem with Jeremy, I think." 

At that Brooke turned to him, propping herself up on her elbow. Rich looked at her and saw a weird grin on her face despite the darkness. 

"What is it with you and Michael recently?" 

Rich felt his face get hot and hoped Brooke didn't notice in the low light. 

"Uh, don’t know." He chuckled nervously. "We get along but that's it… I guess." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." What was Brooke thinking? Michael was just helping him with school. 

They fell silent for a while before Brooke continued in a voice that clearly indicated how broadly she was grinning: "You have to admit, though, it _is_ pretty badass that he broke that guy's nose for you…" 

Rich couldn't help but smile at that thought. Michael obviously hadn't had much of a chance, four against one, but the fact that he had tried had been really sweet and kind of … hot. "Yeah.", he said softly. "It was _super_ badass." 

The grin on Brooke's face just seemed to get wider. "He doesn't seem to be the kind of guy who starts a fight for everyone… He really cares about you." 

"Uh, you think so?" His face just got hotter. 

Brooke just nodded knowingly. "Hmh… and you care about him." 

"Maybe.", Rich admitted frowning. "He's my friend after all." 

"Yup. I know.", she said. "I heard… He likes boys, doesn’t he?" 

“Uh, what are you implying?”

“Nothing.”, she replied innocently, obviously still grinning.

It took him a second longer to get what she meant. As he finally realised, he sharply said: " _Brooke_!!" No, no, no… she was _completely_ wrong here. Michael would never like… _him_. 

"I have to sleep!", she said overly cheerful and turned to the other side. 

"It's really not what-" 

"Good Night!" 

Rich opened his mouth to protest but she was already snoring demonstratively to signalise he would have to think about _this_ himself. He sighed in defeat and laid back onto the bed, staring into the darkness. What the hell? It definitely wasn't… like that.

He and Michael were _friends_. And that was already more than he could have hoped for.

This guy was supposed to _hate_ him. And Rich was supposed to not feel anything but deep gratitude towards him for not despising him completely after all he had done. 

And yet… There _was_ this warm, fuzzy feeling inside of him whenever thinking about him. That wasn't normal, right? 

For a second time today, Rich felt like he could see Michael in front of him. He thought about the fierce look on his face when he had told him earlier that he didn't regret starting the fight and the worry he had shown towards him. He also thought about the hug _-_ the _actual hug_!-, before everything had started. 

At all those points his heart had made those weird jumps and it was doing it now _again_!

Maybe he had known for a long time somewhere deep inside of him what Brooke seemed to imply… After all, there _had_ been a reason why he had awkwardly flirted with him at the hospital and now that they actually knew each other, he couldn't deny that there had been some moments with … weird energies between the two of them. 

He cared about Michael… a lot. Maybe he- _No,_ the voice in his head said strictly. _No, no, no, you_ can't!

Why not, though…? It probably wouldn't lead to anything, Michael would never _ever_ …- 

But after a day like this, Rich just couldn’t bring up enough energy to repress this thought that had been lingering somewhere in the back of his head for a while now.

He had - and that was just a fact - a massive and totally hopeless crush on Michael Mell. 

_Fuck_. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day was the day before Christmas and Rich felt terrible for hanging around the Lohst family’s house while they were all occupied with Christmas preparations.

He spent most of the day in Brooke’s room even though her parents had said it was okay for him to stay for the day. Brooke had promised not to tell them about his dad, so Rich guessed she had gone with his original story about being locked out of the apartment. 

But, of course, he knew that this wasn't a permanent solution. Soon he would have to go back home and as much as he didn’t want to admit it… he was scared. 

Trying to push that thought away as much as possible he helped Brooke wrapping Christmas gifts all day and silently thought about Michael instead. 

Now that he had finally admitted it to himself, it was pretty obvious that he had this crush for quite some time. At least since Michael had offered to help him with school… but maybe even before that. The Squip had obviously never allowed thoughts like that but if Rich was being honest, he had already admired Michael from afar when the computer had still been in his head. 

And how could he not? Michael had never seemed to really care about all the stuff other people said and thought about him. He was unapologetically himself and had always seemed so weirdly content with that. And that was just unbelievably _cool_. How could someone _not_ have a crush on this guy? Rich was sure there were plenty of other people who would gush over Michael Mell… 

It was around 5 pm when Brooke suddenly said, “Let’s go downstairs, my parents and my sister went over to my uncle’s place.” and finally snapped Rich out of his thoughts. 

“Uh, sure.”, he said and followed his friend into the living room. They made popcorn and watched some reality show on Netflix - something neither of them really paid attention to. 

Being occupied with his own confusing thoughts the whole day, Rich only noticed now, that Brooke seemed a little absent with her thoughts as well. 

“Uh, you know that you could’ve gone with your family, right?”, he decided to say after a while, feeling a tiny pang of guilt. “You didn’t have to stay here because of me.” 

Brooke looked up, a little surprised. “Oh, uh, no don’t worry. I didn’t stay here because of you. Uh, I mean...” 

Why did she seem so flustered? “Why then?”, Rich asked back, seriously curious. 

“I, uh, I’m meeting someone later…” 

Rich raised his eyebrows and grinned. “Oh, really?” Brooke had teased him yesterday enough about Michael so now he thought he deserved some information too. 

With one look at his face, she sighed and said quickly: “Rich! It’s _really_ not what you think!!” 

“Then who is it?” 

“Ugh, okay if you want to know…. I’m hanging out with Jenna later.”, Brooke sighed and looked at him apologizing for some reason. “I didn’t know how to tell you because… you can’t come…” 

“Oh…”, Rich just said, not sure what Brooke wanted to tell him. Then the realisation: “ _Oh…_ ”

“Yeah…” 

Immediately Rich felt horrible again. After all the shit that had happened yesterday, he had almost forgotten how the day had started: With him screaming at Jenna and his friends hating him for that. Obviously, she didn’t want to hang out with him after _that_. 

“You can stay here, though!”, Brooke quickly added. “That’s no problem… We just wanted to hang out for a while now and I really can’t put it off again.” 

“Oh, yeah, don’t worry, that’s okay…”, Rich mumbled. “But, uh… can you tell her that I’m sorry for … being such an asshole?” 

Brooke smiled a little. “Yeah, I’ll tell her.” 

They silently watched the show for some time but Rich’s mind was working in full swing. 

Yes, he _was_ sorry because he had definitely overreacted in front of Jenna but… he was still mad at her. Really mad. After all, he _could_ argue that all of _this_ was her fault… right??

“I still think she outed me.”, he couldn’t help but say after a while. From the corner of his eye, he saw how Brooke turned to him, studying his face concerned. But he avoided her glance and just kept huffily staring at the TV.

“Look, I know what it looks like but I talked to her about it and she swore that she _never_ said anything about your sexuality.”, she explained, still eying him. “Don’t you think, those guys just wanted to mess with you? I mean, during the time you spent at the hospital people were talking a lot and there had been the rumour that you’re gay, maybe -” 

“No.”, Rich interrupted her firmly. “Those idiots _knew_ I said I was _bisexual_. Do you think they would even think of that word without someone telling them?”

That seemed to throw Brooke off her tracks. “No… probably not.” She looked down, fidgeting with a hairband in her hand. “But… I mean, that doesn’t mean that it _was_ Jenna.”

“No…”, Rich admitted bitterly, even though he was still pretty much convinced that it had been _her_. “But it was _someone…_ and that sucks.”

“I know…”

They fell silent again but Rich felt like there was something else to discuss. Something about this whole situation seemed off. Kind of. “Uh, I didn’t even know that you and Jenna are… good friends?”, he said after some seconds, eyeing Brooke questioning. 

If he remembered correctly Brooke had never really been friends with any girl other than Chloe… but that seemed to have changed. 

Her cheeks went a little red, and Rich wondered for a second why, before she said: “Oh, well… we’re… We _are_ friends, I guess, I just-”

 _Ding Dong_.

Brooke was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. 

“Uh, I’ll get that…”, she said and got up quickly. Rich stayed behind, blankly staring at the screen not really caring who wanted to visit Brooke’s family at 6 pm on Christmas Eve…. Until he heard a familiar voice. 

“Hi, um… Brooke, right?”, he heard from the door. “Is there any chance that you’ve seen my brother?”

Rich jumped up immediately and ran to the front door. 

“Uh, actually-” Brooke started but was interrupted as Rich appeared next to her in the door. 

“There you are, Dick!!” 

Rich frowned darkly as he looked up to his brother’s face. “Don’t call me that!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realised that I started writing this whole thing a year ago?! And I'm still not finished...


	17. Chapter 9 - Michael

####  **Michael**

“Mikey!!! Videogames!!! Please!!!” 

Michael’s headphones were pulled from his ears and his little cousin - who was too young to pronounce his name and definitely too young to properly play video games - jumped up and down in front of him excitedly. 

“Not now, Amy!”, Michael said harshly and continued to stare at his phone. 

Usually, he adored his cousin. _And_ it was Christmas… he should cheer up. But there were more important things on his mind right now… like staring at his phone for hours on end waiting for Rich to show any sign of life. 

The whole disaster was now two days ago, still, he hadn’t heard a single thing from his friend. And if Michael was being honest … he was terrified. He had sent countless texts already and even called several times but for a while now the texts didn't go through and the calls went straight to the mailbox. That was not normal right? 

He had no clue what to do, though. Calling the police was probably over the top - maybe nothing had happened after all - and he didn't know Rich's exact home address anyway (otherwise he would have already gone there himself). 

Maybe he could try to reach Jake or one of Rich's other friends. They might know what was up… Yes, Rich would tell _them_ what happened before he would tell him, right? They were his _real_ friends after all and Michael was just… something else. He most likely had just forgotten that he had promised to text him and turned off his phone over Christmas or something. 

_You have to stop worrying!!_ , his mind tried to convince him but that was easier said than done. He would have never thought that he’d ever worry this much about _Rich_ of all people... but here he was, not thinking of anything _but_ him for days now. He had to do something about that...

Texting Jake wouldn’t hurt, would it?

Michael started to search for Jake's number - that he had since he was part of their weird group chat - and was just about to type a message when his mom called him from the kitchen. 

"Michael put down that phone and come help with the food!" 

She wasn’t really mad at him anymore - she had calmed down and apologized for blaming Rich - but the whole Christmas trouble didn't help with her mood, so Michael figured if he didn’t want to fight with her again, he should probably go and help her. 

He went to the kitchen and Amy followed him, whining: "But Mikey!! Video games!! You promised!" 

"Sorry, not now.", he said again as he made his way through the packed living room over to the kitchen where his mother immediately started stacking up plates on his arms.

The house was even fuller than Michael had expected. He didn't understand why their entire family always had to celebrate Christmas _here_ , he just knew that it was stressing him out. All the relatives he hadn’t seen in ages were asking how school was going, his Abuela had already told him like five times to stop growing and everyone kept asking him about the black eye, he now had. He had to admit it was looking much worse this morning than he would have thought but he had hoped his old glasses - which were big and red and retro - would distract from it. But apparently, it didn’t so now he was forced to tell everyone how miserably he had failed in a fight _he_ had started. And he hated it.

"Michael, hurry up a little!", it came from the kitchen as Michael had just started to put the plates onto the table. He just rolled with the eye but quickly continued setting the table. 

The whole day was stretching endlessly. He managed to text Jake while his family was occupied with unwrapping presents but didn't get a chance to check for new messages after that for a while. 

Unwrapping gifts was always a very chaotic event especially because his cousins had never even heard of the word 'patience'. 

Michael had to admit, though, that he was pretty content with everything he got: New headphones that _looked_ retro but were actually Bluetooth, tons of gift cards for video games, and new patches for his hoodie.

He even managed to get Rich of his mind for an hour or two and only when he finally fulfilled his promise and let Amy use his Playstation, he managed to read Jake’s reply. 

[“No, I haven’t talked to him since Friday? Why?”]

_Shit,_ Michael thought. Jake was Rich's best friend, wasn't he? If _he_ hadn't heard anything from him then…- 

["Just wondering."], Michael texted back, not sure how to explain this. 

Something inside his stomach was twisting uncomfortably. He didn't like this. Something _was_ wrong! He wasn't sure what exactly but he was certain. 

"Mikey! Look!! I killed a zombie!", Amy who was sitting next to him on the sofa shouted excitedly. 

"Yeah, great." Somewhere in the back of his head Michael knew, of course, that he shouldn't let five-year-olds play games with zombies in them but he couldn't bring himself to bother, right now. 

Maybe Brooke would know something. She and Rich were very… close, right? 

Michael pressed his teeth together subconsciously as he searched for Brooke's number. 

Something inside him had resisted the thought of texting her. It wasn't that he didn't like her _per se_ but… Something about her was bothering him and he didn’t know what. 

But that was normal, right? It definitely had nothing to do with the fact that she and Rich- …

Michael took a deep breath and before he could think any more about this very confusing feeling, he sent her the same message he had sent Jake earlier. 

["Hey, quick question! Have you heard anything from Rich lately?"] 

Brooke didn't seem to be online right now so he decided to put his phone down for a second to get his cousin to play an age-appropriate game. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There weren’t any messages until his family had finally left and he was lying in bed, testing out his new headphones. 

Brooke had sent a voice message. Michael didn't like people who did that.

He pressed 'play' anyway. 

"Hi Michael!", she said sweetly but he stayed unimpressed. "It was all a little complicated and I don't know how much I can tell you but… Rich is fine! Don't worry. He stayed with me for some time and his brother picked him up. He won't reply, though, because… uh… his phone broke! But as I said: he was here, he's fine and I'm sure he'll, uh, contact you as soon as he can. Oh and happy holidays!!!" 

Michael stared at his phone in confusion. 

_"Don't know how much I can tell you."_ What the fuck was that supposed to mean?? Did she think he wasn't trustworthy?? If Michael remembered correctly, _she_ had been the one who had actively taken part in spreading gossip about Rich after Halloween… not him. 

And Rich had stayed with her?? _"For some time_ "? Had he stayed with her because of his father or… because of something else? 

Michael's throat felt sealed with jealousy, that he didn't know the source of. Why was he jealous?? He had absolutely _nothing_ to be jealous of! 

He swallowed hard trying to ignore this weird feeling, put down his phone, and quickly turned off the lights. 

He tried to sleep but the thought of Brooke and Rich just didn't want to leave his mind. It wouldn't surprise him if they were a couple now… He had kind of seen it coming. They had been weirdly close for some time now. And there was nothing wrong with that, right? If Brooke made his friend happy, he had nothing to complain about.

Plus, he now knew that Rich was _fine_! He was safe and everything was okay. That was all that counted anyway. 

Focusing on that thought and ignoring all the other confusing feelings, he finally fell asleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The days after Christmas went by quickly and calmly. Michael tried to spend more time with his parents, one very unsuccessful afternoon went into trying to teach them how to play Apocalypse of the Damned and he still waited for a message from Rich. Nothing came but at least Brooke’s assurance that everything was fine, was helping Michael not to worry too much about it. So all in all, he’d say that his winter break was pretty calm. 

That changed on Tuesday afternoon as he heard a familiar voice talking to his mom upstairs. 

“Hi! Can I talk to Michael?”, he heard Jeremy ask and quickly paused his video game. His mom replied but Michael didn’t listen as he sprinted up the stairs.

Jeremy was already standing at the top of the stairs and as he spotted Michael, he turned to him with a big grin. “Hi!” 

“Hi!”, Michael grinned back before catching a mildly strict glance from his mom. 

“Michael… you know that _technically_ you’re still grounded!”, she said with raised eyebrows. 

Michael just grinned in reply. “Yes, but Mom, we both agreed that it was for a stupid reason, didn’t we?” 

Apparently she couldn’t argue with that - Michael was pretty sure that she was regretting the way she had reacted on Friday -, just rolled her eyes and went to the kitchen.

“Thanks, Mrs. Mell!”, Jeremy shouted as he followed Michael into the basement... 

Michael threw his door shut behind them and went to hug his friend. 

He hadn’t really thought much about Jeremy or what he was up to after all the chaos of the last few days because… well, he had been pretty occupied stalking Rich and Brooke on social media, trying to find out if they really _were_ together - he was way too invested in this and wasn’t sure why - but now that Jeremy was here, he had to admit that he had missed him a bit. 

“It’s good to see you, man!”, he said and let go of his friend.

Jeremy frowned and opened his mouth like he wanted to say something else but then he quickly smiled and said: “Yeah, good to see you.” 

Something in his voice sounded tense. “Uh, is everything okay?”, Michael asked with a confused grin. 

It took Jeremy some seconds to answer like he first needed to process what Michael had said - he seemed very absent with his thoughts. He blinked and said hesitantly: “Uh yeah. I just- I need to talk to you about something but-”, he stopped and consciously put a smile back onto his face. “First you gotta tell me what happened on Friday.” 

Michael blinked in surprise. "Uh… you heard about that?

“Well… you had promised to come to the mall with me after school, remember? And then you just didn’t show up.” 

It took Michael a second to realize what he was talking about. His mind had been so occupied with things that had happened on that last day of school that everything before that seemed years ago, somehow. But yeah, now that Jeremy was mentioning it, they _had_ planned during lunch that day to drive to the mall. He had completely forgotten about that. 

He opened his mouth to apologize - even though Jeremy didn’t sound particularly mad about it - but the other boy was already continuing: “And then Christine heard that you were involved in a fight, apparently? I didn't believe her at first because... that doesn’t really sound like _you_ but-" He pointed at Michael's face. "-You have a black eye and new glasses so…" 

"Very smart, Sherlock," Michael said, looking to the ground a little abashed He didn't like the fact that this story had already spread far enough to reach Jeremy and Christine. He didn’t want the whole school to know how miserably he had failed.

Jeremy just stared at him with wide eyes as he sat down on the sofa. "Man, that's crazy!! Is it true that _you_ started?" 

Michael shrugged and nodded. 

Jeremy laughed, sounding a little impressed. "Okay, wow but… why??” 

Michael sank onto the sofa next to him and just shrugged again, not knowing what else to do. “Well, someone must have told at school that Rich is bi and those football players started to attack him with super homophobic shit, while I was talking to him and I just -”

Jeremy interrupted him. “Wait, you… started a _fight_ with _football players_ for _Rich_?!”

He was now sounding neither impressed or surprised. Instead, there was a weird hint of judgment in his voice, that made Michael frown.

“Yes...”, he said, sharper than he had intended. “Is that a problem?” 

Jeremy held up his hands defensively. “No…”, he said in a way that signalized that there definitely _was_ a problem. “It’s just weird if you ask me. What is it with you and Rich recently?”

Michael felt himself blush and once again hated his face for constantly doing that recently. “Nothing.”, he said tensely. 

“You didn’t even _like_ him until like two weeks ago.” Jeremy now sounded very accusing and Michael started to feel that stupid, biting feeling deep inside his stomach again. Jeremy continued: “And now you spend so much time with him?? It’s just weird.” There was an unnatural amount of sulkiness resonating in his voice that made Michael listen up.

“Wait.”, he said, still frowning angrily. “Are you _jealous_??”

This wasn’t right. Being jealous was _Michael’s_ job! Jeremy was the one with tons of friends and a girlfriend and- and _everything_. And now he dared to be jealous of the _one_ new friend Michael had been able to find? 

He gaped at his friend for a second, as that terrible feeling started to rise in him and was now squeezing his chest from the inside. 

Jeremy didn’t reply right away and just met Michael’s glance with pressed-together lips. Eventually, he said: “Well, yeah! If you decide to just forget about our plans and instead go and punch some guys for the person who bullied us for years-” 

“ _You_ told me it doesn’t matter what Rich did while he had the Squip!!”, Michael threw in, his voice now much louder than before. 

Jeremy decided to ignore him, though, and countered, just as loud: “It’s like you care more about him than me! And that sucks!” 

Michael jumped up from the sofa before snapping back: “ _You_ are the one who constantly leaves me alone and forgets that I exist! You can’t blame me for trying to find new friends!!”

Jeremy stared at him for some seconds like he had to think hard about how to respond before jumping up as well and stepping closer to Michael. In a weirdly calm voice, he said: “You know, I wanted to go back to how everything was _before_ the Squip happened but you’re not even trying to help with that!” 

_Yeah, right!_ Michael felt his hands curl to fists. “Did that thing erase your fucking memory or something? The way you’re acting now is definitely not how it was before!!! You now have Christine to spend all your time with, right?! So, why are you blaming me for being friends with Rich?” 

“That’s different!! Christine’s my _girlfriend_! Rich is your _tutoring student_?! As far as I am aware.” 

Michael’s face was doing it _again_ and his cheeks were now burning, as he stared at Jeremy furiously. He wasn’t entirely sure what was happening here but he wanted Jeremy to _leave_. Now. 

He ignored his comment about Rich and instead said:“Have you thought about the fact that maybe, I don’t like spending time with you because you literally never talk about anything but Christine??” He knew that if he hadn't been so enraged, he would have never said any of these things but the point where he had been able to hold back was now long overstepped. “That’s _so_ fucking annoying!

Jeremy stared at him with open mouth for a second. "Excuse _me_ that I want to discuss stuff like that with my best friend!!!", he shouted back and Michael turned away. He didn't want to look at him anymore. Every word Jeremy said, somehow just made it worse. The biting something from Michael’s stomach had now overtaken his mind and grasping a clear thought was getting harder by the second. 

He hesitated just long enough for Jeremy’s face to lighten a bit - as if he was thinking this argument was already over before it could fully start - but then, in a mindless moment of utter meanness, Michael crossed his arms and said silently: "I'm not sure that's what we are anymore… Best friends, I mean." 

Silence. 

"What-, what the fuck, man?!", Jeremy said, not sounding confrontational anymore at all. Instead, there was outraged disbelief in his voice. He grabbed Michael by the shoulder and tried to turn him around. 

Michael shook him off. "Don't touch me." 

"Seriously man, why are you saying that?!" Jeremy's tone grew quite desperate now and it was almost - _almost_ \- enough to make Michael turn around and apologized but… _No!_ For _once_ he would speak his mind. There had been so many times over the last few weeks, where he had just stayed silent even though there had been a million things to say. He was done bottling everything up. 

He turned around forcefully and stared at Jeremy through narrow eyes. "Because it's _true_. You constantly leave me hanging for Christine or one of your great new friends! Also, unlike Rich, you never really apologized for how you treated me when you had the Squip!!! Did you think not talking about it and ignoring all of that would make everything fine again?? Well, guess what, it didn't!" 

"That- that doesn’t even matter, right now, what-" 

"IT MATTERS-" Michael yelled loudly but caught himself and lowered the volume of his voice a little - he didn't want his mom hearing any of this. "-because if you don't even feel the need to apologize I don't think I'll be able to ever trust you again!" 

Jeremy's face went just as red as his own as he snarled back: "Oh, shut up, you're just being overdramatic now!! I didn’t talk to you for some weeks and called you a loser!!! That’s really not the worst thing that could have-" 

"YOU DON'T GET IT DO YOU?? YOU DON'T EVEN _TRY_ TO GET IT!!", Michael yelled, suddenly not caring anymore. 

It was as if the wall of pretend that had kept all the disappointment and anger of the last few weeks inside, came finally tumbling down and released all those terrible emotions at once... 

Jeremy starred up into his face with an expression as if he wished this all was just a nightmare but the words already kept tumbling from Michael’s mouth:.

"But what else could I expect? Why would you care about _me_ , now that the _wonderful_ Squip finally fulfilled everything you ever dreamt of??" 

He watched with this weirdly mean satisfaction how Jeremy opened his mouth and closed it again, speechless. 

"I-... you-", he stammered after some seconds. "You just don’t understand anything!! You never had a Squip, Michael! You don't know how much it messes with your head I-" 

"Ohh, cry me a fucking river!", Michael shouted and saw how Jeremy took a step away from him. He didn't care. His mind felt blank with fury and there was no way to stop himself... even if he wanted to. “You’re just- _god_ , you’re such an asshole!!”

"Michael what-?" Somewhere in the back of his mind, he noticed that Jeremy's eyes were starting to fill with tears of desperation, and somewhere even further in the back he felt terrible about that fact - but on the surface, there was no place for guilt right now. 

Jeremy thought he needed to cry? Fine, he should cry then. If he’d manage to make Jeremy feel half as bad as he had made him feel with the Squip, he would be more than satisfied. How did Jeremy _dare_ , to come here and blame him for his friendship with Rich? After all, Michael had done?!!? _He_ had been the one who had saved him from that thing, right?? He had done it to get his best friend back… and not this cheap, annoying copy of him!

Michael felt his body shake. Adrenaline was pumping through his blood and before he could stop himself the stream of hurtful words continued. 

"You know what?!", he hissed as mean as somehow possible. "You don't deserve _any_ of this. You're an idiot for thinking it would be a good idea to implant a fucking computer into your brain!! Who does that?!?!? And even though I warned you, you just kept going!! You hurt so many people along the way but you didn't even care!! And THEN-" Michael breathed and noticed actual tears streaming down Jeremy's face now. "You almost managed to let computers take over the fucking world!! You could have been the reason for the end of humanity!! All for the sake of being _cool_ !!! But hey, _I_ managed to save your ass, it turned out alright. So, what are the consequences for you?! NOTHING!! Absolutely _nothing_! You fucked up _so_ badly and yet you have _everything_ you ever wanted. You're cool, you have new friends who are way more popular than I ever was, you finally have a girlfriend… And you don't deserve _any of that_ ! _Especially_ not Christine." 

Michael had been _so_ sure that at some point during his monologue Jeremy would punch him… He almost wished he would, just so he could shut up. But he didn't. 

He just stared at him not moving a muscle, while silent tears kept streaming down his face. 

He looked weirdly young and helpless like this and now that all the rage had left him, something else, something cold and suffocating started to build in Michael's throat. 

_No, don't you dare start crying!!_

Michael swallowed and stared back. There was no point in having a bad conscious right now. He had _finally_ spoken his mind! He deserved to say those things and Jeremy _deserved_ to hear them!

Michael didn't know for how long they just stood there - it felt like years - but then Jeremy mumbled, choking back tears: "I hate you." 

"What?" Michael would never admit that those words went through his heart like arrows. No, absolutely not. 

"I HATE YOU!!!", Jeremy yelled, turned around, and ran out of the room and up the stairs. 

For a second Michael couldn't move but then he ran after him and shouted back: "GOOD!! BECAUSE I HATE YOU SO MUCH MORE!!" 

But as he reached the top of the stairs the front door was already slammed. 

He stood there. And stared at the door. 

_What have you done?_ , was the only thought he had before a sob escaped his mouth and the tears began to stream. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He wasn’t sure how long he would have stayed there, staring at the closed door with tears streaming down his face, if it wasn’t for the voice of his mom echoing through the hallway. 

"Michael, is everything alright?" He heard his mother leave the kitchen but barely noticed. "Who slammed the door like that?" 

As Mara spotted Michael standing there she immediately came towards him. "Oh, honey…” She didn’t ask any questions and just immediately wrapped her arms tightly around him and Michael loved her for that very much.

He hugged back, buried his face in her shoulder, and kept sobbing there, drenching her blouse in seconds. "Mom, I fucked up! I fucked up so badly! I can't-" 

His breath was getting short and his throat seemed to seal more with every second that the realization of what he had done sunk in. 

_You fucked up everything,_ the voice in his head kept telling him. _There's no going back, he’s never gonna talk to you again-_

He wanted to take a deep breath but couldn't. 

He felt his mother pull away from him, only to grab him by the shoulders. "Honey, you need to calm down. Try to breathe." Her voice was soothing but he still couldn’t gasp for air. 

"Four seconds in-", she said and Michael tried to do it but kept being interrupted by sobs. "Eight seconds out." 

She repeated that like a mantra and after some minutes Michael finally managed to take a deep breath and tears were now only falling silently from his eyes. 

His mom wrapped her arms around him again and Michael felt his heart rate slowly calm a little. 

"It's alright, baby. It's alright." 

He _wanted_ to believe her. He really wanted but … where was the point in lying to himself? 

"I messed up everything", he mumbled. This was like Halloween all over again… just so, so, _so_ much worse. Because it was _his_ fault. Completely. Jeremy had done nothing and still, he had gone crazy like that. _Why are you so stupid???_

"Hush…", she said calmingly, running her fingers through Michael's hair. 

For some minutes they just stayed like that and only when the tears finally stopped - because there weren't any left probably - and Michael felt drained and tired, his mom asked carefully: "What happened?" 

Michael didn't reply for some seconds. Saying the words out loud would make it true after all. 

He took a deep breath and finally mumbled: "Mom, I - I think I just lost my best friend. For real this time." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know some of the things Michael says to Jeremy might seem a bit harsh but.... at the time when I wrote that I was in a similar situation with a friend and I learned that the longer you bottle things up, the worse the things you say get when you finally explode and... yeah idk I just hope it makes sense and Michael's train of thoughts is somewhat understandable.


	18. Chapter 9 - Rich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, a BIG thank you to everyone who leaves comments on this fic!! I love every single one of you <3
> 
> (Also, sorry if this chapter is a bit messy... I just couldn't concentrate)

####  **Rich**

Rich had no idea how but somehow his brother managed to make them all - including their father - act like a halfway normal family for the few hours they spend at their aunt's house on Christmas day.

He liked his aunt Julia a lot but since she worked for a travel agency and spent a lot of time abroad he didn't get to see her as often as he would like to. She didn’t have any kids, was cool and rich - at least richer than the Goranskis - and had pretty much always been the only one who had given him and Dave great Christmas and birthday presents throughout their childhood. Now that they were older she had gone over to giving them money but Rich definitely wasn’t complaining. That and the fact that after years of being instructed by the Squip to act unnecessarily rude in front of adults, he was finally able to properly talk to her again, contributed to the feeling, that maybe this might have been the best Christmas they had had in a while, in Rich’s opinion.

And even the rest of the week went by relatively quiet. 

Their father went out to the pub most of the time and if he was home he stayed quiet and didn't acknowledge anything that had happened on Friday - Rich wouldn't be surprised if he didn't even remember. It was like Dave possessed a weird superpower that only older siblings could have. He didn't do much but his presence alone helped to keep everything calm. Deep down Rich already feared the moment his brother would leave again but right now he had more important things on his mind. 

Like thinking about Michael day and night. It was getting excessive, really. And probably kind of creepy. 

But what else was there to do? He still didn't have a phone, so there was no way of actually _talking_ to Michael. He had tried to find him on Facebook but Michael was obviously too old-school for social media. 

The lack of actually seeing and talking to the person that occupied his thoughts was probably the reason for the colorful and highly _unrealistic_ daydreams that occupied him almost all the time. He caught himself zoning out and gazing blankly into the distance so often that his brother probably thought that he had taken permanent damage from the fire. 

In very weak moments he even allowed himself to picture how it would be if Michael would actually _like him back_. Of course, Rich knew that the probability of that was close to zero but, hey, dreaming didn't harm anyone… right? Except maybe himself but that was okay. 

As much as he tried to keep these thoughts to a minimum, he sometimes couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if - in a perfect world, where Rich wasn't himself but someone people actually liked - they would _date._

He had never been the romantic type. No, he had only ever taken someone on a date when the Squip had told him to. There had been only two or three girls that he had actually liked and had _wanted_ to date- one of them had been Brooke - but with the Squip he had never had to deal with the fact that someone might not like him back if he’d bring up the courage to ask them out.

So all in all, this was a strange experience.

He wanted to hold Michael's hand and take him to cool places so badly that the thought almost hurt. Especially, because it would definitely never happen. Rich knew he would never ever ask him out anywhere. He had allowed himself to have those dreams under the one condition to never do _anything_ about it and he would follow that rule. The only thing that could come from that was a whole lot of embarrassment and Michael deciding not to be his friend anymore… which would be _so_ much worse. 

So maybe it was good that he didn’t have any chance to talk to him... otherwise, he'd probably do something stupid. And that would-

"Hello! Dick, are you listening?" His brother waved a hand in front of Rich's face and snapped him out of his thoughts. 

"Don't call me that….", he mumbled out of reflex and took a sip from his milkshake, frowning darkly. 

His brother had taken him to a diner in the city where they had planned to meet Jake. But he was late and so they had been sitting in front of each other in silence for a while now. They had already updated each other about their lives and now Rich wasn't sure what to talk about with Dave. 

"Pfft, I've always called you Dick… It’s a classic nickname for ‘Richard’. Where's the problem?", his brother said and grinned brightly. 

Rich just threw him a glance that was supposed to convey: "You know why.", but said: "Anyway, what did you say?" 

His smile faded. "I said I'll have to be back in Philadelphia by Friday. Do you need anything before I leave?" 

_Ugh, great_. Rich just shook his head and looked down to the table. 

"Okay…"

"Yeah, you can let me come with you, though…", Rich mumbled. The thought of being alone with his father again made a cold feeling appear in his stomach and he definitely didn’t like it at all. 

"Oh you don't want that.", Dave said, waving away his brother's comment. "College's really not as much fun as it seems." 

Rich bit his lip. "Maybe not, but I wouldn't have to deal with Dad…" He hesitated for a second before adding: “I really don’t want to live with him anymore. Couldn’t I… stay with you??” He wasn’t sure himself how serious he meant that - he wasn’t stupid and knew that Dave didn’t have more than a tiny room in a shared flat - but maybe it was worth asking.

However, Dave seemed to think he was being completely serious and looked actually shocked at that question. Rich noticed how something in his eyes shifted as he said: “Come on… it’s- it’s not _that_ bad with him.”

_What the hell?_ For a second Rich stared at his brother with wide eyes. He could be serious. 

“Yeah, right…”, he mumbled in a grumpy tone, while pretending like Dave’s words didn’t make his chest feel heavy as hell.

It was true, Dave had always known a bit better how to handle their father but his childhood had still been just as miserable… How could he say it wasn’t ‘that bad with him’??

His brother shifted uncomfortably on his seat. “No, I just mean… next year you’ll go to college too, just- try to… make it work till then. As long as you don’t provoke anything- ” 

“Oh, so now all of this _my_ fault?? He would have let me starve if I wouldn’t have run away!”, Rich snarled. Okay, yes, maybe it had been naive to ask if he could live with him but… he could have told him that without making it sound like their father’s incompetence was _his_ fault. 

Dave pulled a face and quickly looked around to see if anyone was listening to their conversation. That was typical… He had always been much more scared of people finding out how messed up their family really was than his brother. But usually, he at least didn’t act like everything was fine in front of Rich. 

“I think you’re overreacting...The last few years it was okay with him, wasn’t it?”

_Yeah, because I had a computer in my head!!_ Of course, he couldn’t say that. “Well, but it’s not anymore and I’m sick of it!”, he hissed instead. “Why can’t he just be normal, for fuck’s sake?!”

Dave sighed and lowered his eyes to the table where his fingers were fumbling with a napkin in an uneasy manner. “Try to understand…when mom died he- I don’t know, it drove him crazy, I guess. And then he started drinking and-... I don't know, but he wasn’t like this when we were younger…”

“How can you _defend_ him??” 

Rich watched how his brother's face went red and he noticed that he couldn’t look him in the eye. Something felt very, very off. Yes, of course, they had fought all the time when Dave had still lived at home but at least against their father they had always stood together. Rich couldn’t believe that his brother really _meant_ what he was saying. Or maybe he didn’t want to believe it. 

“I’m not defending him, he’s terrible… I just mean…”, Dave began and stopped for a second, searching for words. “Try to stay home until you’re going to college, okay?” 

He looked up and shot Rich a frustrated glance as if he was disappointed that his brother didn’t quite understand what he was trying to tell him. 

Rich had no clue what exactly this was about but it somehow felt wrong, so he just crossed his arms and stared at his brother with furrowed eyebrows. “Why?” 

Dave laughed bitterly. “Because _I_ don’t have money, _you_ don’t have money, life is expensive as fuck and I’m sure you can’t find a job in this town, three months after setting a house on fire….”

Rich narrowed his eyes. “Oh, so _now_ you care about the fire? When it’s about my reputation? But when I was at the hospital you didn’t bother to drop by at all?” 

“I told you I was busy…”, his brother mumbled and looked at his coffee with a strange look on his face. 

“Yeah, right….”

Rich stared madly out of the window for some minutes. He didn’t really want to admit it but- this conversation hurt terribly. Did his brother care about him _at all_ anymore?? He was refusing to help him with their father and now he admitted that he had been ‘too busy’ to care about the fact that his brother had almost died?? What could have been so important??

There was something else that seemed weird, though, so after a while, Rich decided to ask:: “Wait, why don’t you have money? I thought you’re working two jobs? _And_ you get money from your scholarship?”

Dave looked up and gave him that typical ‘You don’t understand anything’-look that older siblings were experts in. “I do, but like I said, life is expensive as fuck.” 

Rich just raised his eyebrows: “You used to send me money every now and then and you’re not doing that anymore, so you must-” 

“I can’t send money anymore, okay?”, Dave interrupted, suddenly very harsh and his face went even redder. “I need it myself.”

“For what?” Rich asked angrily and narrowed his eyes. Yes, it was Dave’s money and he was allowed to do with it whatever he wanted but… he had promised to look out for Rich, hadn’t he?

Dave clearly didn't understand his struggle, here. So Rich took a deep breath and tried to calm down, to explain in a rational voice: “Dad’s drinking way too much every day. He’s never _not_ drunk. He barely goes to work and if he loses his job we don’t have anything and-” 

“I can’t help you with that, okay? Life sucks sometimes.” Something in his eyes was flickering and for a second his brother appeared unusually young and helpless. 

Rich didn’t like that at all. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”, he said, eyeing his brother who had hurried to put on a neutral expression again, suspiciously. 

He just hoped he wasn’t in serious trouble. He couldn’t really imagine it - Dave had always been more orderly than Rich - but who knew? College changed people. 

“Don’t be silly.”; Dave said but the nervous laugh that escaped his mouth didn’t make it better. 

_Yup, he’s definitely hiding something and it’s nothing good._ That thought gave RIch a stomach ache.

A tensed silence fell over their table and just as Rich mentally canceled his plan of coming out as bi to his brother - he had no right to know that, if he refused to tell him something much more important that was _clearly_ going on in his life - when Jake finally entered the diner. 

"Sorry, I'm late!" He didn’t seem to notice the tension between the brothers. “Yo, Dave, haven’t seen you in a while!” He fist-bumped Dave before sliding onto the seat next to Rich.

Dave had coached Jake’s football team in freshman year and Jake had looked up to him ever since, which is why he always seemed way too excited about meeting Rich’s brother. Normally, that never bothered Rich but right now he really wished Jake wouldn’t look at him like he was a saint or something…. 

“How was your week?”, Dave asked, smiling like the conversation with his brother hadn’t happened. 

“Good, I guess. My cousins are getting really annoying but I guess I’ll survive… Yours?” 

Rich - pissed as he was - side-eyed his brother and mumbled: “Good until today...”, at the same time as Dave put on a bright smile and said overly cheerful: “Great!”

“Okay, well, anyway.”, Jake said frowning and glanced between the two brothers. Maybe he _was_ feeling the tension. “The best part of the winter is still to come, right?” He grinned and nudged Rich with his elbow like they both knew exactly what he was talking about. 

Rich looked at him questioning. “Do I have to know, what you’re talking about?” 

Jake eyed his friend’s confused expression for a second before hitting his hand onto his forehead and saying: “Oh, right! You don’t know yet! Dustin Kropp is throwing the _biggest_ New Year's Eve party at his house this year and we are _all_ invited! It’s going to be _epic_!”

His eyes sparkled excitingly and Rich couldn’t help but grin. “Sounds cool!” He had already feared no one would plan anything for New Year's Eve.

“You can come too, Dave!”, Jake said, still grinning and turned to Rich’s brother. 

Rich had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes. _Yeah, right_. As if Dave would want to hang out with high school kids… 

Luckily, Dave smiled but shook his head. “Sorry, I’ll have to pass. Have to be back in Philly by then.”

“I bet you have better parties there anyway…”, Jake said a little disappointed before the waitress came over and brought them all food, interrupting their conversation for a second. 

They started to eat in silence before Jake suddenly looked up and said: “Oh, I almost forgot!”

He rumbled through his backpack on the floor, before turning to Rich, pressing a rectangular box wrapped in colorful paper into his hand. “My Christmas present for you.” 

Rich felt his face go red. They never gave each other presents! “W-what, but I can’t- Why…”, he stammered, looking at the box. “I don’t have anything for you.”, he mumbled eventually, biting his lip. 

“I don’t want anything.”, Jake said grinning brightly. “And don’t worry I didn’t _buy_ anything. It was lying around my room and I thought you could use it.”

Rich frowned confused. “Uh, okay?” 

“Don’t open it before you’re home, though. I don’t want you to be able to give it back.”  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t until nine in the evening, that Rich got the chance to open the package Jake had given him. 

They had spent at least three hours at the diner and most of them had consisted of Dave and Jake talking about football. That wasn’t really a conversation in which Rich could participate without the Squip telling him what to say but since he was mad at his brother anyway for acting so weird and liked daydreaming about a certain person much more, he had been okay with that. 

He was sitting on his bed now, eyeing the box suspiciously. Why the hell would Jake just give him presents? He definitely hadn’t done anything to deserve that… 

He shook the box a little but the dull sound of something hitting the side of the box didn’t tell him much more about the content. He decided to open it slowly. Maybe Jake was pranking him and something would jump out.

However, that didn’t happen. Instead, it contained a piece of paper with Jake’s shaky writing on it and an old iPhone.

“Jake, you stupid idiot…”, Rich mumbled staring at the phone in disbelieve. _What the fuck?_ Jake couldn’t just go around gifting iPhones!! There was no way he would keep it. _No way_.

He took out the note that was in the box and read it reluctantly. 

[ _Brooke told me you need a phone, so I thought you could use this. Before you start to go crazy, let me tell you that it’s my old phone and I’m not using it anymore. Text me if everything works._

_Return policy: You can’t return it!!_ ]

Apparently his friend really knew him well… Rich looked at the phone, conflicted. Jake was probably right… he needed it. But on the other hand he really, _really_ didn’t want his rich friends gifting him expensive stuff like this. It was just embarrassing. 

Hesitantly, he turned on the phone. After all, there was no way to tell Jake that he wasn’t going to keep it without a phone, right?

It worked thankfully and Rich hurried to text Jake. [“I’m not keeping it. U know that, right?”]

Jake replied right away like he had been waiting for the message. [“Yes you are- grinning emoji - I have a strict no return policy!!!]

Rich didn’t know what to answer so he just waited until Jake typed again. [“Seriously, I’m not taking it back. I told you, I have no use for it.]

He sighed. Arguing really didn’t seem to get him anywhere here… and after all Jake was a _little_ bit right. Where was the point if he had this phone but no one used it?

He hesitated before texting back: [ok but as soon as I get a new phone u take it back!!”] 

Yeah, realistically speaking it would certainly take some time until he’d be able to afford a new phone but at least he could _pretend_ this was just a temporary solution. 

[“Deal”]

["And thanks, man"], Rich added, feeling like it needed to be said. Jake truly was the best friend anyone could wish for.

Jake replied with a muscle emoji. 

Rich just grinned and started to set up all his social media accounts on this new phone. It took a minute or two for it to catch up with all the notifications, he had received over the last few days and when it finally stopped vibrating, Rich went through every single message, one by one. 

The first thing he saw was a Facebook event for Dustin’s house party. It would start at 9 on Saturday and they were all allowed to bring “as many friends as possible”. It would be an absolute mess. Naturally, Rich accepted the invitation right away. 

After some more Facebook notifications he didn’t care about, he saw about twenty messages he had received on Instagram from the user _michaels.headphones_. 

They all consisted of stuff like [“Where are you??”] 

[“Everything okay?”]

[“Can you answer your phone?? I can’t reach you anywhere”]

[“Pls text me when you can.”] 

Rich’s heart skipped a beat as he stared at the messages. _Wow, that’s_ …. He couldn’t even grasp a clear thought.

He was pretty sure Michael hadn’t had an Instagram account some days ago. He had explained during one of their study sessions that social media would completely ruin his retro aesthetic. So why would he change his mind about that now? Was he really _that_ worried about him?? 

Torn between feeling special and having a bad conscious for not being able to contact Michael earlier, he ignored the rest of his notification and searched for Michael's phone number. Almost instinctively he pressed ‘call’. 

He regretted that decision right away. He had not the slightest idea what to say. Now, it was too late, though… it was already ringing. 

Heart beating up to his throat, he held the phone to his ear. 

_This will be awkward!! Think of something, quickly-_

“Rich?!” 

The sound Michael’s voice made something inside of him flutter and for a second he forgot to panic. “Uh, hi!” 

“What-, what happened?”, Michael asked. Something about his voice sounded a bit unusual, Rich noticed. Strained, like he was hoarse. “Did you get a new phone?” 

Rich stopped for a second and frowned. “How do you know about the phone?” 

“Brooke told me!”, Michael said, speaking very quickly. “I asked her if she knew what was up when you didn’t reply and she said your phone broke and you stayed with her and-” He breathed after those words had left his mouth hastily. “So, uh,… What happened?” 

Rich debated for a second how much he wanted to tell Michael. After all, he didn’t want him to worry more than he obviously already did. “Sorry, man, I really didn’t want you to worry. I, uh, it’s just-”, He stopped for a second, almost hoping that Michael would say something but he seemed to wait for him to continue. “Mr. Whittaker, that asshole, came here to try to talk to my father but he was drunk and he just went completely crazy and, uh, kind of broke my phone… So, yeah, I couldn’t call.” 

Silence for a moment. Then: “Your father _broke your phone_?”, Michael said slowly in disbelief.

Rich quietly thanked himself for sparing Michael all the other details if _this_ was already stressing him out. “Yeah.”, he mumbled. 

Michael answered strained: “Man, that’s… that’s fucked up, are you…- Is everything okay now?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.”, Rich said quickly. “I stayed with Brooke until Christmas and then my brother picked me up so it’s all good now.”

“Oh…”, Michael just said and went quiet, like he was thinking about something, before mumbling a little abashed: “You, uh, you should know by the way that… you can always come here, if… things get bad at home, okay?”

Rich’s heart made one of those weird jumps again and began to pound much faster than before. “Wow, uh,...”, he stammered with a closed throat, seriously surprised. “Thanks, Michael.”

The other boy didn’t say anything to that, so for some seconds, the connection remained silent. Still with pounding heart, Rich decided to ask, trying to sound a bit more light-hearted: “So… I guess I’m going to see you on Saturday?” 

“Uh, what’s Saturday?” 

"The New Years' Eve Party at Dustin Kropp's place?" Michael surely knew about this through Jeremy, right? 

"Oh, uh," Michael began. "No, I, uh, I guess I'm not invited…" 

Rich frowned. That was weird. "Oh, Jeremy and Christine are going too, I thought they would've asked you?" 

For a second Michael didn't answer but then he said in a voice that sounded extremely bitter: "No… they didn't. " 

_Uh-oh_ , Rich hoped he hadn't just started anything that could ruin Jeremy's friendship with Michael. For what reason would Jeremy not invite him?? Had he forgotten to ask him or something? Either way, Michael sounded pissed about it.

Rich noticed absently how he started to fidget with the rest of the gift wrapping on his bed in a nervous manner, as he frantically tried to find the right words.

He _wanted_ Michael to be there on Saturday. He just had to phrase this correctly and - 

But instead of working properly, his brain felt like it was doing backflips, therefore all he managed to bring out was: "Well, then I'll do that." 

"What?" 

"Ask you to come. With me." _Ahhh, wrong direction, Rich!!!_ "And Brooke and Jake." _Better_.

Michael took his time to reply and Rich felt his stomach cramp in panic. The voices in his head started to go crazy. 

_Why are you so fucking awkward!! That was so obvious, what if Michael knows about your crush and laughs at you and-_

"Uh, are you sure that would be… okay?", Michael finally said, a little hesitantly. "I don't want to… interfere if that's something between you and your friends-" 

"No," Rich quickly said. "I mean… yes, um, I mean… of course that's okay. I'm sure they don't mind. And _everyone_ will be at the party, so…" 

"Dustin doesn't like me… Are you sure I can-" 

"He'll be too drunk to notice who's there, anyway, and he said we should bring as many friends as possible.", Rich explained quickly, hoping he didn't speak too fast for Michael to understand what he was trying to say. 

He stayed silent, so Rich added: "And I- uh, I mean _we_ really want you to be there. You can't be alone on New Year's Eve." 

"Umm," Michael said, still hesitant. Rich really didn't know what else there was to say to talk him into saying yes. He held his breath, tensely waiting for an answer 

After some more seconds of silence, the other boy finally said: "I can’t promise anything but… I guess I'll _try_ to be there." 

"Really?", Rich almost shouted, surprised, and honestly excited. Michael wanted to go there!! With him!! Kind of, at least... and that was enough. 

He cleared his throat and continued calmer: "We can text later about where to meet, then. It's going to be awesome!" 

Michael chuckled a little and somehow that was enough to make something inside of Rich feel warm and comfortable. "Okay.", he said. "And, uh, Rich?" 

"Yes?" 

"Thanks for calling me… I’m really glad you’re okay." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so compared to the last few chapters there's really not a lot happening here but.... don't worry there's a lot of drama about to come 😂


	19. Chapter 10 - Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I hated parties, editing this really made me miss those good old pre-corona times when meeting people was still a thing :)

####  **Michael**

_Okay, you're just going to a New Years Party with the coolest people in school. No need to panic._ Absolutely no _need to panic!!!_

Michael had spent the entire Saturday afternoon, trying to figure out what to wear to the party, what to say, how to behave - actually he was mildly freaking out. 

He was standing in front of the bathroom mirror for quite some time now, trying to psyche himself up. It was going to be okay… right? 

The only problem was that Rich had said that Jeremy would be at the party and seeing him again after everything that had happened would be straight up horrible.

Michael didn't know what to do about that whole mess. He hated himself for having said the things he had but he couldn't just apologize… because it wouldn't change anything. Their friendship had been broken by the Squip. He just shouldn't have hoped there was a way to mend it. And if it had been broken before it was definitely lying in fragments on the ground now. Jeremy hated him. There was no way to fix this. And now he had to face him. _Great!_

Michael watched how his face in the mirror got whiter by the second and he couldn’t deny that he started to feel a little sick. 

There was still time to back out, right? Yes, he had been happy that Rich had invited him, but now he really rather wanted to hide in his bed. Rich would understand… he probably knew that Michael didn’t like parties. And honestly, he had probably only asked him to come because he wanted to be nice. He wouldn’t care at all if Michael backed out. (Somehow that thought stung a little but he tried to ignore it.)

Facing Jeremy would just be too much; being there without him by his side would be the worst and- 

_No, you don't need him!!,_ he tried to tell himself. 

He finally had to be his _own_ person and not just Jeremy's sidekick! After all, he was _invited_ to this party! With no help from his former best friend. He didn’t need him!

He would prove him with bitter satisfaction that he was totally fine without him. He had other friends - well, one other friend - and he didn't have to sneak into parties anymore. _You'll go there and have the time of your life!!,_ the voice in his head told him and Michael tried hard to believe it. 

"Michael! Are you ready to go?", his mother’s voice from upstairs snapped him out of his thoughts.

He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair once again, to make sure it was still in place. He didn’t really feel ready for this at all but… There was also no way he would stay here all alone on New Year's Eve. That would make him seem like the _biggest_ loser.

And it was his chance to prove that he didn’t need Jeremy. He _had_ to take it.

“Yes, one second!”, he shouted back and looked at his hair one last time. He wasn’t even sure why exactly he was _that_ nervous. After all, he wouldn’t be alone there, right? Rich was there. He had invited him. He had said he _wanted him_ to be there! And Michael had to admit, he was kind of excited to see Rich again. _Especially_ after everything that had happened with Jeremy. It was good to know that he still had… a friend. 

“I thought you wanted to be there by 9?”, Melany greeted him as he finally came upstairs, arms crossed. “We have to hurry!” 

“Máma, chill… parties like that don’t really start until later anyway!”, he said as he grabbed his shoes. 

Only when his mother turned the car around the corner of Dustin’s street, he realized that this statement had been very wrong. Even from here, four houses down the street, he heard the music and saw people smoking in the front yard (which was crazy. It was freezing!). 

“Uh, you can leave me out here. Please.”, he quickly said. He didn’t want everyone to see that his mother was driving him. 

She stopped the car and turned to Michael with a strict glance before he even managed to open the door. “You’ll be home by 2… at the _latest_. And you’ll take an Uber home.” 

Michael rolled his eyes. “It’s really not that far, I can walk-”

“Promise you’ll get an Uber… otherwise, Mara will go crazy.” 

“Ugh, okay, I promise. Anything else?” He wanted to leave the car before he would shit his pants and back out again. 

“Have fun!” 

Michael just rolled his eyes again and quickly jumped out of the car, before he got the chance to change his mind. 

He walked down the street with quick steps. His hands felt sweaty. Rich had texted him to meet in front of the house around nine. The closer he got to the house, however, the more obvious became one problem: There were too many people. How was he supposed to find anyone in this mess? It was impossible to-

“Hi!” 

Michael had just reached Dustin’s front yard as someone tapped his shoulder. He spun around and saw Rich grinning up to him brightly. 

“Yo.”, Jake, who stood beside him said and just nodded in Michael’s direction.

“Hey!”, Michael answered and smiled back, not really paying attention to Jake. 

It was good to see Rich. So good that he forgot all his carefully planned topics they could talk about and just grinned silently at the other boy. 

After some seconds it became painfully obvious how awkward it was and Michael tried frantically to think of something to say. Talking to Rich hadn’t been difficult before but somehow it suddenly was… maybe because Jake was also standing next to them and Michael didn’t want to sound lame in front of _him_. 

“Are we waiting for Brooke?”, he managed to ask, after way too much time had passed. Earlier at home, he had decided to find out tonight what exactly was going on between her and Rich, just so he could stop racking his head about that. This question seemed like a good point to start.

“Honestly? I don’t know…”, Rich answered frowning. “She texted me that she’ll come with Jenna…”

“I didn’t know they’re friends…”, Jake said, frowning too. Michael couldn’t care less about Brooke’s and Jenna’s new friendship and was just very disappointed that this conversation hadn’t revealed anything more about Brooke and Rich. 

“Me neither… It’s a little bit weird but-” Rich just shrugged and left the rest of the sentence hang in midair like he had suddenly decided that he didn’t want to comment on this friendship. He did sound a tiny bit grumpy about it, though. Michael couldn’t blame him… if he remembered correctly Rich was convinced that Jenna had outed him at school, so he probably wasn’t too happy that she was suddenly best friends with his girlfriend or-... whatever Brooke was to him. 

“Let’s just go inside.”, Rich said after a second of silence while Michael hoped that no one had seen him physically cringe at the thought of Brooke as Rich’s girlfriend ( _why is this bothering you, it’s none of your business_ , the voice in his head tried to tell him). “Brooke will find us somehow.”

They went into the house and Michael immediately started to feel like this wasn’t going to be fun at all. The rooms were absolutely _packed_. He tried to ignore the hint of discomfort that spread in his chest at the sight of the crowd and instead hurried to stay close to Rich and Jake. 

That proved to be harder than he had expected, though, because seconds after they stepped through the door, Dustin, who already seemed very drunk, came towards them and blocked Michael’s way. For a second he almost thought - or maybe hoped -, Dustin would kick him out but instead, for some inexplicable reason, he hugged Michael tightly. 

"Man!!! I'm so glad you're here!!!!", he screamed in his ear while he was standing there paralyzed. _What the hell??_

Luckily, Rich and Jake had stopped to wait for him and were now both giggling uncontrollably at the sight of drunk Dustin. Michael threw a helpless glance over Dustin’s shoulder to them and mouthed "What the hell is going on?". 

That only made Rich bend over with laughter. 

For a second neither Michael or Dustin moved but then he pulled back, starred at Michael's face for a second with glassy eyes before frowning and saying: "Wait… you're not Lucas." 

"No?" 

"Why didn't you say that??", Dustin said offended and turned around immediately, shaking his head. 

Michael chuckled confused and looked at Rich and Jake questioning. "What the hell?" 

Rich was still laughing while Jake explained: "Believe it or not he has greeted half of the people here like that and no one knows why… " 

"Okay, wow.", Michael just said, still confused by that encounter, as they moved out of the entrance to stand in an empty corner in the living room. Some people were dancing to the terrible music Dustin was playing and occasionally someone bumped into Michael but standing here with Rich and Jake was somewhat acceptable for now. At least the music was so loud that it was almost impossible to talk properly, so Michael didn’t feel pressure to come up with a topic. 

After some seconds, however, Rich decided to ignore the loud music and attempted to start a conversation anyway. "Hey, your glasses are new!", he shouted, pointing at Michael's face. 

Michael felt himself blush a little. He wouldn't have expected Rich to notice. "Yeah, I mean the old ones broke so…" 

"Oh, right…", Rich mumbled. It wasn't really audible but Michael saw his mouth move. "Sorry about that…" 

"Not your fault.", Michael said back loudly. Broken glasses had definitely been worth the fight on Friday and he didn’t want Rich to feel bad about that. 

“They look good”, Rich shouted back and grinned brightly up to Michael, whose face only got redder… but maybe no one noticed in the dim light. 

“Haha, thanks…”, he said and gave Rich a shy smile. 

The other boy held eye contact for a second like he was trying to say something else but then he abruptly looked away and said cheerfully: "You know what, I'll get us some drinks." And with that he went away, leaving Jake and Michael behind. 

Michael started to feel uneasy right away… He had never talked properly to Jake before and had no clue what to say to him. That guy was way out of his league in pretty much every aspect. 

Jake didn't know what to say either apparently, so they both just stared at the dancing people for some time. 

_This is awkward_ , Michael thought just as Jake opened his mouth. 

"You know what?", he suddenly said out of nowhere almost making Michael jump with this unexpected conversation. "Rich told me about Friday and - I think it was really awesome that you punched those assholes!" 

Michael didn't know what to say. "Uh, thanks... I guess. I- I mean, they totally deserved it..." 

“Yeah…” Jake kept watching the people around them as he said: "I would have totally done the same thing… I mean-" 

"Hi guys!" 

Brooke and Jenna had appeared next to Jake, both smiling at the boys. 

"Hi.", Jake and Michael said back in unison. Michael was kind of relieved that someone had crashed this weird attempt at a conversation. He wasn't sure what Jake had tried to tell him. 

"Where's Rich?", Brooke asked, smoothing the fabric of her very pretty red velvet dress. She just looked very pretty overall.

Something in Michael cramped immediately. _Of course, she wants to know where Rich is, she's obviously -_

"HEY!", Rich shouted as he reappeared at Michael's side. He pressed red solo cups into Michael's and Jake's hands, before hugging Brooke tightly. 

Michael felt his jaw clench reluctantly. _Why the hell are you so jealous_??, the voice in his head asked but once again he pushed that question far into the back of his head. There was no time to think about that now...

Rich just threw a tensed smile at Jenna before turning back to Michael and pointing at the cup. "I have no fucking clue what's in there but it _smells_ like alcohol so…" 

"That's all I need to know.", Jake said before chugging half of his cup in one go. He pulled a face but didn't say anything so Michael decided to take the risk. 

The liquid tasted like Pepsi with some kind of alcohol… and it was certainly a weird mixture but it would do for now. 

"Jake, what are you staring at the whole time?", Brooke suddenly asked and hit Jake's arm to get his attention. 

"Nothing!", he said quickly, taking his eyes off the dance floor. 

Michael followed where his glance had been and saw Madeline and a dark-haired girl dance just some steps away from them. 

"Yeah, and I think _nothing_ is wearing a really short skirt tonight.", Jenna, who had also followed Jake’s glance, said dryly. That comment made Brooke and Rich laugh and Jake blush. He mumbled something but Michael wasn’t listening anymore. Something else had caught his eye.

Christine had noticed him from across the living room, waved excitedly, and tried to pull Jeremy who was standing next to her, over to where Michael and the others stood. Michael watched how Jeremy pulled her back and whispered something into her ear, throwing an ice-cold glance across the room at Michael. 

He wouldn't admit that it felt like an icicle piercing his heart… He just tried to stare back just as coldly. _See that? I don't need you!,_ he tried to communicate with his glance. Yes, he definitely felt a bit lost between these people here but… Jeremy didn’t need to know that, right?

Christine threw a confused look at Michael before Jeremy took her hand and pulled her out of Michael's sight. Anger started to rise in his throat. He wasn't sure if he was angry at Jeremy or at himself for being bothered by this idiotic behavior but either way…. It sucked. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind he heard Jenna tell Brooke: "Hey, we should dance. too!", before she grabbed Brooke's hand and pulled her to the living room. Brooke urged the boys to come too, before disappearing in the crowd. 

Jake looked after her hesitantly. "Are you-", he began and threw Rich a questioning glance. Rich, however, held up his hands instantly and said: "I'm not dancing." 

"Me neither.", Michael quickly threw in before anything else was expected of him. 

Jake didn't really seem to bother. His eyes were already scanning the room, probably searching for Madeline who had disappeared from their view. "Okay, then I'll go find…-", he mumbled absently while already moving away. 

Rich starred after him and said frowning: "Why is he like that??"

Michael forced his mind to leave the topic of Jeremy behind for a second. Trying to laugh, he shrugged and said: "Straight people..."

Rich looked at him and chuckled: "I know, man… so annoying." 

Even though Michael was already looking at the dancefloor again - not really sure what he was looking for- he felt Rich's eyes linger on his face longer than necessary. His cheeks went red. "I, uh, - this stuff's really disgusting…", he said awkwardly, just because he felt like someone had to say something. He took a big sip of his drink anyway. 

Rich grinned and did the same. "I know, right?" 

But Michael's thoughts had already digressed again because Jeremy and Christine had appeared in front of them. At the sight of Michael, Jeremy quickly pulled Christine past them and very obviously turned his glance away from them. Christine just threw them a confused and apologetic look before she and Jeremy went outside. 

Michael swallowed. It looked almost like they were leaving…. No, Jeremy wouldn't leave just because… of _him_ , would he? Was it really that unbearable for him to be in the same room as him?? 

Michael felt something choke him and he wasn’t sure if it was anger or sadness…. but it somehow was the worst feeling in the world. 

"Uh, what-", Rich started, throwing a confused glance after Christine. "Are you guys-... Is everything okay? What-" 

"Rich!", Michael, who’s brain had suddenly made a bold decision, interrupted him loudly and grabbed Rich by his shoulders. "I want to get drunk." He wouldn't let Jeremy ruin his mood. No way. He was here with his _actual_ friend and he deserved to have fun. And if his head didn't want to stop thinking about Jeremy then he had to help. "I want to get really, really drunk." 

"Okay?", Rich said slowly and frowned, staring at Michael like he had lost his mind. "Are you sure that-" 

"I'm serious!!", Michael said more urgently and tried to sound as cheerful as possible. “It's New Year's Eve! We should get drunk!”

"Okay", Rich repeated, still seeming a little confused but a grin began to spread on his face. "Let's get drunk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short chapter but the next one is already edited as well, so I'll post it over the next few days!


	20. Chapter 10 - Rich

####  **Rich**

This entire night was going very differently than Rich had expected. It wasn't necessarily terrible or anything, no, just... very weird.

For one thing, he had to notice that it was much harder to talk to Michael in real life than he had remembered in his daydreams. Everything he said, felt somehow very awkward and that bothered him a lot.

Secondly, Michael seemed to be somewhere else with his thoughts most of the time, anyway. Rich didn't blame him… after all, this wasn't a date or anything, right? But there was clearly something strange going on between Michael and Jeremy and he wasn't sure if he was in the position to ask. 

Then, there had been Michael's sudden and honestly kind of desperate-sounding wish to get drunk, that had thrown Rich off. Yeah, Michael was certainly not the only person here who was trying to get drunk but… somehow it felt very much unlike him. 

Michael had had that idea now half an hour ago and had pulled Rich into the kitchen, where he was taking one vodka shot after another. At the beginning Rich hadn’t thought too much of it and had drunk one or two shots as well but he had stopped as he had realized that Michael meant what he had said: He wanted to get _really_ drunk, really quickly. And the fact that he was now taking his sixth (it had been _at least six_!) shot started to become rather concerning. 

"What even is this?", he suddenly asked with a disgusted glance at the empty glass in his hand. 

"Uh, vodka?" 

Michael pulled a face. "Yeah, right… I hate vodka." He hiccuped and stumbled slightly to the side.

Rich hesitated for a second. He didn't want to seem like a buzzkill or anything but… whatever Michael was trying to do here, it didn’t look like fun at all.

So, as the other boy tried to reach for the bottle again, he decided to stop him. "Uh, I think you had enough, man." Carefully, he took the bottle from Michael’s hand and put it out of his reach. 

"You think so?", he mumbled and closed his eyes as he swayed a bit and grabbed the edge of the kitchen sink for hold. "Everything is spinning." He giggled and stumbled again. 

Rich quickly grabbed his arm. He already regretted, that he had let Michael drown whatever troubles he had, with vodka. He should have stopped him earlier. "You _definitely_ had enough.", he said decisively and even though he wasn't exactly sober anymore, either, his head was still working well enough to pull Michael out of the kitchen, away from the alcohol, through the crowd in the living room and place him to sit on a sofa in the back corner of the room. 

Rich sat down next to him and eyed him concerned for some seconds. "Did it stop spinning?" 

"Uh-huh", Michael just muttered before an idiotic smile spread on his face and he pulled his knees onto the sofa so that they were pressing against Rich's leg, which was totally _not_ making his heart race like hell… no absolutely not. 

"Rich?", Michael said after some seconds of silence, staring at his face with big, brown eyes.

"Yes?", Rich said, as normal as somehow possible, trying to focus on anything but their touching legs. 

Michael grinned. "You're the best." 

Rich felt his face go red. If he would have been sober he might have replied but now he could just stare back at Michael, his heart almost jumping out of his ribcage. 

Michael seemed to think about something for a second and the smile on his face slowly faded. "I think you're my only friend, right now." 

_Yes, you're his_ friend _!! And nothing else!_ the voice in his head tried to remind Rich and he took a deep breath. He shouldn't have drunk the vodka, he just couldn't grasp a clear thought. So, despite not being sure if he was allowed to ask, he blurted out: "Are you going to tell me what's going on with Jeremy?" 

Michael sighed sadly and looked away. "I'm an asshole... He's an asshole. I _told_ him that he's an asshole and now he hates me." 

Rich laughed unsurely. That didn't sound like Michael and Jeremy at all. "I'm sure he doesn't-" 

But Michael already kept rambling so quickly, that it was hard to understand his slightly slurred words. "He was jealous that you and I were spending so much time together, which is absolutely ridiculous because he has Christine, right? And that really pissed me off, so I started saying all these terrible things to him and I don’t think I really meant them but he hasn’t even tried to understand my side since that whole Squip-thing happened and that sucks so much and- and then he said he hates me and I said I hate him and-Now we both hate each other, I guess." He shrugged glumly. "That's just how it is." 

Rich had to really concentrate to listen - the vodka really started to kick in now. He had no fucking clue how to feel about this. Michael had now lost his best friend because of… _him_? Kind of? Was he supposed to apologize for that? Was it _his_ fault that their friendship was ruined now?? Or was it okay that he felt a tiny bit special after hearing that Michael valued their friendship so highly that he had started a fight with Jeremy over it?? 

Conflicted he just stared at Michael for a while, mouth hanging slightly open. Finding words was very hard right now. 

Michael returned the gaze with an expressionless face but Rich was certain that he cared more about this than he was trying to let on. He hesitated. "Man, I'm sure… if you talk to him, it'll be fine and-" 

"Nope," Michael mumbled and let out a hiccup that would have sounded funny if he hadn’t seemed so miserable. He leaned his head defeatedly against the back of the sofa. "It won't be fine." 

"Don't you think that-" 

"I really… don't want to talk about it, okay?", Michael quickly interrupted and Rich nodded even though he definitely kept thinking about this. Jeremy and Michael couldn’t… hate each other. That wasn’t right. They had been inseparable since forever, hadn’t they? 

“I-”, he began haltingly after a while again, feeling like he had to say this. “I just don’t want to be the reason that you and Jeremy are-” 

“Don’t worry, it’s not your fault…”, Michael muttered, absently staring at the dancing people around them. “It was the Squip that ruined everything.” 

_The Squips were my fault too_ , Rich thought but stayed quiet and let his eyes wander through the room as a wave of guilt washed over him. Michael was the nicest person he had ever met… he didn’t want him to lose his best friend because of _him_. Yeah, it wasn’t cool of Jeremy that he had been jealous of them but if Rich had never befriended Michael then… maybe everything would be fine, maybe- 

_Stop thinking like that!_ he tried to tell himself. It was New Year's Eve… he couldn't let this bring him down. Also, how would it help? He wasn’t able to turn back time, was he? 

Maybe he could try to talk to Jeremy on Michael's behalf, though. Yes, maybe it would help a little bit. He could sort this out and explain that he’d never stand in the way of their friendship… or something. But doing that right now, while he was drunk was probably a terrible idea, so-

His incoherent thoughts came to an abrupt halt as Michael suddenly started to chuckle again and Rich felt something in his hair. 

He was convinced that his heart stopped for at least five seconds as he realized what was happening. "Uh, what are you doing?" Rich’s whole body seemed to freeze in surprise.

"I like your hair." Michael tilted his head to the side as his fingers slowly ran through Rich's hair. 

He let out a very drunk laugh as if all of this was suddenly somehow very amusing, whereas Rich tried hard not to freak out completely. Where on earth was this sudden mood swing coming from? Hadn’t they just talked about a very sad thing? How was Michael suddenly sending him a glance that seemed so-.... flirty?

"Uh- um", Rich cleared his throat, unable to think clearly. "Really?" 

The other boy smiled sweetly before taking a single strand of the blonde hair between his fingers and eyeing it with glassy eyes. "Uh-huh." 

Rich swallowed hard. "It's just like always, isn't it?" 

"Yeah, but I always like it." Michael giggled a little and gave his hair a gentle tug.

"Uh, w-why?", Rich brought out, not knowing what else to say. Everything around him seemed to spin and he somehow knew it wasn't the alcohol. Michaels fingers still hadn't let go of his hair and their movement sent a pleasant shiver down his spine. It was almost scary what kind of reaction was brought to him by this small and unexpected touch. 

Michael tilted his head even more, now with an expression on his face that made him look drunker than ever - but also kind of cute. 

"It looks like… _fire_! With the red at the end.", Michael said after thinking for a second. 

"Well, um, that's not what I was going for." 

"Then you should change it!", Michael yelled immediately, smiling brightly. "You should dye it again." 

Ignoring his racing heart, Rich tried to find back his cool, despite Michael still touching his hair. He tried to put on a cheeky smile that would hopefully overplay his nervousness. "Yeah? What color?" 

“Hmm… _Purple_!”

Rich laughed. “Why purple?”

Michael just shrugged, rested his tilted head onto the back of the sofa and let go of Rich’s hair (he was almost disappointed about it). “I like purple. I always wanted to have purple hair when I was younger but my hair’s too dark and my moms didn’t allow me to bleach it….”

Rich just giggled a little and it took him some seconds to reply because in his head he imagined a tiny version of Michael begging his mothers to dye his hair purple and that thought was just so adorable that it made his head fuzzy. 

He felt a warm feeling spread in his stomach as he looked into Michael’s wide eyes that were still staring at him. “I’ll think about it.”, he finally answered. 

“Hey, it’s New Year’s Eve! It can be your resolution for next year!” 

He sounded so genuinely excited about that that Rich couldn’t help but laugh. Drunk Michael was definitely… an experience. There was just no way he could say ‘no’ when he looked at him with those eyes. Rich just smiled and without further hesitation, replied: “Haha, yeah okay! I’ll dye my hair purple next year!”

“Pinky Promise?”, Michael said with raised eyebrows, holding out his pinky. 

“Pinky Promise.”, Rich answered laughing and hooked his finger into Michaels. If he would have been sober he probably wouldn’t have promised that - and he would have also thought about how ridiculous pinky promises were - but right now he didn’t care about anything but keeping this conversation from ending. “Do _you_ have any resolutions?”

Michael grinned and leaned closer like he wanted to tell him a secret. “Yes… but I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?” 

“It’s bad luck to tell someone about your resolution before midnight.” 

Rich raised his eyebrows. “I’m pretty sure that’s something you just made up.” 

“Nope!”, Michael said and shook his head vigorously. “It’s true!” 

“But now you already know mine…”, Rich mumbled slowly. He had suddenly and almost in surprise realized how close Michael’s face was to his own and now breathing seemed to get hard. 

Michael didn't say anything and just frowned in confusion like Rich had just revealed a big paradox to him. 

Rich himself wasn't able to talk either. Michael was so, so close. He could almost feel his breath on his face. It smelled like alcohol but still he couldn't help but wish they were even closer. If he wanted to, he could lean in and kiss - 

_Wait, no!_ Michael was drunk as shit… This wouldn’t be fair to him. He would never act like this if he were sober. Sad as that thought was, Rich knew that very well. Still, he couldn’t stop himself from staring at Michael's lips. They looked soft and he wondered how it would feel to kiss them. But the rational voice in his head didn't let him indulge in that thought. _If you kiss him now, it wouldn't have any meaning at all. He probably wouldn't remember tomorrow._

Rich wouldn’t want that. No, _if_ this would ever happen it had to be true and sincere. Not in a situation were Michael probably didn’t know what he was doing. 

He tried to swallow down the lump in his throat and leaned back, bringing space between himself and Michael. "Do you, uh, do you still feel dizzy?", he asked him. 

"A little…", Michael answered after a while, frowning as if he didn’t quite understand why the other boy had leaned away from him.

"Okay, listen I'll get you some water… That'll help.", Rich said, simply because he felt like he needed to bring more space between them. 

"Okaayy…", Michael sighed, closing his eyes for a second. Rich got up but just as he wanted to make his way to the kitchen, Michael grabbed his hand, forcing him to turn back.

"Rich?" 

"Yes?" 

Michael's eyes were still closed but a smile curled up on his lips. "You're so sweet." 

Rich just chuckled nervously and turned around again. "I'll be back in a second." 

It took him a lot of strength to walk away but he was certain it was for the best. If Michael got something to drink and sobered up a little, maybe he would still be… interested. Who knew? All this flirty-ness had to come from _somewhere_ , right?? 

Maybe just _maybe -_ if Michael wasn’t this drunk anymore and was still flirting... and if everything would go right…- he could try to kiss him at midnight. 

It _was_ New Year's eve after all and kissing people was a thing you were supposed to do at midnight, right?

Rich tried to find a fresh cup somewhere in the kitchen and just as he realized how sweaty his hands were, someone suddenly tapped his shoulder. 

It was Brooke. And she was crying so hard her make-up had started to drip down her cheeks. "Rich I fucked up!!!", she sobbed, obviously being at least just as drunk as Michael. 

Rich just stared at her in surprise. "What, uh… why-", he stammered but before he could grasp a proper thought she had thrown her hands in front of the face and ran out of the kitchen.

For a moment Rich didn't move. He couldn't just let her cry, right? But he had promised Michael to be back in a second… 

He watched as Brooke made her way through the crowd and out onto the front porch. It probably wouldn't hurt if he went after her for a minute or two to find out what was wrong. Michael was probably too drunk to keep track of time, anyway ...

After another second of hesitation, he ran after his friend, almost certain that he bumped into Jake and Madeline who were dancing _really_ closely - but he had more important things to worry about. 

"Brooke?" He stepped onto the porch and looked around. There were only a few small groups of people standing outside since there was a really cold wind blowing. Rich started shivering as soon as he stepped out of the door, despite having grabbed his jacket before leaving the house. 

He heard sobbing from around the corner of the house and as he followed it, he found Brooke sitting there on a garden bench. 

"Hey, what- what's wrong?", he asked carefully, sitting down next to her. 

She just sobbed more. "I fucked up!!" Leaning her head against Rich's shoulder, she started to cry into his jacket. 

"Yeah, you already mentioned that.", Rich said. He let her cry for a while and tried to comfort her by awkwardly patting her back. It didn't seem to help.

He felt her shaking underneath his hands and it was no surprise… her dress certainly didn't protect her from the wind. "Come on let's go back inside.", he said urgently, attempting to pull her up from the bench. "It's too cold." 

She just shook her head furiously. "N-No, I can't…" 

Rich sighed, knowing there was no use to argue. "Okay, but take my jacket at least." He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders but she barely seemed to notice. "And tell me what happened, so I can punch whoever's fault this is...", he added trying to make her smile. Again, it didn't work. 

At least, she tried to calm down a little and took a few deep breaths. Her mascara had fully dissolved onto her cheeks by now and all in all she just looked miserable. 

"I… I-", she began to stammer after Rich kept throwing a questioning glance at her. He hoped she would explain soon what was wrong… he wanted to get back to Michael. 

She took another breath before pressing her eyes shut and saying quickly: "I made out with Dustin." 

"You did _what_ ??" Rich stared at her, eyes wide open. “ _Why_?”

Brooke and Dustin had dated over the summer before he had cheated on her and had left her heart-broken for weeks. Why on earth- 

Rich's reaction did not help Brooke and he watched as her lip began to tremble again. “I don’t know! Jake was dancing with Madeline and Jenna was talking to Christine and I felt lonely, I guess, and he was there and-” She stopped as she burst into tears again. 

Rich quickly pulled her into a hug. "I-I mean… it's okay. He's too drunk to remember anyway." 

"But it- it's not just that.", she sobbed and backed away from the hug. She tried to wipe away her tears. "I- The problem is- I mean, I don't know why I did it 'cause I actually like… someone else." 

Okay, as much as Rich felt with Brooke, he couldn't deny that this was getting interesting. "And this person saw that you make out with Dustin?"

"Yeess!!", she cried, leaning her head again against his shoulder. 

"Am I going to find out who we're talking about or….?" Now he was curious. She shouldn't have mentioned it if she didn't want to hear this question. 

Brooke sighed loudly before mumbling: "You won't like it…." 

"Why?" 

“It doesn’t matter now anyway, I fucked up-” 

“Who is it?” 

Her face went red and she stared to the ground before saying: "I- I really like… Jenna. For some time now." 

Rich felt his mouth fall open. "Jenna?? But- You- since when- ?" He didn't even bring out a real sentence, having expected _anything_ but this. 

"I told you, you won't like it.", Brooke said, lip shaking dangerously again. "I know you still think she outed you…" 

"N-no, no it's not that.", he quickly said. That hadn't even crossed his mind, he was just genuinely surprised by this reveal. Though, now that he was thinking about it… it did kind of fit into the picture of the last weeks. Also, this was much better than some other options. It would be really shitty if she had a crush on _Michael_ for example _…_ _that_ would make things complicated. 

Speaking of Michael… He really had to get back somehow without letting Brooke down. He said: "I'm just a little surprised. I mean.. you guys were barely friends until like a week ago, weren't you?" 

Brooke was still looking to the ground shyly. "Well, we spent much more time together since Halloween and I - we just realized we have a lot of things in common and she understands how I feel with Chloe and I just … I thought I still liked Jeremy but the thought of actually _being_ with him just seems super weird now. Thinking of Jenna is just so much better and I mean she is into girls and I like her so, so much and she's always so nice to me and I thought maybe she likes me too but-" She ended this stream of words with a groan and began to rub her hands over her cheeks to get rid of the mascara there - it only helped a little. "Feelings are so confusing. And now I ruined _everything_ because she thinks I like idiots like Dustin." 

Rich took a deep breath, trying to grasp a rational thought. "Okay, you need to chill. We're going back inside now and find Jenna and then you'll talk to her." 

"I can't tell her that I like her!!", Brooke screeched, much too loud for the fact that she didn't want people to know. 

Rich quickly shushed her and said: "No, but you can tell her that you didn't want to kiss Dustin… You girls talk about stuff like that, don't you?" 

Brooke frowned. "I guess…" 

"Let's go back." This time he pulled her up from the bench without accepting any protest. 

Maybe he was being a little selfish here but… he had to get back to Michael! He was already gone for way too long and Michael didn't really have anyone else here, right? He didn't want him to feel lost. 

He pulled Brooke through the door and felt like it was even more crowded inside the house now than it was before. 

"Do you know where she could be?", Rich shouted at Brooke over the terrible music. She swayed for a second and he grabbed her hand firmer. It probably wasn't the best idea to let her talk to Jenna while she was drunk like this but he had to solve this drama quickly… it was already 11 and if he wanted to be with Michael by midnight….- 

"Don't know, dancing probably.", she answered indistinctly. They both started to look around the room and the fact that neither of them was as tall as most people here didn't help at all. 

Rich couldn't find Jenna anywhere but he spotted something else that made his stomach twist. 

Over on the other side of the living room Michael was still sitting on the sofa but he wasn't alone anymore. There was a girl beside him… _closely_ beside him.

Rich didn’t know her and he wasn’t sure if Michael did but…. It seemed like she was _flirting_ with him. He felt his mouth fall open as jealousy spread through him. She was hot…the kind of hot the Squip would have approved of. And Michael had said he might also like girls, right?? 

_Shit, shit, shit!!_ He had to get back. Now.

He quickly turned to Brooke. "Listen, I'm really sorry but I have to-" 

But Brooke didn't seem to hear him. Instead, her eyes went wide and she hurried to hide behind Rich's back. (Which didn't work out too well since they were the same height.) "There's Dustin!!", she yelled into his ear so loudly that Rich flinched. "Shit, he's coming towards us, I don’t know what to say to him! Rich, you have to talk to him!!" 

He threw a helpless look across the living room but a group of people had moved in front of the sofa and he couldn't see Michael anymore. Maybe it was better like this… he probably didn't want to see what Michael and the girl were doing anyway…

He felt a lump form in his throat and swallowed hard before saying: "But I have to-" 

"Please!!!", Brooke interrupted urgently. "Just tell him... I'm not interested or something. I'll try to find Jenna." And with that she pushed Rich towards Dustin before speeding off into the other direction. Rich had to say he found this really unfair of her, but now he was already standing in front of Dustin so… 

He grabbed the taller boy by the shoulders as he tried to follow Brooke. "Listen, man, she's drunk and doesn't want to talk to you, okay?" 

He would try to fix this and hope that Michael didn't have a girlfriend by the time he was done. _For fuck's sake_ , why couldn't something work out the way he had planned, for _once_?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took longer than I thought it would but... this chapter is actually one of my favorites (i just love party drama, u know?) so I wanted to take my time with it :)


	21. Chapter 11 - Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry for taking so long, I just didn't really feel like working on this fic with everything that's been going on recently...
> 
> As always: Thanks to everyone for the lovely comments on the last chapter, you guys are the best!

####  Michael

_Ugh, where is he?_

Rich had said he would be back in a second. And now he was already gone… for _hours_. At least _half_ an hour. Probably. Time was somehow a very difficult concept right now. 

He wasn't sure what they had been talking about, he only knew that he wanted him to come back. Talking to him had felt... good. Exciting. And now he was just starting to feel nervous. There were too many people he didn't know around him and that made his chest tighten uncomfortably. 

He tried to focus his view on the dancing people to find Rich… but that was easier said than done. Everything was a single blur. 

He _was_ wearing his glasses, wasn't he? 

Michael just wanted to reach for his face to feel if maybe someone had _stolen_ his glasses as he felt the sofa dip. Someone had dropped next to him. He turned around happily, expecting Rich. But no, it was a girl, actually. He was sure he didn't know her, though that was hard to tell right now. 

"Hi!", she said and smiled. She was sitting close to him, much closer than he would have liked. He leaned back a little and blinked several times as an attempt to bring her face into focus. 

"Uh, hi?", he mumbled. She had dark hair and if he wasn't completely wrong, he had seen her dance with Madeline before Jake had taken over. 

"I'm Nicole.", she said and gave him a bright smile, which only confused him more. What did she want from him?

"O-Okay?" _Yeah, that's definitely not what you’re supposed to say when a girl introduces herself,_ the part of his brain that still seemed to be a bit soberer reminded him. He quickly cleared his throat. "Uh… I mean… I'm Michael." 

Nicole laughed as if he had just said the funniest thing ever. "I know… Madeline told me." 

Michael felt his face burn, not quite sure what to say. This was weird. _Really_ weird. If he would only be able to grasp a clear thought he might have moved away from the girl… but his head was still spinning so he stayed on the sofa because he was sure that he would fall if he would get up too quickly.

Instead of running away, he let his eyes glide over the crowd once again, almost desperately searching for Rich now. Or anyone else he knew. 

He was kind of getting mad. Rich had invited him here, hadn’t he? And now he was leaving him alone? Just like that? Why had he asked him to come if he didn’t want to spend time with him? Michael wondered for a second if he was really so boring, that Rich was already tired of him...

He stayed silent as those thoughts took over his mind and when he didn't reply for another second, Nicole added: "I'm her cousin." 

He wasn't sure what she wanted to tell him with that so he just repeated: "Uh, okay." 

She didn’t say anything else for a while - seemingly having noticed that Michael wasn't really invested in the conversation - as he kept frustratedly scanning the room. 

And after another minute or so he let out a sigh of relief as he finally spotted Rich on the other side of the house, coming back inside through the front door. Michael almost wanted to jump up and run over to him, before he saw that he wasn't alone. Brooke was following him. She was wearing his jacket. And they were holding hands. 

_Oh_. 

Something started to boil inside Michael's stomach again as he watched them talk until they moved out of his field of vision. 

This stupid feeling again. Anger, disappointment, and… yes, definitely a very unhealthy portion of jealousy. 

_Why are you jealous??_ , the voice in his head seemed to scream at him once again and for the first time - maybe because the alcohol had turned his brain into slime or something - he dared to think about the answer for that question. 

Maybe it was because _he_ wanted to be the one who Rich took outside to do… whatever they had done. 

_Wait, what?!_

Yes, maybe … just _maybe_ he liked Rich more than he wanted to admit. But of course, only drunk Michael would allow himself to actually _think_ that thought. 

The voice in his head seemed to be a lot less drunk because somewhere in the back of his head it shouted: _Don't you dare!! You can’t have feelings for Rich. That would be the most hopeless crush ever!!!_

"Oh, just shut up.", he heard himself mumble out loud.

"Uh, what did you say?", Nicole asked. He had almost forgotten that she was still sitting next to him. ( _Yes, there's a pretty girl next to you and she is interested!! Why can’t you just focus on her and not on -_ ) 

"Nothing.", he quickly said, probably a bit to fast because the girl just frowned at him. 

"Uh, okay anyway.", she began and put her smile back on. "Maddy said you're single. Is that true?" 

"Uhh-", Michael stammered, staring at Nicole with wide eyes. He was pretty sure that he hadn't talked to Madeline since middle school, so he had no idea how she was supposed to know about his relationship status but either way, he didn’t like whatever her cousin was trying here at all... 

Also, he was definitely much too drunk to handle this properly. So despite knowing that she was totally flirting he said: "Yes?" He swallowed and just stared at her in panic. Was there any way to turn her down nicely?? 

She didn’t seem to notice any kind of distress on his side though because her smile just widened. "Good." She reached out her hand and started to trace her finger along the collar of Michael's shirt. 

_Ahhh, what the fuck?_ This wasn't good, he didn't know this girl!! She should just leave him alone!!

"I like your shirt!", she said sweetly. "It's cute." 

"Uh, t-thanks?", he stammered, having difficulties breathing. She was much too close. And there was much too much body contact. He had to get away without causing a big scene or anything. Right now. 

"Do you wanna dance?" 

_Nope, nope, nope, I have to stop this_. Without further hesitation he jumped up and yelled at her, panicking and definitely loud enough that people around them turned their heads: "SORRY, I'M- I'M NOT INTERESTED!!" He turned around without looking at her again and tried to run off. But his legs refused to function properly so he hit his knee on the coffee table… He heard a group of people snicker at him but at least he was able to flee this situation. 

He stumbled into the crowd, not really sure where to go now. The sofa had been a more or less safe space but the mass of people around him now, just made him feel uneasy. He could go and try to find Rich again but where was the point? He had a pretty girl with him in a pretty dress and-... to be honest, they had probably locked themselves into a bedroom somewhere upstairs…- 

He definitely didn’t have time for Michael.

Reluctantly, he pressed his teeth together trying to ignore the lump in his throat. 

_This party sucks._ Why would Rich take him to a party that sucked so much? Michael would never do that to a friend… _Were_ they even friends?? Or just-

"Michael!!", someone suddenly yelled over the music and grabbed his arm, pulling him towards a group of people near the kitchen. 

It took him a second to realize who he was standing with now. 

A very drunk Chloe had pulled him over - which was surprising in itself because he had not been aware that she knew his name - and next to her there were Jake and... Christine and Jeremy. 

_Great_. Hadn't they left like two hours ago?? He definitely didn’t need _this_ as well!

As soon as Michael stepped to the group he was met once again with the ice-cold glare in Jeremy's eyes. He stared back, trying to look tough but considering his level of drunkness it probably just looked stupid. 

Someone pressed something into his hand and Chloe yelled: "Cheers!"

Everyone tilted their head back and chugged down the liquid in the shot glasses Jake had passed around. Michael followed even though he knew in the back of his head that he definitely had had enough. He suppressed the urge to pull a face at the sharp taste of whatever this was and tried to ignore the burn in his throat.

He definitely hated alcohol… why was he still drinking this shit? It hadn’t helped at all, had it? Now, that Jeremy was standing in front of him, no amount of alcohol would let him forget about their ruined friendship. 

Michael tried to avoid looking at Jeremy and instead stared darkly around the room. He wasn't sure when he was allowed to leave the group without seeming rude or where to go if he did.

After some seconds, Christine caught his glance. She looked at him questioning like she wanted to get answers from him, that her boyfriend didn't want to provide. "Hey, Michael," she said, smiling. "It's good to see you! I didn't know you'd be here." 

Chloe and Jake were talking about something else and didn’t seem to notice any tension at all but Jeremy was eyeing Christine with an expression as if she had just betrayed him in the worst possible way. 

Michael tried to ignore him and smiled back - Christine hadn't done anything, after all, right? - and began: "Oh, yeah I didn't plan to come, but-" 

"You know, he's really good at sneaking into parties he's not invited to.", Jeremy interrupted his voice filled with so much hate that a shiver ran down Michael's spine. "Seems to become a habit." 

Michael wanted to protest, wanted to say something like: "I _was_ invited, asshole!", but he wasn't able to speak. Overwhelming anger blocked his throat. 

He hated every second of this.

He just saw how Christine threw a judgemental glance at Jeremy before he decided to turn around and leave as quickly as possible. He had planned to make it look graceful but the alcohol didn't go too well with the quick spin and so he stumbled into a group of girls. It probably just looked pathetic. 

He mumbled a quick apology and made his way through the crowd not knowing where he was going. Only when he closed the door behind him and leaned against it he realized where he was. 

The Bathroom. Once again. _Great_. 

He took a deep breath, trying to choke back the tears that had started to build behind his eyes. This was-... too much. 

Why had he thought any of this would be a good idea?? He should have known that it would end like this. Jeremy wasn’t his friend anymore and Rich… well, why would Rich actually _care_ about him?? He had Brooke and Jake and many, many other people to waste his time on….

So Jeremy was right in the end… He _was_ a loser without friends at a party where no one wanted him to be. _Again_ !! He was an absolute idiot for thinking that someone like Rich might actually like spending time with someone like _him_ ; for thinking, he’d be okay without Jeremy. 

He was _anything_ but okay. 

His heart was racing so fast that it was pounding in his ears and his breaths were getting shorter, as those thoughts swirled through his brain. He let his head fall back against the door and closed his eyes defeatedly. Everything around him still seemed to spin as if the whole world was a terrible carousel. 

He tried to take a deep breath but it wasn’t helping. He couldn't form a coherent thought but one thing was clear: He couldn’t stay here.

It wasn’t like he _owed_ anyone to stay… least of all Rich. He didn’t need a Halloween 2.0 and no one would miss him here anyway if he’d just walk out the front door. 

_So do it! Just leave._

“Fuck this.”, he heard himself mumble but it sounded like it came from underwater. 

Without further hesitation, he ripped open the bathroom door and stumbled out into the crowd again.

It felt like everyone was staring at him. Far in the back of his head he knew they weren’t but that didn’t change the fact that he felt like he was going to throw up - but maybe that was the alcohol’s fault as well. He noticed how wobbly his legs felt as he started to make his way past the people. 

He wasn’t entirely sure afterward how _exactly_ he had gotten through the living room and out of the house, but five minutes later he was walking down the street, leaving the party and the beat of Dustin's horrible music behind. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he had promised to get an Uber and that his moms would be pissed if they found out that he was walking, but right now he couldn’t bring himself to care.

An ice-cold breeze blew across the street and sent a shiver down his spine but also cleared his foggy head a _little_ bit. It had started to snow. The coldness stung on his wet cheeks but he couldn’t bring himself to wipe away the tears that were suddenly falling from his eyes. 

This was the worst day _ever_. Maybe even worse than Halloween. 

_I’m never going to any kind of party again,_ he thought bitterly.

Had he hoped that _this_ time - despite everything that had happened with Jeremy - it would turn out fine? That he would have a good time, even? That _maybe_ he and Rich would - …

Yes… kind of. And the fact that none of that had turned out to be the case just… hurt. It hurt _so_ much.

Hands buried deep inside the pockets of his jeans, he kicked hard against a soda can that was laying on the sidewalk. He hoped he would be home soon. He was freezing and honestly just wanted to hide in his bed forever. He tried to walk faster but his unsteady legs weren’t really helping with that. 

He wasn’t sure what part was the worst. The fact that he had lost his best friend and that it was now very obvious that there was absolutely no way of _ever_ fixing this, being sad and lonely on New Year's Eve, or the thought that the person he maybe, - probably - had a _slight_ crush on, didn’t seem to care about him as much as he had hoped. 

There had been this one moment on the couch - and Michael remembered this now, despite not knowing what else had happened - where there had been this expression in Rich’s eyes and Michael had thought that perhaps he would lean in and- …

But _no_ , who was he kidding?? Rich had Brooke and it was clear that they were _more_ than just friends. 

_It’s your own fault if you think it’s a good idea to have a fucking crush on_ _Rich Goranski_ , the mean voice in his head said, _are you completely nuts???_

Yes! This _was_ completely nuts! He had _hated_ Rich just some months ago and now he…- 

He almost wished he could go back to a time where Rich and Jake and Brooke and all the others who had just made life so much more complicated, had been people he was scared of and would avoid talking to at all costs. That would be easier than… this. Whatever this was.

He sincerely hoped he was still drunk enough right now to forget all thoughts about Rich he had had in the last fifteen minutes.

A feeling of emptiness started to spread through him, as he turned around the corner to his neighborhood and saw small groups of people smoking in front yards. Through the windows of the houses, there were more people visible, drinking, laughing, and waiting for the new year to begin. Michael walked faster and hoped nobody would notice the sad boy that was going to go into the new year all alone. 

Realizing that he had stopped crying, he wiped his face on his jacket…. he was almost home and his mothers didn’t have to see right away how miserable he was, right? 

He hadn’t even reached his street though when a group of neighbors in a front yard to his right started to count down the remaining seconds. 

“10, 9, 8.”

Michael now practically sprinted. This would be the very _worst_ beginning to a new year ever. 

“7,6,5.” 

Even worse than that one time he had been at the hospital with pneumonia. 

“4, 3, 2,1.” 

He had almost reached their front yard but stop reluctantly as people started to yell: “Happy New Year!!”

“Just shut up.”, he mumbled inaudibly. Fireworks went off somewhere close but he didn’t even bother to look up. In his mind, there was a picture of what it might look like at Dustin's party right now: Everybody happy, couples kissing… Jeremy and Christine, Jake and Madeline,... Rich and Brooke.

_Ugh._

He felt something starting to build in his throat again. 

Great! He couldn’t start the year bawling his eyes out over - 

_Okay, nope never mind_ , it wasn’t tears that were choking him up. 

He leaned over the hedge of his neighbor's garden just in time to puke in it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, honey, it’s noon, you have to get up!” 

His mother’s voice rang through his room and Michael pressed a pillow onto his ears. 

“Ugh.”, he groaned. His head felt like exploding. 

It took him another hour before he finally felt well enough to get out of bed, take a shower and let his mind relive last night. 

He had to realize - almost disappointed - that he remembered more than he had planned. 

The ice-cold look on Jeremy’s face seemed to be burned onto the inside of his eyelids and appeared every time he closed his eyes. Then there was the thought of Rich and Brooke that just made his stomach cramp...and of course, that crazy, stupid thought that he might have a crush on-... 

_Everything sucks_ , he thought, and leaned his hurting head against the shower wall as cold water ran over him. 

“So I assume the party was good?”, his mom asked as Michael finally came upstairs and grabbed a big glass of water from the kitchen - he wasn’t sure if his stomach would be able to process anything else. 

He just laughed ironically at that comment and fell onto a chair at the kitchen table where Mara was working on her laptop. “Where’s Mamá?”, he asked to avoid answering her question. 

She laughed without looking up from her work. “Upstairs. I think she has a hangover but doesn’t want to admit it. We’re just getting too old for parties….”

His mothers had gone out to celebrate with friends for the first time in a while and Michael was happy for them that from the sound of it, they had had more fun than him but when he said, “Glad you had a good night at least…”, it sounded very bitter.

His mom frowned. “So… yours was...not good?” 

“You have no idea.”, he mumbled, holding his head with his hand. He would _never_ drink alcohol again. 

“What happened?”, she asked, looking concerned. “You were home before us…” 

Yeah, and Michael had been kind of happy about that because that meant that they hadn’t seen how miserable he had been. He sighed loudly, not sure if he wanted to share what had happened. “It just… sucked. Jeremy…- Jeremy really hates me and I- I thought I would be fine with that but… I’m not.” 

His mom eyed him with a sad look in her eyes before she said: “Don’t you think you could talk to him? Apologize? You guys are friends since kindergarten and-” 

“Mom, we talked about this, it wouldn’t change anything…” 

She just didn't get it. How could she? She had no idea about the Squip or _anything_. He couldn’t take back the things he had said to Jeremy because he deserved to have heard most of them. And even _if_ he would swallow his pride and apologize.... the look in Jeremy’s eyes yesterday had clearly shown that there was no world in which this could possibly be fixed. 

"Okay, but you were there with your other friends, right?", Mara now tried. She seemed to realize that Michael didn't want to talk about this. Little did she know that this topic wasn’t any better. "Didn't they -" 

"That's even more complicated… and they're not my friends.", Michael interrupted a little harshly. 

"But I thought-" 

"I just realized something and I-" He jumped up from the kitchen chair, suddenly having changed his mind. There was no way he could tell his mom that he had a crush on- "I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

“I know you don’t like talking about your feelings, Michael, but sometimes-” 

But Michael had already stormed off. This was probably unfair to her but… He couldn't deal with this, right now. His head was hurting too much. Coming to the kitchen had been a mistake… He should have stayed in his bed for as long as possible. 

Luckily, his mom didn’t call him to come back, so he entered his room a second later and fell onto his tangled bedsheets.

Just as he let out a deep sigh, he heard a vibration sound next to him. 

He grabbed his phone from the bedside table - he couldn't remember putting it there - to see that he had gotten a message from Rich. And it wasn't the first message he had sent since yesterday. No, in fact, there was an entire chain of messages - similar to what Michael's side of the chat had looked like when he had tried to contact Rich last week…. Just a bit drunker. 

["Hey where are u?"] 

["are u still here?"] 

[“I talked to Jeremy and told him he’s an asshole…”]

[“Dont think he was listening tho”]

["Where are u??"]

["Bro"]

["Happy new year i guess"]

["sorry i left u alone"]

["pls tell me you're home"]

Michael scrolled through the texts and started to feel a little guilty. Maybe Rich _did_ care more than he had thought and just leaving without saying a word had been unfair to him… 

He scrolled down further… there were two more messages. The first one had been sent at 4 in the morning and it read: [“I really hope you made it home… would have been fun tho if you would've still been there when midnight came around… everyone else was kissing and I felt kind of lonely haha]

_Uhhhh what?!?_ Was this- did he mean that he would’ve… - _No, no, you’re completely misinterpreting this!!!_

Michael’s heart was racing. The message was phrased like… like Rich was saying he…- Michael couldn't even bring himself to actually _think_ that thought. He probably meant it completely different, right? And he must have been drunk by the end of the night! So no need to panic. 

Yeah, he was probably just saying that everyone around him had been kissing and he would have liked to have someone to laugh at those people with, right?? But that would also mean that he hadn’t kissed Brooke at midnight and maybe that meant there _wasn’t_ actually something going on between them- 

_No! Don’t get your hopes up!_

He shook his head violently, trying to get rid of those thoughts and the tingling feeling in his stomach but regretted it right away because that only made the headache come back stronger. 

He groaned silently and laid back onto the bed while reading the last message that had arrived mere seconds ago.

[“Hey, sorry for spamming you like that last night… Brooke and I got very drunk after midnight and I wasn’t sure what I was doing lol. But I still hope u made it home ok, please text me when u can.”]

_Okay, so he’s admitting himself that he was too drunk to know what he was saying…_

Also, Brooke _had_ been with him. And even if they hadn’t kissed at midnight they had done it at _some_ point of that night… no doubt. 

Michael swallowed down the lump in his throat as he thought about how to reply. 

After all,… it was still a fact, that Rich had left him alone yesterday (for Brooke, which made it only worse), despite knowing that Michael didn’t have anyone else at the party. And now that he was thinking about that - crush or not - he was _a little_ mad at him. At least, he didn’t feel like replying as cheerful as he would have otherwise. 

So he just wrote: [“Yeah, I made it home. I had to leave… didn’t feel too well.]

Rich replied right away as if he had been waiting for that message: [Good. - thumbs up emoji - Are u feeling ok now? U were really drunk haha.] 

[“I’m good.”] His pounding head definitely said something else but… Rich didn't need to know that.

[“ok good”], he answered immediately. 

For a minute or two that was it and Michael started to scroll listlessly through his Spotify playlist (even though he didn’t feel like listening to music, at all) just to avoid thinking about Rich. 

But then another message from him popped up and Michael’s mind started to spin again.

[“Do you want to hang out later this week?”] 

Did he want to...? Yes, maybe. But was he in the right state of mind to face Rich again, this soon after all those confusing, weird, and stupid thoughts about him had popped up in Michael’s head? No, definitely not. 

He had enough feelings to deal with and he needed some time to figure those out while playing Apocalypse of the Damned all alone.

[“I think I caught a bad cold yesterday... “], he lied because he didn’t want to disappoint Rich too much. [“I guess I should stay home for a bit, sorry.”] 

It was better if he only saw him at school again. If he got this one week of distancing himself from all of this, he would probably be able to go back to having nothing but platonic feelings for Rich and they could keep studying together and stay friends like before. No big changes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some weeks ago, I told someone in the comments that it's not going to be sad for a while and I just gotta say: I'm so sorry I totally forgot about this part! 😭😂


	22. Chapter 11- Rich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! This is just a short filler chapter (and I'm not happy with it at all) because I didn't have much time to work on this one (I'll explain why in the end notes!)
> 
> Thanks for the comments on the previous chapter! ❤

####  ** Rich **

Looking back at the party, it was safe to say that it had been mostly one thing: a big confusing mess. 

Even though Rich had managed to distract Dustin from Brooke pretty quickly and had gotten him to talk to someone else, he hadn’t been able to find Michael again. He had pretty much searched the entire house before he had finally accepted that the other boy must have left. 

At first, Rich hadn't been sure why he would have done that. He had even been a bit worried about Michael - he had been pretty drunk after all… who knew where he had stumbled off to! - But then he had remembered the girl he had seen him with on the sofa and a terrible mix of hopelessness and jealousy had solidified in his stomach. 

Michael had probably left with _her_. Either that or he had left because he had felt lonely. 

Both those options were terrible in Rich’s opinion. 

Maybe it was the jealousy, maybe the anger he felt towards himself for leaving Michael’s side that night, that made him come to the conclusion that it was probably better not to text Michael for the rest of the winter break. 

The few messages they had exchanged the day after the party, had felt forced and awkward and Rich didn’t want to think about it more than necessary.

It felt like Michael was mad at him… or maybe he was just put off by that weird message about kissing people Rich had sent him after the party - which wasn’t any better .

He wasn’t sure why he had sent it in the first place…. He hadn’t even been _that_ drunk, just very emotionally overwhelmed after he had realized that Michael wasn’t at the party anymore. 

He remembered that he had told Brooke (who hadn’t had any more luck with Jenna) about his hopeless crush and drunk as she had been she had advised him: “You have to tell him!! That’d be so cute!!” She had thrown up five seconds later and that really should have been an indicator, that he shouldn’t listen to her but… by the end of the night he had been desperate enough not to care anymore and had wanted to at least _hint_ at the fact that he would have liked to kiss Michael. That weird text was the outcome of those feelings.

As expected it had backfired. Michael probably thought he was weird now…. He should have known that Michael would never want to… do _that_ , right? 

So all in all, not trying to talk to Michael for a while seemed like the best option. Maybe by the time they met at school again the other boy would have forgotten about... all that. He would survive one week without Michael, right? 

The rest of the winter break went by pretty quietly, actually. Rich managed to stay out of his father’s way and they didn’t talk at all. He hung out with Jake almost every day, discussing his new attempt at a relationship with Madeline (Rich still didn’t like her but if his friend did... he would have to deal with it). Some days they were being joined by Brooke and the three of them would study their lines for the musical together. 

It was difficult without the Squip but that also made it a great distraction from his feelings so when Rich walked into his calc class on monday morning after the winter break he was almost surprised - and a little overwhelmed- to suddenly see Michael already sitting there. He didn’t seem to have noticed him entering the room yet.

The feelings Rich had been able to ignore came back in a rush and he had to try hard to keep a more or less calm expression. As he stepped closer to Michael’s table, he caught himself subconsciously checking his hair. 

What if he really _was_ mad? Or thought he was weird or- 

_Calm down!_ , he tried to tell himself.

He cleared his throat as he fell onto his chair next to Michael. “Hey.”, he said, trying to sound as normal as possible.

Michael jumped a little, seemingly having been lost in his thoughts. He turned to him with a slight smile - which was a good sign… right? “Oh, hi!” 

Rich tried to smile back. “How was your-” But of course, he was interrupted by the sound of the bell and their teacher shushing the class. He had to suppress a sigh.

Michael turned his head to the front of the room and Rich took that as a sign that he didn’t want to risk getting called out for talking during class… so he said nothing and instead played out different scenarios of how the conversation after the lesson might go. 

He probably needed to apologize for leaving Michael alone at the party… But could he ask about the girl without seeming intrusive? What if Michael didn’t want to talk about that with him? Rich wasn’t entirely sure if Michael saw him as a close enough friend to discuss stuff like that…

The bell rang after what felt like hours and Rich turned back to Michael immediately. He had already gotten up from his chair and was now grabbing his backpack. Rich hurried to do the same. 

“Hey, you passed the test!”, Michael said as he made his way out of the classroom. Rich followed him. 

He looked down at the paper in his hand, almost a little confused. He had been so occupied with thinking about what to say that he hadn’t even noticed the red _C_ on the paper his teacher had handed back at the end of the lesson. “Oh, yeah!”, he said, trying to sound like he had _obviously_ noticed that before. “Thanks for that, I guess.” 

“No need to thank me. You managed to do this yourself.” 

“Yeah, but you helped.”, Rich said and had to hurry to keep up with Michael. He was walking fast, like he had to get somewhere. “Hey, how was your week?” 

“Normal,” Michael answered in a plain tone and shrugged as he finally stopped in front of his locker. “A bit boring.” 

Rich chuckled unsurely. Somehow he felt like this wasn’t really going in the direction he had planned. He tried again: “Are you feeling better?”

“Huh?”, Michael asked, seeming a little absent with his thoughts as he put his calc book into his locker. 

“You said you had a cold?”, Rich quickly explained. “Did it go away?”

Michael looked at him for a second like he had no idea what he was talking about, then something in his face lit up and he quickly looked away. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine now.” 

Rich couldn’t help but frown a little. Something about the way he talked still seemed off… There was this weird new tension between them and he didn’t like that. Maybe he _was_ mad… and maybe this would be a good time for an apology. “Listen, man,” he began hesitantly. “I’m really sorry for leaving you alone at the party but, uh, Brooke -” 

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” He smiled but it seemed a little forced. Also, his face had gotten really red… but that didn’t have to mean anything. “I get it.” 

“You do?”, Rich asked, because he wasn’t sure if he really _got_ it himself.

“Yeah and I… uh, I didn’t plan on staying that long anyway so it was okay.” He smiled brighter and Rich almost believed him. 

He watched as Michael took some other books from his locker to stuff them carelessly into his backpack and somehow Michael’s hands caught his eyes. He couldn’t help but remember the feeling of those hands in his hair on New Year's Eve and once again a shiver ran down his spine. At that moment everything had seemed so perfect and then he had still managed to go and ruin the evening… The contrast between how Michael had talked to him that evening and how distantly he was speaking now made something in Rich’s chest hurt. If he had just-

“What are you staring at?”, Michael chuckled and ripped Rich from his thoughts. 

“Uh, what, uh, I-”, he stammered and felt how his face got warm. He cleared his throat and frantically tried to think of something. What his brain finally came up with wasn’t exactly the most careful question. “Uh, did you talk to Jeremy?” 

As expected, Michael’s expression darkened right away. “No…” He slammed the door of his locker a bit harder than necessary and Rich internally cursed his stupid brain for not coming up with anything better. “I’m not going to either…”, Michael added as if he had expected Rich to propose a reconciliation. 

Rich wasn’t sure what to propose in this situation at all and Michael’s tone clearly indicated that he didn’t want to discuss this with him, so they both went silent for a while. This time, Rich gave himself some more time to actually come up with a useful topic but as he finally said: “Hey, we should hang out sometimes soon-”, Michael spoke almost simultaneously:“Hey, listen, I’ve gotta go.” 

He didn’t seem to have noticed that Rich had tried to speak too, so he decided to let it go for now and pretend like he hadn’t said anything. 

Michael pointed awkwardly down the hall and continued: “I’ve got to meet with Mr. Whittaker because of… detention, you know?” 

“Oh...”, Rich just said, suddenly being taken by guilt again. He had almost forgotten about all that… and he hated the fact that now Michael had to bear consequences for defending him. “Yeah, okay, uh, I’ll… see you tomorrow?”

Michael smiled a little. “Sure, see ya!” 

With that he turned away and almost _ran_ down the hallway, leaving a confused Rich behind. He had no fucking clue what to do with this conversation. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You gotta talk to her!”, Jake said trying to get Brooke’s attention by waving his script in front of her face. 

It was monday afternoon and the three of them had found a corner at the back of the auditorium where they weren’t bothered by anyone else. Mr. Reyes had told them to split into small groups and go through the script focusing on getting to know their character. Rich thought he had studied his lines well enough by now to know his character and Brooke and Jake didn’t seem very interested either, so they just sat and talked about all the drama that seemed to have come with the party. 

Brooke had been staring off into the auditorium for a while now, very obviously looking at a certain someone on the other end of the room. Now she turned back to her friends, red in the face. “I _am_ talking to her… sometimes.” 

“You know what I mean…”, Jake returned with raised eyebrows.

Brooke must have told him about her crush as well and after nothing had happened between her and Jenna that night - or any time after that - Jake was now determined to play the wingman for them. Brooke didn’t really seem to like that.

She looked at him with an annoyed expression. “Not everyone can just walk up to people they like and... suddenly be in a relationship right away!”

“Well, I-”, Jake started but paused as Madeline and her friends walked past them and he smiled brightly at her instead. 

Rich and Brooke exchanged a glance and had to suppress a laugh. 

“How are you and Madeline suddenly getting along so well again?”, Brooke asked with raised eyebrows, obviously trying to steer the topic away from her own love life. “I thought it didn’t work out with you two…” 

“Well, it didn’t at first…”, Jake began with red cheeks, as his eyes absently followed Madeline through the auditorium . “But we talked about it at the party and we agreed that I wasn’t invested enough when we last dated because back then I was still into Chloe but now…” He shrugged and left the rest of the sentence hang in the air. 

“Now you’re not into Chloe anymore?”, Rich decided to check.

“No,” Jake answered with an unreadable expression and quickly hurried to turn back to Brooke. “Anyway, I think you should just go for it and ask Jenna out.”, he said with a cheeky grin. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” 

“Ugh, I can’t just… _do_ that.”, Brooke sighed and shook her head. “Your confidence is too massive to get it but... that would never work.” She turned to Rich. “You know what I mean, don’t you?”

“Uh...”, Rich felt his face go red. The way she had said that definitely sounded like she was hinting at his hopeless feelings for Michael. He hadn’t told Jake anything about all _that_ and he wasn’t sure if he wanted him to find out just yet, so he replied vaguely: “Yeah, uh… asking people out is scary...” and tried hard not to sound like he had a very specific person in mind. 

They fell silent for a while and Rich let his eyes wander through the room, thinking about how and if he could tell Jake that he was having more than just platonic feelings for Michael.. He absently watched how Christine wildly gestured with her hands while talking to Jenna. Jeremy was nowhere to be seen. From the corner of his eyes he saw Madeline and her friends approach the two girls and he could almost smell the upcoming trouble but his attention was being directed back to Jake, who had raised his eyebrows once again and suddenly began: "Sooo…" He leaned back and waited for both Brooke and Rich to turn back to him. He grinned at Rich and said: "You and Mell, huh?" 

Rich stopped breathing for a second. "I, uh- what?? It's not- I mean, uh-" 

Jake just laughed at his stammering friend who was now turning to Brooke and hissed: "Did you tell him??"

Brooke held up her hands defensively and laughed: "I didn't say anything." 

"She didn't _have_ to say anything. It's so obvious, man." 

Rich stared at Jake and felt like his head was going to explode. He wasn’t sure why but somehow he feared that Jake would laugh at him. They had never really talked about cheesy things like… _feelings_ before. What if he thought this was embarrassing?

"I- I don't know what you're talking about.", Rich said - like there was any way Jake would believe him - and avoided eye contact, fumbling with a hole in his jeans instead.

"Bro...", Jake said and nudged Rich’s arm. "I _saw_ you two at the party. You guys were totally flirting the whole time." 

"Uh…", Rich just managed to bring out. He knew his face was bright red. He had never really thought about the fact that people had seen him on that sofa with Michael...

"He was like…-" Jake began and held two fingers that were almost touching in front of Rich's face. "... _this_ close to kissing you!!"

Rich's heart skipped a beat and he stared to the ground again. He didn't want Jake to see how much he actually _cared_ about this but couldn't stop himself from asking: "You think so?" 

"Yeah, man, totally!" 

Rich stared at his shoes for a while, trying to sort his swirling thoughts but then a bitter feeling spread in him again and he continued: "Well, it doesn't matter now, anyway… He's mad at me because I left him alone at the party…" 

"Oh, shit! Was that my fault??", Brooke said immediately, eyes wide. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize-" 

"No, no. it's okay….", Rich quickly interrupted. This whole crush-thing was hopeless anyway and he didn’t want his friends to feel guilty because of _his_ stupid feelings. "The last time I saw him at the party he was flirting with this girl, so I really don’t think that…-" 

Jake frowned and interrupted him: "Madeline's cousin? Oh, no, he wasn't flirting with her." He laughed as if that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. "I saw him _literally_ running away from her and Maddy later told me how rude that was." 

_Oh._ Rich frowned. Well, if that was true… it changed the whole situation a bit. Now, he wished he would have gone to Michael immediately when he had seen him with the girl… maybe the evening would have turned out differently.

"Anyway, my point is. You should go for it. He's totally into you!!" 

Rich looked up. "Uh… you… you think so?" Jake usually had a really good sense for stuff like that…. Was there maybe a real, _actual_ chance that Michael- 

"Yeah, man! And you're _totally_ into him!" 

He saw Brooke just nodding approvingly to that. A slight smile spread on his face. "Maybe…" 

He noticed how Brooke and Jake exchanged bright grins. Almost like they had planned a conversation like this.

"Are you going to do something about it?" Jake asked, actually sounding quite excited. 

Rich hesitated for a second. "No?”, he replied after a while unsurely. “I mean… I don't know, I don’t know how to… do this." 

"Oh, come on.", Brooke said frowning. "You used to go out with girls _all_ the time this is not any different." 

He bit his lip and stared back to his shoes. He had almost expected that his friends would remind him of that sooner or later… they just overlooked a crucial point. "Yeah…”, he began. “But _they_ were all asked out by the Squip. _I_ never asked anyone out without help…" 

Brooke stared to the floor too and mumbled: "Oh Yeah… right.", but Jake had already shifted into dating advisor mode. "It's not that hard, once you take the first step, honestly.", he said in an unnaturally wise voice. 

"I don't-", Rich began and stopped. He sounded much too desperate. Trying to speak normal he continued: "I don't want to ruin this, man." 

"You won't!”, his friend said in an optimistic voice. He stopped for a while to think before continuing: “Listen, you said your dad’s gone over the weekend, right?” 

Rich frowned. “Uh, yeah… their company’s doing construction work in Pittsburgh… why?”

“You can invite Michael to come over to your place!! You guys used to study, right? Just do that again but like… subtlety let him know that you like him. Make it nice… cook something, I don’t know.” 

"I won't cook.", Rich said and laughed. That would probably be _the_ way to ruin it. 

He was genuinely surprised at how much thought Jake was giving this but he wasn’t entirely sure if that advice would actually be helpful. 

Jake sighed. “Okay, but you know what I mean… Don’t come on too strong but show that you care, you know?”

“Yeah, and if he’s not into it, it can still be read as friendship.”, Brooke threw in.

“But that won’t be necessary because he _is_ into you!” 

Rich’s eyes twitched from one friend to the other and back, as he tried to keep up with this flood of information. This entire conversation seemed a bit strange to him. It was definitely new that someone encourage him in a crush he already _had._ With the Squip he had always just been allowed to like people that were deemed crush-worthy by the computer and _if_ feelings were involved at all they had to develop along the way… Compared to that, this was a nice alternation. 

“Okay, well, I guess I’ll think about-” 

“What the hell, Madeline?!”, someone shouted suddenly and Rich lost his train of thoughts. 

He, Brooke and Jake turned their heads towards the group of girls that had formed some rows down from them. Madeline and her friends were standing in front of Jenna and Christine, arms crossed and looking extremely unimpressed by Jenna’s enraged comment. Christine just stared at the girl in front of her with an indefinable expression on her face.

“What?”, Madeline said, shrugging at Jenna’s cold gaze. “It’s true. I’m just saying what everyone thinks! She’s not even blonde! The musical is called ‘Legally _Blonde’_ in case you didn’t notice!” 

“We have fucking wigs, Madeline!!”, Jenna yelled back, face red with anger. Christine next to her seemed to shake a little now. 

Madeline ignored Jenna’s argument and just added snootily: “Whatever. It’s not my fault, she can’t act.” 

That seemed to be enough for Christine because she turned around and ran towards the door. 

“Oh, shit…”, Rich heard Jake mumbled behind him, as he watched Christine, who was now definitely crying.

Madeline shouted something else after her but Rich didn’t listen anymore. He focused on Christine who was coming towards them on her way out. He tried to catch her by the arm as she walked past them: “Hey, are you alright?” 

She stopped for a second and stared at him with wide, shimmering eyes. Actually, she looked like she was almost... _shocked_ to see him here. Rich let go of her arm and stared back in confusion, before she made a weird whimpering sound and ran out of the auditorium. 

“What…?”, he just managed to bring out, not sure what was going on here. But he didn’t get any answers because Jake and Brooke had already moved over to Jenna. 

They were exchanging quick words with her. Brooke was holding her arm and that was probably for the best, because Jenna looked ready to punch Madeline. 

Rich wasn't sure what exactly she had said to Christine but... if it had been bad enough to make her cry he honestly couldn’t blame Jenna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so... my laptop broke, so I have no idea when I'll be able to update again 🥺 I'm posting this from my brother's computer but he won't let me use it all the time (which is why this chapter isn't very well edited either and I'm sorry if it's a bit messy)  
> I'll try to get it fixed as soon as possible and if it takes longer I'll find another way to keep working on this fic somehow (but it could be that you'll have to wait two weeks or so until next chapter, sorry!)


	23. Chapter 12 - Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! (kind of) I got my old (like, really really old) laptop to work again, so I'll write on here until my actual laptop is fixed.... still can't promise regular updates because this thing is slow as fuck and annoys me a lot but at least I'll be able to post something...

####  **Michael**

“Oh, no _way_!”

That had been Michael’s reaction when Mr. Whittaker had told him that the Art Club desperately needed people to help create the set for the upcoming musical. And that Michael would spend his detention time doing exactly _that_. 

No, he had sworn himself to not get involved in _any_ way with this stupid musical. Not at all. 

And yet here he was on a Monday afternoon, standing between five freshman kids (the kind of students that were still excited about clubs and stuff) in the tiny art room in the basement of the school and listened half-hearted to Mrs. Dooley - the Art teacher - who told him how excited she was that Michael had ‘decided’ to join them. 

“We can really use all the help we can get!”, she said, smiling brightly and Michael didn’t really have the heart to tell her that he didn’t want to be here at all. So he just smiled back, while eyeing two girls on the other side of the room who seemed to be painting a trailer onto a giant piece of cardboard (What was Legally Blonde about again??). “Especially someone as talented as you, Michael. I’m glad, you’re here.”

“Haha, me too…”, he lied with a strained smile because he liked Mrs. Dooley (after all, she was the only teacher who always told him how good he was at something - without forcing him to participate in class) and it wasn’t like he had a say in this anyway. 

Also,... _maybe_ this would be better than sitting in a stuffy classroom doing extra work for subjects he hated. 

“Actually, you can go over next door and help painting some signs there, for now. They have to get done first.”, the teacher said cheerfully after a while and pointed at the door. 

Michael just shrugged. “Okay.” 

He made his way through the freshmen who were working on various props and set pieces and weren’t leaving much space in the room to actually move (maybe the school shouldn’t wonder why no one wanted to join the Art Club if they didn’t even give them a big enough space to work with - but that was another story), so he was glad when he entered the small storage room next door and saw only one person sitting there, back turned to the door and painting in concentration. 

“Oh, hi.”, Michael said and tried to smile. “I’m supposed to help with the-” He stopped as the person turned around. “... You??”

Okay, that had probably sounded very rude but honestly, he would have never expected to find _Chloe Valentine_ at the Art Club. 

“Hi, Michael”, she said, shining a bright smile that would have let every other person seem friendly, but just appeared a bit intimidating on her face. She turned back to the big ‘Harvard'-sign she was working on. She didn’t seem particularly surprised to see him here. “Mrs. Dooley said someone would come to help but I didn’t expect you.”, she explained after a while, moving her brush over the piece of cardboard in front of her in deep concentration. “You’re not part of the Art Club are you?” 

“Uh, no...”, Michael answered, still a little confused by this unexpected encounter. “But I can do this instead of detention so…” He shrugged and settled down next to Chloe onto the floor, a little hesitantly. 

She grabbed a big brush and pressed it into his hands immediately. “Here. You can start painting the letters gold.”

“Uh, okay.” 

She seemed weirdly invested in this. 

After getting some of the gold paint onto the brush and starting to paint at the ‘D’ of the word, he cleared his throat awkwardly and said: “Are _you_ part of the Art Club?” 

Not taking her eyes off the sign, she said: “Hm, well, yes, I guess I am _now_ .” Michael just looked at her questioningly and she seemed to have noticed that because she added: “Well, everyone else is doing the musical and I _really_ can’t act… But I didn’t want to miss out on it completely, you know?” 

“Oh, yeah, uh, that makes sense.” Actually, he wouldn’t have expected Chloe to be scared of missing out on _anything_ ….

“Also,” she added and smiled again - softer this time. “I like doing this. I mean, I’m not the best artist but… it’s calming. I can listen to music and be by myself for once…” 

“Uh, sorry for ruining that…”, Michael chuckled nervously at that. Who would have guessed that _Chloe_ liked to be _alone?_

She just waved away his comment. “No, _you’re_ fine. You’re not popular enough for me to worry about what you might think of me. No offense.”

 _How brutally honest._ Michael decided he liked that. “None taken…”, he answered with a smile and they kept painting for a while. 

He noticed how she was tapping her foot to a rhythm he didn’t hear and saw that she had put one earbud back in. The silence wasn't necessarily awkward but he _wanted_ to talk to her so he asked: “Hey, what kind of music are you listening to?” 

He was surprised to see that she blushed a little. “Oh, you know I… I don’t have a genre or something but… right now I really like Queen.” 

“Oh, no way!! I love Queen!”

“Really?”

“Yeah!!” Michael couldn’t contain his excitement. _Chloe_ \- the girl that was intimidating everything and everyone in a radius of five miles with her sheer presence - liked old music? What kind of parallel world had he slipped into? “What’s your favorite song?” 

“Uh, _Killer Queen_ probably. Right now. But it changes a lot. Yours?” 

“ _Innuendo_! It’s so underappreciated!” 

And so they spent the next half hour talking about music while finishing up the sign. Michael and Chloe. How absolutely _fucking_ weird. Even weirder: It kind of worked. 

“Musically, I’m still recovering from that horrible music at that New Years Party!”, Chloe said and pulled a face of utter disgust, as she started to clean up her brush. Michael laughed. “No one should ever give Dustin the power over a mixing panel and two speakers again.” 

“Agreed.”, he said with an overdramatic groan. “My ears were _literally_ bleeding.” 

“Oh, right you were there too!” 

“Yeah, we had shots together.”, Michael reminded her, trying not to let it get to him that apparently, people had barely even noticed him there. 

Chloe frowned. “I don’t remember that… But I saw you on that sofa together with-” 

_Bang_. The door flew open, hitting the wall and making the two of them jump. 

“What-”, Michael began and spun around, seeing who had interrupted them. 

It was Christine. And she was crying. “I- I, uh- s-sorry-”, she stammered between sobs, staring at the students in front of her in shock. “I- I thought this room was empty.” 

“Hey, are you-”, Michael began in a worried tone but she had already turned around and run out of the room. 

He threw a quick questioning gaze at Chloe, who just shrugged and said: “She’s _your_ friend’s girlfriend.” 

He could have told her that Jeremy wasn’t his friend anymore but instead he decided that Christine was a bit more important right now. Without another word, he jumped up and ran after her. 

He found her at the end of the corridor, where she was sitting on the floor, head resting against the wall, seemingly having given up on finding an empty room.

He approached her carefully. “Christine?” 

Her eyes darted up for a second but she turned away from him right away. “Sorry, Michael… I didn’t want to disturb.”, she said in a strained voice, trying to hold back the tears. 

“You didn’t-”, Michael began but stopped and frowned. Yeah, maybe he didn’t know Christine _that_ well but this seemed like very unusual behavior for her. So instead he said: “What’s wrong?” 

He settled down next to her onto the floor, as she tried to wipe away her tears with the sleeve of her neon-pink sweater. “I don’t know, I - I just-”, she began to stammer but another sob escaped her mouth. Michael decided to pat her back awkwardly. 

“It’s just…”, Christine started again after a while. “Everything seems to go wrong.” 

Michael didn’t say anything and waited for her to continue. 

She took a deep breath and said: “Even… even theatre sucks. I shouldn’t have gotten this role and I know that but I was so excited and now -” 

No, this didn’t sound like Christine at all. “Okay, what’s going on here? You love theatre!” 

She sighed and looked at him with shimmering eyes like she was debating whether or not she wanted to talk to him about it. Michael tried to look back encouragingly and after a while, she sighed again: “Madeline said I’m not a good actress and only always get the lead because I’m Mr. Reyes’ favorite student... And honestly… maybe she’s, right. Maybe I-”

“Wait, what? You know that’s bullshit, right?” Michael stared at her, mouth hanging open. She couldn’t _honestly_ believe that. “You’re the best actress at this school, and that’s a fact.” 

“But why on earth would I get the lead in a musical instead of Madeline?? She’s amazing and I can’t sing and-”

“I was there at the audition! And you were perfect for this role! Really.”, Michael interrupted. He hadn’t seen her entire audition actually and maybe he still didn’t know exactly what Legally Blonde was about but he still meant what he said. Madeline was good, yes. But Christine was better. 

She looked to her shoes and started fidgeting with the hem of her sweater. “You think so?”

“Yeah.”, he said and nodded quickly. “She’s jealous, that’s it…. So, honestly, you have no reason to listen to her. I can’t wait to see what an amazing Ellen Tree you’re going to be.” He knew the character’s name wasn’t ‘Ellen Tree’, but it was something _similar_ and he wanted to make Christine laugh. Which actually worked. 

“Elle Woods!”, she laughed and hit his arm playfully. For some seconds they both just giggled and Michael almost thought it was time to get up from the floor but then Christine’s face fell again and she stopped laughing. 

“But Madeline’s not my biggest worry, honestly", she mumbled and looked back to the ground. “I-I know that… I know that something happened between you and Jeremy and you don’t talk but…. can you please tell me what’s wrong with him??”

Michael swallowed. He didn’t want to talk about Jeremy. Especially not with his _girlfriend_. But she sounded pretty desperate so he asked hesitantly: “Uh, why what’s… what's he doing?”

“He’s… I - I just…”, she stammered, searching for the right words. “He’s just been so moody for a while now and he didn’t even want to talk about what happened between you guys - which was fine but then-… then I did something _really_ stupid and told him about it and- now he’s mad at me, I think. He doesn’t want to talk to me and avoids me - he’s not even at school today and - basically I think he- he’s going to break up with me and I don’t want that.” The last words came out as a sob and she seemed to be close to tears again. 

Michael just stared at her, trying to process the information he had just received. Why would Jeremy want to break up with Christine?? That didn’t make any sense. He had wanted to be with her since forever! “W-what did you do?”, he decided to ask after some seconds. Christine looked at him in confusion so he specified: “I mean the stupid thing you told him about, what-?”

“I can’t tell you-”, she quickly said and turned her red face away from him. “B-but it was kinda bad and now- He hates me.” 

Michael eyed her confused. Christine was the sweetest person on earth… what bad thing could she have done? “I’m sure he doesn’t hate you… Did you talk to him about it?”

“Well, I tried-”, she said, poking her finger through the holes in her knitted sweater. “I asked him why he’s avoiding me and if he’s mad but he… he just said that… he ‘doesn’t deserve to be with me’ and that just sounded like a lame excuse not to talk to me and-” She didn’t finish the sentence and started to cry again instead. 

But for Michael, she didn’t have to say anything more. It was pretty obvious what was going on here, from his perspective. Whatever Christine had done, it had probably nothing to do with this… No, this was _his_ fault. _He_ had told Jeremy exactly that: That he didn’t deserve Christine. And apparently, Jeremy still valued his opinion more than he would have expected. 

He glanced over to Christine. He hoped she wouldn’t notice how red his face had gotten. 

She looked miserable. _Great_. Now it was his fault that this girl’s relationship was going downhill. Because he had said something stupid he probably hadn’t even meant and refused to apologize. 

Yes, he had told himself that Jeremy had deserved to hear all of that but now Michael felt pretty guilty. If Jeremy was even skipping school over this -... maybe it was time to at least _try_ to apologize…

“You know what?”, he said and carefully put his arm around Christine’s shoulder. “I think you shouldn’t worry too much, he’ll… he’ll go back to normal… Probably.”

“Can you go and talk to him?” Christine looked at him with pleading eyes. “Please. He listens to you!”

 _Yeah, and that's the reason we're here._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Did you just promise Christine to talk to Jeremy again?_ the voice in his head asked him in a horrified tone as he walked across the school’s parking lot, half an hour later. 

Yes, maybe he had… At least he had promised to try to _fix_ this and to do that he probably would _have_ to talk to him. 

He didn’t want to do that. _At all._

Not necessarily because he didn’t _want_ to apologize… but because he was scared. Scared of Jeremy’s reaction. What if he wouldn’t _accept_ any apologies? If he would just look at him again with this hateful gaze? What if he wouldn’t listen to him and _actually_ break up with Christine?? Then Michael would have broken two hearts, without really meaning to. 

And his own heart too probably... 

Because as much as he didn’t want to admit it: He _wanted_ Jeremy back as his friend. And he _needed_ him. So what would he do if this didn’t work out? If they never managed to be friends again and- 

“Hey, man, what are _you_ doing here?”

A cheerful voice snapped him out of his gloomy thoughts and he looked up. 

Rich was standing there in the snow by Michael’s car and eyed him surprised. 

Despite Michael’s decision to be mad at Rich for a while because he had left him at the party, he couldn’t help but smile at him. Yes, their quick conversation this morning had been a little awkward but seeing him again after more than a week had made the butterflies in Michael’s stomach go completely wild … And they were doing it now again. 

So, yeah, his plan of only having platonic feelings for Rich again hadn't really worked out.

“Hi!”, he said, a little breathlessly. Was he overreacting to this whole crush thing? Maybe. But Rich was wearing a beanie and the way it made his hair fall onto his forehead was so unbelievably cute that Michael had to try hard to keep a neutral face.

He stepped closer to Rich and grinned down to him. The other boy still looked at him and Michael remembered that he had been asked a question. 

“Oh, uh, I-”, he quickly began. “Remember that I said I had to go to detention today? Yeah, well, I was able to back out of that by joining the Art Club because they were kinda desperate for help so… Now, I’m building the set for your musical…” 

“Hey, that’s- that’s so cool!”, Rich said, an exciting shine in his eyes. “Now you’re part of it too!” 

_That’s exactly what I tried to avoid._ But Rich sounded genuinely excited about this fact so he didn’t say that. “Yeah, I guess so…”, he chuckled instead and shrugged. “If anything goes wrong with the set at least you’ll know who to blame, right?”

Michael would have expected a cheeky reply to that but instead Rich said sincerely: “I’m sure it'll be perfect.” and grinned at him brightly.

That grin definitely made his heart jump and Michael felt his cheeks blush. He tried to overplay that by awkwardly scratching the back of his head. “How was rehearsal?”, he decided to ask. 

“Fine, I guess…”, Rich said and shrugged. “We sang through an ensemble number and it was okay, I think. But there was some kind of drama with Christine and Madeline… I don’t know what was going on, though.”

“Yeah, I know, I talked to Christine…”, Michael said heavily. “She was really devastated. Madeline told her she only gets the lead because she’s Mr. Reyes’ favorite student and that she can’t act…” 

“Ugh…”, Rich said and furrowed his eyebrows. “I don’t know what Jake finds in her, honestly. She’s just mean.”, he added, talking more to himself than to Michael.

Michael nodded in agreement anyway and hesitated for a second. He didn’t know if he was allowed to tell Rich about Christine’s problems with Jeremy but he somehow felt the need to talk this out with a friend… Rich was the only available option, right? 

So after some seconds, he continued: “Yeah… that wasn’t the only thing that was bugging her, though-” 

He told Rich about Christine’s fear that Jeremy might break up with her and how and why that’s actually _his_ fault. 

“...so yeah, I really don’t know what to say to Jeremy to make it better but I also can’t do nothing and- _ugh_ , I don’t know how to do this.”, he finished. Maybe he did sound a little whiningly but Rich had listened attentively the entire time and was now making an expression of deep concentration. 

“Okay, well, I might not be the best person to ask for advice but…”, he began hesitantly. _You’re the only person I_ can _ask_ , Michael thought. “I think if you guys talk it out, it’ll be fine. And Jeremy will probably be glad that you reached out… You guys have been friends since forever, haven’t you?” 

“Since kindergarten, yeah…”

“See, that's a really long time, man… Something like that isn’t completely destroyed by _one_ fight. Seriously, you need to talk to him.”, Rich said encouragingly and despite that not being anything groundbreaking Michael was kind of happy to hear it from someone else. 

Yes, Jeremy had been his friend since _forever_ , he would be able to forgive him and they would probably make up, right? 

“Yeah, I’ll… I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”, Michael decided after a while, still very hesitantly. “Can’t be too hard, can it?” He chuckled but he knew the panic in his voice was clearly recognizable. 

Rich smiled again and patted his shoulder: “It’ll go fine. Don’t worry.” 

Somehow that really helped. “Thanks, Rich…” 

Michael smiled back and after neither of them said something for a while he decided that it was time to leave. He turned to his car and almost already wanted to open the door before Rich called his name again. 

“Michael?”

He turned back. “Yes?”

Rich’s face was red and honestly… he seemed a little nervous. Michael felt this tingle in his stomach again. 

“Actually, I wanted to ask, if, uh,...”, he began and cleared his throat awkwardly. “My dad’s gone over the weekend… I thought maybe you’d like to, uh, come over?” 

Michael’s mind started spinning immediately. _He just wants to hang out! Chill!_

As he didn’t reply - he was to busy staring at Rich with wide eyes - the other boy quickly added: “Um, I mean we can study a little bit maybe? And I don’t know, play Xbox?” 

_Yes, he wants to play video games and study - nothing new!_ So why was Michael’s heart racing like this? 

He still didn't manage to bring out a single word. Rich's face had only turned redder and now he said insecurely: “Uh, but if you don’t want to that’s fine, I-” 

“No! I want to, uh, I mean-”, Michael quickly managed to stammer. He swallowed and finally said: “Sounds great!” He tried to grin as carelessly as somehow possible, even though internally he was definitely freaking out. “As long as you don’t make me play Fortnite…” 

Rich laughed out loud - it sounded kind of relieved. “Don’t worry.” He grinned up to Michael and his heart made a tiny jump again. “So… Saturday?”

“Yup, sounds perfect.”, Michael answered and smiled back. 

This would probably be a good time to finally go… but now that he was thinking about it, he actually didn’t _want_ to leave Rich’s side just yet. He looked back to his car and added: “Hey, do you… need a ride or something? I can drop you off at home.” 

“Oh, uh, no…”, Rich said quickly and pointed behind him. “Brooke and Jake are waiting for me, we wanted to go to the mall… Uh, but thanks!” 

_Oh, yeah, right…_ Brooke existed. 

“Oh, okay. See you… tomorrow, then.” Michael just said and waved awkwardly. Rich smiled and made his way across the parking lot to where Jake and Brooke were waiting for him, while Michael was getting into his car. 

Somehow the butterflies seemed to have transformed into a bunch of worms that were biting the inside of his stomach. 

He wasn’t jealous… not at all. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Okay, you can do this. It’s just Jeremy._

Michael had been standing on the porch of Jeremy’s house for at least five minutes now, trying to get up the guts to actually ring the bell. 

He had told himself he would confront him at school today but he hadn’t been there for the second day in a row - which was worrying in itself - so he had forced himself to come here directly after. He couldn’t avoid him _here_ after all. 

Still, it took some willpower. 

_Oh, fuck this._

He pressed the button and waited with racing heart. He would be able to fix this, everything would be fine again and- 

“Michael?” 

“Uh, hey, Mr. Heere.” 

Jeremy’s dad had opened the door - actually wearing pants for once - and was now eyeing Michael with a surprised glance. “Jeremy said you-”, he began but was interrupted by an angry call from upstairs. 

“Tell him to piss off!”, Jeremy’s voice came from his room and something in Michael cramped painfully. 

Mr. Heere threw an uncertain glance up the stairs before looking back to Michael. “Uhh…”, he began in an undetermined voice. 

“I really need to talk to him.”, Michael stated. Now he was here and he wouldn’t let Jeremy ruin his plans! 

Mr. Heere pointed behind him and stammered: “Uh, well, he said- Uh, I guess I shouldn’t let you-” 

But Michael had already made use of Mr. Heere's lack of authority and squeezed himself past him into the house. He speeded upstairs to Jeremy’s room and banged on the door. “I need to talk.” 

A muffled: “I don’t care”, came from the inside. “Fuck off.” 

Michael tried to open the door but it was locked, of course. He sighed and rubbed his forehead in exhaustion. This was going to be difficult. “Listen, I’m going to say what I have to say anyway… But it’s kinda important so I’d rather do it without a door in front of my face.”

No response. _Great_.

Michael sensed that Mr. Heere - who was still standing at the foot of the staircase - was eyeing him, curious about what was going to happen. Michael looked down at him with a glance that hopefully conveyed something like “Please, go away.” 

It seemed to work because he mumbled: “Uh, oh sorry.”, before disappearing into the kitchen. 

Michael pounded against the door again. “Seriously, Jere, open the door.” 

“No.” 

_Okay, this is going nowhere_. He took a deep breath. He’d just say what he had to say and then leave. 

“Okay, listen, I - I’m sorry. I was being a dick. The things I said to you were things I had wanted to say for a while but… I should have tried to find a better way to talk about all that with you.” He stopped, realizing that he didn’t exactly know what he was doing here. He listened for a response but nothing came, so he added: “I know you that you probably don’t give a shit about what I’m saying, right now. But I don’t want to be the reason you break up with Christine… - because she doesn’t deserve that and-” 

“Who says I’m breaking up with Christine!?” 

Jeremy snapped open the door, stopping Michael’s monologue. 

He stared at Michael with a look that wasn’t even mad or anything, just utterly confused. Michael stared back and eyed the other boy surprised. He was just wearing boxers and a t-shirt and basically looked like he had rolled out of bed seconds ago. He was a mess. 

“Well, she thinks you are. And she’s devastated.”, Michael said after a while, trying to keep an expressionless face. 

Jeremy stared for some seconds before turning around with furrowed eyebrows as if that fact confused him a lot. He went back into his room but left the door open so Michael decided to follow him. 

“She said you’ve been avoiding her for days now… of course she thinks you’re breaking up.”, he said as Jeremy let himself fall onto his bed, still avoiding eye contact. 

“Well, I’m not…”, he mumbled. 

“Good.” 

Michael looked around the messy room and buried his hands deep in the pockets of his sweater. He wasn’t really sure what to do now. If he was being honest he wouldn’t have thought that he would get this far.

After a while, Jeremy looked up and said coldly: "Is that all you want?"

"No.", Michael replied as firmly as possible and took a deep breath. Now or never. "Christine said you think you don't _deserve_ to be with her. And in my opinion, that sounds like you took what I said seriously… and I don't want that. I mean… you _do_ deserve to be with her. And you deserve to have those new friends. I guess I just said that because… I was jealous and disappointed-..." He took another deep breath and had to notice in shock that it sounded pretty shaky. He avoided Jeremy's gaze and continued. "...because I thought that everything would be how it used to be. But now I know that things have changed and I won't be able to do anything about that but maybe that's not so bad. I just- I still want you to be my friend because I can't imagine my life without you and… - basically: I'm _really_ sorry." 

He knew that he had probably been talking to quickly for Jeremy to understand everything - but it had to be said. And now that he was done he could just wait and hope. 

After a second or two he dared to look up and stared at Jeremy's unbelievably neutral face. He wasn’t sure what do do with that expression but it probably wasn’t a good sign. He pressed his teeth pressed together and held his breath while waiting for a reaction because he feared he might cry if he would do anything else. 

But Jeremy didn't react at all and just eyed him. 

"Please say something.", Michael mumbled after a while of silence, almost desperately. 

Jeremy stayed silent for some more seconds that seemed to stretch endlessly before he finally mumbled back: "I don't know what to say." 

Michael had to repress a sigh. That wasn’t really helping him at all. He wanted to say something but Jeremy was already speaking again. 

“I guess I…”, he began haltingly and Michael’s heart started to race again. Jeremy stared to the ground and was fidgeting with his hands but kept talking steadily: “I- I thought the entire time that you were okay with how things are since... the Squip happened. You didn’t _seem_ jealous or anything and I … I was so happy about the fact that you were okay with it and still by my side after all I’ve done that- that I didn’t even think about how you might actually feel and when you said those things to me, I got so… angry and, uh-… I guess I’m sorry too. “ 

Wait _, what?_

“I’m sorry I pretended to be okay with all of that. I shouldn’t have done that.”, Michael threw in breathlessly. He wasn’t really processing what was happening here. Was Jeremy… _actually_ accepting his apology??

“I wish you would have talked to me about it…”, Jeremy said with his teeth pressed together. He looked up and for the first time in weeks met Michael’s gaze without an expression of anger. That alone was enough for Michael to choke up a little. “The worst thing about… that fight we had was that… All those things you said - that I don’t deserve this and that I should have to bear consequences for all of that -...”, he stopped for a second to reorganize his incoherent sentences, before starting again: “I had those thoughts myself… more than once. But the fact that … everyone - _especially_ you - seemed totally fine with how things are now, made me ignore those thoughts. But when you said those things it… it just… it _hurt_ so much.” 

“I’m sorry.”, Michael managed to press out. He definitely wasn’t crying… no, absolutely _not_. 

“I know. Me too.”, Jeremy said with a strained voice. “I overreacted... “ 

“No, you didn’t, I was an asshole.” 

“Maybe, but I was one too.”

Michael swallowed hard and tried to calm his breathing a little. “So you… you accept my apology?” 

Jeremy got up from the bed so that he was standing in front of him on eye level. “Yes… I mean… Of course. You forgave me for all the shitty things I did with the Squip, so I can forgive you for _one_ fight. Just… just promise me that we’ll talk about shit that bothers us okay?” 

And with that, he pulled Michael into a tight hug. 

Was this happening? Was this _actually_ happening?? 

Michael hugged back and tears of utter relief began to stream down his face. “I promise.”, he sobbed, completely overwhelmed with feelings. 

“I’m glad you came here. I thought you never wanted to talk to me again.” 

“I thought so, too.” 

“You’re my best friend. My life is just shitty without you in it.” 

“That’s so cheesy.” 

“I know.” 

They just stood there for a while, tightly holding on to each other. Michael was sure that Jeremy was crying a little too so he didn’t really make any attempt to calm down. 

The sheer relief that he actually had his friend back - a possibility that seemed absolutely unrealistic just one day ago - was just too much for him to process right now. 

Yes, it probably would take some time and work for them to go back to what they used to be but… that was okay, in Michael’s opinion. 

It took some minutes for Jeremy to let go and when he did he mumbled, wiping his eyes with his hand: “Uh, wanna play Apocalypse of the Damned?”

Michael couldn’t help but laugh. “Sure!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, now please tell me why Christine thinks I want to break up with her…”, Jeremy said after they finished the first two levels of the video game. 

Now that they had both calmed down, Michael just felt very giggly the entire time. This was definitely one of the best days ever. “Well, as I said, she thought you avoided her…”, he said a little too cheerfully, while shooting a zombie out of the way. He remembered what else she had said and added: “And she… she said she told you about something bad she did and thinks that you’re mad at her because of that but… she didn’t specify what she was talking about…” 

“Oh,” Jeremy said and stared at the screen, suddenly a lot more serious. “Yeah, uh, I know what she meant but… I’m not mad at her because of that… Not really- I don’t think I can tell you about it, though.”

“Uh, that’s okay…”, Michael quickly said, even though deep down he was very curious about this. Christine was a nice person, right? What could she have done wrong?

“But I kind of want to…”, Jeremy mumbled.

Michael glanced over to him and noticed that he had gotten a little flustered. What was going on here? “You really don’t have to-” 

“I actually wanted to talk to you about that… before we had the fight… That’s why I came over.” 

“Uh, okay?” Michael frowned. He didn’t feel like laughing anymore… this sounded serious. He had a dark thought that seemed very unlikely: “She, uh, … she didn’t cheat or anything, did she?” 

“No, no!”, Jeremy quickly said. “Oh my god, no. It doesn’t have anything to do with me…” He paused the game and Michael turned to him in confusion. His face seemed very serious. “You have to promise not to tell _anyone_ , okay?”

“Uh, okay.” 

Jeremy raised his eyebrows. 

“Uh, I promise”, Michael added and waited tensely. He knew that wherever this was going... he wouldn't like it.

Jeremy took a deep breath and said: “Remember those assholes who found out that Rich is bi? Yeah, of course, you remember… you broke their noses…”, Jeremy added and hesitated but Michael already had a dark hunch where this was going. Jeremy continued: “It’s Christine’s fault that they know.”

Michael had almost expected this and still, he yelled: “What??”

“Yeah...”, he said and looked to the ground. “Not on purpose obviously but… she was hanging out with some of the girls from the musical and they were talking about how one of their friends was scared to come out because they were all convinced that our school seemed completely straight, so Christine mentioned that she knows many people who weren’t straight and that her friend Rich is bi.”

“Oh…”, Michael just mumbled heavily, not sure what else to say. This was _not_ good. At all.

Jeremy stared to the ground and continued: “Yeah… I mean, she didn’t mean any harm and she didn’t even realize that… it was bad until that thing with those guys happened… Somehow the girls must have spread it around. I don’t know.”

Michael didn’t say anything and just stared at the tv screen. He was sure that Christine hadn’t had any bad intentions but… for god’s sake, she must have realized that it wasn’t her right to spread personal stuff about Rich, right?

He bit his lip, thoughtfully, clearly feeling Jeremy’s uncertain gaze on him.

He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be mad at Christine on Rich’s behalf. Michael knew how much this entire thing had bothered him. Could he really not tell his friend that _Christine_ had been the one who-...

“You can’t tell him!”, Jeremy said quickly as if he had read his friend’s thoughts. “I know he’s your friend and everything but-… Christine is really devastated about it and she regrets it and-… if he knew, he would hate her and that would ruin the musical and then she would hate _me_ for telling you and- “

“Hey, don’t panic.”, Michael interrupted. He gulped, hesitating for another second.

How would it help Rich if he knew? He would only get mad… and Jeremy was right, it would probably ruin the show. Also..., he couldn’t disappoint Jeremy after they had just made up half an hour ago.

So, he took a breath and said: “I-… I promise I… I won’t tell him, okay?”

“Sorry, I… shouldn’t have told you about it... “, Jeremy said. “I just… wanted to tell someone because I know that it was shitty of her but… I can’t be mad at her about it, you know? And I feel guilty about that… kind of. I mean Rich is my friend as well, right? And-” 

“Hey, no one can expect you to be mad at her…”, Michael said, trying to sound soothing. This didn’t affect Jeremy in any way… so there was no reason for _him_ to be pissed, right? 

His friend still looked to the floor and Michael felt like it was time to change the topic. The less he was thinking about this, the more he could pretend he didn’t know anything and didn’t have to feel guilty for not telling RIch…, right? Sooner or later everyone would have forgotten about all this anyway.

“Please go and talk to her about the whole breaking up thing…", he decided to say. "She seemed very upset. I guess, she really likes you a lot.”

A smile spread on Jeremy’s face as if he had already forgotten everything that had been said before. “Yeah… I guess she does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah there's a lot going on here! The next chapter might take two weeks again if I don't get my laptop back soon, sorry! (But hopefully, it will be worth the wait 😉 )
> 
> (Also, I don't try to vilify Christine here in any way! She made a mistake as every character in this story makes mistakes. Felt like that's important to clarify...)


	24. Chapter 12 - Rich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took so much longer than I thought it would but... here it is! 
> 
> I got my laptop back but I had to reinstall everything and that took ages so I didn't really have much time to work on this... sorry!! (Also, I forgot to reply to the comments on the last chapter.... so @everyone who left a comment: I love you!)

####  **Rich**

_Don’t. Panic._

From the second Rich had woken up on Saturday this thought kept running through his head like a mantra. 

Michael would come over. To his place. In less than two hours.

This wasn’t a date… no, not at all. But it still felt like one. 

They would just hang out and… chill, right? Nevertheless Rich felt like hyperventilating for some reason. 

Since his father had left the house this morning he had spent almost every second, trying to make the flat somewhat presentable. Now, after hours of tidying up, this was probably the cleanest place he had ever lived in… There was nothing else to do. So he waited. The hours seemed to stretch to infinity. Restlessly, he fumbled with his phone, trying to distract himself by scrolling through social media, wondering if it had been a good idea to invite Michael here. The only other person he had ever dared to bring here was Jake… and that was different. 

But Michael had invited him to his place often enough, right? It was just fair to repay him. Also, it was like Jake had said: This was a very low-key way of showing that he cared. It could be read as a completely platonic gesture. But if Michael _wanted_ to read something more into this…- 

_Don’t get your hopes up!!_

No, he didn’t expect _anything_ … Still, that didn’t stop him from spending an entire hour in the bathroom, styling his hair and brushing his teeth.

When the doorbell finally rang, ten minutes after 5, Rich sped across the hallway. He pressed the door intercom button with force and said breathlessly: “Come up. Just push the door open.” He stopped pressing the button and prayed that it had _been_ Michael and not a confused mailman or something. But as he ripped open the door, he already heard steps coming up the stairs and seconds later, Michael’s black, tousled hair appeared in Rich’s field of vision. 

His heart made a jump. 

“Hi!”, Michael said as he reached the top of the stairs and waved at Rich with a bright smile. Rich grinned back: “Hey!” 

He wondered for a second if Michael was going to hug him - he kind of hoped he would - but instead he just stood there, waiting for Rich to do something. 

“Oh, uh, come in!”, he quickly said and stepped to the side. 

He led Michael straight into his room. He didn’t have to see more of the flat than necessary. Because now that Michael was here, Rich felt a little ashamed for the way he lived. Especially in comparison to Michael’s place. This apartment was probably smaller than one level in Michael’s house and definitely not even half as well decorated. 

Rich pressed his teeth together and watched anxiously as Michael looked around the room with a curious glance. 

“Hey,” he said after a while and Rich almost expected him to laugh at something but instead he just pointed into the corner next to the closet and said: “I didn’t know you play guitar.” 

“Oh, I, uh… I don’t… anymore.”, Rich stammered, having been thrown off guard by this remark. He had totally forgotten about the old instrument leaning against his closet. “I used to but… I forgot how to, during the time with the Squip, you know?” 

Michael nodded and eyed the instrument for some seconds. “You should try to relearn it.”, he said and smiled again. “It’s a cool instrument…” 

He let himself fall onto the chair by Rich’s desk and looked up to him, still smiling. 

“Nah, I don’t think I’m that musically talented, honestly.”, Rich said, a little abashed. He settled onto his bed so that they were on one eye level again (well, not really… even when seated, Michael was taller than Rich). 

Michael laughed out loud at that comment. “Yeah, right! Aren’t you like… the lead in a musical, right now? A musical I spent _hours_ , building a set for?”, he added dramatically, which made Rich laugh. 

“Oh, shut up, you spent exactly _one_ hour with the Art Club.”, he snickered. Somehow Michael brought in a very lighthearted mood, it was contagious. 

“Yeah, but there are more to come… And you can’t disappoint me and my wonderful Harvard-sign!”, he said. His eyes glided over the cleaned up but still messy desk and finally pulled Rich’s copy of the Legally Blonde script from a pile of school books. “Hey, do you know your lines yet?” 

“I’m working on it.” 

Michael opened the book and said: “Let’s go through them together.” 

“Really?”, Rich laughed and Michael just nodded excitingly. Where was this sudden interest in the musical coming from? “I thought you don’t like musicals?”

“Well, I don’t but since I’m part of this show now, I can’t have you mess up.”, Michael said and leaned back in the chair. 

Rich hesitated for a second. He wasn’t sure how well he knew the lines and didn’t want to appear stupid in front of Michael. He raised his eyebrows and tried to grin cheekily. “Don’t you think I should rather practice those Spanish verb conjugations?”

"Oh, come _on_. I want to know what the story is about.”, Michael admitted and waved the script in front of Rich’s face, while simultaneously grabbing the Spanish book from the desk. “Let’s combine it: We’ll go through your lines and if you mess up, you have to conjugate one verb.” 

Rich saw that there was no way out. “Ugh, okay…”

Fifteen minutes later he had to realize that this actually worked pretty well and he didn’t even have to conjugate _that_ many verbs. 

“Scene 5.”; Michael read the stage direction out loud. “Elle kicked out of class, walks into the day, stunned. Emmet runs after her.” He looked expectantly at Rich, who was now lying on his stomach, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. 

“Uh…, hey, Woods-comma Elle… Uh, I was kicked out of class once, too. It’s awful but your law career is not over…” 

“Good. More confidence please.”, Michael said and kept looking at the next lines. He really was an unyielding teacher. “Law career? So not the problem.” Michael read Elle’s line in a voice much, much higher than his own - or any voice any human being could naturally have. Rich couldn’t help but giggle.

But Michael didn’t allow any distraction. “Line?”, he asked with raise eyebrows in his normal voice. 

“Ugh, I-” Rich thought for a moment but had to admit that he had lost the thread. “-don’t know.” 

Michael put on a fake-disappointed face. “Unbelievable... Conjugate the word for ‘Think’.” 

This was much too intellectually exhausting. Rich let out a sigh. “Uh.. pensar, pienso, piensas, piensa, piensamos-” 

“Pensamos. No _i_.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later they had read through all of Rich’s scenes. At one point Michael had moved from the chair onto the bed and the fact that _Michael Mell_ was sitting on his bed, had made Rich panic so much that he had to conjugate 3 verbs in a row. 

But now he had calmed down, music was playing from his phone and they were both laughing so hard that Rich's stomach hurt. 

“Are you going to have an _actual_ dog on stage??”, Michael asked in between waves of laughter about something else that Rich had already forgotten about. For whatever reason, the dog in the script had excited Michael a lot.

“I don’t know,” Rich answered and shrugged. “I’m sure the Art club can _build_ a cardboard dog or something.”

“I’m not going to-”, Michael began but another wave of giggle overcame him. “I’m not going to - build you a _fucking_ dog.” He kept laughing so hard at that thought that there were tears in his eyes. 

Rich frowned and laughed confused: “Are you high?”, he asked but Michael just shook his head. 

“Nope.” He shrugged. “Just in a _really_ good mood.” 

“Okay. That’s… good.”

“Not everyone can be stuck in their emo phase, Rich!”, Michael said and grinned cheekily. 

“Pff, I’m not stuck in my emo phase!”

“Yeah, then why do you listen to My Chemical Romance?”

Rich listened up for a second, noticing that his phone did indeed play _Welcome to the Black Parade_. “Because… it’s good music.”, he simply said after a while.

Michael raised his eyebrows. He didn’t seem to agree.

“The real question is…”, Rich decided to continue teasingly. “How do you _know_ that this is My Chemical Romance?” 

“Hey, don’t look at me like that.”, Michael protested and laughed again. “I _never_ had an emo phase… Jeremy did.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah.”

“I don’t believe that.” 

“Well, I’m not allowed to show you pictures so…” He shrugged again with an apologetic smile.

Rich chuckled for a while at the thought of Jeremy having an emo phase and sat up straight. A thought came to his mind: “Speaking of which… Did you talk to him? Are you guys… okay again?” 

He stopped laughing out loud but a big smile spread on Michael’s face. “Yeah. Yeah, we talked. And we apologized.” 

“Hey, that’s great!”, Rich said and truly meant it. It had been weird to see them being mad at each other. No wonder Michael was in a good mood today.

“Yeah, I’m glad I talked to him. I need him… kind of.”, Michael admitted and turned a little red. 

Rich just nodded understandingly. After all, he knew how it felt to think to have lost a best friend forever just to find out that things weren’t all _that_ bad. “Yeah, I get that.” 

Michael looked at him questioning. 

“Well, after the f- after Halloween…”, he began haltingly. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about Halloween _today_ . Or ever. “I mean… after all that, I was convinced Jake wouldn’t even _look_ at me… I burned his house down, after all.” He chuckled unsurely, seeing how Michael’s face had grown more serious. Still, he couldn’t stop himself from rambling on: “And I mean, I’m basically another person now… he would have had a valid reason to not like me anymore - there are enough people who hate me now, after all…- But we talked it out and… now we’re probably closer than before so…” He shrugged. “I guess best friends aren’t _that_ easy to lose, are they?” 

Michael smiled a little tensely at that and said: “No, I guess not.”, but his thoughts seemed to be somewhere else already. 

Rich just hoped he hadn’t overwhelmed him with that sudden expression of insecurities and already regretted leading the conversation into more serious areas but after some minutes of silently listening to Rich’s music, Michael smiled again and asked: “Hey can I add some songs to the queue?” 

“Sure.” He handed Michael his phone and watched how the other boy searched for songs, an expression of high concentration on his face. He looked really adorable like that. And Rich had to pull himself together to not stare at him for too long.

After a while, Michael handed the phone back and said: “No offense, but _now_ you’ll hear _good_ music.” 

“Wow, okay.”, Rich laughed and laid back onto his back, waiting for Michael’s song to play. 

For a second Michael stared down at him and they made eye contact. There was something in his glance that made Rich hold his breath. He wondered if Michael noticed it too. Hesitantly, he opened the mouth to say something, anything - because this silently staring at each other was getting kind of intense - but then the moment was ruined because the phone started to play an annoying melody consisting of _beeps._ It definitely sounded like it was from a video game. 

The tension broke and Rich laughed: “What the hell is _that_?”, as the artist started to sing: _“I got a pocket full of quarters, and I’m headed to the arcade-”_

Michael chuckled too for a second but then pretended to be deeply offended and said: “Oh my god, Rich! You don’t know _Pac-Man Fever_ ?? It’s like… a _classic_!” 

Rich just raised his eyebrows. “I’m pretty sure it’s not.” 

Michael didn’t reply because he was already passionately lip-syncing to the chorus. “‘ _Cause I’ve got Pac-Man fever, it’s driving me crazy!”_

“Oh my god...”, Rich said. He watched Michael for a second, holding his stomach with laughter. “You’re such a nerd!!” 

Michael stopped singing along and grinned proudly, instead: “I know!” 

Rich grinned back with this weird warm feeling in his stomach. It was truly crazy how this guy managed to make him feel as good as he did right now, without even trying. At this moment he was fully convinced that Michael Mell was the most beautiful person he had ever- 

“What are you thinking about?”, Michael asked, having noticed his stare.

Rich felt his face flush immediately. He looked away and tried to overplay it by saying teasingly: “Uh, I’m wondering who writes lyrics like _that_ and thinks ‘Hey that’s a good song’.” 

Michael snickered and leaned closer before whispering dramatically: “ _Geniuses_!” 

He lay back onto the bed and Rich’s head began to spin a little at the sight of _Michael_ lying on _his_ bed.

He stared at the boy with wide eyes, watching how he started to hum along to the ridiculous song with a bright grin. Rich wondered why on earth that sight was enough to make his heart pound faster than ever. 

“Rich?”, Michael asked after some seconds. A pensive expression had suddenly appeared on his face and Rich wasn’t sure what to expect. 

“Yeah?”, he asked unsurely and waited for the other boy to continue. 

He took his time, though and when he finally spoke again, his serious voice created a weird contrast to the silly music and it was almost enough to make Rich laugh. “I like the way you are now.” 

“Uh, w-what?” Rich could only stare at the other boy, equally confused and flattered. 

Michael's face had taken a bright color of red. He seemed to have realized that that sentence hadn’t really delivered what he had been trying to say. “I mean, uh..., you said you think many people hate how you are now… Without the Squip.”, he quickly clarified. “But, uh…, I’m really glad that you are the way you are now. And I’m glad we’re friends.” 

“Uh…” Stunned at the sincerity in Michael’s voice, Rich had to take some seconds to find his voice back. “Thanks.”, was all he managed to bring out. 

His heart felt like it had expanded twice in size. Yes, technically he knew that his friends were happy for him that the Squip was gone and that he was able to be himself now but hearing it out loud, said by _Michael_ of all people, hit harder than he could have imagined. 

The other boy was still eyeing him with a slightly worried expression as if he feared Rich would hate this display of affection. 

The mood in the room had shifted. There was this tension that he couldn’t quite explain, but it gave Rich the feeling that he needed to say something else than just ‘thanks’. “I’m really glad that we are friends, too.”, he said and tried to sound just as sincerely as Michael - because he meant it! - even though this didn’t feel like friendship at all, in his opinion. 

_But that’s not how he feels!,_ the voice in his head reminded him and for some reason that thought hurt a lot more now than before.

Michael smiled a little and his body seemed to lose a certain tension as he leaned back into the pillow. For some seconds neither of them said anything, so they just listened to the new song that had started to play. It was less videogame-like than the one before but still very different from everything Rich would usually listen to.

As he decided to comment on that, he tried hard not to display any sign of that emotional chaos that was still going wild inside of him on his face. Instead, he put on a smooth grin and said teasingly: “You listen to really weird music, do you know that?” 

Michael turned his head and met his glance, now grinning brighter: “Of course I know that. But the weirdness is the best part of it.”

Rich didn’t know what to say to that, so he just nodded and they both listened to the song for some seconds before Michael chuckled about something. 

“What?”, Rich asked. 

“Last year on my birthday Jeremy and I got really high and I filmed him dancing to that song.”, Michael explained and giggled at that thought. “Now I always have to think of that when I hear it.” 

“Let me guess…” Rich grinned. “You’re not allowed to show me that video either?”

“I honestly think Jeremy would kill me.”, Michael laughed, leaned back again, and closed his eyes as a new song started to play. Again, he hummed along quietly.

Rich couldn't help but keep staring at him the entire time. The calm, relaxed look on Michael’s face was mesmerizing…. Although, now that Rich was paying attention to it, he noticed that his chest was rising and falling pretty quickly so maybe he wasn’t _quite_ as calm as he pretended to be. Maybe he, too, was nervous and- 

_No. Stop this right now. Seriously._

He looked away and stared at the ceiling instead. Michael wasn’t reading _anything_ into this. This was a totally normal day for him and not- 

”Can I ask you something?”

Rich turned back to him quickly. He had opened his eyes again and was now throwing him a questioning glance.

“Uh, yes...”

“When’s _your_ birthday?”

“Uh, March 8... “, Rich replied, frowning amused. That question was way less spectacular than he had anticipated.

A smile appeared on Michael’s lips. “Okay.” 

Rich chuckled. “Why?” 

“Just because…”, Michael shrugged before he turned his head to the side and frowned. “Wait, you’re turning 18 already??” 

Rich blushed again. “Uh, no… 17.” 

Michael’s eyes went wide and he propped himself up on his elbow. “Oh my god, you’re still 16?!” 

“Yes…” 

“You’re a _baby_!!!” 

“Shut up!”, Rich said and held his hands in front of his red face. He didn’t want to admit how much it actually bothered him that he was one of the shortest _and_ youngest of his friends…. 

Michael just chuckled and turned his gaze back to the ceiling. 

Rich tried to chuckle as well but didn’t look away. The song that was now playing had caught his ear and made him keep his eyes on Michael.

He had a feeling that he should know the artist… it sounded really familiar. 

_“Yeah, you got that somethin', I think you'll understand, When I say that somethin', I want to hold your hand.”_

Rich’s heart started racing for some reason and he continued eyeing Michael. He had closed his eyes again but didn’t seem quite as calm as before. His breathing was very fast and his cheeks slightly red. 

Had he maybe queued this song on _purpose_?? Was this supposed to be a request to- 

Rich held his breath. Michael’s hand was just lying there next to him, with the palm facing upwards, as if it was waiting for him to hold it… 

“ _I want to hold your hand, I want to hold your hand._ ” 

His brain made the decision before he was able to do something against it. And besides, he had definitely done stupider things than holding a boy’s hand...

So he just did it.

He was convinced his heart was about to jump out of his rib cage, as he reached out and softly grabbed Michael’s hand. 

He felt the other boy jump a little in surprise but didn’t dare to look at him, so he just stared at the ceiling with his teeth pressed together. 

He waited for Michael to pull his hand away, ask him what the fuck he was doing, get up, and leave but… he didn’t do either of those things. Instead, his fingers wrapped around Rich’s. They felt cold and gentle against his burning skin and the feeling gave him goosebumps. 

His head was spinning, his thoughts swirling. He wondered if his hand was sweaty, wondered why on earth Michael would actually _want_ to hold his hand and debated internally whether or not this entire evening had been a dream.

But mostly the voice in his head was yelling only one thing: _Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!!_

The song ended and a new cheerful tune started playing but Michael’s hand remained in his. Rich waited for him to say something. But he stayed silent. 

_Okay, don’t panic!!_

He forced himself to calm his breathing to a more or less _normal_ rate and after some seconds, he dared to glance over to the other boy carefully. 

Michael’s breathing was still rapid and he was staring at the ceiling once again with a surprised expression in his eyes but there was a tiny smile on his lips and that was enough for Rich’s heart to explode. 

He couldn’t suppress a small, breathy laugh as he turned his head away again. There was no way that this was _really_ happening. In some minutes he would finally wake up from this dream, right? Right?? Michael didn’t _actually-_

“I still can’t believe you’re still 16.”, Michael suddenly said out of nowhere, somehow managing to keep the most casual tone. 

Rich let out a shaky laugh, overwhelmed with feelings. Michael was still _holding his hand_ . _What the hell?_

“Why, when’s _your_ birthday?”, he asked, as he finally found his voice back. He tried to sound casual as well but was sure that his voice had a nervous undertone.

“August.” 

“Okay, that means you're _6 months_ older than me. Chill.”, he laughed, partly at Michael, partly because this was such a weirdly random conversation, for a moment that felt so groundbreaking. “I think that means you’re the oldest of our friends…”

“Is that… a good thing?”, Michael asked with a grin and raised eyebrows. 

Rich shrugged. “I don’t know.” This conversation felt weird. Shouldn’t they address the whole hand-holding thing in some way? 

Michael didn’t seem very interested in acknowledging the elephant in the room though. Instead, he asked: “Okay, so I’m the oldest, you’re the youngest?” 

“Nope.”, Rich answered, sounding prouder than he should, which made Michael chuckle. “Brooke’s birthday is four days after mine.” 

Michael didn’t react right away but then he chuckled very hesitantly and slowly pulled his hand away from Rich’s to place it on his stomach instead.

Rich frowned. What- 

“How fitting…”, Michael said, suddenly sounding very…. bitter?? He didn't seem very interested in holding hands with the other boy anymore. 

_Okay… Okay… that’s fine._ Rich chuckled nervously, trying not to let any disappointment slip into his voice as he asked confused: “Uh, what do you mean?” 

Michael was fidgeting with his sleeves again and didn’t look at Rich. “Well, since she’s your girlfriend you two can celebrate together or-” 

“Wait, _what_??” 

“What?” 

“Brooke’s not my girlfriend!!”, Rich almost _shouted_ in shock. _What the hell??_ Had Michael really thought that he and _Brooke-_

“ _What_??” Michael sat up straight, an expression of utter confusion on his face. 

“No!” 

“Oh my god!” 

“Why-” 

“I thought-” 

“No! _Definitely_ not!” 

“But- you - you-” 

“No, no. That’s not-” 

They shouted incomprehensible sentences at each other for at least one minute. Both completely overwhelmed by… whatever this was. 

Michael had thought the _entire_ time that he was in a relationship?? With Brooke??

“But- but New Year's Eve-”, Michael stammered, eyes wide with confusion.

 _Fuck_. Of course. Rich hit his hand onto his forehead. He should have known what that had looked like. “Shit… No, ugh-”, he stuttered back, unsure of what to say. If Michael thought he was with Brooke, maybe… - “We’re friends! Best friends. But that’s it!”, he quickly explained and almost had to suppress a laugh at this… ridiculous situation. 

Michael frowned, obviously not really processing any of this. “A-and you’re _sure_ about that?” 

Rich laughed. “Yes!! And she _definitely_ has a crush on someone else so…”, he stopped and added: “That’s what we’ve been talking about on New Year’s Eve, by the way. I didn’t expect that you’d think-” 

“I was _sure_ that-”, Michael stammered, mouth hanging wide open. 

Rich just stared back, trying to somehow wrap his head around….this. 

“Well, that means…-”, Michael began, very red in the face again. 

“What?”, Rich asked in a shaky voice. His throat suddenly felt sealed and his heart was racing. Once again he noticed how close Michael’s face was. Not as close as at the party but…. close enough to-

“Don’t know… I, uh-”, Michael stammered and looked up, directly into Rich’s eyes. The tingly feeling in his stomach was back. He watched how Michael took a deep breath and tried to mentally prepare himself for whatever he was about to say. 

The other boy began: “I think I-” 

But Rich didn’t find out what he was thinking because at that exact moment a sound came from the hallway and both of them jumped in shock. 

_“Fuck!”,_ Rich uttered and stared at Michael with wide eyes. 

“Who-?”, Michael began whispering but Rich quickly shook his head. “Don’t know!”, he mumbled and jumped up from the bed. 

He heard the ringing of keys being put away from outside his room. 

This was either his father or a burglar and Rich wasn’t sure, which option would be worse. 

“Stay here.”, he whispered to Michael and carefully sneaked to the door and into the hallway. Someone had turned on the light and was now moving into the kitchen before looking up and spotting Rich. 

Rich’s eyes went wide. “Dave??” 

“Dick??”

Rich stared at his brother who looked at him like he had just caught him doing something horrible. He didn’t even remember to tell him not to call him _‘Dick’_.

“What are you doing here??”, he said in an unnaturally high voice. 

“I _live_ here?! What the fuck are _you_ doing here??”

“I, uh, I knew that dad’s gone over the weekend and thought I could - uh- … check on… you?” 

“Yeah, right!” Rich narrowed his eyes. What the hell was this about?? Dave seemed terribly nervous. He remembered his last conversation with him and had a terrible thought: “Wait… are you- you wanted to _steal_ from dad??” 

Dave’s eyes went wide and his face red. “W-what? _N-no_! No, I….” Rich kept eyeing him suspiciously, so he sighed and said: “I wanted to get some old things from my room…to, uh, sell them. You know, to get some money.” 

Rich frowned. What the hell was wrong with this guy? “Seriously, what-”, he began but was interrupted by his confused-looking brother who said: “Who’s that?” 

Rich spun around and saw Michael standing awkwardly in the doorway. Rich’s face turned red. He had almost forgotten about him. 

He didn’t answer his brother's question and instead took a step towards Michael. “Hey, man, sorry, uh, that’s my brother… I didn’t know…”, he tried to explain but Michael already said: “Uh, no problem, really… I, uh, I guess I should go home now… It’s late.” He chuckled unsurely, throwing an uncomfortable glance at Dave. 

“Uh, yeah, of course... I-”, Rich began, trying not to let sheer disappointment take over his voice. This was all Dave’s fault!! Michael had wanted to tell him something! Something that could have possibly been about his feelings for him…. And now he’d probably never know because of this idiot of a brother. 

“Who-”, Dave said again, with a confused glance but Rich, who could barely contain his rage at this asshole right now and had to suppress the urge to punch him, interrupted him roughly and said to Michael: “I’ll come downstairs with you.” He pulled him by the elbow towards the door. 

Michael just muttered a confused: “O-okay?”, and Rich was almost positive that he waved awkwardly at Dave before leaving the flat. 

Rich’s head was spinning - with fury at his brother this time. “I’m _so_ sorry!”, he kept muttering as they hasted down the stairs. “He’s an _asshole_ . I didn’t know he still had a key. He’s so _weird_ recently. I don’t know what the _fuck_ is wrong with him, I-” 

“Hey”, Michael said as they reached the ground floor, grabbed his shoulder, and turned Rich around. “Hey, calm down.”

He stopped, looked at Michael’s face, and let out a loud breath. There was something very calming in his eyes. “Sorry…”, he mumbled again and looked to the ground. 

“Don’t worry. It’s fine,” Michael said with a sweet smile. 

They went outside and stopped some feet away from Michael’s red car. It was snowing a little and the cold air made Rich’s rage at his brother disappear completely. Instead, it was replaced with this fluttering insecurity again that was sitting deep inside his stomach. He _really_ wanted to ask what the other boy had wanted to say before they had been interrupted but wasn’t sure how to do that, so he just stayed silent.

“Thanks for inviting me…”, Michael said after some seconds, smiling down to Rich. 

“Thanks for coming…”, Rich said and smiled back, despite noticing how his heart was pounding once again. 

“I, uh…”, Michael began and awkwardly fumbled with his keys, taking some steps towards his car. “I guess, I should go before it really starts to snow…” He threw a quick glance at the dark night sky. “Text me when you… figured everything out with your brother.” 

“Uh, I will.”, he said and hesitated- 

As Michael was unlocking his car, he finally managed to blurt out: “What did you want to say before my brother came in?” It sounded breathlessly and probably dumb but he just _had_ to know. He wouldn’t be able to sleep all night if he didn’t.

Michael’s glance shot up for a second, his cheeks redder than his car before he lowered his eyes again and stammered: “Uh, what- uh, I-” He swallowed. “I don’t remember.” He said that in a steady voice but somehow Rich felt like he wasn’t saying the truth. Or maybe he was just imagining that because he _wanted_ him to be lying. 

He had to repress a sigh as he tore his glance away from Michael and stared at the snow to his feet instead. “O-okay.”, he decided to say. He took some steps back towards the house before adding: “Uh, drive carefully…”

Michael just nodded at that. From the corner of his eyes, Rich saw that he looked weirdly tense as he slowly turned to his car. “Uh, bye.”, he said and opened the car door.

Rich was about to turn away, too, but then: 

“Rich?” 

“Yes?” 

His eyes jerked up, just in time to see Michael come back towards him. 

Then, suddenly and out of nowhere, there were lips pressed against his own and his mind went blank. 

It wasn’t really a kiss. More like a quick and rough smashing together of their lips that lasted less than two seconds... But it was more than enough to take his breath away. 

_Holy shit._

It was over too fast. _Much_ too fast. He didn’t even have time to close his eyes. 

He wanted to lean in, kiss back- 

But Michael had already stumbled some steps away and was now holding his hands in front of his mouth like he couldn’t believe what his lips had just done. 

Rich opened the mouth to say something but couldn’t bring out a single word. 

“Oh my god.”, Michael stuttered, eyes wide in shock at his own actions. “I- I-” He took another step back before yelling: “I’M SORRY!” and running to his car. 

When Rich’s brain had finally processed what was happening and he finally yelled: “W-wait I-”, Michael had already started the car. 

Rich tried to move, maybe run after him. 

But his body was paralyzed and soon Michael’s car steered away from him. 

Snowflakes fell onto his hot face as he stared after the red car, mouth wide open, and internally spinning through every single emotion any person could possibly feel. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Can we talk now?", was the first thing Rich was greeted with after finally returning into the apartment. He had been standing outside for at least ten minutes and was now shivering all over. Though, he wasn't sure if that was the weather's fault. 

His head still felt like it had been shut down and was now only slowly restarting. What the hell had happened?! 

He decided to ignore his brother. There was no way he could deal with _him_ , too, right now. He tried to walk straight back into his room but Dave stopped him of course. 

"Seriously, man, we need to talk.", he said eyeing his younger brother with a strict glance. "Also, who was that guy?" 

"None of your business!", Rich snapped back. He was _mad_ at his brother. Mad, because the thought of what might have happened if Dave hadn't interrupted them earlier didn't let go of him. 

As he heard his own voice, he noticed that he sounded like an angsty teenager but…for fuck’s sake, Dave had never cared about what his brother had been up to before either, right?? So he had no right to know now. 

Dave threw him a glance that clearly indicated how immature he thought Rich was behaving. “Rich, seriously, I-”, he began but Rich interrupted him. He didn’t want to hear anything from him. 

"Just-... leave me alone!” He sounded harsher than he had planned but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Honestly, I don't need any explanations from you. I don’t _care_ , what the fuck is wrong with your life! You obviously messed up somehow but that has nothing to do with me. Now fuck off." 

Dave had ruined _everything_ . Not only today but just... in _general_ . Rich had enough. He had probably gotten involved with drugs or something and that was why he needed money… and, _fine_ , if he thought shit like that was more important than supporting his brother, he shouldn’t come running now...

Dave just sighed and rubbed his forehead in exhaustion. Rich didn't care. "Okay," his brother began with a strained voice. "I know what this looks like… And I'm sorry, I just - I just need to figure some stuff out right now, I-" 

"As I said, _I don't care_.", he interrupted. "Now go!" 

Dave held up his hands soothingly. It only made Rich madder. "Let me just stay here tonight, there's no train going back to-" 

"FUCK OFF!!", Rich yelled, as something in him snapped and he pushed his brother towards the door. 

"Rich-" 

"Go!!" 

For a second they stared at each other. Then Dave shook his head, eyeing his brother as if he was the biggest disappointment in his life, turned around and stormed out the door. 

"Give me your key!!", Rich yelled after him but the door had already been slammed. "Fuck.", he mumbled and kicked hard against the door before running back to his room. 

For some seconds he just stood there, eyes closed, rubbing his hands over his face. 

There was way too much going on in his head right now. The thoughts and feelings seemed to stumble over each other. 

Dave and his fucking weirdness; the way he had _ruined_ this evening just like that; the fact that Michael had thought he was dating Brooke… And of course, most importantly: Michael Mell kissing him. Just like that. 

It had been much too brief to capture the sensation of Michael's mouth on his, nevertheless, he tried to remember the moment as he absently touched his own lips and let himself fall onto his bed.

What did this mean? Was Michael trying to tell him that… he actually _liked_ him?? Could that be… a _realistic_ possibility??? But then why did he run away and apologize?? 

_He regrets it,_ the mean voice in his head hissed. And it hurt. A lot. 

Yeah, he probably had just been confused by… the whole holding-hands thing. He would probably never kiss him again. Maybe he wouldn't even _talk_ to him ever again!! 

Rich gulped hard and tried to swallow down the feelings that were about to break out of him. 

_This is all too_ fucking _much._

He turned onto his stomach and just _screamed_ into his pillow for a second or two. Just because. 

_Feelings suck._

His pillow still smelled like Michael. A lot. Rich couldn't help but inhale the smell of shampoo and weed. He quickly realized, though, how absolutely ridiculous that was, turned around, and tried to get his mind to focus on _anything_ but that boy who was making his stomach fuzzy. It didn’t work. 

The only thing he was certain of was one thing: He _never_ ever wanted to have a crush again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah... this happened! 😂 (not super happy with this chapter.... I had to rewrite most of the dialogue because it was conflicting with something that happens later...)
> 
> I'm gonna have to leave you with this chapter for another two weeks probably because life is kinda stressful right now, sorry!!


	25. Chapter 13 - Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long, I have no other excuse than the fact that I was just really lazy and didn't feel like editing at all... Hopefully, the next chapter won't take this long but I honestly can't promise anything... 😂

**Michael**

_Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit._

The entire drive home had been a blur. And it was probably a wonder that Michael had managed to get home without causing any accidents. He was shaking all over. His heart was still pounding up to his throat as he entered the house and ran straight to his room. He couldn’t risk his mothers seeing him like this… They would want him to talk to them and-... he definitely couldn’t _talk_ about this. Thinking about what he had just done was difficult enough. 

What on earth had come over him?? 

He couldn't just go around and _kiss_ people!!

With a distressed sigh, he let himself fall onto his bed and closed his eyes, in an attempt to calm his racing heart a little. He desperately tried to grasp a rational thought but his head was still spinning.

 _He had kissed Rich_. Every single word in that sentence felt wrong. 

He knew very well that, usually, he would have never had the guts to do something like that if he would have been thinking clearly. But that entire day had been… too _much_ for his brain to process properly.

First, there had been that strange talk about feelings that had let him to basically tell Rich how great he thought he was - that step had been too risky already, he should have realized that! But then Rich had just… _held his hand_ for some inexplicable reason - while that Beatles song had been playing which was simply the most romantic moment Michael could possibly imagine. And _then,_ as if that hadn’t been enough to stir up his emotions, the sudden revelation that all this time he had read Brooke's relationship with Rich completely wrong, had confused him so much that he hadn't been able to control anymore what his brain decided to do. Jeez, he had been _this_ close to telling Rich how he felt!! And the fact that that had been interrupted by Rich’s weird brother should have been more than enough of a sign for him to just let it go and get his feelings under control! But _no,_ of course, his stupid brain had to have other plans, which had let to that stupid, thoughtless action of just _… kissing Rich_!!! Why the hell had he thought that was a good idea??

Michael stared at the ceiling as the voices in his head went wild. Thinking about this gave him a stomach ache but he couldn’t _stop_ thinking. 

He noticed that he had absently grabbed his phone and took a quick look at the screen. Nothing. 

He wasn’t sure what he had expected - why would Rich text him after… that?? - but he wanted to know what would happen now. He _needed_ to know. 

There were two options in Michael’s opinion: 

Either he had read the signs _completely_ wrong and Rich _didn't_ like him at all. He had shown little to no reaction to the kiss after all, so that could only mean that he wasn’t really into it, right?? If that was the case, he now probably hated Michael. Or at least would act very awkwardly around him and the friendship they had crafted so carefully over the last few months was ruined

This option would just hurt.

The alternative was that Rich had been overwhelmed by the kiss, but _had_ been into it and actually _liked_ him… like _that_. 

That option would probably be… scary. _Really_ fucking scary. Because Michael had no idea what that would mean for them. 

Yes, he liked Rich. A _lot_. And, _yes_ , he had always secretly hoped that Rich liked him, too. In theory, the idea of actually-... _being_ with him sounded wonderful. But in reality, it would mainly mean one thing for him: A lot of new, scary experiences. He’d have to expose his feelings - something he had undoubtedly always struggled with -, would have to face the fact that he was absolutely inexperienced in _every_ aspect that came with this, would have to push insecurities aside and leave a certain comfort zone. Could he go through that with _Rich Goranski_??

This had been Michael's very first kiss ever. And Rich was-... well, himself. _He_ had been in countless relationships and had _kissed_ even more people probably.

What if he would… _ask him out_ ??? Michael knew that he would _want_ to say yes to that, more than anything, but… it was also very clear that _if_ this would ever happen his inexperienced self would fuck it up sooner or later! 

And then their friendship would be destroyed, they wouldn’t talk anymore, Michael couldn’t hang out with the same people Rich hung out with, which would also mean he couldn’t hang out with the people Jeremy hung out with and that would mean that he’d be a lonely loser again who was spending his lunch breaks alone and- 

He noticed how his breaths were getting shorter again. It felt like something very heavy was pressing onto his chest. It was quite possibly one of the worst feelings ever.

For some more minutes, he stared at his phone, waiting for _something_ to happen. But nothing came. Of course. 

He considered calling Jeremy for a second to tell him what had happened but discarded that thought quickly. This was something he’d have to figure out with himself… for now. 

So instead, without thinking about it, he turned off his phone and hoped that he could forget about everything as soon as possible. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Jeremy!" 

On Monday morning Michael was storming through the school's hallway towards Jeremy's locker. 

In retrospect, the two days that he had been alone with his thoughts had been a terrible idea and he felt a lot more panicky now than he had on Saturday - if that was even possible. So, he had decided that he needed to talk to Jeremy about it before he could face Rich again. Maybe he would have a solution to all this. 

The boy in question jumped in surprise. "Man, you scared me." He turned around to face Michael and frowned with a worried expression. "Hey, are you okay? You look-" 

"I kissed Rich!" 

"I'm sorry, WHAT?!" Jeremy stared as if he had just been told that dinosaurs were back. 

But Michael barely noticed. The words started to spill from his mouth without there being any chance to stop them. “He invited me over to his place on Saturday and we were talking for a while and listening to music and then he was suddenly holding my hand and- and there was this Beatles song playing- and I was really overwhelmed and then I wanted to go and suddenly I was kissing him!!!! But then I panicked and ran away! I-I mean, I think I have feelings for him for a while now but I don’t know what to do now, what if he hates me, what if he _likes_ me???? I can’t do this, feelings are confusing and I don’t know how to deal with _any_ of this and- and-” 

“Okay, stop!”, Jeremy finally managed to interrupt and grabbed Michael’s shoulders to get his attention. “And breathe, _please_!”

Michael had, indeed, blurted out that string of confusing sentences without pausing or breathing and was starting to feel a little dizzy now. So he closed his eyes for a second to collect himself and waited for Jeremy to say something. But he didn’t, so Michael took a deep breath and mumbled after a while: “So what do you think?” 

He opened his eyes again and watched an overwhelmed Jeremy blink in confusion several times. “Whew, I had no clue that you and _Rich-_ , I mean I would have never been jealous if I’d known that you-” 

“Yeah, yeah, I get it.”, Michael interrupted. That wasn’t helping _at all_. “But what do you think, on a scale from one to ten, how much did I mess up?” 

Jeremy frowned. He was still very confused by the whole story but seemed to at least _try_ to support his friend. “Why do you think you messed up?”, he asked calmly after a second of thinking. “I mean, I’m no expert but if he was _holding your hand..._ , he seems to like you too, right? So, there’s nothing to worry about, is it?”

“Ugh, you don’t understand that… that would be worse!” Michael hated how desperate his voice sounded but it wasn’t like he was able to do anything against that in his current state of mind.

Jeremy just frowned at him questioning at that statement, so Michael added: “I mean, what am I supposed to say if he asks me about Saturday?? I have no clue how any of this works, I-... Jeremy, you _know_ I can't deal with feelings!! It's all so confusing, I don’t- I-” He threw another look at Jeremy’s confused expression and exhaustingly rubbed his forehead. This was starting to give him a headache. “I’m totally fucked, right?” 

Jeremy quickly shook his head. “No, no. You just... need to calm down. Listen, if he asks you about it, you just tell him how it is: That you’re overwhelmed and need some time to... think about everything, okay?”

Michael took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. That actually sounded like a reasonable proposition. “Okay, yeah… uh...you’re right. I just need to-”

“Hey.” 

Michael stopped himself immediately and spun around at the sound of Rich’s voice. He clumsily lost his balance and stumbled a little. He practically _heard_ Jeremy facepalm behind him.

The blood drained from his face as he stared at Rich. Mentally, he was transported back to the moment he had leaned in and- 

“Hi, Rich. What’s up?”, Jeremy said overly casual after Michael had just stared for several seconds, probably looking like the stupidest idiot ever.

Rich frowned a little and somewhere in the back of his mind, Michael knew that he also looked pretty nervous, but since he was still trying to work himself up to say something, he didn’t really notice. 

“Uh, I…”, Rich began, still eyeing Michael with a weird expression. “Uh, a bunch of us wanted to hang out after rehearsal today to read through the musical… Are you guys coming?”

_Okay, okay, he didn’t say anything about Saturday. That’s good. That’s good!!!_

That thought was calming but Michael still couldn’t bring out a single word, so Jeremy had to take over again. “Hey, that sounds great. I’ll bring Christine.”

“Cool, great.”, Rich said and grinned tensely at Jeremy. For a second he seemed to consider leaving again and Michael was almost about to let out a relieved sigh but then, of course, Rich decided against that and turned to Michael. 

“Hey, uh,” he began and the fact that he was suddenly addressing him was almost giving Michael a heart-attack. _Fuck_ , he really needed to chill!. “Can we talk for a sec-” 

“I’m sorry about Saturday!!!”, he suddenly blurted out, unable to stop the words, that fell from his mouth at a speed that probably made them mostly incomprehensible. “It was a nice day and I completely ruined it, I was really confused and, and- the thing is, I- I _really_ like you but it's very overwhelming and - and I need time to think this through, can we pretend that didn’t happen for now and I’ll try to sort this out!!! SEE YOU LATER BYE!!”

He practically yelled the last words before spinning around and running down the hallway, without a single look at Rich’s face. 

He wasn’t sure where he was running but with every step, the urge to hit his head against the nearest wall got stronger. Whatever the fuck that had been… it was definitely the stupidest bunch of words that had ever left his mouth.

He ended up in a bathroom stall, cringing at his inability to act like a normal human being. He spent almost an hour there, after deciding that there was no way he could bear sitting through a whole Spanish lesson with Rich right behind him. 

Michael wasn’t sure how long he would have stayed there if Jeremy hadn’t found him after the lesson and convinced him that hiding wasn’t a solution. 

“You can’t avoid Rich for the rest of your life… you know that, right?”, Jeremy said with raised eyebrows after Michael had hastily explained his reasoning behind skipping Spanish. 

They had left the bathroom and were now sitting outside on a sidewalk by the parking lot. The cold air was way better for Michael and cleared his head a little. Still, his voice sounded panicky as he replied: “I know! And I wouldn’t want that but… you heard me earlier! I just don't know how to talk to him!! And what if he asks me out?? I- I mean, it’s scary…” He knew that little of what he was saying was making sense, but none of the feelings he was experiencing right now were making sense either, so he could just hope that his friend would somehow understand his struggle.

Jeremy just frowned at him and asked in a voice as if _he_ never had panicked because of his feelings for another person: “So, just so I get this clear… You kissed him.” 

Michael frowned back. He was trying to _forget_ that!! Still, he mumbled: “Yeah.” 

“And just now you told him you like him.” 

Michael blushed. “Yeah... “ 

“But you’re still scared that he’ll ask you out??” 

“...yes.” 

Jeremy looked at him uncomprehendingly and shook his head slightly. “Man, you really need to sort out your priorities….”

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re more interested in impressing Callahan!”, Christine, who knew her lines completely by heart, yelled across the table at Rich.

Jeremy had dragged Michael along to the reading of the musical Rich had mentioned this morning, so right now he was sitting in a booth in a crappy diner, squeezed between Jeremy and the wall, and listened to the others act out their hearts. And, actually, it wasn’t even that terrible. 

Not even the fact that he was sitting right across from Rich, made him nervous… no, not at all.

Like Jeremy had said: He needed to sort out his priorities, so that was what Michael had done. And by the end of the school day, he had decided that his top priority right now was to make Rich stay his friend and keep everything how it used to be. Nothing had to change... right??? If he was lucky, maybe they would both forget about these messy few days and could hang out and talk like before. 

So far, that plan was working semi-well. There _was_ an undeniably awkward tension between them but Rich was still talking to him decidedly normally - which was a good sign probably - and didn’t mention anything that could suggest that something had happened between them. And that was okay… for now. It made Michael a lot calmer than he had been this morning

He was trying to talk to Rich just as normally - as if he hadn’t yelled at him that he liked him but was too scared to do something about that, just this morning - and he had thought he was doing quite well until Jeremy had leaned closer to whisper in his ear: “You know that you’re talking to him like he’s your business partner or something, right?” 

So, yeah… maybe he should just _stop_ talking to Rich for now. 

Right now, Michael couldn’t have any conversations anyway because he had to read the stage directions and lines of the people who weren’t here so he was quite busy. They had reached the last few scenes and he had to admit reluctantly, that he started to get a _little_ bit excited to see this show on the stage. 

“Well, he’s my boss…”, Rich replied to Christine with a very serious expression on his face.

Michael couldn’t help but chuckle a little… it was really funny to see how Rich of all people was putting almost as much passion into this as Christine. 

“What?”, Rich asked and frowned at him amused. 

Michael felt his cheeks blush immediately at the sudden eye contact. “Uh, nothing!”, he replied and wished he could hit his hand against his forehead, at the panicky sound of his voice. 

Luckily, Christine didn’t allow any interruptions and was moving on with her lines. 

“They cut so many songs for this version... “, she said at the end of the scene sulkily and stared at the script page as if it had personally offended her. She turned to Rich. “I would have loved to sing ‘Take it Like a Man’ with you. It’s so cute...” 

Rich, who seemed to know what she was talking about right away, just nodded enthusiastically. “Yes definitely!”, he said. “But you know what’s even worse? They cut the Gay or European song…” 

Michael watched how Jake threw a questioning glance at his friend. Apparently, he was just as confused by musicals as Michael was. “The Gay or European Song??”, he asked with raised eyebrows. 

“Yes, it’s the funniest song in the musical!”, Rich explained with an exciting glow in his eyes. “It’s this scene where they are trying to find out if the pool guy really had an affair with the defendant and Elle is convinced he’s gay and then they sing this song about how they try to find out if he's gay or just European and in the end, he’s gay AND European!! It’s just hilarious!! You should see the video of it on Youtube it’s-” Rich stopped with a look at the stunned faces of his friends, who were all staring at him. Who would have thought that Rich would ever talk this enthusiastically about a scene from a musical??

Michael watched how his face went red and he finished his sentence silently: “-amazing.” He looked down and bit his lip in embarrassment. 

Michael tried to catch his glance to signalize that he didn't have to be ashamed about liking something this much but Christine was quicker. “Yeah, I totally agree!”, she said, at least just as excited as Rich. “Though, I have to mention that the actual title of the song is ‘There! Right! There!’... But yes, it’s _such_ a good song!” 

“Well, if you ask me…”, Brooke threw in with an unnaturally serious expression. “It’s good, they cut that song…”

“What do you mean?”, Christine asked. 

“Well, those guys who attacked Rich the other day, clearly showed that some people at our school aren’t exactly open about that kind of stuff, right?” 

Everyone exchanged some gloomy looks before Rich mumbled heavily: “Yeah, you’re right, probably.” He didn’t look like he had needed to be reminded of that. 

Michael had to admit, that after this crazy weekend, it felt as if the events from the week before the winter break had happened ages ago. He had almost forgotten about all that - and about what Jeremy had told him.

Carefully, as if he had to try not to seem suspicious, Michael glance over to Christine. While everyone else had fallen into a depressed silence, she was suddenly very busy, writing notes next to her lines. 

A dull feeling spread in Michael’s stomach. It felt very wrong to keep this a secret. The bitter expression with which Rich now stared at the table clearly showed that for him all of that was still very present and that he wouldn’t forget about it anytime soon…

Shouldn’t he at least know who-...?

But no… there was probably no point in telling him, right? It wouldn’t make him feel any better about this and, as Jeremy had said already, it would ruin the show if Rich would be mad at Christine… 

So, Michael tried to ignore the guilt he felt and hoped someone would start a conversation again soon. 

After another second, Jenna finally took on that task but her question wasn’t exactly the mood lifter he had hoped for: “Hey, did someone clean up your locker, by the way?”, she asked Rich carefully. 

He quickly looked at her with an undefinable expression before staring at his script again and mumbling bitterly: “No…” 

“I already asked the janitor about it but he said, he doesn’t have time for that, right now…”, Brooke added and rolled her eyes. “Seriously, I hate our school…”

Rich ignored her and instead looked at Jenna again, now with a weirdly pissed-off smile: “Why do you ask? Do you have a bad conscious or what?” 

Jenna stared at him for a second like she didn’t know what he was talking about, then, as she realized, her cheeks blushed with anger as she said: “Rich, I swear that wasn’t my fault, I didn’t say anyth-” 

But Rich interrupted her roughly: “Yeah, whatever…”, he said and skipped his script to the next page: “Let’s move on, we still have some scenes left.” 

Michael hurried to read the stage directions for the next scene, to ignore the now biting feeling in his stomach. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_This is ridiculous… Why the hell is graffiti so resistant?? ,_ Michael thought, staring at the locker in front of him with furrowed eyebrows.

Another week had gone by and on Monday afternoon, Michael had decided to finally do something about Rich’s locker. Maybe it was because he felt bad for not being able to tell him about Christine, maybe just because he was a good friend, or maybe because he was shocked that no one else had felt obligated to take care of this yet. Either way, he had sneaked out of the art room, where he was supposed to paint more set pieces for the show, with the bottle of nail polish remover he had taken from his mothers’ bathroom this morning, to see if maybe that would help to get the slur off the locker.

He was rubbing an old cloth over the metal for at least 15 minutes now. Luckily, it worked and the paint started to come off but it still took exhaustingly long.

He wiped his sweaty face on his hoodie and eyed the smearing for a second. He almost thought about giving up - he had managed to remove the first two letters almost completely, which was probably a lot better already - but at the thought of Rich and how relieved he would be if his locker was finally back to normal again, he decided to keep going.

Speaking of Rich: In the last week, _everything_ related to him had been very weird. And Michael had had to realize that his plan to just ignore what had happened, so that they could forget about it, wasn’t working... _at all_. Because even though they both pretended like they were still _just_ friends, something didn’t feel right.

They all still had lunch together but every conversation Michael dared to have with Rich felt empty and irrelevant. During calculus, he still helped Rich when needed, but there were no whispered conversations about anything other than math anymore. They had even hung out once - together with Jeremy and Jake - to play video games. But even that most normal activity Michael had been able to think of, had been so loaded with awkward energy, that he had to cringe just thinking of it.

So, in short: He hated this.

He wasn’t sure what to do about it, though… it felt like it was way too late to change the situation now.

He had caught himself several times already, wishing he would have been _brave_ enough do just carry through with… whatever should happen after a kiss.

He should have gotten his shit together and ask Rich out… or something. 

But no, he had missed his chance and now he'd have to deal with the consequences. If Rich had ever been interested in him - which was not very likely - he definitely wasn’t anymore… Not now, that he had realized that he was nothing but an immature, scared nerd who didn’t know how to handle feelings...

Michael shook his head to maybe get it to focus on something else and concentrated on rubbing a little harder for a while but soon his thoughts started to wander again. 

The biggest problem was that the knowledge that this was now the most hopeless crush ever (seriously, hadn’t it been all along?), unfortunately, didn’t stop his brain from constantly thinking about the other boy, the kiss and what had moved him to initiate it.

Usually, Michael used music to shut his thoughts off but even that didn’t work anymore because almost _every single_ song reminded him of Rich and what could have been if he wasn't such a loser. 

The classes he had with Rich together had turned into indefatigable battles with himself, where he was trying to force his eyes and mind to focus on the blackboard instead of the guy next to him. 

It was probably getting obsessive but he didn’t know what to do to stop himself from staring - from the corner of his eye mostly - at Rich and thinking about how handsome he looked when his eyes lit up with excitement when someone mentioned the musical or when he furrowed his brows in concentration while trying to solve equations during calc.

Michael was fairly certain, that he would give everything for a chance to go back to the moment where their lips had touched. He wouldn’t run away this time. No, he would stay and keep kissing him and- 

“Yo, shithead. Who allowed you to wash that off?”, a voice echoed through the hall, making Michael flinch and nearly drop the bottle of nail polish remover. 

He looked up reluctantly and saw the same senior whose nose he had broken coming towards him, followed by his usual friends. Of course, _they_ had to show up. Michael wondered for a second if they were ever actually _playing_ football or if walking around and insulting people counted as an extracurricular activity.

He pressed his teeth together and turned back to the locker. He would just ignore them… maybe they would go away-

“Hey! I’m talking to you.” 

_Ignore them, just ignore them!_

His mom would never forgive him if he got involved in another fight. Also, he probably wouldn’t survive...

From the corner of his eye, he saw the guy - Ryan, if he remembered correctly - stepping next to him, while the other two boys waited some steps away. 

“You broke my nose, asshole.”, he hissed, much too close to Michael’s ear. He shivered but kept his eyes on the locker. “That was really not cool of you.” 

He didn’t say anything. His heart was beating fast but in a _very_ bad way. This wouldn’t resolve itself by ignoring it, he knew that. But he had been bullied often enough to know that reacting in any way could make it _so_ much worse. 

“Are you even listening to me!?”, Ryan yelled at him loudly, making Michael’s ear ring. 

Suddenly, he was grabbed by the shoulder and spun around, pushed with his back against the locker. His cleaning supplies dropped out of his hands and some of the liquid from the bottle poured onto the floor, leaving a sharp smell in the air. 

“You know what?” The football player grinned down to him maliciously as he pressed Michael’s shoulder against the locker, stopping him from running away. He wasn’t even that much taller, so maybe he would have been able to free himself from that grip, but right now Michael didn’t dare to move a muscle. “Maybe I’ll break your nose, too. That would just be fair, don’t you think?” 

Michael didn’t answer and just focused on repressing the urge to press his eyes shut. His fingers were trembling so he curled them into fists. That didn’t help because now he was shaking up to his shoulders, which made Ryan laugh. 

“Look at that he’s scared!!”, he said and turned to his friends, who started to laugh. “Not so brave without your boyfriend by your side, are you?” 

Something in Michael’s stomach cramped and he looked to the ground, trying to stop trembling. This asshole, calling Rich his _boyfriend_ in such a hateful way, somehow felt so, so much worse and humiliating, now that… all of _that_ had happened.

He took a breath and said as steadily as possible: “I’m not scared.” 

Ryan just turned to his friends again, who were now holding their stomachs from laughing so hard. “Did you hear that?”, he asked laughing too, before turning back to Michael. “Yeah, I don’t believe that, homo… -” 

A fist flew towards Michael’s face and before he could do anything -... it was rammed into the locker next to him, inches from his face. 

Michael flinched so hard, he felt himself sink down the locker a little, as his shaky knees threatened to give out. He closed his eyes, half in relief, half in shock. 

He heard the boys laugh as if they had never seen anything funnier than the trembling boy in front of them but he couldn’t care less. He tried to calm his breathing while doing everything to keep himself from starting to cry.

_Please go away, please just go away-_

“Hey, fuckers!”, another voice suddenly yelled down the hallway. A female voice. “Move it!” 

Michael opened his eyes in confusion and saw Chloe storm down the hall, towards the boys. 

Ryan looked up to see who it was and took a step away from Michael as he saw the girl. He grinned boldly at her. “Chlo, what’s up-” 

“Shut up and leave him alone”, she said in an ice-cold voice, as she stopped inches away from him.

The football player just raised an eyebrow. “Why?” 

“He’s my friend, asshole, that’s why.” 

Michael watched the exchange through hazy eyes. He was still recovering from that scare, so he barely registered that _Chloe Valentine_ had just called him her friend.

He watched how Ryan chuckled confused. “What the fuck is wrong with this school recently?? Why is everyone standing up for those nerds??” He turned to his friends like he expected an answer but they just shrugged, so he faced Chloe again and said suggestively: “We used to be friends, too, remember?” 

If Michael wasn’t completely wrong Chloe’s cheeks turned a little red but her voice stayed icy as she said: “Yeah, but that was before I found out that you have to bully younger kids to boost your ego because your dick is so fucking tiny.” 

Ryan’s eyes went narrow and he seemed speechless for a second. One of his friends had burst out a giggle and was now trying hard to suppress it. Michael could just stare at Chloe. 

“Now fuck off.”, she said again and crossed her arms. 

To Michael’s surprise, Ryan actually turned around, red in the face and muttering madly. “What a bitch”, he clearly said as he gestured his friends to follow him and they disappeared around the next corner. 

Michael stared after them with wide eyes. 

_How on earth-_

“Hey, are you okay?”, Chloe asked, in a much nicer tone now. 

Michael swallowed, trying to find his voice. “Uh, yeah, uh… thanks.”, he mumbled, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. _Great_ , now he was the guy who had to be saved by a girl. Someone definitely would laugh at him for that soon. 

But right now, he couldn't deny that he was just really relieved that those guys were gone. 

“I was looking for you because you just disappeared without saying a word. You can’t expect me to paint that door all alone, can you?”, Chloe said and grinned at him jokingly. “What were you doing here anyway?”

Michael still wasn’t able to answer, he felt paralyzed. So his eyes just wandered to the floor, where the half-empty bottle was laying. 

Chloe caught on, looked at the spilled liquid, then the locker behind Michael, and said in a weirdly excited voice: “Ohhh, that’s so sweet of you! Rich will be so happy!”

Michael still didn’t know what to say to that, but she didn’t seem to care. She frowned for a second and eyed Michael with a questioning glance. “Hey, by the way, are you and Rich finally a thing or…-?” 

That shook Michael out of his paralyzed state. “W-what?!”, he stammered in an unnaturally high voice. How the hell did she... think of _that_?? Did she _know_ that they had kissed??

Chloe smiled like she had expected exactly _that_ reaction from Michael. “Oh, come on it’s obvious you like him.” 

She bent down and picked up the cleaning supplies again, ripped the cloth into two, handed Michael one piece, and started to rub her half over the remaining letters on the locker. 

Michael just stared at her for some seconds, mouth hanging open, very confused by all of this. “Wait, who told you about that?? Brooke?!” 

Chloe frowned sadly for a second but kept scrubbing the locker. “No... no one told me anything. I don’t really get much of the gossip that’s going on with you guys anymore…” She chuckled a little sadly, before putting on a cheeky smile that seemed very fake. “No, it’s just… the way you always look at him makes it kinda obvious… I think everyone has noticed by now.” 

_Great. Really, this was just…. great!_

Michael turned his burning face away from the girl and continued to forcefully clean the locker as well. 

He felt Chloe’s eyes resting on him for a second, before she said: “Oh, I didn’t mean that in a bad way, though! It’s kinda cute!” She seemed to have noticed that he didn’t feel very comfortable about this talk.

Michael kept his eyes on the locker and ignored her. She sighed a little disappointed at the lack of reaction but didn't say anything else and they just kept cleaning in silence for some seconds. 

“Seriously, though,” she tried again after a while. “I think he likes you, too! I mean, I don’t know Rich _that_ well but… I have a really good feeling about this.”

Michael avoided her glance. He knew she only said that to make him feel better but still, he couldn't help but mumbled after a while: “You think so?”

“Yeah, you should totally ask him out!”

“Uh, well, that’s… complicated.”, Michael said and pressed his teeth together. Easy for her to say... She had no idea, that he had already been _this_ close but had messed it up completely. Also, Michael was sure that Chloe had never _ever_ received any kind of rejection, right? Asking people out was probably nothing more exciting than drinking a cup of coffee for her. 

For Michael, the situation was very, very different. 

“Oh, come on.”, Chloe laughed and nudged him with her elbow rather painfully. “Stop being such an awkward virgin and just do it. It’s really not complicated.” 

He blushed and stared at her for a second or two. “I-I’m not-...”, he began to stammer but there was no point in protesting. He _was_ an awkward virgin. 

And Rich was probably the complete opposite of that. 

Why had he thought this would ever work?? 

He felt how breathing got difficult again. Maybe he was panicking a _little_ bit. 

Chloe’s eyes rested upon him for a second as she frowned. “Hey,” she began in an unnaturally soothing voice. Maybe she had realized that she had overstepped a boundary. “In all seriousness, you’re a great guy and I’m like 99% sure that Rich thinks so too!” She smiled sweetly and pointed at the locker that was now almost completely cleaned up. “I mean, look at this! How could he not like you, when you’re doing this for him?” 

Michael stared at his hands that were fumbling with the cloth. Chloe seemed to wait for an answer to her question, so he tried to find his voice again. "I-...", he began, still not sure what to say to make her understand that this wasn't as easy as she made it out to be. "He's... _cool_... and I'm not. He-... he would never go out with me."

"You'll never know if you don't ask him." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, really sorry if this chapter feels messy... It was originally two chapters that both would have been way too short and kind of unimportant, so I patched this together but it's not working perfectly. (I might honestly come back to this chapter and edit it a bit, later on, but I didn't want to let you guys wait any longer...)


	26. Chapter 13 - Rich

**Rich**

The week after the kiss seemed to stretch endlessly, and the main feeling Rich experienced throughout was utter confusion. 

Nothing, absolutely _nothing_ seemed to make sense anymore. 

Michael had _kissed_ him. And now he was… acting like they barely knew each other. 

The conversations they were having were without exception awkward and tense; during their classes, it felt like Michael avoided looking at him at every cost and he seemed to try to forget that the kiss had ever happened.

And Rich didn't want to admit it but… that hurt like hell.

There was only one thought that kept him from going insane: Michael did _like_ him. He had said so himself during that weird, panicked monologue he had yelled at Rich in the hallway on Monday. He had said ‘he really liked him’ but he needed time. 

So, Rich waited. And even though he wasn’t sure what exactly Michael needed time for - Rich hadn’t even asked him out or anything! -, he was totally okay with that. Yeah, definitely. 

The thing was just, that now, after an entire week of waiting for something other than an awkward conversation to happen, the frustration began to grow. 

If Michael didn’t want them to be anything more than friends, then why didn’t he just say so? Why did he have to keep Rich in suspense, not giving him the chance to give up the hope that maybe this could still work out? 

And if he _really_ just wanted to be friends, why had he said he liked him? Why the hell had he _kissed_ him??

The pile of questions seemed to grow every day, and Rich was very sure of one thing: This had been _way_ easier with the Squip. 

He tried to tell himself that it was _good_ that he got the chance to figure out this whole feelings-stuff on his own for once.

But still, sometimes he couldn’t help but wish for that voice in his head to reactivate - just for a second, to tell him how to let a witty remark, or a flirty comment slip into one of those forced conversations, so that he could stir everything into the right direction again. 

But of course, he knew, that that wasn't an option, so he tried to stay as calm as possible. After all, it wasn't like Michael actively avoided him or anything… No, he was always there when they hung out after rehearsal, and they had even met with Jeremy and Jake once to play video games. And that was better than nothing, right?? 

He couldn’t deny, though, that he missed the quiet afternoons they had spent alone in Michael’s basement. So much, sometimes, that he almost wished the kiss had never happened. 

So, all in all, this was a very confusing experience, but Rich didn’t dare to do anything to change the situation. Instead, he tried to focus on other things. And that wasn’t even hard because his semi-successful attempt at keeping up with school work while he was putting most of his spare time into the musical, kept his mind quite occupied. 

They were now meeting twice a week to practice for the show, and at times he was starting to wonder if maybe he had overestimated himself.

But at least the moments in between his scenes were giving him lots of time to ask Jake for advice on how to deal with the whole Michael-situation. 

“You have to ask him out, man!”, Jake told him, as they were sitting in the auditorium, while the girls practiced a dance on stage. 

Rich had just described his confusion about Michael’s behavior to him for the hundredth time, but his friend still didn’t seem to understand his struggle fully. And it was starting to get a little frustrating. “It’s not that easy! I mean, he said he needs time, I don’t want to seem pushy or anything! And what if he says no, I-” He stopped himself with an exhausted groan. “You wouldn’t understand… this kind of stuff always works out for you…” He knew that Jake just wanted to help, but this was way more complicated than he made it out to be! 

Jake just looked at him with raised eyebrows and an expressionless face. “Really?” he said. 

Rich had to notice that he seemed a little angry… Maybe, he had reacted in a tone that had sounded a bit _too_ harsh. 

He wanted to open the mouth to apologize, but Jake was already continuing: “None of my attempts at a relationship with Chloe have ever worked out, I ruined that thing with Christine and… in case you didn’t know, Madeline dumped me as well…. So, yeah, I _do_ know that sometimes stuff doesn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean you can’t at least _try_ it.” He turned away and stared at the stage instead, arms crossed. His lips were pressed together, and all in all, he looked very pissed off. 

Rich felt terrible right away. He looked to the floor and mumbled: “Sorry, that… that was a stupid thing to say, I…- I didn’t know that about Madeline…”

“She was pissed because I told her off for making Christine cry the other week.” Jake shrugged. “Doesn't matter, I don’t care…”, he added, but his tone and expression clearly showed the opposite. In fact, he looked very hurt. 

Rich had never liked Madeline himself, and he somehow had always assumed Jake was only interested in her because she was popular, but maybe that he had been a wrong observation. He started to wonder if maybe Jake had had actual feelings for her. 

He suddenly felt very dumb for having babbled about his feeling for Michael for at least two weeks now, without ever having asked Jake about _his_ relationships… 

The two boys stayed silent for a few minutes, but Rich felt like he _had_ to say something, so he started again: “Hey, about Madeline… uh, are you okay or-?” 

His friend didn’t seem particularly interested, though, in talking about this any longer and quickly interrupted him to change the topic: “Anyway, like I said...that doesn’t mean, it doesn’t work out for anyone, right?” He pointed towards the stage where Brooke was just excitedly talking to Jenna and Christine. “I mean, look at Jenna and Brooke.” 

Rich wasn’t entirely sure what he was talking about. “Wait, what do you mean?” 

Jake turned to him with wide eyes. “Oh, she… uh… Brooke didn’t tell you?” 

“No?”

Jake blushed a little as if he had just realized that he had said something he shouldn’t have. Rich just frowned at him, so after a second, he sighed and explained: “She asked Jenna out last week, and it went pretty well, apparently.” 

Rich stared at him, his mouth hanging open. “I… had no idea.” 

He wasn’t entirely sure what else to say to that. Brooke hadn't even mentioned this! Hadn’t she said he was her best friend? Then why would she keep that a secret from him?? 

“Why didn’t she tell me?” he asked after a while, hating how disappointed he sounded.

Jake shot him an uncomfortable glance before looking back to the floor. “Well… you and Jenna aren’t exactly… best friends, are you? I guess she’s not sure how you’d react…” 

Rich stared at him for two more seconds before directing his eyes back towards the stage, speechlessly. Yes, maybe he was kind of on the outs with Jenna - which he had every right to, in his opinion, after she had outed him! - but that didn’t mean that he’d tell Brooke not to date her or something - surely, she knew that he’d be okay with that!

He didn't know if he was mad or just disappointed, but it certainly wasn’t a nice feeling. 

He noticed how Jake still eyed him awkwardly from the side as if he was debating whether he wanted to say the words that were clearly on the tip of his tongue or not. 

“What?” Rich asked annoyed at his continuing stare. 

“Don’t you think you should try to make up with Jenna?” Jake finally said hesitantly. Rich had almost expected something like that, so he just rolled his eyes and avoided his friend’s glance. “I mean, you _really_ don’t know if _she_ outed you and-” 

“Anyways, it doesn’t matter.”, Rich interrupted. He definitely didn’t want to talk about _that_ again. “If Brooke doesn’t want to share that kind of stuff with me, then that’s her problem…” 

The two boys fell into a tense silence for a few minutes, but at least Jake seemed to decide that it wasn’t worth fighting about that topic and let it go. Instead, after a few moments, he asked: “So, about Michael… what are you gonna do?”

“Ugh, I don’t know…”, Rich sighed. This topic wasn’t exactly any easier. “I mean… I don’t even know anymore if he’s interested, I-” 

“Man, are you kidding me?” Jake said and laughed out loud, which sounded a bit like he was desperately trying to force a lighter mood onto the conversation again. “He’s _literally_ never taking his eyes off you. Last time we met for video games, you only won because he didn’t pay attention and stared at you constantly! Also, he _kissed_ you, don’t forget that. He is totally into you.” 

Rich frowned at that for a while before hesitantly asking: “Well, then why is he not… - I don’t know...- talking to me about that?”

“He’s just shy, that’s why!”, Jake explained as if that should have been obvious. “And he already took the first step, kind of. It’s your turn now.” 

“I _would have_ asked him out, but he said he needs time, so…-,” Rich argued again and shrugged before staring back to the floor. _He_ wasn’t happy with the situation either, but what was there to do? 

Jake looked at him with a skeptical glance and said dryly: “Yeah, and that was how long ago? A week? He had enough time to think this through, man. If he’s not ready now, he’ll never be.” 

“So… you think I should… just go for it?” 

“Yeah! Ask him out!”

Rich gulped. The thought was somehow very scary. “What if he says no?”

“Then, at least you’ll know what’s up, and you can move on.”

That was easier said than done… He wouldn’t be _able_ to just move on, probably. Maybe that was the reason he didn’t go for it. But Jake was right… this couldn’t go on forever, and if Michael said no, maybe they could at least stay friends… somehow. 

He let out a deep sigh and lifted his gaze again to look at the stage where the girls were just going through the final steps of the dance. “Okay.”, he said, trying to sound as steady as possible. 

“Okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll ask him out. Next time I see him. I promise.” That was less a promise to Jake and more one to himself because getting this thing out of the way was probably the best for his sanity, no matter the outcome. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw a gigantic grin spread on Jake’s face. “Great!” he said. “And if it works out, you can thank me later for giving the best relationship advice.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That was fun!” Brooke exclaimed as they left the auditorium half an hour later. Rich had tried to talk to her about her and Jenna for the rest of the rehearsal, but he still wasn’t sure what he could say without sounding pissed or anything. Because he wasn't, right? 

Also, he couldn’t deny that he wasn’t really concentrating. His mind kept wandering to Michael and the fact that there was a very realistic chance, he’d bump into him if he’d walk out of the building, right now… The Art Club must have just finished as well. And if he would walk into him… that would mean Rich would have to ask him out if he wanted to keep the promise he had just made.

“Did you see Madeline's face during Christine’s song??”, Brooke continued, way too excited. “She’s _so_ mad.” 

“Haha, yeah.”, Rich answered absently while trying to think of what he could do to avoid Michael. Just for right now. Not because he didn't want to see him, but because he definitely needed more time to think this through if he wanted to minimize the chance that Michael thought he was an idiot and said 'no'.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Brooke frowning at him. “Are you okay?”, she asked, seemingly having noticed Rich’s red face. He had to admit that he was mildly freaking out.

“Uh, yeah sure.”, he quickly mumbled and stopped, a few feet away from the door. He couldn’t go out there and ask Michael. Nope. No way. 

Brooke stopped too for a second and looked at him questioning. “Should we give you a ride home?”, she asked with an uncertain glance over her shoulder. Rich saw Jenna standing by the door, nervously waiting for Brooke apparently. 

Now that he knew about their date, it was actually quite obvious that there was something. They both seemed totally flustered around each other. 

No, he definitely didn’t want to third-wheel here. 

“Noo,” he said quickly. “I still have to get some things from my locker… See you tomorrow!”

“Okay, see you.” She waved and smiled, but also looked kind of relieved that Rich had declined the offer as she turned to Jenna. He didn’t blame her. 

He decided to _actually_ go get his calc book from the locker. It would probably lessen the chance of bumping into Michael and having to ask him out. Also, he really needed to get some homework done...

So, he turned the other way and walked down the empty hallway, silently wondering why exactly he was so afraid of taking this step. Jake was right after all: Michael _liked_ him… probably. He had _kissed_ him. The chances weren’t too low, right? He would just have to get his shit together and- 

“Seriously, you just gotta do it!” 

Rich had turned around the corner of the corridor with his locker and looked up as he heard a familiar, persuading voice. His eyes met the glance of Chloe, who was standing in front of Rich’s locker for some reason. 

She was smiling at him over the shoulder of…- Michael. _Of course._ Rich felt his heart sink into his stomach. Michael hadn’t noticed him yet! He could just turn around and- 

“Hey, Rich!”, Chloe shouted through the hallway, grinning in a way that signalized that she knew exactly what she was doing. 

Rich stopped in his tracks and pressed his teeth together as he saw Michael spin around and stare at him with flushed cheeks. 

“Hi Chloe…”, Rich said, grinding his teeth. Great, now there was no turning back… He would have to talk to Michael… And he had promised himself that the next time he talked to him he would…- 

“What a _coincidence_ you’re here!”, Chloe said, interrupting Rich’s panicking thoughts. She was talking weirdly… This whole situation was weird, actually. Since when were Michael and Chloe friends? Rich walked towards them so Chloe didn’t have to yell through the entire school as she continued. “We were actually just talking about y- Ouch!” 

Michael - whose face was now redder than his hoodie - had very obviously stepped onto her foot and was now stammering: “H-hey, Rich!”, in a voice that sounded much higher than his normal voice. 

It would have been almost funny to watch if Rich wasn’t so confused as to what was going on here. Not knowing what else to do, he chuckled and frowned at the other boy. “Hey…”, he said in an uncertain tone. His eyes wandered to Michael’s hands that were holding a bottle with pink liquid and a cloth. “W-what are you… doing here?”

His gaze now went past Michael and found his locker - the locker that definitely still had had a slur on it this morning - now all cleaned up. 

He stared at Michael and Michael stared back. 

There was a weird tension in the air but it was destroyed immediately by Chloe who had glanced from one boy to the other and now said, like she had been accused of a crime: “It was all _him_ , I had nothing to do with this. I really have to go now! _Bye_ , guys!!” With that, she turned away and practically sprinted down the hallway.

Rich was almost positive she shoved Michael slightly into his direction before she went but he was already too confused by this entire situation to really notice. 

He was now standing only feet away from Michael, and his heart was beating up to his throat as he felt the other boy’s uncertain glance on him. 

He swallowed. “Did you… uh, did you clean this up?”, he decided to ask, pointing at his locker. There were really only very few hints of the red spray paint left, definitely not enough anymore to make out any word. 

Michael’s eyes wandered down as if he had already forgotten about the cleaning supplies in his hand. After some seconds he muttered: “Uh, yeah… guess I did…” His cheeks went a bit redder if that was even possible. “I, uh, I didn’t have anything to do for the - uh, for the set today and I thought someone had to do something about this and uh-” 

“Thank you,” Rich said, deciding to put a stop to Michael’s nervous rambling. He smiled up to him, trying to put as much sincere thankfulness into this smile as somehow possible. 

This was-… _wow_. Michael had done this for him? Just like that? 

His heart seemed to soar. 

He wanted to hug him. _Really_ wanted to hug him. 

But Michael still looked to the floor, seemingly embarrassed for whatever reason, so Rich didn’t move and tried his best not to burst with affection for this guy. 

“I seriously thought I'd have to live with that on my locker till the end of high school.”, he laughed out breathlessly. His eyes wandered over the bottle in Michael’s hand, which seemed to contain nail polish remover. “How did you know that would work?”, he asked, seriously impressed. 

“Uh,” Michael began, his face slowly going back to a more or less normal color. “I didn’t. I just, uh, thought it was worth a try...”

“Wow, that’s….”, Rich began but didn’t know what to say. He just stared up into Michael’s eyes. Another laugh escaped his mouth before he said: “Michael? You’re the best. Seriously.” 

He watched how Michael blushed again and sheepishly smiled to the ground. “Oh, I’m sure anyone would have-” 

“No, I’m serious, I-” Rich stopped for a second. He had changed his mind. He _wanted_ to do it. Now. This was the perfect moment to get his shit together and just _ask_. 

Michael looked up again, expectantly waiting for him to continue. There was something in his glance that got Rich to finalize his decision. 

He took a very deep breath and said - trying to keep his voice as calm as possible: “Uh, actually… there’s something I wanted to ask you… a-and it’s totally fine if you say no… But, uh, I kind of need to know because after… after thatweekend it’s just been really confusing and-” He closed his eyes, trying to stop rambling, let out a breath and quickly spat out the words before he could change his mind: “Would you like to go out with me on Saturday?” 

He opened his eyes again but didn’t dare to look up to Michael’s face. He was too scared of what kind of reaction he might find there. 

_He’ll say no. I’m sure he’ll-_

But he didn't. Instead, he asked, sounding absolutely shocked: “Like- Like on a date???” 

Michael’s tone didn’t exactly help identify whether or not he was intrigued by that idea… But there was no turning back now anyway, right?

“Oh, uh,... y-yeah… I guess…”, Rich said carefully, fully aware that his head felt like exploding. He still didn’t dare to look up. _You messed it up_ , was the only thought that managed to manifest in his brain. 

For a while, no one said anything. A clear sign that this wasn’t going to end well for him, in Rich’s opinion.

His heart started to feel very heavy. He took another deep breath and added, careful not to let any hint of disappointment slip into his voice: “Like I said, it’s really okay if you don’t want to… I mean I get it, I-”

“Yes.” 

“What?” 

Rich finally looked up. He was certain that his heart had fully stopped. 

Michael stared at him, his mouth hanging slightly open as if he was a bit surprised at his own words as well. There was a determined spark in his eyes, though, that made Rich’s heart jump.

“ _Yes_ , I’d really like to go out with you.”, Michael specified with a steady voice. He let out a breath as if he was relieved to have said those words, and sent a quick, tiny smile to Rich. 

“R-really??”, the other boy managed to bring out in disbelief, after a few seconds of stunned silence. Was this actually happening??? Michael Mell had said _yes_ to this?!! He wanted to go on a date with him?? Rich was pretty certain that this was the best feeling he had felt in a long time.

“Yeah,” Michael confirmed, put on a crooked, nervous grin, and started to fumble with the strings of his hoodie. 

Once again, he just looked unbelievably adorable. Rich felt like his heart would burst. 

“I-I actually wanted to ask you too…”, Michael explained sheepishly as their eyes met again. “I just didn't know how to.” 

Rich couldn’t repress a disbelieving laugh. “Same.” His mind still hadn’t fully processed this. “I've been trying to work out a way to ask you for days now.” 

Michael just grinned back, wordlessly. Rich stopped laughing, as there was something in Michael’s eyes that created a strange tension again. In a much better way than earlier, though. More like at the New Years Party. Like they were both wondering if they could lean in and- 

“Uh, I actually really have to go…”, Michael said after a second, destroying the moment. “My mom’s picking me up… She’s probably waiting already. We’ll… talk about Saturday tomorrow?” 

“Oh, uh, yeah, sure.”, Rich said and smiled brightly. _Michael wants to go out with me, oh my god, oh my god_ , was the only thing in his head right now, so he wasn’t really sure what he was saying. “Uh, see you in Spanish?” 

Michael smiled one of his beautifully radiating smiles before taking some steps backward. “Sure… see ya!” 

He was still moving backward like he had forgotten that he was actually able to turn around, as Rich went to open his locker. 

“And, uh, Michael?”, Rich decided to ask again.

“Yes?”

“Thanks for… this.” He waggled the locker door to show Michael what he meant and watched the other boy stumble a little over his own feet. He had to suppress a laugh. 

“No problem.”, Michael said, before finally turning around and running down the corridor. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You did it?? You actually asked him out?? Ooh, Rich, that's amazing!!!!" 

"Shhhh", Rich quickly made and looked around the history classroom nervously. It wasn't like anyone was paying attention to him - or the teacher for that matter - but Brooke’s voice had gotten pretty loud as he had told her the exciting news. "It's not like the whole school needs to know." 

"Oh, uh, sorry!", she said quickly and lowered her voice but still grinned excitedly. "I told you he would say yes!" 

Rich smiled down at his table. In fact, he was sure he hadn't stopped smiling since yesterday. His face muscles had probably forgotten how to do anything _but_ smile. The fact that he was going on an actual date with Michael Mell, was still something he hadn’t quite wrapped his head around.

Brooke glanced over to the substitute teacher but he still didn't seem to care that the entire class was talking, so she continued: "Do you know where you're going to go yet?", and turned back to Rich. 

He hesitated for a second. “Well, kind of… but I still have to check if it’ll work out.” He didn’t specify his plans and hoped Brooke wouldn’t ask. He had had this idea for a date with Michael for a while now and if Brooke would now tell him it was a terrible plan, he wouldn’t know what to do instead. So he didn’t want to risk it. 

She didn’t ask. Instead, a dreamy expression had appeared on her face and she blankly stared into the air for a second before saying: “Well, Jenna and I went to the movies… I always thought that would be too basic but it was perfect! We were even holding hands like you always see in films!!”, she added, her cheeks flushed with excitement. With a look at Rich’s surprised face, though - he would have not expected her to speak about her date with Jenna in front of him - she stopped, her expression changed as she realized that actually Rich wasn’t even supposed to know about the date yet and her face turned fully red. She continued a little abashed and clearly trying to seem casual: “So you and Michael could always do that as well…” 

Rich’s smile had faded a little at the sudden tension between them. “Yeah, uh, thanks for the idea….” 

For a while, they both didn’t say anything and Brooke seemed to suddenly be very interested in what the teacher had to say about Industrialization. Rich eyed her from the side. Now that he was thinking about it again, he regretted it a bit that he had just told her about his date with Michael. Why should she have the right to know about his relationships if she didn’t want to share hers with him?? 

He had to admit, he still didn’t fully understand why she hadn't told him. Yeah, he didn’t particularly like Jenna but he didn't like Madeline either and Jake had told him always way too much about their relationship…. So where was the problem?

He knew that Brooke was actively trying to avoid having to answer this question but Rich asked it anyway: “Why didn’t you tell me that you asked Jenna out?” 

Brooke didn’t react right away, looked down at the notebook on her table, and took her time to write the date into the top corner as if she was planning on taking notes for the rest of the lesson. “I didn’t think it was any of your business…”, she said finally in a plain tone without looking up. 

“What-”, Rich said, staring at her outraged. Hadn’t _he_ just told _her_ everything about his upcoming date with Michael?? “I thought I was your friend!” 

“No, no, you are!”, she quickly said, seemingly having noticed that her previous statement had sounded a little rough and looked up, now with an apologetic expression. “Sorry, I didn’t mean-” She stopped for a second to collect her thoughts before continuing calmer: “I just mean… you seem to really hate her, so I thought you wouldn’t be very interested in hearing about it.” 

“I don’t hate her!” 

“But you still think she outed you… you made that very clear after rehearsal the other day.” Brooke turned back to her notebook and absently started doodling flowers in it. 

Rich just looked at her angrily. This was stupid. Why was everyone acting like _he_ was in the wrong here? He opened the mouth to say something but she already continued. “Can’t you just… apologize to her?”, she asked carefully and eyed him with a weird glance again. 

“What? No!”, Rich said, noticing how his cheeks started to burn with anger. “I did already apologize for yelling at her, now _she_ should apologize!” 

“She hasn’t done anything! You've just become so set on this that it’s getting ridiculous!” 

Rich rolled his eyes. He should have known that Brooke would say something like this when he had brought up that topic… He decided not to react. 

“Rich!”, Brooke added after a second of silence to get a reply from him. 

“Okay, you know what?”, he said, realizing that he sounded way angrier than he had intended to. “You don’t have to tell me about your relationship-stuff from now on.” 

“You know that’s not my point.” 

Luckily, the bell rang at that exact moment and Rich jumped up immediately. He didn’t want Brooke to ruin his good mood from earlier any further. “Forget it.”, he just mumbled, grabbed his backpack, and walked out of the classroom. He was pretty sure that Brooke said something like “Ugh, you’re so difficult sometimes!” as he went, but he ignored her again. 

As he walked down the hallway, hoping that Brooke didn’t follow him, he couldn’t help but notice that there was a slight peng of guilty in his stomach. 

Was Brooke maybe right and he _was_ set on this?? Was he overreacting? 

Yeah, his locker was clean now and he could just let it go but.., he still felt betrayed and he thought he had a right to be mad at someone. And it _must_ have been Jenna! Probably not even on purpose but she was known for constantly spreading gossip, right? If she would just _admit_ it, everything would be fine from his perspective but no… of course it wasn’t that easy. 

He shook his head, trying to get his mind to forget about all that for now. He definitely had more important things to focus on. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that day Rich had managed to ban the conversation with Brooke from his mind and was almost back to his ecstatic self from earlier. 

And when Michael walked into the Spanish room, almost too late, followed by Jeremy, Rich was happy to welcome the butterflies in his stomach back. 

He watched how Jeremy was frantically whispering to Michael as they entered the room and how Michael quickly shushed him alarmed as his gaze found Rich in the back of the room. He blushed but smiled at Rich brightly as he went to sit in front of him. 

“Hi.”, he said, still grinning and turned his chair around to face Rich. 

“Hey.”, he answered, noticing that he sounded way too excited.

For a second Michael just stared at him weirdly, like he wasn’t sure what to say before Jeremy kicked him - not as inconspicuous as he had probably planned - under the table and like on command Michael began to stammer: “I- uh...- how was your day, so far?” 

Rich had to suppress a laugh - his nervousness was kind of really cute - and answered instead: “Good. Yours?” 

“Uh, normal.”, Michael said and smiled again. He hesitated for a second before asking: “Uh, do you have a plan for… uh, what we’ll do Saturday?” 

Rich grinned back - grateful that he had managed to figure that out just ten minutes ago - and vaguely said: “Yes… But I won’t tell you.” 

Michael frowned amused and said: “Okay?” 

Rich was very aware that Jeremy was listening to every word they said, but he didn’t really care right now. “Oh, but we need your car if that’s okay”, he added with an excited grin. He was certain that if this worked out, it was possibly going to be the best date ever. 

Michael still looked confused but said: “Yeah, no problem. I’ll pick you up around… -?”

“- six should be fine.” 

“Cool, I'll be there!” 

Rich wasn’t sure how long they would have just stared at each other with bright smiles if it wasn’t for Mr. Sanchez, who entered the class and immediately called Rich's name, asking him to read the homework - couldn’t that guy give him a break for once?

Stammering, he started to read, his mind still focused on the boy in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I guess, there's going to be a date next chapter 😁


	27. Chapter 14 - Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES, I am actually alive. I know... I just disappeared without a word (not only on here but also on Tumblr, so if you're following me there: I probably won't use that blog anymore). It's just that I realized how bad it is for me to be on the internet/in front of my laptop 24/7 and this story started to feel more like a chore than something I enjoy to do so... let's just say I really, really needed a break and then I kind of... forgot about this fanfic? 😂 But thanks to a very lovely comment I got recently, I realized that I still really loved this and missed writing and really want to finish this so.... Here I am.  
> I won't promise anything but I'll try my best to continue this fic :) 
> 
> Thanks for reading <3

**Michael**

When Michael woke up on Saturday morning, it was actually much too early to get up for a _Saturday_ morning. But once his mind had grasped the slightest thought of what was about to happen today, the idea of falling asleep again felt ridiculous. 

For at least half an hour he just laid there and stared at the rainbow flag above him. 

This was _actually_ going to happen. He was going on his very first date. _Ever_. With _Rich Goranski._

That thought alone, made his heart pound. He couldn’t deny that he was nervous - _very_ nervous - but that didn’t make him any less excited. After all the confusion and feelings of hopelessness he had experienced over the last weeks, this was in comparison the nicest feeling he had felt in a while. 

And the best thing was: _Rich_ had been the one who had asked. That had to mean that he _actually_ liked him, right? At least a little bit. 

Somehow that thought let a smile spread on Michael’s face every time it popped into his head. 

Also, he thought it was kind of nice that _he_ didn’t have to come up with an idea for where they would be going. He would have had no clue how to plan this date. 

So he was fine with Rich organizing everything. Though, now that he was thinking about it, he couldn't deny that the fact that he had no clue what to expect, was making him more nervous than he probably would have been. 

He didn’t exactly like surprises. There were always too many open questions attached. Like how long would they have to drive? Was it outside? And most importantly: What kind of clothes was he supposed to wear?? For someone like him - who always chose comfort rather than style when it came to clothes - it was very easy to be underdressed… and even easier to feel overdressed. What if he would dress so badly that Rich decided to cancel the date or what if - 

_Okay, stop this!_ He was panicking again… He really shouldn’t do that. _You’re excited about this date and it’s going to be great,_ he tried to remind himself. 

And while that _was_ true, the anxiousness remained, even after breakfast when Michael was back in his room, rummaging through his closet. 

His nervousness had apparently not been as subtle as he had hoped for. His parents had asked several times during breakfast if everything was okay with him. 

For some reason - he didn’t know why exactly - he hadn’t been able to bring himself to tell them about the date. 

Maybe because it was _Rich,_ someone his parents already had prejudices about after that school fight _…_ maybe because he knew that they would ask him all those very embarrassing questions… or maybe because he didn’t want to share something with them that still had a chance of going terribly wrong. 

Either way, Michael couldn't deny that he felt a little guilty for not telling them. It wasn’t like he didn’t trust them with stuff like that, it was just…. awkward. And he would tell them eventually. Probably. _If_ tonight went well. 

He had begun to pull out individual items of clothing, eyed them, and threw them one after another through the room. For some very stupid reason, all his clothes suddenly seemed way too nerdy and definitely not cool enough. He had never cared for this shit before... why did his brain have to decide to start caring _now?_ It was the worst possible moment for that!

It took him until midday to finally decide on an outfit. Yes, jeans and t-shirt were probably a very underwhelming outcome after a 2-hour search for clothes but the shirt had a really cool print on it and he had never worn it before, so Michael thought that it was at least a _little_ bit special.

Once this part was overcome the time seemed to speed up enormously. Before he could even process anything, he was sitting in his car - after having told his mothers that he was going to Jeremy’s place - with unmistakably shaky hands.

On the way to pick up Rich, he tried to calm his mind with Bob Marley - because it would be a terrible tragedy if he managed to cause a car accident on his way to his first date because of _nervousness_ , right? - and it kind of worked for a while. 

However, as he saw Rich standing there in front of the apartment building - pretty much in the exact same spot where Michael had kissed him - his mind went back into panic mode, right away. 

_This is happening. This is_ actually _happening!!!_

Trying to keep his breathing under control, he watched Rich round the car and open the passenger door. 

As expected, _he_ didn't seem to have had any trouble finding an outfit. The ripped jeans, the open flannel shirt over a t-shirt with a band logo, and the tousled hair that conveyed the perfect balance between 'I tried to style this for hours' and 'I just rolled out of bed like this' created a look that was just so much cooler than anything Michael himself could have put together.

He might have been staring a bit and only got out of his trance as Rich pulled the door shut and said: “Hi!”

He smiled brightly and Michael forgot how to speak for a second.

“Hi!”, he finally replied, noticing how embarrassingly hoarse his voice sounded. He quickly cleared his throat. “So, uh, where do you want me to drive?” He tried to smile. “Any direction in particular?” 

“Yes, one second.”, Rich said and began to type on his phone, apparently trying to find a route on google maps. “Okay, here.” He turned on the sound of the navigation system, which told Michael to turn left in 500 feet. 

Michael frowned amused. “Okay, so you’re still not telling me where we’re going?” 

Rich grinned. “Nope.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That’s it!” Rich exclaimed after a twenty minutes drive to the more industrial part of the city. They had stopped in front of something that just looked like a giant parking lot with a big entrance gate. Though, at a closer look, it seemed to be- 

“Hey, wait is that-...”, Michael began but Rich was already nodding, seemingly bursting with excitement: “- A drive-in theatre! Yes!” 

“Oh, wow!”, Michael said, seriously impressed. “I didn’t know those even _exist_ anymore!” 

“I know, right? This place closed in the ’90s but they recently reopened it.” Rich grinned brightly and Michael - who was still staring at the entrance, with his mouth hanging open - felt his eyes studying his face like he wanted to make sure that Michael _actually_ liked this.

After a while, he seemingly decided that Michael’s expression was enough reassurance, opened the door, and said: “I’ll get the tickets, I’ll be back in a second.” 

Michael tried to protest but Rich was already out of the car and over at the box office. 

He watched him get the tickets, still very overwhelmed by this. How had he come up with this idea?? It was just so, so _perfect_ , it was almost surreal! Yes, it was no secret that Michael loved all things retro but somehow he would have never expected Rich to be thoughtful enough to actually consider that. 

Apparently, this guy never ceased to surprise him. 

Rich came back with the tickets seconds later. “What are you smiling at?”, he asked as he entered the car again. 

Michael hadn’t been aware he was doing that but he turned to Rich anyway, smiling even broader. “Don’t know… I guess, I’m just very happy right now.” 

Rich stared at him for a second and looked like he wanted to answer but their moment was interrupted by someone angrily honking behind them. 

“Oh, uh, right!”, Michael muttered and quickly turned on the car engine again. He hated it when people honked at him. “Where do we have to go?”

“Through the gate and then to the right,” Rich instructed. “On the left, they’re showing some cheesy romance… I don’t think we’d like that.” 

“No probably not," Michael laughed and steered the car in the direction Rich had told him. “What _are_ we watching, though?”, he asked curiously as the enormous screen came into view. 

Rich looked at the tickets but Michael was sure he knew the movie's title without looking. “Uh, it’s this really old movie… _Donnie Darko_.” 

“No way!!!”, Michael exclaimed, almost hitting the break a little too hard as he tried to park in a spot that seemed to have a great view. “I love that movie!!!” This was just getting better and better with every second! Why had he been so worried before? 

“Oh, you know it already?”, Rich said and sounded almost disappointed. 

“Yeah.” 

“Uh, sorry, I didn’t know-”, Rich began hesitantly. “We can go, do something else if you want-” 

“Are you kidding me??” Michael had parked the car and now turned to Rich, trying to convey as much excitement as possible, to show that he didn’t have to worry about anything. “That’s one of my favorite movies ever!!”

Rich smiled relieved. “Really?”

“Yeah! This is…”, Michael began, trying to find the right word. “... just amazing, Rich.” Actually, _amazing_ was still an understatement. 

Rich shrugged as if he wanted to seem casual but his cheeks were blushing. “I did my best.” 

“Although I have to admit, I’m shocked at what you call a ‘really old movie’...”, Michael couldn’t resist adding. “It’s from 2001.” 

“Yes... that's old.”

Michael shrugged and grinned. “If you say so…” 

He watched Rich rummage through his backpack for a second, before he had another thought. “Hey, how are we supposed to hear the sound of the movie? Do you know how this works?” 

“Yup,” Rich just said and searched for some seconds before pulling out a tiny radio. “The sound comes over the radio. But you don’t want to use your car battery the entire time so I brought this.” 

Michael blinked at that info. He had really thought this through. “Wow… you really know how this works. Have you been here before?” 

“Nope,” Rich said laughing a little sheepishly. “I just read like 50 online articles on how to have the best experience at a drive-in theatre.” 

_Wow, just… wow._ Michael watched Rich as he tried to find the right frequency on the radio and felt like his heart was going to burst. He had put so much thought into this, it was almost ridiculous - in a very, very sweet way. 

It had definitely been enough to impress Michael. He felt like he had just traveled back in time. This was probably the most retro experience one could possibly get! 

He realized, pleasantly surprised, that he wasn’t even nervous anymore. There was a warm, fuzzy calmness in his stomach. It was possibly the best feeling ever.

“Got it!” Rich said with a grin as the sound of the already playing commercial came on. 

“Good job,” Michael said and smiled at the other boy as he leaned back in his seat.

There weren’t many other cars as the film started. Apparently, this movie wasn’t any more of a box office hit now than when it had come out….

“By the way, I have absolutely no clue what the movie is about but I heard it’s confusing,” Rich said as the logo of the production team came onto the screen. “So you might have to explain it to me afterward.” 

Michael turned to him and just stared for some seconds. He was sure his eyes were heart-shaped by now. “Rich… those are the best words anyone has ever said to me.” 

The movie started and the first few scenes went by quickly. Rich seemed to be the talkative movie watcher, which Michael usually hated. But he was making really funny comments every now and then, so he couldn’t really be mad at him. He only had to shush him once, as he asked, utterly confused: “What the fuck is going on there?”

“Shhh, it’ll all make sense!”

Some scenes later, when the scary bunny mask suddenly appeared in the mirror Donnie was staring at, Michael felt Rich noticeably jump next to him. “Jesus Christ.”, he uttered breathlessly and dramatically clutched his hand on his chest. 

Michael chuckled. “Are you telling me you’re _scared_?”, he asked teasingly. 

“Shut up, I’m not scared!”, Rich mumbled and let out a breath before admitting: “That bunny mask is just kinda freaky.” 

Michael wasn’t sure where his comfortableness with this sort of thing suddenly came from but without hesitating, he grinned and said: “I can hold your hand if you want…” 

Rich lifted his head, cheeks red. He stared at Michael for a second as if he tried to make sure that he was being serious and said: “Like I said: I’m not scared.” 

But he grabbed Michael’s hand anyway.

Michael took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. A bright smile appeared on his face. This was going too well to be true. 

Somewhere in the middle of the movie he glanced over to Rich again, still holding his hand. He didn't even notice Michael’s glance in the dark. The way he was following the happenings on-screen with furrowed eyebrows, confusion written all over his face, was just so unbelievably …- adorable! Watching him, Michael felt like he was soaring. Was this the kind of feeling people described as being on cloud nine? It certainly felt like it. 

He tried to focus on the screen again - he couldn’t keep staring at _him…_ it was getting creepy probably - and it worked for a while until Michael suddenly felt the hand he was holding in his own, cramp tensely. 

Confused, he looked back to Rich. He was having his eyes closed but it didn’t look peaceful… More like he was trying to block something out. 

Michael stared back at the screen. It took him some seconds to realize. 

Of course. Donnie was just setting a house on fire. _Fuck_. He should have told Rich. This _certainly_ couldn’t be something he was keen on watching mere months after Halloween. He felt dumb. 

He wasn’t sure what to do… and Rich seemed to be more or less fine as long as he didn’t have to watch it, so he decided to just calmingly stroke his thumb over the back of his hand for the rest of the scene. 

“Hey…”, he decided to say as softly as possible when he was sure that the rest of the scene was safe. “The fire part is over.”

Rich opened his eyes abruptly and his face got three shades of red darker right away. “I, uh, I-”, he began to stutter. “Uh, sorry, I uh, I fell asleep.”, he lied and directed his eyes to the movie again, pretending like he was suddenly very interested in it again. 

Michael decided to not say anything and let it go. This had probably been the best decision because not only ten minutes later Rich was making jokes again about how the school’s principal in the movie looked a lot like Mr. Reyes.

As the movie started to come to a conclusion, Rich got quiet, apparently even more confused than before. Michael couldn’t repress a giggle at his shocked cry: “ _What_ , she’s not dead??”, when the last scene came around. 

He would have thought that by now everything was clear but apparently he had watched that movie too often to remember how weird it felt the first time around. 

“No, of course, she isn’t dead,” he explained calmly. He was becoming aware of the fact that he was still holding Rich’s hand and that both of their hands had gotten really sweaty - but that was okay. He still didn’t want to let go. So he kept talking: “Basically, nothing you saw in that movie actually happened.” 

Rich chuckled confused. “Okay, that’s good because I don’t think I understood _anything_.”

The end credits came on and the first cars around them started their engine again. Michael suddenly realized, almost panicking, that the end of the movie probably also meant the end of this date. He didn’t want it to end. They barely had time to talk and-... 

He quickly tried to think of every analysis he ever read about the movie. He would just stretch this evening as long as possible with random explanations about _Donnie Darko_. “So, basically, all of it happens in a time loop. It’s a tangent universe because he got into this alternative reality where he lived even though he should have died and…” 

Michael managed to talk for about ten minutes before he realized, kind of sheepishly that he wasn’t even giving Rich the chance to say anything. That definitely wasn’t what a date was about…. Rich was still staring at him, though, and seemed to listen. 

Still, he tried to conclude: “Uh, yeah so… it’s all about time travel basically.” 

He fell silent, face burning again, and Rich took some seconds to pick up on the cue that he was allowed to speak again. “Oh, uh, yeah, I-”, he began and Michael saw him frowning in the low light, thinking of what to say. “But, uh, then why was the mother in the house _and_ the plane simultaneously at the end?” 

“She wasn’t, the tangent universe just stopped existing and it went back to the real world-” 

Rich interrupted him, holding up his hands in a ‘No offense’-way. “Okay, seriously," he said. “It’s super cute how excited you get when you’re talking about this but if I have to hear the word ‘tangent universe’ one more time, I think my mind will explode.” 

“Fair enough.”, Michael chuckled absently but his mind was already somewhere else.

Rich thought he was _cute_?? Michael’s heart made a jump as soon as he realized what the other boy had just said. He had to keep himself from smiling too brightly.

Rich seemed to have realized what he had said too and if Michael wasn’t very wrong his cheeks turned red too, as he added jokingly: “I wanted to watch the movie because Jake Gyllenhaal is hot. Not because I wanted to have my brain melted.” 

That got Michael to focus again. “Oh _god_ , you think Jake Gyllenhaal is hot??”, he uttered.

Rich frowned amused. “Yes, kind of?”

Michael pulled a face. “No way! He has this freaky expression in his eyes... He always looks like he could murder you any second.” 

Rich turned on his seat to face Michael and put on a cheeky grin. “Pff, no need to be jealous, Mell.” He raised his eyebrows teasingly. “The chances that I’ll ever go on a date with Jake Gyllenhaal are _very_ slim, so I guess you’ll do.”, he mocked - his voice full of affection. 

Michael couldn’t help but grin back, feeling like his face was glowing in the dark. “Asshole.”, he said playfully and turned on his seat too, so that their faces were closer than before. 

The calmness in his stomach had turned into something more excited and tingly, as he stared at Rich’s crooked grin. 

He would just go for it. Lean in and-

_Knock, knock._

They both jumped. 

“Uh, sorry, guys but you really have to go now…,” the boy who had knocked at Michael’s window said awkwardly, seemingly noticing that he had interrupted something here. “We want to lock the gate…” 

Michael exchanged a glance with Rich and somehow they both just burst into laughter. 

“Sorryyyy…,” Michael giggled at the theatre worker and started the car. 

Rich was still shaking with laughter as they reached the highway. “That was _awkward,_ ” he said. 

“Haha, yeah…”, Michael replied, frantically trying to think of a way to _not_ end this date in ten minutes when he would reach Rich’s house. Hesitantly he began: “Uh, do you, uh, want to go home now or, uh-” 

“No, not really.”, Rich interrupted him before he could finish, almost like he had been waiting for Michael to ask that. 

Michael's heart jumped excitedly. “W-we can go somewhere else, uh, do you have an idea?” 

“Slushies at 7-Eleven?” 

Yeah… Michael was _definitely_ on cloud nine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So yeah, there’s pretty much a musical about _everything…_ The weirdest concepts are usually the best ones,” Rich said and nodded knowingly. 

They had found a spot in the corner of an abandoned 7-Eleven parking lot and were now sitting in the open trunk of Michael’s car, wrapped up in the blankets he thankfully kept in his car. It was a bit chilly but not nearly as cold as it could have been around this time of year. It seemed to Michael that even the weather was playing along to make this date perfect. It couldn’t be any better. 

He wasn’t sure how long they had been sitting there by now - but it didn’t matter. 

They had agreed to leave the topic of the movie behind them after Rich had decided that he would never understand it. Since then, they had talked about everything there was to talk about and had now somehow ended up at the topic of Musicals. 

Michael couldn’t really contribute much to that conversation, but he didn’t mind. No, it actually was very cute to watch RIch talk about it. He really knew a _lot_ about this stuff, considering that he had only discovered this passion of his some months ago. 

Michael's phone was lying beside them, silently playing music. They were taking turns for who got to choose the song. And though Michael was desperately trying to represent the last century he couldn't deny that some of the musical songs Rich was playing weren't _too_ bad.

Right now they were listening to some kind of rap song that didn't sound very musical-ly at all.

"Yeah?", Michael asked frowning, and took a loud sip from his slushie. “Is _this_ one of those weird ones? It doesn’t sound like a musical.” 

Rich just nodded excitedly. “Yes! That’s _Hamilton_. It’s like… _the_ musical, right now. It's about the guy who's on the ten-dollar bill!” 

That sounded familiar. “Hey, I think I’ve heard of that.”, Michael said, happy that he could provide something to the conversation again. “My moms wanted to go see that for their anniversary before seeing that the tickets are like a thousand dollars…” He shrugged. “They ended up seeing Wicked or something.” 

“Oh, that’s _so_ cool. Your moms like musicals?”, Rich asked, eyes wide.

Michael nodded with a shrug. It wasn't like his parents were constantly fangirling about theatre but he was pretty sure that they liked musicals.

Rich stared for a second as if he'd never heard of an adult person who liked musicals, before saying: “Your moms sound amazing.” 

“Oh, believe me, they can be super embarrassing but... yeah, they are pretty great.” Michael chuckled. “I’m sure they’ll invite you over for dinner once I tell them about this date…”

Rich didn’t react for a while but Michael saw his face blush. 

_Have I said something wrong?,_ a panicked voice in his head wondered. This _was_ a date, wasn’t it? Was dinner a step too far?? “Uh, I mean…”, he began but wasn’t sure what to say to make it less awkward - especially since he wasn’t even sure what had made it awkward in the first place.

He watched Rich look down and fumbling with the zipper of his jacket. “Uh, why…”, he began hesitantly. “Why didn’t you tell them about going on a date?” He chuckled unsurely. “I mean, I didn’t tell _my_ dad but you seem to be pretty close to your parents so... I guess that’s different…” 

“Uh, I don’t know, really… I, uh-”

“Is it because I’m… _me_?”, Rich asked, avoiding Michael’s glance. He chuckled again, but it just sounded insecure. “Like, I know the whole town's talking about me as some kind of mad arsonist… I wouldn’t blame you if you were embarrassed or-” 

“Wha- uh, no.”, Michael quickly said, very confused by this sudden display of insecurity. Rich didn’t seem to be the kind of person who would need reassurance when it came to dating… That was Michael’s part, wasn’t it? _He_ was the awkward virgin as Chloe had put it.

“No, Rich, I-” He hesitated, trying to find the right words. “I don’t care about all this shit other people are saying about you, really! But... you are so much _cooler_ than me and uh, the fact that you asked me out was just… kind of overwhelming. I wanted to see how this goes before telling anyone, you know?” 

Michael stopped talking and felt himself frown, not quite sure if what he had said had made any sense. 

For a second or two Rich didn’t react and just twirled the straw of his slushies around in the cup but then a slight grin spread on his face and he asked curiously: “So… what do you think? How _did_ it go?”

Michael felt his face go red. For some reason he was starting to feel nervous again… there was something in the air.

He took another sip from his drink, trying to stop himself from babbling out: “Absolutely amazing, can we do it again????”, because that would just be embarrassing. 

After a second of silence, he smiled and said as sincerely as possible: “It was… great. _Everything_. Seriously, thank you…” He looked down and bit his lip. “Sorry, though, if _I_ was a lousy date… I’ve never done this before.” 

“What?”

“Been on a date…”, he mumbled. It was kind of embarrassing to admit but somehow he felt like this was an important thing to mention. 

“Really?” Rich stared at him with wide eyes but saw Michael's insecure expression and added: “Uh, you did nothing wrong… I- I mean, it was _great_ with you and uh-” Michael watched him hesitated for a second before he smiled again and said: “And, uh, well, actually this was my first _proper_ date too... You know, without that annoying voice in my head…” 

“Oh... yeah, I guess you’re right…”, Michael chuckled awkwardly, not sure where to go from here. Suddenly, he was hyperaware of how close Rich was sitting next to him. Their legs were practically pressed together and Michael could almost hear Rich’s heart pound… or maybe that was his own.

For a second they both stayed silent, sunken into their own thoughts. 

Michael wondered whether this would be a good point in the conversation to end this evening. Not that he wanted to end it, no, but they couldn’t stay here forever, could they? 

“You know, I never really liked going on dates… It somehow always felt so cheesy”, Rich suddenly said, smiling to himself as he stared out into the night sky. “But… today was just kind of the best day ever.” 

_Oh my god._ Rich had said that with so much honesty-...Michael’s heart was _definitely_ about to explode. 

He swallowed and tried to play cool by chuckling: “You know _that’s_ a super cheesy thing to say, right?” 

Rich laughed. “Oh, shut up.” He wrapped his arms around his legs and let his cheek rest on his knee, face turned to Michael. He was smiling brightly. “Or I might have to admit that Jake Gyllenhaal also had a big part in making this evening good.”

“Stop it!”, Michael said, pretending to be offended. He couldn’t help laughing, though, after some seconds. “Are you telling me it’s Jake Gyllenhaal’s fault my first date was a success?”

Rich didn’t answer and just joined Michael’s laughter. With or without Jake Gyllenhaal… this felt too good to be true. 

After giggling for a minute or two, Michael realized that Rich had stopped laughing and was now just staring at him - still grinning, but apparently thinking about something else. 

Michael stopped laughing and stared back. “What?”, he asked with a confused grin. 

“Michael, I-”, he began stammering with red cheeks. The way he said his name sent a shiver down Michael’s spine. 

Rich continued in a heavy but sweet voice: “I wanted to tell you that, uh, I-I _really_ like you... And if you want to... I'd like to do this again… “ 

_Don’t panic, this is totally fine, this is totally... - holy shit!!!_ Internally, Michael was _mildly_ freaking out. His heart was jumping up to his throat and his palms felt very sweaty again - it was the best feeling in the world. 

Externally, he probably just looked like a complete idiot. He swallowed and stared at the other boy’s face. “I-I really like you too!”, he said finally, his voice suddenly a bit higher than usual. 

Rich smiled, turned to face Michael, and seemed to take a deep breath to gather courage. 

“I, uh, can-”, he began and Michael waited patiently. Well, at least he _tried_ to seem patient… he was still freaking out on the inside.

Rich took another deep breath before finally asking: “Can I kiss you?” 

Before Michael had even processed the question, his head was already nodding frantically, as if a part of him had been waiting to hear those words this entire evening. 

Then suddenly, there were soft lips pressed against his own.

Michael's eyes closed instinctively and for a few seconds, his mind went completely blank. The sensation was too overwhelming to process. 

It had absolutely nothing to do with their first kiss - that one had been quick and rough and dominated by fear and uncertainty. But _this_? Michael was pretty sure that he had never felt anything even remotely like this. He wanted to savor every second but his brain still felt like it was filled with gooey honey. 

Every movement of Rich's lips against his own seemed to sent a shiver down his entire body. Rich knew what he was doing, Michael had to give him that. _He_ on the other hand was still frozen, not able to move a muscle.

Only when a hand started caressing his cheek, Michael finally snapped out of his paralysis and remembered that maybe he was supposed to do something too. 

He shuffled closer to Rich, careful not to break the kiss, and tried to imitate Rich’s lip movement. He was sure he didn’t do it right but he couldn’t bring himself to bother right now. 

His hands - he had the feeling they needed to do something too - found Rich’s t-shirt and he held on to it somewhere close to his waist, pulling him a tiny bit closer.

A small sigh escaped Rich’s mouth as Michael’s hand brushed his stomach for a second during the movement. That sound alone was enough to make the butterflies in his stomach go wild. 

The kiss stayed slow and sweet for a while but then, almost automatically, their movements became faster and their breaths heavier. In Michael's head, everything around them disappeared. There was nothing in this world but Rich. His lips, his tongue, his breath on Michaels's face. 

He wished this would never end. 

Later, Michael tried to remember how long this had been going for but it was impossible to say. It could have been hours, minutes, or seconds - he had no idea.

He only knew that just as the urge to pull Rich even closer became almost unbearable, the other boy disconnected their lips. 

Michael had to restrain himself from protesting - this had been too good to be over yet - and instead watched Rich with wide eyes as he pulled away a bit and grinned brightly. His cheeks had taken a pink color, his slightly parted lips were shimmering with wetness and his hair was completely disheveled thanks to Michael’s hands that had found their way there somehow.

Michael couldn't do anything but stare at him. Had this just _actually_ happened? It had felt way too good to be real.

He sat up, in an attempt to get into a more comfortable position and took a few deep breaths before he finally managed to stammer hoarsely: “I-I, uh, t-that was-” 

“-Amazing?”, Rich tried to finish the sentence for him, still grinning from ear to ear. 

Michael swallowed, hoping to bring his voice back to normal. “Y-yeah.”, he managed to say, now starting to grin himself.

Who would have thought that kissing actually felt this… _incredible_?? He should have been doing this for years!!! 

“We spilled slushie in your car, though…”, Rich said, leaned back against the side of the trunk and eyed the red ice that had spilled from Michael’s knocked-over cup worried. 

Michael couldn’t help but laugh - not because Rich had said something funny, just because he was generally in a very giggly mood right now. “I think that was worth it...” 

Rich's grin got even broader. “Yeah, definitely.” 

For a while neither of them said anything, they just dumbly grinned at each other... which did get a bit awkward after a minute or so, so Michael was happy when Rich decided to keep talking: “So… I'm guessing we can agree that this was kind of the best date ever?” 

Michael laughed and nodded excitedly in response. “Definitely best date ever!” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Half an hour later Michael parked his car in front of his house, humming along to Africa by Toto. He was pretty much convinced that his mood had _never_ ever been this great. 

As he left his car he silently smiled to himself at the thought of the goodbye kiss they had shared as he had dropped Rich off by his apartment. It had been quick and sweet and Michael still felt it on his lips somehow. 

The date was over for half an hour and he somehow already missed Rich… _God_ , he used to laugh at people who were talking this cheesily about someone but-... how could he have known that it felt like _this_?? That he- 

“Where the hell have you been?? It’s midnight!”

Michael snapped out of his dream-like state, the second he opened the front door.

Mara was standing there, arms crossed, once again looking much too worried. 

He felt his face go red: “Uh, I told you… I, uh, was at Jeremy’s place.” 

He kicked off his shoes and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water, trying to seem casual. For whatever reason, he felt like he had committed a crime and was trying to hide it. 

His parents would be okay with him dating someone, he knew that… But something in him strived against telling the truth. 

“Michael, we know you’re lying...", Melany said unimpressed from the sofa, without looking up from her book. 

Mara, who had followed Michael, added: “I called Jeremy’s home to ask if we should save dinner for you and Mr. Heere had no idea that you were supposed to be there.” 

_Ugh_ , why did they always have to _exaggerate_ like this?? This felt like an interrogation. He had done nothing wrong after all! “Why didn’t you just call me on _my_ phone?”, he asked to distract from the topic. They should just let it go!

He tried to pass his mom to get to the basement but she didn’t let him. “Michael!”, she said strictly. “Where have you been?” 

“Out with friends, it’s none of your business.”

“You’re underaged, it kind of _is_ our business.”, Melany threw in, now having put her book down, and eyeing Michael with a skeptic glance. 

“Honey, you used to tell us everything.” Mara softly grabbed him by the shoulders. Her face had changed into this heartbroken expression that Michael hated. He avoided her glance. “What’s wrong with you recently?”

“Nothing, mom, just-” 

“If you have any problems… You know you can tell us, right?” 

He knew he wouldn’t get out of this. But this was _his_ thing. And he wanted to keep it just _his_ thing for a little longer. Why couldn’t they understand this?

He felt his face burn.

Melany got up from the sofa and crossed her arms. “Michael? Are you in some kind of trouble?”

“No! Máma, this is… ugh-” Yeah, he wouldn’t get out of this. He sighed deeply. “I-... I went on a date, okay??” 

Stunned silence. 

Michael felt like he could _hear_ his parents blink in surprise. 

This was so _awkward_!

“Can I go now?” He tried to push past them.

“No, no, we want _details_!”, Melany said, suddenly sounding unbelievably excited. “Who is it?? Please tell me it’s a boy, we can’t have a hetero relationship in this family.” 

“She’s just kidding, a girl would be nice too!” 

“Yes, of course!” 

Michael just stared at his mothers. “You guys are unbelievable….” 

“Don’t distract, who is it?” 

_Jesus Christ_ , they were really fucking persistent. He wasn't sure how they would react to the answer but he also had told Rich that he wasn’t ashamed of him so… 

He looked down and awkwardly stepped from one foot to the other before mumbling: “Rich Goranski…” 

“The fire boy???”, Mara uttered in disbelief. 

Michael just rolled his eyes. “No, mom, he’s not the _‘fire boy’_!” 

“That’s why you started the fight for him the other day!!”, Melany - (luckily) still very excited - said, eyes wide like suddenly every question she’s ever had had been answered. She grinned. “You _like_ him!” 

Mara still stared at Michael in disbelief. She didn’t seem to like this and for some stupid reason, that made Michael feel bad. 

“Can I go _now…_?”

“So…,” Mara began, obviously trying to seem casual. But there was still this undeniable skeptic tension. “How long has this been going for? Is he your boyfriendor something?” 

Michael rubbed his hands over his face in an exhausted manner. “No, mom! This was the first date! We are…” He stopped for a second. Yeah, well what were he and Rich now? Actually, he had no idea. “We’re… _dating…_ I guess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please ignore the fact that technically it's winter here and probably way too cold for this kind of date (I forgot how cold American winters can be 😅) but when I first wrote this last year, drive-in cinemas sounded like the most romantic thing ever to me... I had no clue that this would become the only way of going to the movies in 2020 lol 🙄
> 
> I still don't know if / when I'll continue this... it's all written and just has to be edited but since I'm a perfectionist I always put way too much effort into editing and I don't really have a lot of time (Uni is so stressful, ooff). Would you guys be okay with chapters that are a bit messier and less edited? Are you still interested in this at all? Let me know ❤ (again, sorry for just disappearing, I love you all!)


	28. Chapter 14 - Rich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I swear I have not abandoned this fic!!! Online uni is just taking all my energy... I feel like I rewrote this chapter a million times and the beginning is still kinda wonky but I just can't bring myself to read it over again 😂
> 
> There's a lot happening here and it gets darker again (sorry!). Warning for violence, brief mention of suicide, really terrible parents (if there's anything specific I should warn about please let me know!)
> 
> As always: Thanks for reading!!

####  **Rich**

The week after the date seemed to Rich like a really weird, highly unrealistic dream. 

Unrealistic because, well… he was kind of officially dating Michael Mell now. And it was still difficult to wrap his head around that fact. 

The emphasis had to be put on ‘kind of’, though. There weren’t many people who knew about it, after all - he had only told Brooke and Jake and Michael had probably talked with Jeremy and Christine, but that was it and Rich was more than okay with that. 

It didn’t make the fact that he was _dating_ Michael Mell _(!!!!)_ any less amazing. No, the silently decided upon agreement to keep it subtle at school, actually made it a little exciting. Every idiotic grin they shared - and there were many of that - or the interlacing of their fingers under the table at lunch suddenly felt just as wonderful as mysterious. 

Still, there was one thing to worry about: Rich’s top priority right now was to keep Jenna from finding out about it. Because once _she_ knew, the whole school would talk about nothing else… and Rich thought they didn’t have any right to do that. This was his and Michaels thing. 

So, it seemed like the most logical conclusion to try to make Brooke promise not to tell Jenna anything - a request she didn’t take as calmly as he had hoped. 

“Why do you hate her so much??”, she asked as she forcefully stormed down the corridor after their history class. 

Rich frowned and hurried to keep up. 

“I don’t _hate_ her… but well, she outed me”, he defended himself. “So, I would really prefer if she didn’t know-” 

“You have absolutely _no_ proof of that!”, Brooke interrupted him with furrowed eyebrows. Since she and Jenna were together, she was defending her even more vehemently and Rich couldn’t even really blame her for that… but he just _needed_ her to promise. He felt like the school finding out too quickly about this would ruin _everything_. He couldn’t risk that. 

“I _swear_ , it wasn’t her.”

“If you say so....”, he mumbled, unconvinced, and thought about what he could say to get her to agree. “But, uh...- I would feel _much_ better if you’d promise not to tell her…”

They had stopped in front of Brooke’s locker into which she was now throwing her history book with more force than necessary.

Rich continued unimpressed: “I mean, yeah, I get it. She’s your girlfriend and everything... but I’m still your _friend,_ right? And I have to be able to share secrets with my friend without her spreading them…” 

“I’m not-”, Brooke began indignantly but stopped herself like she decided it wasn’t worth fighting over this. 

It wasn’t like Rich didn’t get where she was coming from. This was a stupid situation for her but after all, he was wary of Jenna for good reason. The evidence _clearly_ spoke against her. 

Brooke sighed deeply and closed her locker. “Fine, then. I promise I won’t tell her. Because this is your thing and everything… but I still think you’re treating her unfairly. You have absolutely no proof that-” 

She stopped and her eyes wandered past Rich. “Oh, hi Michael.” 

Rich spun around immediately. He hadn’t seen Michael all day today, so facing him now, made Rich a lot more excited than it should have. 

“Hi,” he said too and grinned brightly, almost immediately forgetting the previous conversation with Brooke. 

“Hey”, Michael answered softly. He threw a quick, confused glance at Brooke, who eyed him with a slightly skeptical expression, before directing his eyes back to Rich and smiled at him. “How was your day?”

It took Rich some seconds to realize that Michael had addressed a question to him - because he had been too busy staring at Michael’s smile -, so he had to shake himself internally to be able to reply: “Uh, good.” He grinned before adding: “But it just got better…” 

Michael blushed and laughed and Rich was sure he heard Brooke behind him make an ‘ugh’ sound. Yes, okay, he _knew_ this was cheesy... but honestly, he couldn’t bring himself to care. It was his god-given, bisexual right to be fucking cheesy. 

Also, Michael seemed to like it. His cheeks had taken that adorable color again and- 

“Yeah, I think I should get going…”, Brooke said suddenly, interrupting the moment. 

Michael’s eyes went wide as if he only now fully realized that Brooke was here and he quickly said: “Oh, uh, sorry! You guys were talking, I didn’t want to interrupt-” 

“Oh, don’t worry…”, she said with a strained smile that seemed to confuse Michael even more. “We were just done… _talking_.”, 

She turned away from him but before leaving, she stopped again, leaned towards Rich, as if she wanted to share a secret with him- but spoke loud enough for Michael to hear it too- and said: “You know if you keep doing _this…_ the whole school will know anyway in less than a week. It’s not very subtle.” 

And with that she left, leaving a red-faced Rich and a confused Michael behind. 

“Uh, what…”, Michael began, frowning. “What was that about?” 

Rich sighed and tried to explain: “I asked her not to tell Jenna about… us, you know? For obvious reasons. And she got pissed…”

Michael looked to the floor and awkwardly scraped his foot over the floor. He looked abashed. “Uh, sorry, I… I don’t want to be the reason you guys are mad at each other.” 

Rich frowned. “Well, it’s not your fault… And we’re not _really_ mad at each other”, he quickly added. “… it’s fine.” 

For a while, Michael didn’t say anything and just kept staring at the floor with furrowed brows and an expression of deep concentration on his face. Then he said, without acknowledging Rich’s previous statement: “Uh, so you still think Jenna outed you?” 

“Yeah, I mean, it only makes sense, doesn't it?” Rich shrugged, wondering why Michael suddenly seemed so reserved.

Michael still didn’t look up and only mumbled: “I didn’t know this still bothers you so much.” 

Rich tried to chuckle. He wasn’t sure why the air between them had become so tense all of a sudden but he didn’t like it. “Well, it doesn’t.”, he said, trying to sound easygoing. He wasn’t entirely sure how to explain his train of thoughts to Michael. “Not really… I just- I don’t want the person who outed me to necessarily know about us…” 

He stopped as he realized something. Was Michael maybe worried about the fact that Rich wanted to keep this _relationship_ a secret? He had thought that Michael wanted the same thing but honestly, they had never properly talked about that. Yes, that had to be it. He was probably thinking that he was ashamed of them or scared or- 

“But it’s not because I don’t want people to know!”, he added quickly after this realization. He felt his cheeks burn at his own stupidness. They hadn’t had any real talk about what they even were, so he had just gone with assumptions. That never worked. “Just so… we don’t get the school’s whole attention right away…” 

Michael’s head shot up and he finally looked him in the eye again. “Oh, no, I mean, yes, totally.”, he quickly stammered. “I-I get that, it’s not about- uh, I mean I think that’s the best way too, uh,.... Anyway-” He obviously wanted to change the topic.

Rich watched him during this stammered answer with furrowed eyebrows. Why did he suddenly seem so uncomfortable again? Was that Rich’s fault? 

Michael seemed to search for words for a second. “Uh, I actually wanted to ask if you wanted to- uh, grab some coffee after school? I’ve got my car here….” He went back to the crooked grin and Rich tried to forget about that awkward conversation. It wasn’t too hard. His smile was _really_ cute. 

“You mean... like a date?”, Rich asked, grinning at him teasingly. 

Michael’s cheeks took that pink color again and his eyes practically glittered with excitement. “Yeah, I guess.” 

“Good, because you owe me one.” Rich winked at Michael and immediately scolded himself for that afterward because it had probably looked very stupid.

Judging from Michael’s smile though, he didn’t seem to mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Starbucks around the block was big and nearly empty, making it possible for the boys to find a hidden corner in the back of the shop where only people using the bathroom could see them if they turned their heads in the right direction. It wasn’t the _most_ private place but it would do.

Michael had insisted on paying - which Rich had been happy about because he had definitely spent most of his spare money on the last date - but had been shocked at Rich’s order. 

“I take you to Starbucks and you drink _black coffee_ ??”, he asked shocked, slurping at his caramel macchiato with _extra_ caramel and whipped cream. 

Rich shrugged. “I just don’t like sweet stuff that much…” 

“You don’t like sweets??” 

Rich suppressed a laugh at Michael’s outraged expression. “I like sweets, just not in my coffee.” Michael didn’t seem convinced, so he added: “Also, I’m just really tired and need caffeine.” 

“There’s caffeine in _here_ , you know that right?”, Michael said with raised eyebrows, lifting his own cup slightly. 

“Na, I think all that sugar canceled out the caffeine…” 

“Rich, I don’t think that’s not how coffee works”, Michael replied with a laugh that made Rich’s heart jump. He didn’t know why but managing to make Michael laugh always gave him a weird feeling of pride. 

“Hey, if you’re so tired…”, Michael continued after a few seconds, now frowning with slight worry. “Why did you say yes to hanging out? I didn’t want to- I mean, it would have been okay if you said no...”

Rich suppressed another chuckle. Michael was definitely overthinking everything too much. “Well, I just really wanted to spend time with you.”, he replied, trying a bit too hard to sound flirty, so that it came out kind of weird. _Yes… I totally know how to flirt,_ he thought sarcastically. His mind had apparently successfully taken over from the Squip when it came to criticizing his conversation skills...

Again, Michael seemed fine with his cheesiness, though. His cheeks turned pink and he happily took a sip from that drink that he dared to call ‘coffee’.

"So…", Rich began, deciding they couldn't just keep staring at each other with those stupid grins. Small talk wasn’t his strength but he thought that with Michael he could give it a try. “How is the work on the set going?" 

"Good, I guess. I mean, it’s not like I know anything about theatre but Chloe’s design for the hair salon is looking pretty convincing so far", Michael answered with a grin. 

"Chloe?”, Rich asked, frowning. “I had no clue she’s working on the set. I thought she didn't want anything to do with the musical." 

Michael shrugged. "Well, she said she doesn’t really like the acting part of it but still wanted to be involved in some way.” He hesitated for a second. “Honestly, I think she feels a little left out… since what she did at Halloween.” 

“Wow, I didn’t know you guys are _that_ close…”, was the first thing Rich said, very confused by this. Michael sounded almost compassionate. Was he feeling bad for Chloe? Rich wasn’t sure what to think of that, so he just took a sip from his coffee and waited for Michael to respond.

“Well, we’re not… close”, Michael answered after a few seconds and frowned. “I just… I get along with her. And I like that she’s less scary than I always thought.” He laughed awkwardly. He seemed to have noticed that Rich didn’t really share his compassion towards Chloe.

“Yeah, I know she can seem really intimidating…”, Rich said, deciding not to care for now what Michael thought of Chloe’s actions. “I think even the Squip was scared of her… she was almost the only girl at school it never made me date.” He chuckled but stopped slowly as he saw Michael’s awkward expression. 

Yeah, he probably shouldn’t talk about how many people he had dated before in front of his _date_! He quickly lowered his glance and bit his lip. _Great_ , now he had made it awkward again.

Michael didn’t seem sure how to react because he stayed silent and stared at his coffee. 

“I, uh,...”, Rich began hesitantly. He couldn’t let the conversation die now. “Sorry, that, uh, was a stupid thing to say.” 

Michael’s eyes shot up and he quickly said: “Oh, no, no, don’t worry, I mean…-”

“Uh, I’m glad that you and Chloe are friends, though.” Rich tried to smile. He wanted the mood to go back to flirty. Now. He tried to sound smooth as he added jokingly: “As long as she’s no competition for me…” 

Michael stared at Rich for a small second like he was startled by the fact that Rich was flirting with him before he chuckled and said: “No need to worry about that…” 

They fell silent and Rich realized that he had kind of run out of small-talk options. He didn’t know what to say. At least it didn’t feel _too_ awkward anymore… 

He watched Michael drink his liquid sugar, thinking about the fact that they still hadn’t kissed since Saturday. He really wanted to change that but wasn’t sure how to get to that point. 

“Uh, what are you staring at?”, Michael chuckled as he caught his gaze. His cheeks had gone back to that adorable blush again and Rich couldn’t do anything but stare back grinning like an idiot. 

_Dude, get your shit together!_ he told himself but continued to stare dumbly.

When he didn’t reply, Michael frowned. “Uh… is there something on my face?” 

Rich had to internally shake himself to snap out of his daydream-like state. “Uh,” he began. Actually, yes, there was something on his face. Whipped cream from his drink on his upper lip. “Yeah, you can’t drink properly...”, Rich laughed and vaguely pointed at his lip, resulting in Michael blushing even more. 

“Oh, uh,” Michael stammered and tried to wipe it away. “Here?” His hand missed the cream by millimeters. 

“No…”, Rich giggled and suddenly had an idea. Probably a stupid idea but he decided to go through with it anyway. “Come here…” He quickly slid closer to Michael, grabbed his face softly, and pressed their mouths together, kissing away the cream from his lip. 

He heard Michael let out a surprised gasp and that was enough to make him smile brightly into the kiss. 

_Oh_ , _yes_ ., Rich thought and internally high-fived himself. This had been a really good move. He was kind of impressed by himself. Even the Squip would have been proud probably… at least a _little_ bit - maybe if it wasn’t _Michael_ he was kissing. 

Intending to keep the kiss short, he pulled back after some seconds, tasting a hint of caramel in his mouth.

Michael smiled at him, still looking a little surprised. Rich heard himself let out a breathy laugh and said: “You know, that was-”

He had wanted to make a joke about how the sweetness from Michael’s mouth would probably be enough to meet his need for sugar for the next week but Michael had other plans. Before Rich could even finish his sentence halfway, he felt hands in his hair and Michael’s lips were back on his, kissing harder this time. 

_Oh, wow…._ A shiver went down his spine. He loved when people touched his hair! And the kissing on top of that- Yeah, in conclusion… this was awesome.

He noticed - kind of proudly - that Michael was getting better at this. Their first proper kiss in the car had been kind of sloppy but now, Michael knew a bit better how to move his lips against Rich’s. 

They kissed for a few seconds before Michael leaned back and slowly disconnected their mouths. His cheeks were still - or again - bright red and he was grinning from ear to ear. 

That sight made Rich’s heart flutter. 

He leaned back, trying to catch his breath without making it too obvious, and grabbed his coffee, still not breaking eye contact with the other boy. 

He would have liked to kiss longer but… well, they still were in the middle of a Starbucks and even though no one really saw them in their corner, it wasn’t really the most private place. So he tried not to be too disappointed. They would get enough chances to continue this somewhere else. 

“So…”, Michael began after a while, with a teasing grin that made Rich wonder what he was going to say. “Do you… want to do some Spanish homework?” 

Rich just stared for a second in disbelief - Michael Mell was the king of killing the mood right now - before bursting out into laughter. “Mell, you are officially the biggest nerd ever.” 

Despite Rich's protest, they actually ended up doing homework. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the remaining days of the week, these spontaneous dates became a bit of a tradition. And Rich looked forward to it every day. 

As the weekend came around the sheer thought of those sweet kisses in the corner of a café or the 7-Eleven parking lot, was enough to keep him on cloud nine constantly. 

Michael had explained with big apologies that he was going to visit his grandma over the weekend, so they couldn’t meet up but Rich was more than okay with that. He feared that if they hung out _every_ day, they would just rush into... _things_ too quickly. He wanted them to take their time. 

Also, he had to try to catch up with the schoolwork he had neglected due to Michael and musical rehearsal. He was just out of the failing zone in most subjects… he couldn’t risk his grades dropping again.

So, Rich’s weekend was filled with math equations, Spanish vocabulary, and an unhealthy amount of daydreaming. Those daydreams were only a million times better than they had been before he had actually asked Michael out because he wasn’t just an unreachable concept anymore. In fact, he was very reachable now because they were almost constantly texting. And that was pretty cool because it showed that Michael was thinking about Rich just as much as Rich was thinking about him. 

They were mostly texting about video games or movies and occasionally Michael sent him a song with a message like “Hey, this reminds me of you.” and that always made Rich’s heart go wild. By Monday, he had created an entire playlist for those songs. 

He was listening to that playlist on his way home on Monday after rehearsal and couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot. 

At the same time, the universe seemed to decide that Rich had rested long enough on cloud nine and forcefully threw him back onto the ground of reality.

When he came home, nothing really seemed unusual at first. It was quiet in the flat so he went straight into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water while humming the last song he had listened to and thinking of Michael. They had only seen each other briefly today in class and after rehearsal but that had been enough to make Rich realize how much he had missed him over the weekend. Actually, he was missing him now, again...-

He caught himself staring into the void again and quickly shook his head to focus his eyes on something. He really had to stop this daydreaming… there was a gigantic pile of homework waiting for him, after all. 

Before he could bring himself to go to his room to start working, though, he got distracted again. His eyes had focused on something on the kitchen table: A violently ripped-open envelope. He had seen it before when he had entered the kitchen but hadn’t thought anything of it… But now that he was actually looking at it, a numb feeling of worry started to build in his stomach. 

Normally they didn’t get a lot of mail… and if they did it almost always meant trouble.

He picked up the letter and unfolded it, even though he subconsciously knew that he probably didn’t want to know its content.

He barely had to skim it, to make the numb feeling change into a biting coldness.

It read:

_Dear Mr. Goranski,_

_It is my painful duty to inform you that your services will be terminated from 1st April._

_Your work, punctuality, and efficiency have been under observation for the last three (3) months but there has been no improvement on your part._

_Hence the management has no other way but to give you one (1) month’s notice of termination as per the terms of your appointment._

The positive feelings of the last week vanished in less than a millisecond.

It wasn’t like Rich hadn’t expected this to happen sooner or later. He knew that his father hadn’t gone to work regularly for quite a while. Actually, it had worked out for far too long. And yet, it felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. His heart was pounding in an uncomfortable way. 

His father had been fired. Definitely. The letter didn’t leave any room for interpretation. 

This was bad. This was _very_ , _very bad_. 

He tried to take a deep breath to calm himself down but it didn’t work. Panic started to rise in him and it wouldn’t go away anytime soon. This was their only source of income. And he was pretty sure his father didn’t have any kinds of savings. There was no way they could keep paying rent without it. Or food. Or _anything_. 

“Fuck!”, he heard himself yell as he slapped the letter back onto the table but it sounded like it came from far away. 

Almost automatically, he started to fumble his phone from his pocket and before he knew what he was doing he was dialing Dave’s number. Now he just _had_ to help. No matter what shitty problems he had. This was a _real_ crisis!! 

Rich noticed how his hand was shaking as he held the phone to his ear. It rang several times before his brother finally picked up. “Hello?” 

Rich took a deep breath. For the first time in months, hearing the voice of his big brother had a soothing effect on him. He would help; everything would be _fine_. “Dave, it’s me, Rich, I-” 

“Yeah I know…”, Dave mumbled. He sounded tired and maybe a bit annoyed. “What do you want?”, he added harshly. 

Actually, Rich couldn’t blame him for not being happy about this call. He had been pretty rude to Dave last time they had seen each other and maybe that had been a _little_ unreasonable…. But in Rich's defense, that had been when he had still thought that Dave’s interruption had ruined everything with Michael. Now that this wasn’t the case he felt a little ashamed for overreacting like this. 

“Listen I…”, Rich began, trying to find the right words. “I know, I was a real dick last time but I…- _shit_ , I really need your help, man!” He remembered why he had called mid-sentence and an undeniable hint of distress slipped into his voice. 

Dave seemed to have noticed that too and sounded a lot softer when he said: “Uh, are you- Is everything okay?” 

“No! Nothing is okay!”, Rich said, panic overtaking him once again. “Dad lost his fucking job!!”

For a while, his brother didn’t react. Then he said: “H-he what?” Rich practically heard Dave swallow to process the news. “How do you know?” 

“He got a letter!!”

“Okay, calm down. Can you read it to me?” 

Rich did, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible. As he finished Dave stayed silent. 

“So…”, Rich started after a few seconds. “What do you think?” 

“I don’t know I-” Actually, he sounded very desperate now… and Rich didn’t like that at all. He heard Dave take a deep breath before he continued steadier: “It says ‘one month’s notice’, right? So you’ll still be fine until next month…” 

“Yeah, I guess...” Yes. One month. And then?? His father had never gotten along with their landlord (or with anyone, really), so they would probably get kicked out the second the rent was delayed. And that was… not good. 

He tried to keep his panic under control and took a deep breath. _It’s going to be okay, it’s going to be_ okay _._ “You’re going to help us, right? I-I mean… this is…- you’ll do something about this, right?” He was very well aware that he sounded like a whiny child but… this was fucking bad. He felt awfully helpless. Dave _had_ to do something! 

But his brother didn’t reply. And with every second that went by without him saying anything, Rich was more and more certain of what his answer was going to be.

Still, it hurt when he said heavily: “I-I can’t. I really, really can’t.” 

It sounded very apologetic but that didn’t change the fact that an unhealthy amount of anger and disappointment was added to the panic inside of Rich.

He shook his head furiously. "No. Y-you, don't mean that. You-" He stopped and tried to bring his panicking voice back in control. "You can't leave me alone with this!"

“Believe me, if I could do something, I _would_ but… there are other things in my life and-” 

“What the fuck is _wrong_ with you??”, Rich interrupted and yelled into his phone. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat that started to choke him up. “I’m your _brother_! What can be more important than-” 

“My god, Rich!”, Dave interrupted this time, now yelling too. “I have my own life! And it’s not my responsibility to look after you and dad all the time!!” 

“You _promised_ you would!!”, Rich shouted back. He hated this feeling so, so much. Disappointment and fear sat deep on his guts and the combination was everything but nice. Dave just _had_ to understand- “When you went to college you _promised_ you’d look out for me!!”

“Yeah, well that was before-...” His brother stopped in his tracks like he had remembered something and the phone stayed silent for some seconds.

Rich narrowed his eyes in anger. “Before what?” 

Again, it took him incredibly long to reply and Rich felt his chest rise and fall quicker with every second. He wanted a reason for this… betrayal. 

“Before I fucked up.”, Dave answered eventually, making his brother sigh in frustration. Great, this was a _very_ clear answer. 

Angrily, he said: “Man, just explain what-”, but Dave already kept talking. “I wanted to tell you, last time I came by but then you threw me out of the house so I didn’t but… the thing is…” He paused again like he was debating if he really wanted to tell Rich but then he took a deep breath and continued: “My girlfriend’s pregnant. Her due date is like… tomorrow.”

Rich almost dropped his phone. “Your _what_ is _WHAT_ now????”

“My girlfriend is-” 

“You don’t have a girlfriend!!” 

“Yes, I do!!”, Dave yelled back, obviously losing his patience. Rich on the other hand was too perplexed to process a single thought. “She’s pregnant and that means I’m going to have a _kid_. And that’s fucking expensive! Also, her parents are very religious and kicked her out when they found out so we had to get our own flat… And that’s pretty damn expensive too. And I mean, she can’t work anymore so I have to pay for that and- yeah basically: I don’t have any money I can give you, okay??” 

“Wh- but-”, Rich stammered, as anger started to rise in him again. This was so stupid!! “Are you fucking kidding me???”, he yelled. His thoughts were spinning. He couldn’t form a coherent reason in his head but he was mad. So, _fucking_ mad. “So now this girl and your stupid baby are more important than your brother??? Really, great job, asshole!!” 

“Yeah, well that’s my family!! So I think I-” 

“ _I’M_ YOUR FAMILY!!!”, Rich shouted into the phone. “And that didn’t stop you from leaving me here with the most incapable father ever!!! And now I’m going to be _fucking_ homeless!!!!” His voice cracked dangerously as this thought scared him terribly but he managed to swallow and keep his cool. 

“Chill! You’re not going to be homeless-” 

“Don’t tell me to _chill_ !!! I’m freaking out and I think I have every _right_ to freak out!!!” 

“Really, you-” Dave tried to speak but Rich didn’t let him. 

“All because you are too dumb to use protection or whatever, I don’t even want to know!!! Go and care for your stupid baby and your stupid girlfriend and all the other stuff that’s more important than your brother!!!!” 

If he hadn't been so enraged and scared he might have noticed that he was definitely too harsh in this situation - it wasn’t the unborn baby’s fault after all - but right now, he couldn’t. 

Dave tried once again to say something in a voice that seemed supposed to be calming. “Rich, please, just try to understand, I’m really trying-” 

“I hate you!!!” And with that Rich hung up aggressively and slammed the phone onto the table. 

This was bad! Really, really bad!! He had no clue what to do or what to make of this situation. Dave was having a _baby_ ?? With a girl, he had never heard of before??? It would certainly explain his weird behavior in the last few months but- why _now_??? And how could he care so little for his brother?? 

Not only was this situation awful, no, it also hurt. A _lot_. He didn’t want to admit it but Rich felt very lost right now. His big brother had always been the only person to look out for him and now- 

“Fuck!”, he yelled into the emptiness of the kitchen and kicked so hard against a chair that it fell over. 

He leaned over the table, propping himself up on his arms, as he tried to calm his heavy breathing. His eyes darted over the letter again. Maybe this was just a really terrible nightmare and the words would change… but of course, they didn’t. It was the same dreadful message as before. 

He was totally _fucked_. 

He was just debating whether he could find a job anywhere that didn't care about his arson-background and that would pay enough till next month to cover the rent, as he heard the front door close and seconds later footsteps approaching from behind.

“What are you doing there??”

Rich spun around and faced his father. He brought in a faint smell of alcohol so he seemed to be drunk again, but honestly, at this point, it was hard to tell… Rich didn’t even remember what he was like sober. “Dad, this-”, he pointed at the letter. “This is really bad! What-”

“You’re reading my mail?!” 

Of course, his father ignored this attempt at a normal conversation about this _very_ serious problem and instead crossed the room with fury written all over his face and ripped the letter away from Rich. “You have no _fucking_ right to read my stuff!!”, he hissed with narrow eyes. 

Rich held up his arms defensively, almost like a reflex. “It was just lying on the table!!”, he defended himself. “But… that doesn’t matter, please just tell me what-” 

“Don’t you ever read my mail again!!!”, his father yelled. He stepped closer to Rich and pressed his index finger, threateningly against Rich’s chest. “It’s none of your fucking business.” 

Rich tried to force himself not to yell back - he _really_ didn’t need a fight now - but it didn’t work. His voice just made a weird jump in volume as he countered: “Well, it _is_ my business if we’re going to be homeless next month!!” 

His father frowned at that and took a step back… almost like he was _thinking._ That was rare… 

“We’re not going to be homeless…”, he muttered angrily after a while. 

Rich had enough, he wanted to know how they were going to handle this. “Oh yeah?”, he exclaimed. “How do you plan on paying the rent without any money??” 

“Dave will help out…”

Yeah, Rich had thought that this was his only plan… _great_! “Nope…”, he mumbled, not sure how to explain what he had just learned about his brother’s life. His father didn’t even look at him and just angrily stared into the void. Rich hoped he would listen. “I just talked to Dave. He won’t do anything!! He-” He hesitated for a second - maybe his brother didn’t want their father to know - but then decided that he didn’t care… not for asshole-Dave. “He got his girlfriend _pregnant_ and now he needs his money for the child… He won’t give us _anything_!!” 

“He fucking _what_??” His father looked up and slammed the letter forcefully back onto the table. 

RIch hesitated again but repeated: “His girlfriend’s pregnant! And he won’t-” 

“Yeah, I heard what you said!!,” his father interrupted roughly and Rich shut up right away, feeling like he was opposite a bomb that could go off at any second. “What a fucking shithead-” 

Honestly, Rich could only agree but that wasn’t any help either. 

He sighed. He still had no clue what they were going to do. This was hopeless, really. He almost wished for the Squip to come back. Just for a minute or two to figure this out. He didn’t know how to do this alone!

He waited for a moment but the person who was _supposed_ to know the answer, still just stared angrily into the void. “Any… other plans??”, he asked finally. He _needed_ an answer.

His father didn’t react and Rich wasn't sure if he had even been listening. Why was this guy such a fucking mess?? 

He waited some more seconds, but still, no real reaction. Exhausted, Rich sighed deeply and clenched his hands to fists. “Why-”, he began after a while, with a strained voice. “Why did you have to let it come to this?? You _knew_ they would fire you if-” 

This had definitely been the right thing to say to get his father's attention, but the wrong thing to have a normal talk. 

He spun around forcefully and stared at his son with a mad expression. “Oh, so now you’re acting like this is _my_ fault??”, he yelled much louder than before, making Rich take a step back. 

He tried to restrain himself but that was harder said than done. “You-”, he began, frowning in anger. “I mean… yes?? _You’re_ an adult and _you_ lost your job!!!”

With one quick step, his father was in front of Rich and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. “ _You_ burnt down a fucking house!!!”, he shouted in his face. “It’s your fucking fault I had to spend all our savings on hospital bills!!” 

Rich didn’t see how this played into his father losing his job but sure… _of course,_ it was his fault. 

He didn’t dare to reply and tried to avoid his father’s maniac glance. He felt his burning stare for a second or two before he abruptly let go of his shirt and shoved him away firmly. Rich stumbled but managed to stay on his feet. 

His father had turned away again and was now leaning over the table, breathing heavily, as if he was trying to calm himself down (he wasn’t, Rich knew that). 

After some seconds of tensed silence, Rich debated whether he should just back off into his room and let it be. That would be the safest option. But something in him didn’t let him move his feet. He needed _answers_. And his father was supposed to have them. So he would try everything to get them from him!

He swallowed and forced his voice to sound as calm as possible. “Okay, listen, I’m sure we can figure something out, but you really need to help me here, so we-”

“SHUT UP!”

“But-” 

His father had spun around again and his face was now red with anger. Rich caught his mean glance as he said ragingly: “Instead of burning the house down, you should’ve just tried to kill yourself in a _normal_ way, for hell’s sake! Would’ve saved me lots of trouble if you’d done it.” 

At that, Rich froze in his track, feeling like a big lump of ice had slipped into his stomach. “How-”, he began in an unsteady voice. “How can you _say_ something like that??”

It wasn’t like Rich didn’t know that his father didn’t care about him… but saying _this_ \- basically saying that he would have been _happy_ with his son _killing_ himself- 

He couldn’t move a muscle. Something angry and terrible was biting his stomach from the inside. 

Of course, his father didn’t seem to care about having hurt his son’s feelings at all. He just kept glancing madly and snarled: “Do you even know how much you cost, boy?? I could easily pay the rent for this place with that money!!”

Rich was pretty sure that that was not true but he didn’t say that. Instead, he curled his hands into fists again and yelled: “How can someone suck _so much_ at being a parent?!!” His father was taking some dangerous steps towards him but Rich couldn’t stop himself. “If Mom would still be alive to see you like this she would die of _shame_!!!”

For a millisecond, he felt his father stare at him - almost in surprise- and it seemed like he wouldn’t react at all. 

But of course, he did react and the next moment the back of a hand was hitting Rich’s face so hard, he stumbled to the side. 

The sharp pain seemed to obscure his view but he saw the broad figure of his father looming over him - suddenly appearing much taller and much scarier than before. 

“DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!” 

The loud voice made his ears ring uncomfortably, and he couldn’t help but flinch. He stared to the ground, frozen, as the screaming continued. “YOU DON’T KNOW THE LAST THING ABOUT YOUR MOTHER!! SHE’D BE ASHAMED OF _YOU_ FOR NOT SHOWING YOUR FATHER SOME RESPECT!!”

Rich wanted to bite back the comment, _really_ wanted to but- “You’ve never _ever_ done _anything_ to earn my respect!!!!” 

The next second he was shoved against the doorframe, a hand wrapped around his throat, pressing down hard enough for him to have trouble breathing. He struggled to push the taller man away but failed. 

“You know what??”, his father hissed after letting him struggle for a while, his voice dripping with hatred. “I know what I’m going to do about the rent. I’ll just kick you out. And sell all your stuff. And there’s nothing you can do about it. You can go live in a gutter, I don’t give a shit.” 

Rich wasn’t sure if he was being serious but that also wasn’t his top priority right now. The hand around his throat got tighter and breathing harder. “Stop it, please-”, he wheezed, hating how pathetic he sounded. 

After a second of dark frowning, like he was debating if he should really cave in, his father finally let go of him. 

Rich tried not to gasp too obviously for air and kept eyeing his father, fearing what might happen next. 

“Go.”, the man in front of him said after a while. His voice sounded so calm it was scary. 

“W-what?”, Rich asked, voice still a little hoarse. 

“GO!!!”, he repeated, howling this time, making Rich flinch once again. 

He was shoved out of the kitchen and his father made sure to block the way to his room, as he pointed to the front door. “LEAVE THIS HOUSE! NOW!” 

“I can’t! I-”, Rich began and tried once more to push past his father to his room. He was shoved back forcefully.

“GO!” 

It wasn’t hard to see that there was no chance around it. Rich carefully backed up to the front door, not leaving his father out of his eyes until the very last second. He had enough sense to grab his jacket with the keys in it and sprinted out the door a second later and practically jumped down the stairs.

The moment he stepped outside, he took a deep breath.

It was almost dark and freezing cold and the icy wind made him happy to have gotten his jacket, not just for the keys. He quickly put it on and stood in the doorway, indecisively, even though a part of him just wanted to run far, far away from here. 

The thoughts in his head were spinning so wildly that he felt the overwhelming urge to just close his eyes. He didn’t and stared instead at the dirty slush to his feet. 

So maybe, if his father had meant what he had said, he had been kicked out for real this time. 

Maybe, if Rich was slightly luckier, his father would forget about it in some days… but then they would both get kicked out in a matter of months. His brother didn’t care. Actually… nobody did. 

He was all alone. And he was scared. So fucking scared. 

As another breeze made him shiver, he decided to walk away from the house. He didn’t know where he was going but he wanted to go somewhere that wasn’t here. 

Why did his life have to be such a fucking mess?? Who thought he deserved this?? Why was no one - not his father, nor his brother - caring about him?? 

Now that he was out here, the feelings started to hit all at once. There was panic and anger and disappointment and the overwhelming wish to just be held by someone… Someone who would tell him that everything would be alright… 

Nothing in his life would _ever_ be alright. He knew that. The Squip had told him often enough. He was a failure. His life was a single mistake and- 

He heard himself let out a shaky breath and tried hard to keep those emotions inside. There was no one around but still, he couldn’t just break down crying in the middle of the street. 

No, he had to keep moving, somewhere, anywhere. 

So he kept walking, vaguely heading into a specific direction without even realizing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when I'll be back but I'm not abandoning this fic!


End file.
